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Immoral Relationships

punjabi#1 IF-Dazzler
punjabi#1
punjabi#1

Joined: 06 June 2006
Posts: 3378

Posted: 23 May 2011 at 2:24pm | IP Logged
What does one do when there is a guy they love but can't marry? Does one take a risk and continue to see the guy, even though they know that they can never be bound together by marriage. That they will one day marry other people and have to move on.

Someone I know is picking her family over her love. Her family will not agree to marry her to the guy she loves and she does not have the guts to run away with him and hurt her family. He is supportive of her decision to pick her family but he still wants to be part of her life. 

He wants to open a joint bank account with her, buy a car in her name. Give her presents, shower her with every happiness. He doesn't expect her to invest in the joint bank account, just spend. Same with the car and everything. He just wants her to have the world. All he asks in return is that she show her face to him daily, have tea with him once a week (she is allowed to visit his house because his family are family friends), never cry and work on controlling her anger problem. 

He knows her better then she knows herself at times. He knows what makes her happy and what makes her sad. She shouts and screams and is never agreeable to what he wants but he still doesn't get mad, just says whatever she wants will happen. 

He knows that she does not love him, as much as he loves her. But he doesn't care, he just wants to see her happy.

Is it fair for them to continue to be around each other and get so close, when one day they have to marry other people? 

*Woh Ajnabee* IF-Sizzlerz
*Woh Ajnabee*
*Woh Ajnabee*

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Posted: 23 May 2011 at 2:30pm | IP Logged
Why are "her" parents refusing this match? Do they have a valid reason?
punjabi#1 IF-Dazzler
punjabi#1
punjabi#1

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Posts: 3378

Posted: 23 May 2011 at 2:39pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by *Woh Ajnabee*

Why are "her" parents refusing this match? Do they have a valid reason?

both the boy and girl are from same village and they don't approve of marrying in the same village. Even though the couple share no blood relation in anyway, shape or form. 

Also, the parents don't think the boy is educated enough for their daughter or rich enough. 

They would/do approve him marrying a cousin from a different village, just not approve him for her. Her parents love the boy and treat him like a son and he treats them with the same respect as his parents. 
blue-ice. IF-Addictz
blue-ice.
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Posted: 23 May 2011 at 2:54pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by punjabi#1


both the boy and girl are from same village and they don't approve of marrying in the same village. Even though the couple share no blood relation in anyway, shape or form. 

Also, the parents don't think the boy is educated enough for their daughter or rich enough. 

They would/do approve him marrying a cousin from a different village, just not approve him for her. Her parents love the boy and treat him like a son and he treats them with the same respect as his parents. 


So the parents DON'T have a valid reason...they are just being stubborn and care more about their feelings rather than their daughter's happiness...

Well in my opinion...the girl has two options...
The first one is to go against the wishes of her parents...the parents do not have a reason to stop them from being married...if what ever u have written is true then I don't have any sympathy for her parents anyways...
The second option is to stop meeting the boy...or even think about using his money..which is ridiculous in the first place...I mean what kind a girl would use a boy's money knowing that there is no future for them...maybe she will get over that boy and get married to a boy of her parents' choice...which is sad...
BTW are the boy's parents ready to accept her?
*Woh Ajnabee* IF-Sizzlerz
*Woh Ajnabee*
*Woh Ajnabee*

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Posts: 22970

Posted: 23 May 2011 at 2:56pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by punjabi#1

Originally posted by *Woh Ajnabee*

Why are "her" parents refusing this match? Do they have a valid reason?

both the boy and girl are from same village and they don't approve of marrying in the same village. Even though the couple share no blood relation in anyway, shape or form. 

Also, the parents don't think the boy is educated enough for their daughter or rich enough. 

They would/do approve him marrying a cousin from a different village, just not approve him for her. Her parents love the boy and treat him like a son and he treats them with the same respect as his parents. 


Okay well, if the girl has made the decision to abide by her family, she should stick with it. If she's going to listen to her family, she needs to sever all ties with this guy. It will not be easy, and it will be painful for both of them, but in the long run, that's probably for the best if they do not plan on spending their lives together. It's not fair to either of their future spouses/partners that these people are seeing and have been seeing each other secretively like that. It is not fair to this guy that she will see him week after week, unintentionally giving him hope that she will agree to marry him, and then ending up with someone of her parents' choice. It is also not fair for her to continue this ongoing inner struggle week after week. It will be much easier to stop seeing him completely rather than meeting him secretly despite knowing that they can never be together. Time heals all wounds.

And if she can't have him or be with him, what good is his money to her? She should definitely not agree to that arrangement, the guy should understand that he cannot buy her love or presence in his life that way.

You can love someone without being with them. It is only our selfish desire as humans to keep the ones we love near us and to be with them as much as possible. In reality, if you truly love someone, you can continue loving them the same way without being with them.

By the way, is this is a real story or just something you picked up in a novel or show on TV? Also, I do not like the title of your topic "Immoral Relationships". I don't think there is anything immoral here, compromised or unfulfilled but not immoral. We all have the right to love whoever we want, we just do not have the right to expect that they love us the same way in return.
Angelic_J IF-Sizzlerz
Angelic_J
Angelic_J

Joined: 19 June 2005
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Posted: 23 May 2011 at 3:26pm | IP Logged

In Punjab most of the times being from the same village means you have had same ancestors which in turn means you are long distant cousins. Even if you don't share the bloodline, kids from same villages are prohibited to marry one another as they are brought up as brother and sister [even though they may not be first cousins] to each other.

I don't think the topic maker's parents are simply being stubborn as it clearly shows they adore and love the boy. I don't really blame them since they have always viewed the guy as their "son" hence as a brother to the girl in question. Marriage of these two would be out of the question for them. However, the only thing I can say is perhaps the guy and the girl should first talk to their parents instead of jumping to their own conclusions. Who knows maybe the parents might just agree although I wouldn't count on it =]
punjabi#1 IF-Dazzler
punjabi#1
punjabi#1

Joined: 06 June 2006
Posts: 3378

Posted: 23 May 2011 at 3:55pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by blue-ice

Originally posted by punjabi#1


both the boy and girl are from same village and they don't approve of marrying in the same village. Even though the couple share no blood relation in anyway, shape or form. 

Also, the parents don't think the boy is educated enough for their daughter or rich enough. 

They would/do approve him marrying a cousin from a different village, just not approve him for her. Her parents love the boy and treat him like a son and he treats them with the same respect as his parents. 


So the parents DON'T have a valid reason...they are just being stubborn and care more about their feelings rather than their daughter's happiness...

Well in my opinion...the girl has two options...
The first one is to go against the wishes of her parents...the parents do not have a reason to stop them from being married...if what ever u have written is true then I don't have any sympathy for her parents anyways...
The second option is to stop meeting the boy...or even think about using his money..which is ridiculous in the first place...I mean what kind a girl would use a boy's money knowing that there is no future for them...maybe she will get over that boy and get married to a boy of her parents' choice...which is sad...
BTW are the boy's parents ready to accept her?

She loves her parents and respects them too much to against them, so that is impossible for her. The boy did offer to run away, she said no. 

The second option about not meeting him anymore is not possible either. The families are really close so they always end up around each other and even work together occasionally. The only way for her never to see him again is get married and move far away. which is hard for her because she realized the only reason he stuck around here and worked with her parents is because of her. He had enough savings to move back to where he came from and be with his friends. Today he has no life and works all the time because it helps him stay close to her. 

Lastly, the boys parents adore her. They don't allow him to tease her, say anything stupid to her. Every time she goes to his house, she is treated like a queen, his mother dots on her. And when her mother says something negative about her, it is his mom that yells at her mom and defends her. They are constantly going on about how great she is and whatever family she marries into will be the luckiest family ever. 
blue-ice. IF-Addictz
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blue-ice.

Joined: 04 March 2009
Posts: 55686

Posted: 23 May 2011 at 4:32pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Angelic_J

In Punjab most of the times being from the same village means you have had same ancestors which in turn means you are long distant cousins. Even if you don't share the bloodline, kids from same villages are prohibited to marry one another as they are brought up as brother and sister [even though they may not be first cousins] to each other.

I don't think the topic maker's parents are simply being stubborn as it clearly shows they adore and love the boy. I don't really blame them since they have always viewed the guy as their "son" hence as a brother to the girl in question. Marriage of these two would be out of the question for them. However, the only thing I can say is perhaps the guy and the girl should first talk to their parents instead of jumping to their own conclusions. Who knows maybe the parents might just agree although I wouldn't count on it =]


There are a lot of old traditions and beliefs that are either wrong or do not make sense in today's world...What is the population of a village?...I am guessing several hundreds if not thousands...and nobody in the same village is allowed to fall in love and marry...does that seem practical to u?

And lets talk about the couple in question...obviously they never thought of each other as brother and sister...then how does it matter..as long as they both love each other and they are not related...what is wrong if they get married...don't u think its about time that somebody put some sense in village elders...

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