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Short Story: In A Song... (Page 3)

Wanderbug IF-Dazzler
Wanderbug
Wanderbug

Joined: 21 September 2010
Posts: 3600

Posted: 23 May 2011 at 12:16am | IP Logged
Thanks all
suhana19 IF-Rockerz
suhana19
suhana19

Joined: 13 July 2005
Posts: 5409

Posted: 23 May 2011 at 12:24am | IP Logged
Hey Dear ShilpiHug
Wow u just manage to take our breath away every single time ...with ur lovely and beautiful FFs, OS and SS ...words are always and i mean always short for me to say anything to say in ur praise ...ClapThumbs UpStar,,loved and enjoyed it to the core ...I heard the song for the very first time ...thanx for such a beautiful and lovely treat ...
u take care and keep rocking ...
love and hugs
suhanaHug

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Wanderbug

prettywoman Goldie
prettywoman
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Joined: 01 March 2005
Posts: 2478

Posted: 23 May 2011 at 8:21am | IP Logged

It is a great story, very emotional and spell binding. I remember reading this incident on the net and hearing about it on the news..the way the families were desperate to get their men back..and you have turned it into a story of your own.. well done J

 

What is rebounded hair?!! Just curious, that's all.. I could just picture her waiting for him..so he called her and turns up late! And they had been wishing each other b'days over the phone last few times..a bond that has stood the test of time and distance..there is a very luxurious feel to the way you have written this.. cant put my finger on it.. but def not the usual way you write.. Maybe missing in the headlines and cutting to past and present .. but all done so beautifully!

 

So they meet at a party and she thinks he is Bourne.. wow..it was refreshing to see her pursuing him so much as it is usually the other way round.. or maybe times have really changed!! There is always an under current of some strong emotion in between the words whether it was during that cinema meeting or be in the cie cream parlour.. and esp when he loses his job and is so down..and it was a complete surprise how from IT background he went on to join the Navy, but then Navuy is not only about sailing, hai na? So she willingly accepts that wait..

 

OMG.. the conversation when he comes in and how she plays along was so innocently fiery! She goes along and teases him so innocently and cutely! To be honest, just like Naku, I think any sane, sensible girl would be so embarrassed and red if the band played a song for her.. at elast I would be! But this was just sho shweet..he lip syncs hahahhaha brilliant idea! Beautiful lyrics, I did not know it was from LS..the whole proposal was very beautifully done, not saccharine sweet or cloyingly cheesy but the right mix of emotion and humour!

 

They wlak near the sea and she says rightly so about how she hates the sea.. but his words of wisdom were very powerful.which gives her the courage to bear the torture of his absence and keep hoping the sea would return him na..i am glad how you did not dwell too much on the technicalities of the attack or the hospital etc..the very sight that made him alive now causes him so much pain.. purely cos he doesn't want to be a burden to her.. his soul and mind are burdened withal that happened and is no longer the person he was.. but she recognises every change in his facial expression, though she understands how he wants to stay away from her, she behaves as if everything is normal, hoping the storm will just pass..but then finally he gathers the courage to tell her.. to be honest I never thought he was an invalid now..but I think the mental scars are more traumatic than th missing limb..so much must have happened on that pirate ship.. so much burden on his chest wondering whether he could have done things differently, whether his colleague could have been saved.. etc etc..

The ending was top notch the way you left the last part of that engagement to the end of the story making us believe that they can sort out their problems.. that even if he is short of words, their love is sufficient to keep them together.. almost like her making that song her own and repeating it to him..

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Wanderbug

Wanderbug IF-Dazzler
Wanderbug
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Joined: 21 September 2010
Posts: 3600

Posted: 23 May 2011 at 12:17pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by prettywoman

It is a great story, very emotional and spell binding. I remember reading this incident on the net and hearing about it on the news..the way the families were desperate to get their men back..and you have turned it into a story of your own.. well done J

I am glad u remember that incident Vandu..That news was so badly ignored as it was when Osama was killed and everyone was busy with the speculation about his death and then the Arunacal's CM went missing etc..I am still waiting for the follow up...It has been almost a month now...and Chinese government didn't even issue a thanks for Indian Navy till date!

 

What is rebounded hair?!! Rebounding or rather Rebonding is a treatment to straighten your hair I had that done last year. You are not supposed to fidget with your hair or get it wet for 72 hours, no tying it or cliping it..just letting it stay naturally loose...Awesome stuff..changes ur whole personality. Just curious, that's all.. I could just picture her waiting for him..so he called her and turns up late! And they had been wishing each other b'days over the phone last few times..a bond that has stood the test of time and distance..there is a very luxurious feel to the way you have written this.. cant put my finger on it.. but def not the usual way you write.. Maybe missing in the headlines and cutting to past and present .. but all done so beautifully!

It might be that it didn't give u an insight of their lives much..nomally i give a lot of detail of characters upbringing..Who he/she is, details of family etc...here it all in bits and pieces..his previous affair, BE in delhi...Her background what she does for a living...where the things are happening is all left in background like unfinished business...It was intentionally done to keep the high points intact while going back and forth..somewhat like second chances but still abruptly...like quick sharp edited script maybe...I wonder if it made sense completly without causing confusion and ennui..But as far as i tried to hint..they both come from well to do families..and are independent much secure in their skin.

 

So they meet at a party and she thinks he is Bourne.. wow..it was refreshing to see her pursuing him so much as it is usually the other way round.. or maybe times have really changed!! There is always an under current of some strong emotion in between the words whether it was during that cinema meeting or be in the cie cream parlour.. and esp when he loses his job and is so down..and it was a complete surprise how from IT background he went on to join the Navy, but then Navuy is not only about sailing, hai na? So she willingly accepts that wait..

Its not that times have changed...its more that she was more keen on the relationship then him...he was delaying in making up his mind...she was persistent and shamelessly calling him because she knew he was the one...shows her starry view on life and love...her innocence and total devotion to him..also shows her spunk and bravado...Himmat lagti hai ladke ko propose karne ke liye...U hav to be so thick skinned and comfortable in your dignity and personality...She had that always..she was more stable...But when she stopped he missed it and it all came down to that movie and ice-cream...That lick on her ice-cream was enough to tell her that he was in to her...did i overdo that bit u think?

 

OMG.. the conversation when he comes in and how she plays along was so innocently fiery! She goes along and teases him so innocently and cutely! To be honest, just like Naku, I think any sane, sensible girl would be so embarrassed and red if the band played a song for her.. at elast I would be! But this was just sho shweet..he lip syncs hahahhaha brilliant idea! Beautiful lyrics, I did not know it was from LS..the whole proposal was very beautifully done, not saccharine sweet or cloyingly cheesy but the right mix of emotion and humour!

I always wanted to write something on that lines...acting like you don't know eachother but actually u are a couple or married or something...saw it in some really corny romantic movies and i thought it cute...also of course it was cheesy come on vandu..real life mein log aise propose kartey hai kya? nahi yaar i don't think so...maine kabhi nahi sunna...It's filmy and melodramatic nad u know it...But i still loved writing it Ha ha ha ha...

 

They wlak near the sea and she says rightly so about how she hates the sea.. but his words of wisdom were very powerful.which gives her the courage to bear the torture of his absence and keep hoping the sea would return him na..i am glad how you did not dwell too much on the technicalities of the attack or the hospital etc..the very sight that made him alive now causes him so much pain.. purely cos he doesn't want to be a burden to her.. his soul and mind are burdened withal that happened and is no longer the person he was.. but she recognizes every change in his facial expression, though she understands how he wants to stay away from her, she behaves as if everything is normal, hoping the storm will just pass..but then finally he gathers the courage to tell her.. to be honest I never thought he was an invalid now..but I think the mental scars are more traumatic than th missing limb..so much must have happened on that pirate ship.. so much burden on his chest wondering whether he could have done things differently, whether his colleague could have been saved.. etc etc..

The ending was top notch the way you left the last part of that engagement to the end of the story making us believe that they can sort out their problems.. that even if he is short of words, their love is sufficient to keep them together.. almost like her making that song her own and repeating it to him..

I would like to think that they made up and moved on...it would not be walk in the park..in fact no relationship is but here maybe the troubles will be more..but wahi nakku has always been the one stronger between the 2 more adamant and dead set on this relationship...she would not let him go hai na...Not when she knows he is helpless without her.


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prettywoman

vahgar Senior Member
vahgar
vahgar

Joined: 10 March 2010
Posts: 218

Posted: 23 May 2011 at 12:48pm | IP Logged
Wonderful Story Shilpi...Loved it.  The last part was very touching...could'nt help but tear up...
 
The proposal was very romantic...
 
Remembered this scene from LS, please imagine Nakku instead of Shruthi... Smile
 
 
--Lalitha
prettywoman Goldie
prettywoman
prettywoman

Joined: 01 March 2005
Posts: 2478

Posted: 23 May 2011 at 1:21pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by shilpita87

Originally posted by prettywoman

It is a great story, very emotional and spell binding. I remember reading this incident on the net and hearing about it on the news..the way the families were desperate to get their men back..and you have turned it into a story of your own.. well done J

I am glad u remember that incident Vandu..That news was so badly ignored as it was when Osama was killed and everyone was busy with the speculation about his death and then the Arunacal's CM went missing etc..I am still waiting for the follow up...It has been almost a month now...and Chinese government didn't even issue a thanks for Indian Navy till date!

 oh no..no one from Chinese govt even said thanks kya.. that is so bad as if no value for others lives or the deeds done by them to help their people! 

What is rebounded hair?!! Rebounding or rather Rebonding is a treatment to straighten your hair I had that done last year. You are not supposed to fidget with your hair or get it wet for 72 hours, no tying it or cliping it..just letting it stay naturally loose...Awesome stuff..changes ur whole personality.

aaah.. got it.. i did not know the name.. probably cos I was born with straight hair and dont even nee to brush it lol! but a friend of mine just came back from Mumbai and she straightened her hair.. she said it lasts for a year plus and as u said, she loooked so diff.. amazing change!! so she must have done this only? waise, i think u also did it na? as earlier snaps have slightly wavu hair?!! 
Just curious, that's all.. I could just picture her waiting for him..so he called her and turns up late! And they had been wishing each other b'days over the phone last few times..a bond that has stood the test of time and distance..there is a very luxurious feel to the way you have written this.. cant put my finger on it.. but def not the usual way you write.. Maybe missing in the headlines and cutting to past and present .. but all done so beautifully!

It might be that it didn't give u an insight of their lives much..nomally i give a lot of detail of characters upbringing..Who he/she is, details of family etc...here it all in bits and pieces..his previous affair, BE in delhi...Her background what she does for a living...where the things are happening is all left in background like unfinished business...It was intentionally done to keep the high points intact while going back and forth..somewhat like second chances but still abruptly...like quick sharp edited script maybe...I wonder if it made sense completly without causing confusion and ennui..But as far as i tried to hint..they both come from well to do families..and are independent much secure in their skin.

 no, this style suited this story perfectly.. i meant it as a colpiment that this writing style is diff from yours.. Embarrassed

So they meet at a party and she thinks he is Bourne.. wow..it was refreshing to see her pursuing him so much as it is usually the other way round.. or maybe times have really changed!! There is always an under current of some strong emotion in between the words whether it was during that cinema meeting or be in the cie cream parlour.. and esp when he loses his job and is so down..and it was a complete surprise how from IT background he went on to join the Navy, but then Navuy is not only about sailing, hai na? So she willingly accepts that wait..

Its not that times have changed...its more that she was more keen on the relationship then him...he was delaying in making up his mind...she was persistent and shamelessly calling him because she knew he was the one...shows her starry view on life and love...her innocence and total devotion to him..also shows her spunk and bravado...Himmat lagti hai ladke ko propose karne ke liye...U hav to be so thick skinned and comfortable in your dignity and personality...She had that always..she was more stable...But when she stopped he missed it and it all came down to that movie and ice-cream...That lick on her ice-cream was enough to tell her that he was in to her...did i overdo that bit u think?

 its not just himmath.. takes courage plus absolute certainty in her love for him too to proposeNooo..it is not cheesy.. maybe i am melodrama queen EmbarrassedLOL.. sach mein i love such scenes.. though i did not find it cheesy.. but then u  cant always mimic life in these stories..phir what is the diff between life and fiction.. i am not saying fiction should be far removed from real life..but there must be some freedom in such stories for us to indulge in some day dreaming where we can read the unexpectedEmbarrassed

OMG.. the conversation when he comes in and how she plays along was so innocently fiery! She goes along and teases him so innocently and cutely! To be honest, just like Naku, I think any sane, sensible girl would be so embarrassed and red if the band played a song for her.. at elast I would be! But this was just sho shweet..he lip syncs hahahhaha brilliant idea! Beautiful lyrics, I did not know it was from LS..the whole proposal was very beautifully done, not saccharine sweet or cloyingly cheesy but the right mix of emotion and humour!

I always wanted to write something on that lines...acting like you don't know eachother but actually u are a couple or married or something...saw it in some really corny romantic movies and i thought it cute...also of course it was cheesy come on vandu..real life mein log aise propose kartey hai kya? nahi yaar i don't think so...maine kabhi nahi sunna...It's filmy and melodramatic nad u know it...But i still loved writing it Ha ha ha ha...

 same as above

They wlak near the sea and she says rightly so about how she hates the sea.. but his words of wisdom were very powerful.which gives her the courage to bear the torture of his absence and keep hoping the sea would return him na..i am glad how you did not dwell too much on the technicalities of the attack or the hospital etc..the very sight that made him alive now causes him so much pain.. purely cos he doesn't want to be a burden to her.. his soul and mind are burdened withal that happened and is no longer the person he was.. but she recognizes every change in his facial expression, though she understands how he wants to stay away from her, she behaves as if everything is normal, hoping the storm will just pass..but then finally he gathers the courage to tell her.. to be honest I never thought he was an invalid now..but I think the mental scars are more traumatic than th missing limb..so much must have happened on that pirate ship.. so much burden on his chest wondering whether he could have done things differently, whether his colleague could have been saved.. etc etc..

The ending was top notch the way you left the last part of that engagement to the end of the story making us believe that they can sort out their problems.. that even if he is short of words, their love is sufficient to keep them together.. almost like her making that song her own and repeating it to him..

I would like to think that they made up and moved on...it would not be walk in the park..in fact no relationship is but here maybe the troubles will be more..but wahi nakku has always been the one stronger between the 2 more adamant and dead set on this relationship...she would not let him go hai na...Not when she knows he is helpless without her.

very true.. even if he falters she will leave no stone unturned

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Wanderbug

Wanderbug IF-Dazzler
Wanderbug
Wanderbug

Joined: 21 September 2010
Posts: 3600

Posted: 23 May 2011 at 10:28pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by vahgar

Wonderful Story Shilpi...Loved it.  The last part was very touching...could'nt help but tear up...
 
The proposal was very romantic...
 
Remembered this scene from LS, please imagine Nakku instead of Shruthi... Smile
 
 
--Lalitha


I have seen it before and love it..but shruti is much better actor and more realistic character than nakku...sorry i am shruti kinda girl...EmbarrassedEmbarrassed...i was shocked to hear the song when i first heard it in hindi redention...ye kaisi raat hai aaj...actually i'll have to say i love u in a song is a very very very old cover sung by jim croce...one of my fav all time romantic hits...other is elton john's the way u look tonight and have i told u lately i love you...have u loved a woman by bryan adams...i can weave stories around all these lovely songs...Embarrassed
vahgar Senior Member
vahgar
vahgar

Joined: 10 March 2010
Posts: 218

Posted: 23 May 2011 at 11:11pm | IP Logged
Smile
Originally posted by shilpita87

Originally posted by vahgar

Wonderful Story Shilpi...Loved it.  The last part was very touching...could'nt help but tear up...
 
The proposal was very romantic...
 
Remembered this scene from LS, please imagine Nakku instead of Shruthi... Smile
 
 
--Lalitha


I have seen it before and love it..but shruti is much better actor and more realistic character than nakku...sorry i am shruti kinda girl...EmbarrassedEmbarrassed...i was shocked to hear the song when i first heard it in hindi redention...ye kaisi raat hai aaj...actually i'll have to say i love u in a song is a very very very old cover sung by jim croce...one of my fav all time romantic hits...other is elton john's the way u look tonight and have i told u lately i love you...have u loved a woman by bryan adams...i can weave stories around all these lovely songs...Embarrassed
 
Hey Shilpi... Love all the songs you mentioned...have u loved a woman by bryan adams is my all time favorite.
 
I too think Shruthi is someone we could identify with than Nakku...I just mentioned it in context with your SS. I love Akash-Shruthi characters too...they are more real...unlike Nakku and Dutta
Smile
 
I just thought people might enjoy watching Mishal sing this song Smile
 
--Lalitha
 

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Wanderbug

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