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My Perfect Obsession - AbhIya FF;Updt:Pg24PMsLater (Page 21)

CoffeeAddict IF-Dazzler
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Joined: 23 August 2009
Posts: 3553

Posted: 12 June 2011 at 11:00am | IP Logged
Great one...

i'm kinda in a hurry so detailed comment later!

love ya Akki!

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Akankshaa.

Aria_89 Newbie
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Joined: 23 February 2011
Posts: 47

Posted: 12 June 2011 at 12:07pm | IP Logged
very nice concept and story so far can't w8 for the next update, plz pm me when u put it up.

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Akankshaa.

_SnowFlake_ IF-Rockerz
_SnowFlake_
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Joined: 24 May 2010
Posts: 4918

Posted: 13 June 2011 at 9:51am | IP Logged
Originally posted by 00123trisha

*res*
mish n jayHugwill read it soon
n have u forget abt my ff???
edited
gr8 part yaarClap love misha's powers n our jisha was so so cuteEmbarrassed n abhay dude come to the bestmin pia is alonLOL
cont soonSmile
hey edited my commentSmile

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Akankshaa.

Akankshaa. IF-Sizzlerz
Akankshaa.
Akankshaa.

Joined: 13 July 2010
Posts: 16934

Posted: 13 June 2011 at 10:04am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Deepi20

Nice update! Waiting for more of Abhay in the next update, as you promised Smile Continue soon Smile

thank you! Hug

you'll definitely get abhay in the next update, dun worry. LOL i'll update ASAP. (: 
Akankshaa. IF-Sizzlerz
Akankshaa.
Akankshaa.

Joined: 13 July 2010
Posts: 16934

Posted: 13 June 2011 at 10:07am | IP Logged
Originally posted by a little faith

Chapter Five.

I liked the surreal milieu of the opening setting. Before breakfast, Shanaya gave us all pills, and watched as we took them. It was creepy. No one said a word, just held out their hands and took the pill. Nicely done! Star Where everything seems normal and yet is a place for those who do not conform to it. That sinister edge that remains hidden, although you can feel its presence, so that you can not do anything but follow, obey whilst wishing that you hadn't. would explain everything later and I should take it. So, I did. Excellently done! Star

I loved the detailing of the conversation where you expand the characterizations yet still keep us engaged in the trivial aspects of the dialogue that are in fact wonderfully intriguing, for example the stuttering tangent.StarStarStar

If being happy was being mentally ill, it wasn't so bad. Cute. LOL

As I peeled, my mind started to wander..into places I'd rather not visit.  I loved the introducing peeling, as she peeled the layers of her mind towards that core that she didn't want to visit, excellent phrasing from wandering to visit. Star

A real guy. Not a ghost. LOL Again your wonderful ability to pull humour from the characterization rather than contrived lines.  Skillfully done!

I loved the characterization of Kabir. I am inferring that he will remain the contrast to Abhay and therein explanation of why her heart calls one friend and the other lover. Embarrassed The conversation natural and witty, whilst that closing line succinct and effortlessly done!
As she muttered an apology, I made my escape. StarStarStar

Chapter Six.

That opening line bringing out the intricacies of Misha's characterization whilst being funny. she'd marched down here on her own, and now she had no idea what to do. LOL 

I bet you'll be out of here by the time I open my eyes. Again funny but also cleverly illuminating her nature. She would never infer that there were other motives.

He nodded a hello after a while, and turned his attention back to his food.  It is the use of that after a while that showcases your gift, for it adds a little humour, the correct ambiance and natural awkwardness too.  Skilfully done!

Kabir let her talk for about two minutes before asking me about my college. LOL Cute and very cute!

I glanced around, and realized that no one would notice if I left. So, I did. I loved the manner you are moulding her habit.  Lovely detailing! Star

I don't start fires. Ask anyone. I just like fire. Again that layering of a characterization through witty remarks.  Excellently done! StarStar

Excellently written two chapters.  With much love Sabah.

thank youu! Hug this might go the TVD way, a little. as in, the whole kabir-abhay being brothers thing, but i'm definately not turning him into a devdaasi. LOLLOL and, thanks for the detailed comment. trust me, your comments are one of my BIGGEST inspirations! thanks for taking out the time & giving me all that feedback. Hug 

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a little faith

Akankshaa. IF-Sizzlerz
Akankshaa.
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Joined: 13 July 2010
Posts: 16934

Posted: 13 June 2011 at 10:11am | IP Logged
Originally posted by aamirkhanfan

great part...

thankyou! (:

Originally posted by Akshi0019

nyc part... continue soon... me waiting for abhay part... n thanx for d pm...

thanks! the next update will be abhiyaish. ;D 

Originally posted by ozzy88

Awesome update akanshu  !!!!!

thank you ozzy! Hug
Akankshaa. IF-Sizzlerz
Akankshaa.
Akankshaa.

Joined: 13 July 2010
Posts: 16934

Posted: 13 June 2011 at 10:15am | IP Logged
Originally posted by KriYa_life

Anky... (Thanks to the group FF) Awesum update as usual. Loved Mishu & Jay in this.. Update the next part ASAP

thank you! Hug i'm glad you liked jisha here, they started off as quite ordinary but they're gonna be sortof the most complicated pair to write - thanks, again. Embarrassed 


Akankshaa. IF-Sizzlerz
Akankshaa.
Akankshaa.

Joined: 13 July 2010
Posts: 16934

Posted: 13 June 2011 at 10:17am | IP Logged
Originally posted by ifrah.

nice part..:)i think that abhay will go to the basement..coz pia is all alone :D

thank you. (: and, well well.. wait and watch? LOLLOL

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