Originally posted by -Fivr-
Alright.. So this might be a totally pointless question, but bear with me for a bit.
I was just reading this recently posted TOI article and it mentioned Priya being happy-go-lucky and content with her life the way it is! Which is all great, really! But I was just wondering if this is really possible outside of a television show - real wali duniya mein, especially with in the desi community is it possible for a girl OR a guy to be unmarried "past their prime shadi wali umar" and be perfectly happy/content with it?
Personally, I don't know if it's really possible. I mean, I don't think k marriage is the end-all-be-all of life and I do think you can live a pretty fulfilling life without getting married. But I also think that our culture (and I may be out-dated in my knowledge here since I haven't been back home in a long while..
) usually makes a taboo out of being unmarried past a certain age.. I mean, it might have changed and these may just be isolated incidents but I've heard of way too many "umar nikal jaye gi" and "achey larkey/larkiyan phir nahi milte" and "ab kaun shadi karey ga" type dialogues in social circles with a very sad/dejected connotation
.. Jaise it's totally UNNATURAL for someone to be unmarried past a certain age and that we need to "rush" and get married jaldi sey "acha larka/larki" dhoond k because warna "achey larkey/larkiyan milte nahi"..
So really, in a culture that places marriage at such a pedestal (in a good way) it almost seems natural k they'll make a big fuss about getting married on "time".. And give you a bunch of grief (that may eventually rub off on you) for not getting married in your "shadi wali" umar..
However, if you do manage to ignore the immense societal pressures, then I guess there may also be a personal void that you may feel in your life.. To me marriage at the end is about companionship and partnership - about having someone there who you can share your life with, the good and the bad.. And it seems that as you grow older, you seem to be reminded of your loneliness even strongly.. All your friends/relatives get busy in their life and while you may be busy with work and stuff, at the end of the day you come to an empty home/room.. And I think THAT may be a bit harder to tackle or ignore.. It may be something that you'd be able to ignore for the most part or learn do deal with, but I do think k that regret/loneliness would still be there.. Just because we (men and women alike) need companionship - we don't like to be alone (most of us at least..
). And I do think that while we may be content with our life for the most part, sooner or later the loneliness does catch up with us.. Even if it is just for a moment, as we look at a happy couple sitting on a bench or a mother play with her child or a dad giving "airplane rides" to his son.. We are reminded of what we may be missing out on and in those fleeting moments we can't ignore that strong feeling of regret..
Or at least that's what I think..
So I guess, then I was wondering if we'd be able to see this "struggle" in Priya's character too? See her trying to find that balance between being content with her life and maybe tackling a few regrets in the process...? I don't want her to be crying din raat because she isn't married - I want her to be living a full life and being happy with it! But maybe, every once in a while she may be reminded of her loneliness..? I mean, I guess I'm just curious to see how Priya's character will be - will she be completed nonchalant about her marital status or will she be the "zindagi sey samjhota kar k - when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" type of girl..? *wonders*
*realizes she probably did not make any sense at all there*
Umm.. Sorry for the ramble guys!
Ok, just entered the BALH forum and realised this is a mini-LTL forum
, I can find almost everyone there here too...group migration hua hain kya?!
Or like someone said, looks like the concept of a mature love story is whats common between the 2 shows
And Fivr, your topic is the 1st topic I bumped into, very interesting topic
, maybe also because this has some relevance to my personal life
Ya, ya the same old stuff where unfortunately all your cousins get
married at a younger age, and your left in the spot light to answer
questions like "when", "why", etc
But luckily, since am outside India, my situation is much better
comparatively. But the thought of "vacation to India" brings a gulp down my
- OMG Fivr, Word yaar! I've been a live victim of the same
! You wont believe, EXACT same dialogues
! But I feel I'm still a
, what do they know, HA!
Ok regarding the show, its been a long time since watched any new show after LTL, so hope this
one turns out to be as good as expected. I dont think we'll get another LTL in a long time, but I hope the
serial is a good watch, compared to lot of other nonsensical serials
running today. I hope the characters have good character sketches, with
deeper layers embedded, and attention given to minute details and
aspects of personality and relationships. At the end of the day, I hope
the characters are "human" and more realistic, instead of the so-called
"perfect" human beings. But something tells me, this one will be worth
the watch, considering the quality of the star cast itself
. Havent actually seen Saakshi much after KGGK. But its a good thing that the
show is on Sony TV, and not channels like Colors or SP
! So we can expect, I hope
.Ok, coming back to your topic,
I feel the advantages and disadvantages of "marriage" and being "single" is subjective, and depends upon individual traits, attitude, mentality, ambitions, etc. It also depends upon your outlook towards life, yourself, and relationships. So the preference would also vary accordingly. For instance, an extremely career oriented woman might be ok being single, as compared to a girl who aims to be a housewife. Similarly, a more emotionally dependent person might prefer marriage more to an emotionally stronger person, etc.
Again, If a person feels he/she cannot or wont be able to shoulder certain
responsibilities which comes as a package with marriage (due to various
other personal committments), instead of getting into it and not doing a good job
of it, I feel its better not to get into it at all.
There are advantages and disadvantages of both the situations. As far as
marriage is concerned, basically the advantage is if you get married to
the RIGHT person, and disadvantage if you get married to the WRONG one. I think that pretty much sums up the advantages and disadvantages
. I personally feel, among lot of other qualities, one of the MOST
important quality in your life partner should be UNDERSTANDING. If you
can find someone like that, who understands you the way you are, and is
willing to give you your space, and accept you the way you are, you will
never regret being married
. As far as being single is concerned, the advantages and
disadvantages are like many of you have already mentioned.
The most important thing is, YOU should be mentally prepared to get into a relationship, as committing yourself to someone is a HUGE investment. Different people have different levels of commitments, and different levels of emotional investment in a relationship. So when you commit yourself at a deeper level, you are putting at
stake lot of things like your emotions, self-esteem, self-confidence,
even your other relationships, and unfortunately, if the opposite person turns out to be wrong, you will have a tough time regaining youself
. Its like giving the remote-control of yourself and your emotions at the hands of a
third person, who can either misuse it or take gentle care. So committing yourself 100% to someone before you are TOTALLY sure of him/her is quite dangerous (by giving 100% of yourself, I mean the various and deeper levels
comprising of oneself, which lot of people generally tend to invest
TOTALLY in a relationship!). In such cases, when the person leaves you and goes, he/she takes away
yourself completely from you, that you are left with NOTHING to move on
in life! Then its like a massive internal struggle to regain back
like starting from scratch and trying to introduce yourself to YOU once
again. And there is no guarantee whether you will EVER find that self of
UNLESS life again takes a miraculous turn and either you find something
REALLY positive in life that helps you regain yourself (like a career
opportunity, a social opportunity, etc.), an extremely supportive
family, OR you meet THAT savior
who is able to take you out of all your fears, heal past pain, and
introduce you back to your REAL self. And people who are high on the emotional and sensitivity front, generally tends to give themselves 100% to a relationship at various levels, and end up suffering the most
. So I personally feel you should give yourself 100% to a person, ONLY if you are confident he/she is THE right person.
So, ALWAYS withhold a good proportion of yourself till your sure of someone, so that even if things dont work out, atleast you have something in you to fall back on, and move on in life.
So going by all this, I would say being single is better compared to getting in and out of a bad relationship. Atleast that way you pull the strings of your life. In my families, I know of stories where girls where forced to get married due to this "marriagable age passing" syndrome, resulting in breakage of engagement before marriage, divorces, etc. Nowadays, these things are becoming common in India, the reason being listening to the society instead of your OWN inner voice. The condition is really pathetic nowadays, people are actually divorcing after like 2 months of marriage and stuff
But said that, getting into a bad relationship though bad, can really be an experience to understand lot of things like dynamics of a relationship, the REAL nature of the opposite sex, our mistakes, the opposite person's mistakes, etc., to make you more wise as far as future relationships are concerned. It all depends upon how you learn from them all, and not repeat the same mistakes. It might even help you locate the RIGHT person for yourself in future
But I want to add, being single, you get an opportunity to become more spiritual and understand the REAL life and oneself - an opportunity for self-journey. Spiritually its said, a human being's journey starts from a materialistic level, and ends at self-actualisation. All these relationships, attachments, emotional committment, everything comes in between. You grow from there to finally fulfil your goals of self-actualisation, and understand yourself at a complete and deeper level. So this decision also depends upon which level of spiritual journey are you operating at. People at higher levels seldom feel the need to be with someone, as they find a lot of potential inside themselves. I know couple of people who prefer to go on vacations and holidays to new places, all by themselves! Generally people feel the need to be with their close and near ones when going on vacation, as that completes their idea of enjoyment. But there are people who chose vacations as a mode of finding peace within themselves, and exploring themselves internally. I would love to go on one
, but dont know when I'll get an opportunity
. So you see, in short, it JUST depends upon individual attributes. We cannot judge anyone, or their decisions that they make to lead their lives.
So in short,
- This argument is purely subjective, and will vary from person to
person depending upon individual traits and attitudes.
- Its NOT society, parents or anyone else who decides whether YOU want to get into a relationship! Only YOU have the right to this decision!
- There is enough time to get into a relationship/marriage. Just relax,
be sure, and when the right ONE comes along, take the plunge
. And as far as my personal crisis is concerned, I'm still waiting
(if anyone's interested to know, that is
I think I've written a lot, but hope I made some sense at the end of it all
Edited by *dewdrop~pearl* - 27 May 2011 at 11:02am