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.Angel

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Posted: 26 May 2011 at 10:44pm | IP Logged
wow lovely post Topic MakerClap




also very well and an Excellent input by some of the fantastic people who have commentedClap



well done guys and because I can see that u all have said it all for me so therefor I have got nothing else or more to add to it but to say that I absolutely agree with some of the outstanding points. 

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ssroomani

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Posted: 26 May 2011 at 11:42pm | IP Logged



Great topic and lovely discussion!


As a middle-aged woman who is single, who became single by circumstances at first and decided to maintain the status by choice, I would say that one can be alone and yet not lonely!  I have been alone for the major part of my life but I don't really feel lonely...I am quite happy with my own company and with whatever companionship I get out from my friends, sibling and his family, and others! Smile


But yet, there are times when one wishes one had someone to talk over the day's happening with, a shoulder to cry on at times, to share something which gives special joy and to know someone belongs to you and you belong to somone!    These moments are few and far between, but yes, they do flash now and then!  Ermm


So I am very interested in how they show Priya's character...I am keeping an open mind to see how she deals with her singlehood past 30 and later how she deals with marriage and all that follows rather late in life! Tongue


Priya's singlehood is just one kind of singlehood...there are many types...what about women widowed young and who do not remarry due to choice or force?  What about young divorcees who got married young according to all established conventions but whose marriage fell apart for no fault of theirs?  And what if such women also have children to bring up alone?  Single parenthood can make you lonelier than being just single...at least in a country like India...because you are scared to enter another relationship because of your child! Ouch


The last part was just a ramble and does not have any relevance to the concept of the show, but just wanted to say it!  

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Posted: 27 May 2011 at 12:53am | IP Logged
Well,  it happens in the asian counties, but luckily,  I stay in a country where no one pressuriseyou to get married early. though,  people who stays in Pakistan or India have this kind of thinking that she must be having some kind of a problem or having an affair etc Stern Smile and may be this is the reason, she isnt getting married. Geek but the fact is.. it all depends how one thinks?

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Posted: 27 May 2011 at 3:32am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Eventide

Originally posted by nureat01



You can but uptill a point...what happens when your family passes away and you are the only one left?

If we can't count on the permanence of other relationships, we can't on that either...in one way or the other, they all end...but it is us human beings as a species that are coded to look for companionship so that life goes on...Again, I don't say marriage is the only solution but you can't discount the basic human need for companionship either...Generally we all have our families and they are the only ones that love us unconditionally...but one day it all passes away in the cycle of life too...generally speaking...ofcourse anyone can die at any time...there are no guarantees for any age.


By family, I did not just mean the parents. What about siblings? There is a lesser chance of out-living all siblings and their families. But you never know.

It is not the fear of change or being afraid of the unknown in all cases. Personally, I think it is about reasons for staying single and thus priorities. Lets say for example, a girl decides to stay single to help ease the financial burden, after the loss of a father. She may feel lonely occasionally. But would she be ready to let the family go, for the sake of love. Have come across a few such cases in real life. It happens. These women are well into their 50s and 60s now.

@bold - I agree with you completely. Case in point - my mother has six sisters. Out of the seven daughters, five got married. But of those five, two are now divorced, one with a daughter she has singlehandedly raised. 

The two who did not get married chose to stay with their parents and look after them as their "sons". They are now in their late 40s, early 50s. Do I think that they have felt the pang of loneliness in their lives? Without a doubt. In caring for their old parents, they have become old and ill themselves - and I am sure that they must think about how life must have been if they had gotten married. But then, they see that in their own family, marriage hasn't always worked out for the best. My aunts have made the best of their lives - they have had fun, they laugh, they cry, no doubt - but they have made peace with their decisions. 

And I think that is the most important thing - your decision. If you choose to get married at 18, then great. If you choose never to marry, then great also. As long as you are happy in that decision or in your ability to make that decision. Once again, it comes down to not bowing to societal pressure, in one way or another. 

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Posted: 27 May 2011 at 4:44am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -Fivr-

Alright.. So this might be a totally pointless question, but bear with me for a bit. EmbarrassedLOL I was just reading this recently posted TOI article and it mentioned Priya being happy-go-lucky and content with her life the way it is! Which is all great, really! But I was just wondering if this is really possible outside of a television show - real wali duniya mein, especially with in the desi community is it possible for a girl OR a guy to be unmarried "past their prime shadi wali umar" and be perfectly happy/content with it? Ermm

Personally, I don't know if it's really possible. I mean, I don't think k marriage is the end-all-be-all of life and I do think you can live a pretty fulfilling life without getting married. But I also think that our culture (and I may be out-dated in my knowledge here since I haven't been back home in a long while.. Embarrassed) usually makes a taboo out of being unmarried past a certain age.. I mean, it might have changed and these may just be isolated incidents but I've heard of way too many "umar nikal jaye gi" and "achey larkey/larkiyan phir nahi milte" and "ab kaun shadi karey ga" type dialogues in social circles with a very sad/dejected connotation.. Jaise it's totally UNNATURAL for someone to be unmarried past a certain age and that we need to "rush" and get married jaldi sey "acha larka/larki" dhoond k because warna "achey larkey/larkiyan milte nahi".. LOL So really, in a culture that places marriage at such a pedestal (in a good way) it almost seems natural k they'll make a big fuss about getting married on "time".. And give you a bunch of grief (that may eventually rub off on you) for not getting married in your "shadi wali" umar..

However, if you do manage to ignore the immense societal pressures, then I guess there may also be a personal void that you may feel in your life.. To me marriage at the end is about companionship and partnership - about having someone there who you can share your life with, the good and the bad.. And it seems that as you grow older, you seem to be reminded of your loneliness even strongly.. All your friends/relatives get busy in their life and while you may be busy with work and stuff, at the end of the day you come to an empty home/room.. And I think THAT may be a bit harder to tackle or ignore.. It may be something that you'd be able to ignore for the most part or learn do deal with, but I do think k that regret/loneliness would still be there.. Just because we (men and women alike) need companionship - we don't like to be alone (most of us at least.. LOL). And I do think that while we may be content with our life for the most part, sooner or later the loneliness does catch up with us.. Even if it is just for a moment, as we look at a happy couple sitting on a bench or a mother play with her child or a dad giving "airplane rides" to his son.. We are reminded of what we may be missing out on and in those fleeting moments we can't ignore that strong feeling of regret..

Or at least that's what I think.. EmbarrassedLOL

So I guess, then I was wondering if we'd be able to see this "struggle" in Priya's character too? See her trying to find that balance between being content with her life and maybe tackling a few regrets in the process...? I don't want her to be crying din raat because she isn't married - I want her to be living a full life and being happy with it! But maybe, every once in a while she may be reminded of her loneliness..? I mean, I guess I'm just curious to see how Priya's character will be - will she be completed nonchalant about her marital status or will she be the "zindagi sey samjhota kar k - when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" type of girl..? *wonders* Ermm

*realizes she probably did not make any sense at all there*

Umm.. Sorry for the ramble guys! EmbarrassedLOL

 

Ok, just entered the BALH forum and realised this is a mini-LTL forum LOL, I can find almost everyone there here too...group migration hua hain kya?! LOL Or like someone said, looks like the concept of a mature love story is whats common between the 2 shows Embarrassed.

And Fivr, your topic is the 1st topic I bumped into, very interesting topic Thumbs Up, maybe also because this has some relevance to my personal life Ermm. Ya, ya the same old stuff where unfortunately all your cousins get married at a younger age, and your left in the spot light to answer questions like "when", "why", etc AngryLOL! But luckily, since am outside India, my situation is much better comparatively. But the thought of "vacation to India" brings a gulp down my throat Ermm.

@ blue - OMG Fivr, Word yaar! I've been a live victim of the same Ouch! You wont believe, EXACT same dialogues AngryLOL! But I feel I'm still a , what do they know, HA!

Ok regarding the show, its been a long time since watched any new show after LTL, so hope this one turns out to be as good as expected. I dont think we'll get another LTL in a long time, but I  hope the serial is a good watch, compared to lot of other nonsensical serials running today. I hope the characters have good character sketches, with deeper layers embedded, and attention given to minute details and aspects of personality and relationships. At the end of the day, I hope the characters are "human" and more realistic, instead of the so-called "perfect" human beings. But something tells me, this one will be worth the watch, considering the quality of the star cast itself Thumbs Up. Havent actually seen Saakshi much after KGGK. But its a good thing that the show is on Sony TV, and not channels like Colors or SP Dead! So we can expect, I hope Ermm.

Ok, coming back to your topic,

I feel the advantages and disadvantages of "marriage" and being "single" is subjective, and depends upon individual traits, attitude, mentality, ambitions, etc. It also depends upon your outlook towards life, yourself, and relationships. So the preference would also vary accordingly. For instance, an extremely career oriented woman might be ok being single, as compared to a girl who aims to be a housewife. Similarly, a more emotionally dependent person might prefer marriage more to an emotionally stronger person, etc.

Again, If a person feels he/she cannot or wont be able to shoulder certain responsibilities which comes as a package with marriage (due to various other personal committments), instead of getting into it and not doing a good job of it, I feel its better not to get into it at all.

There are advantages and disadvantages of both the situations. As far as marriage is concerned, basically the advantage is if you get married to the RIGHT person, and disadvantage if you get married to the WRONG one. I think that pretty much sums up the advantages and disadvantages Wink. I personally feel, among lot of other qualities, one of the MOST important quality in your life partner should be UNDERSTANDING. If you can find someone like that, who understands you the way you are, and is willing to give you your space, and accept you the way you are, you will never regret being married Wink. As far as being single is concerned, the advantages and disadvantages are like many of you have already mentioned.

The most important thing is, YOU should be mentally prepared to get into a relationship, as committing yourself to someone is a HUGE investment. Different people have different levels of commitments, and different levels of emotional investment in a relationship. So when you commit yourself at a deeper level, you are putting at stake lot of things like your emotions, self-esteem, self-confidence, even your other relationships, and unfortunately, if the opposite person turns out to be wrong, you will have a tough time regaining youself Ouch. Its like giving the remote-control of yourself and your emotions at the hands of a third person, who can either misuse it or take gentle care. So committing yourself 100% to someone before you are TOTALLY sure of him/her is quite dangerous (by giving 100% of yourself, I mean the various and deeper levels comprising of oneself, which lot of people generally tend to invest TOTALLY in a relationship!). In such cases, when the person leaves you and goes, he/she takes away yourself completely from you, that you are left with NOTHING to move on in life! Then its like a massive internal struggle to regain back yourself, its like starting from scratch and trying to introduce yourself to YOU once again. And there is no guarantee whether you will EVER find that self of yours, UNLESS life again takes a miraculous turn and either you find something REALLY positive in life that helps you regain yourself (like a career opportunity, a social opportunity, etc.), an extremely supportive family, OR you meet THAT savior who is able to take you out of all your fears, heal past pain, and introduce you back to your REAL self. And people who are high on the emotional and sensitivity front, generally tends to give themselves 100% to a relationship at various levels, and end up suffering the most Ouch. So I personally feel you should give yourself 100% to a person, ONLY if you are confident he/she is THE right person.

So, ALWAYS withhold a good proportion of yourself till your sure of someone, so that even if things dont work out, atleast you have something in you to fall back on, and move on in life.

So going by all this, I would say being single is better compared to getting in and out of a bad relationship. Atleast that way you pull the strings of your life. In my families, I know of stories where girls where forced to get married due to this "marriagable age passing" syndrome, resulting in breakage of engagement before marriage, divorces, etc. Nowadays, these things are becoming common in India, the reason being listening to the society instead of your OWN inner voice. The condition is really pathetic nowadays, people are actually divorcing after like 2 months of marriage and stuff Shocked!

But said that, getting into a bad relationship though bad, can really be an experience to understand lot of things like dynamics of a relationship, the REAL nature of the opposite sex, our mistakes, the opposite person's mistakes, etc., to make you more wise as far as future relationships are concerned. It all depends upon how you learn from them all, and not repeat the same mistakes. It might even help you locate the RIGHT person for yourself in future Wink.

But I want to add, being single, you get an opportunity to become more spiritual and understand the REAL life and oneself - an opportunity for self-journey. Spiritually its said, a human being's journey starts from a materialistic level, and ends at self-actualisation. All these relationships, attachments, emotional committment, everything comes in between. You grow from there to finally fulfil your goals of self-actualisation, and understand yourself at a complete and deeper level. So this decision also depends upon which level of spiritual journey are you operating at. People at higher levels seldom feel the need to be with someone, as they find a lot of potential inside themselves. I know couple of people who prefer to go on vacations and holidays to new places, all by themselves! Generally people feel the need to be with their close and near ones when going on vacation, as that completes their idea of enjoyment. But there are people who chose vacations as a mode of finding peace within themselves, and exploring themselves internally. I would love to go on one Day Dreaming, but dont know when I'll get an opportunity Ouch. So you see, in short, it JUST depends upon individual attributes. We cannot judge anyone, or their decisions that they make to lead their lives.

So in short,

- This argument is purely subjective, and will vary from person to person depending upon individual traits and attitudes.

- Its NOT society, parents or anyone else who decides whether YOU want to get into a relationship! Only YOU have the right to this decision!

- There is enough time to get into a relationship/marriage. Just relax, be sure, and when the right ONE comes along, take the plunge Wink. And as far as my personal crisis is concerned, I'm still waiting (if anyone's interested to know, that is Ermm)

I think I've written a lot, but hope I made some sense at the end of it all Wacko!




Edited by *dewdrop~pearl* - 27 May 2011 at 11:02am

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Posted: 27 May 2011 at 4:57am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Mru_bee

Originally posted by nureat01

Mru, the die hard Chandana fanLOL

I think Avantika in R.com was a free spirit, almost nomadic type of character...not exactly the most stable of ppl...I truly don't think she herself had a clue about what she really wanted in life...flitting from one thing to the next.


hahaha.. Anu LOL

Yes, I know Avantika was a free spirit. But I was talking more in terms of the dialogue.

The dialogue says at one point " Jab tak Aap akele khush nahee reh sakte, tab tak aap kisi aur key saath khush nahi reh saktey" I love this philosophy.

The main argument for marriage mostly is " you shouldn't be alone" , and I agree with the flaky Avantika philosophy of being happy when being alone too ...

-- Mru


@ blue - Very true, loved that one! Similarly, being WITH someone also doesnt mean you are happy. There are people who are married/in relationships, but still they FEEL lonely in life.


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Dancingdoll

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Posted: 27 May 2011 at 10:50pm | IP Logged
Well, I am here, just about to get out of the "shaadi ki umar", single, and very happy... I am in US, so, I dont face the social pressures...and everyone has given up on me, so, noone pesters me anymore...
 
and trust me when I say, I am super happy being single...
 
Yes, when I go back to India, I am not sure what the scene would look like, however, my parents also are not really facing any social pressures anymore!!!

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