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what should i do about my relationship...need help

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xx-Rai-xx

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xx-Rai-xx

Joined: 28 September 2009

Posts: 6614

Posted: 11 May 2011 at 12:40pm | IP Logged
hey everyone
i have this confusion in my life
i am dating this guy who is in the same school nd grade as me nd we have lunch together
so we always see each other and i dont know about myself but he definitely likes me a lot
like in all his status, its something about me and his friends tell me that he is crazy about me
nd i used to like him too but i dont know if i still do??????
i mean i get the feelings now that i dont like him anymore
i just want to be friends with him but i dont know what to say to him
i mean i m his first girlfriend nd all nd i dont want to break up with him nd hurt his feelings
but i also dont want to fake about my love for him
i used to like him but now i started to realize that i dont like him that much
if i break up with him, he will be really hurt nd i dont want to hurt him but i dont want to fake with him either
if i break up with him, he probably wont be my friend anymore
so what should i do

please someone help me

i really need help soon
Rai

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..kiran..

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..kiran..

Joined: 28 October 2010

Posts: 157

Posted: 11 May 2011 at 3:12pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by xx-Rai-xx

hey everyone
i have this confusion in my life
i am dating this guy who is in the same school nd grade as me nd we have lunch together
so we always see each other and i dont know about myself but he definitely likes me a lot
like in all his status, its something about me and his friends tell me that he is crazy about me
nd i used to like him too but i dont know if i still do??????
i mean i get the feelings now that i dont like him anymore
i just want to be friends with him but i dont know what to say to him
i mean i m his first girlfriend nd all nd i dont want to break up with him nd hurt his feelings
but i also dont want to fake about my love for him
i used to like him but now i started to realize that i dont like him that much
if i break up with him, he will be really hurt nd i dont want to hurt him but i dont want to fake with him either
if i break up with him, he probably wont be my friend anymore
so what should i do

please someone help me

i really need help soon
Rai
 
 
 
Rai, I think you should be honest with him and tell him how you feel.
 
It would hurt him, but like you said yourself, not telling him would mean that you'd be faking it. I honestly think it's wayyy better to tell him rather than fake it.
 
But that's just what I think. Maybe I'm a bit extreme. I guess a good idea would be to wait for others to comment on this thread. It's always useful to have a number of opinions before you act...
 
I also think that even though he will be hurt and might break off all ties (including friendship) Ouch maybe that will just be temporary?
 
If you do tell him, make sure you're very gentle about it. He may take some time to understand, he may refuse to understand, he may become very obstinate (and annoying).. whatever the case may be, make sure you remain patient with him .. assure him that it's not his fault, that you do like him and would really, really not want to lose his friendship.
 
Then, I think (and hope) that, with time, he would recover and you guys could become really good friends again.
 
I'd say, three things that you should emphasise, if you do tell him, would be:
1. that the friendship means a lot to you
2. that the reason why you want to stop dating him, is not because you want to get rid of him, but because you respect him too much to lie to him
3. that maybe you guys aren't meant to be, but there would be someone out there that's totally made for him and would deserve his love much more.. (it sounds super filmi but it's true.. you only realise it when it happens).
 
And then, just give him some time and space to get over the hurt feelings, and let him know that you will always be there for him. Hopefully, he'll come round soon..
 
It's not an easy thing to do, and it would hurt you as well.. but in my opinion, it's the right thing to do. All will be fine with time. Just never lose hope.
 
All the best!Star Whatever you decide, make sure it's what you really, really want! Follow your heart, no matter what  Smile
 
 
 
Ps. Are you sure, sure, sure you don't like him in that way anymore? Sometimes people become so familiar that we start taking them for granted.. That's not the case here, hey?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

The following 3 member(s) liked the above post:

-Swetha-xx-Rai-xxJess.

xx-Rai-xx

IF-Rockerz

xx-Rai-xx

Joined: 28 September 2009

Posts: 6614

Posted: 11 May 2011 at 3:20pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by ..kiran..

Originally posted by xx-Rai-xx

hey everyone
i have this confusion in my life
i am dating this guy who is in the same school nd grade as me nd we have lunch together
so we always see each other and i dont know about myself but he definitely likes me a lot
like in all his status, its something about me and his friends tell me that he is crazy about me
nd i used to like him too but i dont know if i still do??????
i mean i get the feelings now that i dont like him anymore
i just want to be friends with him but i dont know what to say to him
i mean i m his first girlfriend nd all nd i dont want to break up with him nd hurt his feelings
but i also dont want to fake about my love for him
i used to like him but now i started to realize that i dont like him that much
if i break up with him, he will be really hurt nd i dont want to hurt him but i dont want to fake with him either
if i break up with him, he probably wont be my friend anymore
so what should i do

please someone help me

i really need help soon
Rai
 
 
 
Rai, I think you should be honest with him and tell him how you feel.
 
It would hurt him, but like you said yourself, not telling him would mean that you'd be faking it. I honestly think it's wayyy better to tell him rather than fake it.
 
But that's just what I think. Maybe I'm a bit extreme. I guess a good idea would be to wait for others to comment on this thread. It's always useful to have a number of opinions before you act...
 
I also think that even though he will be hurt and might break off all ties (including friendship) Ouch maybe that will just be temporary?
 
If you do tell him, make sure you're very gentle about it. He may take some time to understand, he may refuse to understand, he may become very obstinate (and annoying).. whatever the case may be, make sure you remain patient with him .. assure him that it's not his fault, that you do like him and would really, really not want to lose his friendship.
 
Then, I think (and hope) that, with time, he would recover and you guys could become really good friends again.
 
I'd say, three things that you should emphasise, if you do tell him, would be:
1. that the friendship means a lot to you
2. that the reason why you want to stop dating him, is not because you want to get rid of him, but because you respect him too much to lie to him
3. that maybe you guys aren't meant to be, but there would be someone out there that's totally made for him and would deserve his love much more.. (it sounds super filmi but it's true.. you only realise it when it happens).
 
And then, just give him some time and space to get over the hurt feelings, and let him know that you will always be there for him. Hopefully, he'll come round soon..
 
It's not an easy thing to do, and it would hurt you as well.. but in my opinion, it's the right thing to do. All will be fine with time. Just never lose hope.
 
All the best!Star Whatever you decide, make sure it's what you really, really want! Follow your heart, no matter what  Smile
 
 
 
Ps. Are you sure, sure, sure you don't like him in that way anymore? Sometimes people become so familiar that we start taking them for granted.. That's not the case here, hey?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
awww thanks a lot for the advice
nd i really want to be honest with him too but i dont want to hurt him either
i will talk to him nd ask him what his reactions will be like if we break up nd then i will take time to tell him
nd i still like him but not that much as before...i m losing the feelings for him...i dont know why though

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..kiran..

..kiran..

Groupbie

..kiran..

Joined: 28 October 2010

Posts: 157

Posted: 11 May 2011 at 3:33pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by xx-Rai-xx

i will talk to him nd ask him what his reactions will be like if we break up nd then i will take time to tell him
 
good idea Smile as long as you're gentle and considerate of his feelings, it should be fine..
 
nd i still like him but not that much as before...i m losing the feelings for him...i dont know why though
 
it's ok not to know why your feelings have changed.. it happens sometimes for no specific reason that we can pinpoint. sometimes we get into a relationship too fast, sometimes we just grow out of it.
 
i just think you need to be sure that it really is the case that the feelings are actually being lost, which is what my 'ps' was trying to communicate. you do seem sure enough, i think.
 
let me know how it goes?
 

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

-Swetha-xx-Rai-xx

xx-Rai-xx

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xx-Rai-xx

Joined: 28 September 2009

Posts: 6614

Posted: 11 May 2011 at 4:34pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by ..kiran..

Originally posted by xx-Rai-xx

i will talk to him nd ask him what his reactions will be like if we break up nd then i will take time to tell him
 
good idea Smile as long as you're gentle and considerate of his feelings, it should be fine.. ya i hope so too
 
nd i still like him but not that much as before...i m losing the feelings for him...i dont know why though
 
it's ok not to know why your feelings have changed.. it happens sometimes for no specific reason that we can pinpoint. sometimes we get into a relationship too fast, sometimes we just grow out of it. 
idk either...i just want to be his friend now 
 
i just think you need to be sure that it really is the case that the feelings are actually being lost, which is what my 'ps' was trying to communicate. you do seem sure enough, i think.
 
let me know how it goes?
ya i m almost over him but not completely though so lets c
 

xx-Rai-xx

IF-Rockerz

xx-Rai-xx

Joined: 28 September 2009

Posts: 6614

Posted: 11 May 2011 at 5:21pm | IP Logged
at times i love him a lot and at times i dont love his that much

bewafa

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bewafa

Joined: 01 September 2005

Posts: 4879

Posted: 11 May 2011 at 10:42pm | IP Logged
How about you decide for sure...at the times when you do really like him a lot...is it the relationship pyar or is it friendship waala pyar etc?

First, clear out what you truly feel for him and then make a decision.

At the end of the day, if you want to break-up, then do so. BUT please be direct. Communicate to him clearly as to what you're trying to say. 

And...if you can't actually be so direct just be like "I am not ready to be in a relationship with anyone right now. So please don't wait for me" 

Good luck!

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

xx-Rai-xx

xx-Rai-xx

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xx-Rai-xx

Joined: 28 September 2009

Posts: 6614

Posted: 12 May 2011 at 12:03pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by bewafa

How about you decide for sure...at the times when you do really like him a lot...is it the relationship pyar or is it friendship waala pyar etc?

First, clear out what you truly feel for him and then make a decision.

At the end of the day, if you want to break-up, then do so. BUT please be direct. Communicate to him clearly as to what you're trying to say. 

And...if you can't actually be so direct just be like "I am not ready to be in a relationship with anyone right now. So please don't wait for me" 

Good luck!
i m really sure...when i dont c him, i miss him...when i dont talk to him, i feel everything sucks...when he gets hurt, i care sooo much about him
i think it is the relationship pyaar
i do love him but at times i loose feelings for him
right now, i cant stop thinking about him nd i do love him nd i can realize that
i guess i m not actually ready 4 a relationship nd i will talk to him to sort this out 
thanks a lot 4 ur advice 

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