What Toasty and Malti can teach each other

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-Purva-

IF-Dazzler

Joined: 16 December 2010

Posts: 2959

Posted: 05 June 2011 at 4:22am | IP Logged

The two DILs of the Chaturvedi clan are two very strong women and a perfect foil for each other. While everyone is going gaga about how good Toasty is, despite her education and modern upbringing, Toasty is a big doormat. She has no concept of standing up for herself and needs to learn how to fight her own battles.

Int his respect she needs to learn from Malti. It should not have been Malti who pointed out their mistakes to the Chaturvedi clan, but Toasty herself, but all she's done is shed tears and sit in her bedroom, being miserable and making her family miserable. If she believed that things would improve with time, she should have made an effort to lighten the atmosphere in her own home, so that her mother does not get so hyper about Toasty being mistreated. If Sudha is hyper, Toasty is responsible for that, because the only time she shows some animation is when she is defending her family, otherwise she is listless and moping all day. Any mother would get worried seeing her daughter like that.

Malti on the other hand has shown grit. While Toasty knows how to control her own mother, Malti is led totally by her mother and is incapable of thinking for herself or analyzing things and situations on her own. This hse has learnt from observing Toasty. So while Toasty's influence has been instrumental in changing Malti's character from outright negative to a woman with shades of grey. Now it's time for Toasty to learn her lesson.

Toasty needs to learn to assert herself, not just to her mother but also to her husband and his family. She needs to demand for her rights and ask to be treated with the respect she rightfully deserves. The older men in the family treat her as nothing but a glorified servant and the younger members have put her on a pedestal, but the truth is somewhere in between and this she needs to learn from Malti.

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-Nipun97-

Super Videobie

Joined: 04 July 2006

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Posted: 05 June 2011 at 10:13am | IP Logged

absolutely true

brainychild92

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Joined: 21 June 2006

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Posted: 05 June 2011 at 2:11pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by gangubai1

The two DILs of the Chaturvedi clan are two very strong women and a perfect foil for each other. While everyone is going gaga about how good Toasty is, despite her education and modern upbringing, Toasty is a big doormat. She has no concept of standing up for herself and needs to learn how to fight her own battles.

i personally thought she was learning to fight her own battles. there was a point in which pashu fought with chedi to send toasty-tej on honeymoon instead of building a room. Prachin who took her as a maid treated her so nicely. Chedi gave her his late wife's chain and keys to the house. She fought for herself in her own ways...

Int his respect she needs to learn from Malti. It should not have been Malti who pointed out their mistakes to the Chaturvedi clan, but Toasty herself, but all she's done is shed tears and sit in her bedroom, being miserable and making her family miserable. If she believed that things would improve with time, she should have made an effort to lighten the atmosphere in her own home, so that her mother does not get so hyper about Toasty being mistreated. If Sudha is hyper, Toasty is responsible for that, because the only time she shows some animation is when she is defending her family, otherwise she is listless and moping all day. Any mother would get worried seeing her daughter like that.

Must I remind you of Malti's mom? If Malti has any courage to speak up, its due to Toasty! Otherwise she wouldn't mum a word to her own "HYPER" mom! Toasty is not superwoman. She believes that first the men had to calm down a bit- at least Tej. As for lightening the atmosphere, that is impossible with SUDHA! She has been trying to not talk about Chaturvedi's but if someone talks bad about ur family, won't you rebel? Yaar, give her some time and stop reminding her that she her family ahs kicked her out! only then will she be able to get better!

Malti on the other hand has shown grit. While Toasty knows how to control her own mother, Malti is led totally by her mother and is incapable of thinking for herself or analyzing things and situations on her own. This hse has learnt from observing Toasty. So while Toasty's influence has been instrumental in changing Malti's character from outright negative to a woman with shades of grey. Now it's time for Toasty to learn her lesson.

Toasty needs to learn to assert herself, not just to her mother but also to her husband and his family. She needs to demand for her rights and ask to be treated with the respect she rightfully deserves. The older men in the family treat her as nothing but a glorified servant and the younger members have put her on a pedestal, but the truth is somewhere in between and this she needs to learn from Malti.

DEMAND for her RIGHTS, RESPECT? that's not something to be demanded.. its something you earn! and that's what she has been trying and succeeded if that one incident (pashu catching toasty with malti) did not occur. I don't see how the older men treated her as a servent.. initially yes but gradually everyone accepted her, EVEN PASHU! and i think thats why he was hurt when he saw her with malti. cuz he wanted the best for her and fought with his family too but he felt he was deceived when he saw the two together.

Personally i think only malti needs to learn right now... i'm not saying tanya is perfect but i see a justified reason for her actions... but thats my opinion and everyone is obliged to their own.

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hamzanuha

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Posted: 06 June 2011 at 12:56am | IP Logged

Both gangubai & brainychild have valid points.

Malti has learnt from Toasty that marriage is what you make of it. While for Malti it was a drag, for Toasty it was about making a home. Also Toasty showed Malti that every situation has two points of view, your own perception & the other person's. That's the reason that Malti has started rationalising nowadays whereas earlier she used to docilely agree wtih her mother.

I feel Toasty was trying for the impossible, being the perfect bahu & homemaker, which almost achieved by maintaining the balance on all fronts. But she forgot that years of Chaturvedis' hatred towards women could not be erased in a few months. There she was being unreasonable in hoping they'd allow her to stay after knowing about her friendship with Malti.

This is my opinion & is not meant to offend anyone

Edited by hamzanuha - 06 June 2011 at 12:57am

-Purva-

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Posted: 06 June 2011 at 1:18pm | IP Logged

I'm only saying that if Toasty even pretended to be normal at home, her mom would not be so hyper. Don't we all do that when we have a bad day at work, or when something happens at home and we want to hide our pain from our families? If my mother saw me disinterested in eating and moping all day, even she would get hyper. First at me and then at the person who she thought was responsible for my state of mind, even if it is herself. It is natural. That's why I say that if Sudha is over-reacting, then Toasty is responsible for her behavior.

Like everyone in the Chatuvedi family knows that Pashu gets hyper about his misogynistic (misogyny - hatred or dislike of women) feelings, but still Chedi, Ved and Dadaji supported him, so they are all feeling guilty now.

Like brainychild and hamzanuha pointed out: Toasty is trying to give them time. My point is that if she behaves like a doormat from the time she enters the house and then suddenly one fine day says that she deserves respect it is not going to happen. She has to maintain her own dignity and self-respect.

Respect is not demanded, but earned, however respect is also commanded. "Is this how you speak to your elder brother" Pashu scolds at every instance. Malti used to be "I'm the DIL of the family not a servant", and ppl learned to curb their extravagant demands. Toasty needs to learn that.

"Is this how you would treat your mother" she should've asked Ved and Prachin.

"Is this how you treated Tej's mom" she should've asked Dadaji and Chedi.

"This is no way to speak to your younger brother's wife, I'll speak to you when you are calmer" she could've said at that time and things would not have come to this pass.

Even with Tej, why could she not have spoken sternly - I have something important to discuss with you, so can you just get serious and listen to me once"

No but she was too much of a people pleaser. That is what a normal woman in similar circumstances would've done. At least thats what I would have done that. So I'm measuring Toasty by the same yardstick.