Joined: 02 February 2005
Hmmm...I'm big on honesty. As in, if I marry someone I love and who in turn truly loves me back - that's the best feeling. Yes, people have flaws. People are real, not characters in books and serials, and so these flaws or rather personality traits are what makes individuals. By the way, if we are going to honest...we all have flaws. Including best friends. Big flaws and little flaws, yet they are your best friend so you don't care.
If someone loved me and realised certain actions of their's (the flaws) hurt me, I would hope for them to try and understand themselves and how they could amend their actions.
While you may love your best friend, your not in love with them. Hopefully your friend is aware and realises this i.e. your not in love him. Never if you marry on false pretences or if they alone are in love with you and they think you love them too, its wrong.
Friendships can work, people have successful marriages and in time become inseperable and very much in love. Your best friend knows more about you (the good, the bad and the right olde ugly) generally. More than you would share upon meeting a prospective partner. And so these marriages are by people who feel comfortable in the company of the other. Conversation is a biggy, especially after the initial honeymoon period and three kids and two grandhildren later, but because you have know this person as your friend, and then you husband and lover, you have a more complex relationship. Your able to deal with a multitude of emotions. There is more understanding between you.
People in love, feel that their partner is first thier partner, then other things, and often (flaws like quick temper, jealousy) do not take time to understand. Often trivial misunderstandings creating vast distances. This makes the flaws even more combustive.
But if love can conquer all, then these flaws can be overcome and the relationship can develop beyond. People in love can become friends and have a successful marriage. And this love can connect them. And making them less likely to cheat and more likely to strive to make a marriage work. Their passion for the relationship.
So all in all, if your ready to accept a realtionship. You understand it from the start and are honest with your partner, both relations can work. But it depends alot on what you want. Will you be happy with your best friend or are you waiting for you love, Mr. Right no flaws? Do you care to be in love or are you willing to spend you life with the one best friend??
It's a choice. If you can happily honestly pick one, then the possibilites are all there.
On a completely different note yet talking about them flaws: No changing of the person (seems dishonest somehow) - more like improvement of the person to create a better human being. That's what me and my friend, styling himself as a playboy extraordinaire (more like wannabe playboy, but hey!) have decided as his education in life skills. We aim to make a better person out of him. But I also think he has some other very specific major plans.
Joined: 22 September 2004
Joined: 20 September 2004
That was so well put fish.Very nicely said and you have put forth very interesting perspectives for both cases..
Joined: 12 November 2004
This is a tough question with a simple answer: It all rests on you and the person who loves you.
If you love someone who loves you too truly, you love the whole person. If the person understands you, s/he wud try their best not to hurt you. And the same would go for you. Nothing would make you more happy than to marry this person and lead a happy life with him/her.
But if this person has hurt you, broken your trust over and over again, s/he doesn't deserve your love. Irrespective of whether s/he loves you truly or not. Because in loving him/her you have been hurt. If the person really cared about you, s/he wudn't have done something to break your trust or your heart.
Your lover will set the court for you. You have to choose a side.
In the first case, marrying someone else would be a compromise with love. In the second case, you'd be compromising a lot more being with your loved one than you would be if you married someone else. You'd be compromising with love and life. And that's not a good place to be.
This is why I can't vote.
Joined: 15 January 2005
Joined: 10 February 2005
Joined: 14 August 2004
hai,tum sochti bi ho? kab se?
Haloo mere paas bhi dimaag hai. Jab bhi main jyada sochti hu to mere knees me dard hone lagta hai. which means i also can think o.k.
Joined: 14 August 2004
hai,tum sochti bi ho? kab se?
Ides !! mere dimaag ka dahi nahi karne kaa !
What a friendship...
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