FF: Chupanke Ki Saaza Last Part Pg 52 [Jul 7,'12] - Page 34

Pia nodded. "He didn't want to wait until tomorrow… he wants to talk now." And with that she walked into Jai's cabin, without knocking.

Silence followed his words. Finally, after what seemed like ages, Pia said, "What do you want me to do? The wedding is tomorrow!"

Pia looked at Jai, trying to understand what he was saying. Except, she could only hear the silent shatter of her dreams. Sitting infront of her was the man, she hopelessly fell for from the moment she saw him. But look at fate, he didn't love her. He was ready to get married to her, but he felt nothing for her.

"I love you Jai…" she said, her voice on the verge of tears.

Jai was caught in a fix as he saw silent tears roll down her face. Guilt was spreading through him like fire, and more than that anger. Why did he listen to Ranveer? It wasn't like he was unhappy… he was okay with her. Yes, they had fights. But which couple don't?

There is a difference Jai… The difference is between you seeing her, because you want to, not because you have to. Its between wishing to spend the rest of your life with her and not being okay with it when you are being forced too. Its between hoping to see her face the first thing in the morning, and not having to accept it as an added extra!

 

Its the same Ran, Jai thought to himself. I don't see a difference…

 

"Pia," he said, walking around the desk and leaning in front of her. "Please don't cry. Listen to me… We will get married. Tomorrow!"

"No," he said quickly. "I don't hate you! You are just another friend… a good friend."

"You are right," she said. "I can't…because its too late now. My parents… our parents can't afford this right now. We will be getting married tomorrow."

 

Jai closed his eyes, pushing the image out of his head. That was the last time he saw Pia Dixit. If he knew he was going to find her suicide letter the next morning, he would never have let her leave.

 

With a sigh, he turned around to find Bani lost in thought.

 

"Kahan koyi hui ho tum?" he asked, watching her eyes that were focused on something that he couldn't see.

 

Bani blinked and turned to see Jai. "Im hungry," she said.

 

"Of course," he said, rolling his eyes. "Shayad kitchen mein kuch hai… jaa kar dekh lo."

 

She nodded and left him in the hall, where they were in the middle of removing the sheets on all the furniture. Despite owning the place for a good year, Jai apparently didn't take care of it much. It still had things from the old owners, who never bothered to ask for their stuff back.

 

But what was weird about the atmosphere was not the disorder of the house, but the people in it themselves. This was the first time after their outburst on Valentines, that Jai and Bani were alone. And both had no idea what to say. They reached a point in their relationship, where words were not enough. There was no point pretending they hated each other. So, where does that make them stand as a couple? Neither had the answer.

 

Bani searched through the fridge to find it stocked with vegetables. With a sigh she began pulling things out, hoping that a salad was not too hard to make.

 

"Kuch mila?" Jai called.

 

"Yeah," she yelled back. "A bunch of things that are not edible!"

 

Jai strode in two minutes later. "What do you mean?"

 

Bani held up the veggies in response. "What the hell am I supposed to do with these?"

 

"Cook obviously!"

 

"Jai," she said, as if talking to a two year old. "If I could cook, I wouldn't have gotten these."

 

She held up her arms, where he could make out burn marks. He stepped closer for a better look. "Yeh kab hua?"

 

Bani shrugged, and began chopping the vegetables. "I was making palak paneer… on Valentines… to say sorry to you."

 

She didn't look up to see his expression, for it was very close to the topic of their confession.

 

"Give that to me," Jai said finally.

 

Bani raised her eyebrow questioningly.

 

"You are cutting them wrong," he replied, nodding in the direction of the vegetables.

 

"Acha?" she said. "So, you can cook now?"

 

He merely pulled the cutting board towards him, picked up a knife and began dicing the tomatoes.

 

"Since when do you cook?" Bani repeated.

 

"Since you left," he said simply.

 

"Why?"

 

Jai smiled. "Because I knew you will come back… and lets face it, atleast one person in a couple should be able to cook. Its just a basic of survival."

 

Bani suppressed a laugh. "So, Mr. Jai Walia learned how to cook for survival?"

 

"Yeah," he said. "And to impress you. But I guess that's not necessary now."

 

"Kyun nahi?"

 

"Because you already are impressed."

 

Bani rolled her eyes. Here were go, she thought to herself. Jai Walia returns. "Whatever."

 

He was quick to realize that she didn't deny his statement. "Waise, main bachpan mein bhi khana banatha tha."

 

"Oh really?" she said sarcastically. "What did you make? A-lettuce-only salad?"

 

Jai laughed. "Nope. Even better! I specialize in non-vegetarian dishes."

 

Bani raised her eyebrows.

 

"We used to have this really annoying neighbour," he explained. " She practically lived with us, like she spent dawn to dusk in our house. And all she did was tell my mom how bad I was and how good her own kids were."

 

"Typical," Bani answered.

 

"Yeah," he continued. "Except I got annoyed. So, one day when she stayed over for dinner, I dropped – by accident – a cockroach in her food."

 

Bani eyes widened. "Phir?"

 

"Phir kya," Jai said casually. "She screamed like a banshee and swore to never set foot in our house again. Mission accomplished!"

 

Bani burst out laughing. "I never knew you were that mischievous. And I thought I was bad!"

 

"Oh that was nothing," he said. "I played some of the worst pranks ever. And poor Ran, he always got the punshiment, because he was too good to lie and worm his way out of it!"

 

Bani shook her head in disapproval. "How could you?" she said in mock seriousness. "Bechara Ranveer! How do you even look at yourself in the mirror?"

 

"I don't."

 

The grin on Bani's face vanished, as she heard his humourless tone. "Jai, I was joking," she said quickly.

 

"But I wasn't," he said. "I don't face myself in the mirror everyday."

 

Bani tried to understand his sudden mood change. While his hands continued to cut the vegetables, his face appeared grave. He seemed like a man who was suffering beyond anyone's understanding.

 

"It kills me," Jai continued, the image of Pia leaving his office flooding his mind. "To look at myself in the mirror… because I don't see myself. I see a killer, who snatched away the life of an innocent girl. I see a selfish person, who thought more about himself than those around him. And more than that I see the person who should have been in that car when that accident happened."

 

"Jai, don't-"

 

But he cut her off. "It's true. Pretending I'm innocent is not going to help… I killed her. With my very own hands."

 

Bani felt as if she was seeing him for the first time since her anniversary, since the first time she found Pia's letter.

 

"You know," Jai said. Bani noticed that he was no longer cutting the vegetables, but was facing the glass doors that led out to the patio. It was beautiful sight, for it overlooked the forest she spotted earlier. Though the moon was absent, hidden behind stormy clouds, she could still make out the rich colours of the night around her. "I didn't believe it. Any of it. For the longest time I thought it was cruel joke that fate was playing on me."

 

She couldn't agree more. It took her a really long time to believe that letter,  and she wasn't even there when it happened.

 

"But it caught up with me," he said quietly. "It sunk in. And then it started… all of it. I couldn't sleep… I couldn't eat… I would just lay there for hours together, wondering what would have happened if I wasn't a coward and went ahead with the wedding. And then after endless hours of hoping, the sun would finally rise. But I couldn't get up. There was nothing, just nothing that was worth getting up for."

 

Bani listened intently, hanging on to every word he said.

 

"But that didn't stop the world from spinning," Jai said after a pause. "and eventually, you had no choice but to get up. And I did. I got up, went to work, and tried to sleep. And even though it didn't help me, it helped my mom. She atleast could get a good night's sleep because of it…"

 

Bani could recollect those days, when she herself was lost in Pia's grief. Never during that time, did she imagine that she was going to get married to Jai Walia and more than that, think there was man not far from her, who was shaken by Pia Dixit's death just as much as her, if not more. She could also imagine her mother-in-law, worried for her only son, whom she cared for beyond her own life.

 

A shudder passed through her. Even the thought of Jai suffering was painful. She couldn't help but thank the lord for not making her witness that.

 

"Did it ever stop?" she asked, slowly. She was hungry for more information.

 

"Things changed," Jai said with sigh. There was hint of a smile in his voice, though Bani wasn't sure for his back was still turned to her. "It became easier to open my eyes to a new morning. I could get up and get dressed… and there came a time, when I wanted to get up. I wanted the sun to rise, because it meant I could look at you."

 

He finally turned around. While his eyes still held misery, there was a genuine smile on his face. Bani kept looking at him, waiting for an explanation wordlessly.

 

"Weird isn't it," he asked. "To the one man who you can't tolerate, you are the reason he still breathes."

 

Jai shook with silent, humourless laughter. "That's fate for you."

 

"I don't hate you," Bani began, unable to see him in such a state.

 

"You just don't want to accept it," he answered. "But that's why I fell in love with you Bani. Because you made it bearable. Your eyes didn't hold the pity everyone else had whenever they looked at me. It didn't hold the anger that I had for my ownself… it just held love. And I suddenly found that it didn't matter what happened, as long you were there… beside me. So, after months, I found that I could breathe again."

 

But I wasn't there, Bani thought, as her head hung in shame. When he needed me the most… I abandoned him without even asking for an explanation.

 

Mrs. Hastings voice drifted to her.

 

 

Bani closed her eyes, as her actions stood infront of her. All these day she blamed him for the death of her only sister, only to find that he punished himself more (if that was possible)? How cruel could she be?

 

"But you know whats worse," Jai asked, breaking through her thoughts. "Worse than the fact that I can't even look into a mirror without seeing a killer?"

 

"What?"

 

"The anger I see in your eyes. It's a hundred times more painful… "

 

Bani stared at Jai, who was looking at the floor guility.

 

 "I never showed you that letter, because I was scared you would hate me. I can put up with anything, but not that. And see? It happened exactly like I feared… but that's just my fate," he said with an ironic smile. "I had long since accepted it. All the good things in my life are not permanent."

 

Bani took a deep breath, clearing her thoughts away. Whatever she owed her sister was secondary. Right now, all she cared about was the man in front of her. The man she loved and happened to be imprisoned in his own personal hell.

 

"Sometimes," Jai said, looking up into the sky. There were no stars, only dense clouds just waiting to burst open. "I wish Pia was here… a lot more than you do."

 

But we wouldn't be married, she thought to herself.

 

He seemed to hear her regardless, for he said, "I would be able to live with us not being married, because it would mean that I won't be the reason your life got destroyed."

 

Bani suddenly stood up from the counter she was leaning on and in few strides was beside Jai, who seemed to be lost in his own world. She cupped his face in her hands and forced him to look at her.

 

"Tell me," she said. "do you really think I hate you?"

 

 "I don't know what to think anymore…"

 

Bani gently stroked Jai's face, as his eyes closed, enjoying her touch. And without warning, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. Jai staggered as she threw herself against him, not caring that she was mourning for her dead sister a few minutes ago, not caring that their divorce was due anyday now. She cared about him, because he was hers. She denied it for far too long.

 

Jai responded, deepening the kiss. It was finally over… all that he wanted to tell her, since the day she walked out on him, was out. And surprisingly, she didn't blame him like he thought she would. And more than that, she stayed. She stayed with him… for him.

 

Bani pressed into him, wanting more as desire crept through her. She felt her hands wander into his hair dishevelling it. His body felt warm against hers, as a sense of familiarity appeared. She vaguely wondered how she stayed away from him for this long! She felt his hands travel down her back, caressing her waist.

 

As they gasped for air, both taken back by their longing for each other, Jai looked into Bani's eyes, searching for denial. Except there was none. In that moment, he knew she loved him and not even once, in their two months of  brutal separation, did she hate him. That was enough for him to pull her closer, trailing kisses down her throat and on to her shoulders.

 

Suddenly, lightning came through the open windows and followed by a rumble of thunder. The heavy clouds finally seemed to have given up in their struggle and let go their burden. Within seconds it was pouring outside, the droplets echoing through the empty house.

 

But Jai and Bani didn't seem to hear. They were lost in their own little world, which held nothing but themselves. No guilt, no anger… just them.