PART 2
Aham was in his foulest of moods the next day. He felt like punching something - or someone.
Anita had been following him around all day, trying to convince him that he was mistaken. She had passed him stupid notes in class - all saying one thing - Let me explain.
He'd obviously ignored them - he might have been her plaything for so long, but not anymore. But she hadn't given up; she'd followed him out of class.
" Honey, please" Anita cooed, grabbing at his hand. He wasted no second in snatching it away from her, and fixed her with a cold glare.
She backed away and shook her head, " A-ham" she said, "that was a mistake - an accident"
Okay, that was it!
" Accident? Really, Anita?" he scoffed, " You tripped and your lips happened to land on his?"
She let out an ill-timed, fake nervous giggle. He started at her. Who would laugh in such a situation?
This was the girl he'd dated?!
He shook his head at her in disgust, whirled around and walked away to his personal den. Where he knew Anita wouldn't step inside, and he now had enough sense to understand that it had nothing to do with drama practice or modeling assignments of whatever reasons she'd thrown at him.
Hit with too many epiphanies for one day, he sat down at his favorite spot in the library, dropping his notebook on the table with a thump - it was a nice secluded portion of the library, where he knew he wouldn't be disturbed - by anyone! No ogling girls, no disturbing footsteps of people who hurried in to get books.
The silence was however short lived as a pile of book landed near his feet with a loud crash.
Extremely irritated, he turned around to look at the idiot who couldn't even carry his or her books properly.
It was Gopi. She was picking up the books gingerly, frowning. He looked at the books she'd dropped, "you should carry books your own size" he commented, bending down to help her.
She looked up startled, and then realizing it was him, she smiled apologetically, "Sorry Aham ji - I have to turn in this essay tomorrow morning. I haven't even started" she pouted, piling up the books again. He pulled up some books and read the titles, "what is your paper on?"
She pushed a paper in his direction, plopping down in the chair opposite to his. He smiled at her, "I can help"
She smiled back at him, "Thanks" was all she said before she got working. And he got back to his work. He found himself looking up at her, while she scribbled away furiously. Her brow was furrowed, and she was pinned to those books and her paper. No one could have pulled her away then. Admiring her dedication, he realized that this was exactly how he went about his projects too.
Smiling, he went back to his own paper. Though he'd offered to help, she had not asked him a thing. A couple of hours later she pushed a paper at him, "Aham ji. Can you give it a reading, please?"
He nodded and skimmed through it. It was perfect. He pushed it back to her, "It's great. Why did you keep it until the last minute?"
She looked away, "Ji woh - I was busy" she said, her voice barely a whisper. Busy? What else did she have to do other than studying? He peered at her, but let it go.
Together, they walked out of the library, his thoughts being occupied by the day's events, and his epiphanies.
"Aham Ji" Gopi called softly, shaking him off from his thoughts. He looked at her, "Can I ask you something?" she asked, as if she was afraid to.
Aham nodded, "I don't bite Gopi" he commented lightly.
A soft smile was passed his way, "That girl '" she started, hesitantly, "was that Anita?"
Anybody else, Aham would have barked at them, and stomped off from the damn place. But to his surprise, he found himself calmly answering Gopi, "Yes"
Gopi nodded, "Ji ' she was trying to talk to you, why didn't you - ?" she asked, her voice breaking off, she immediately looked away as he looked at her, mumbling, "Woh ' I'm sorry. I didn't mean to -"
"She was trying to explain that her cheating was an accident" he cut her off.
She looked at him, "Why didn't you listen?" she asked innocently.
He stared at her incredulously, "Gopi - she cheated on me, and she wants to explain. It's not a year or two - it'd been four years, and they were all probably a farce. A game for her. She never loved me. Why should I listen to her?"
Gopi just looked at him and in all simplicity said, "But you loved her, Aham Ji"
And he was left staring at her as she walked away.
****
But you loved her, Aham Ji. That line kept echoing through his head every minute. He could hardly concentrate on anything. He had tried to put it away, but all he got were questions.
And that was he was doing, sitting before his laptop, thinking of what Gopi had said, instead of writing his personal statement for the universities.
What had she meant? That because he'd loved Anita, he should forgive her? Well if that was what Gopi had meant, then she was grossly mistaken. Love was never a reason to get away with things.
But she had said that when he'd questioned her on why he should have listened to Anita. Aham pushed his laptop away in frustration, even then - what she'd said wasn't right.
Anita had always only been feeding him lies, and if he'd listened to her, she would feed him more lies.
Argh! He should be concentrating on his statement and not this - he told himself in irritation. The phone chose exactly that moment to ring. Happy for the welcome distraction, he picked it up.
"Jai Shree Krishna. Is this Modi Bhavan?"
He smiled - Gopi, "Ji. Boliye Gopi Ji" he teased.
There was a moment's silence before Gopi spoke, "Aham Ji" she acknowledged, "Woh - I want to talk to Jigar Ji"
Jigar?
"Jigar has gone out" he told her. "Oh - Rashi Ben's birthday is day after tomorrow. I wanted to do something special for her, woh - Jigar Ji said we can throw her a surprise birthday party" Gopi said rapidly.
Aham sat back down in his chair, "Okay. I'll tell Jigar when he is back home - or you can call his mobile"
Another moment of silence, "Nahi, it's okay - I'll call later. Jai Shree Krishna" she was going to hang up.
"Gopi - wait"
"Boliye"
Aham bit his lip - what was the point of discussing this, he thought, but he found himself blurting, "What did you mean?"
"Ji Kya?" she asked confusedly.
"Yesterday - outside the library"
There was silence from her end for a while before she answered, "Aham Ji, I was just - nothing" she said rapidly.
"Gopi, don't play these games now" he growled. "You were more angry than upset" she blurted out.
Didn't she get it? "Gopi - we've been together for four years, and it meant nothing at all to her all this while - wouldn't you be angry?"
"I would. But didn't you ever feel the pain of losing your relationship?"
He didn't understand where this was heading, and he yelled at Gopi in frustration, "Aren't I entitled to anger when I find out I've been cheated on? It's been four years, damn it"
"You could have listened to her" she said softly.
Aham, breathe in, breathe out, "Listen Gopi - she always fed me with lies, I am not going to believe her anymore"
"How do you know?"
"How do I know WHAT?"
"That she always lied to you?"
He was quickly losing it, he didn't know how much longer he could hold it until he spat at Gopi, "well, what else do you expect? She's been two timing me, for god knows how long 'how do I know she's been truthful to me all these years - what she said, what she did"
More silence, before she finally said, "And that was exactly what I meant, Aham ji. Jai Shree Krishna"
Click
***
Aham lay on his bed that night, wide awake, looking up at the ceiling, but thinking about what Gopi had told him - he had been thinking about it even more after that conversation with her.
He had thought about his reaction, and he had to admit she had been right - he was angry. Angry that he had been cheated on. Angry that he had been fed lies all along. Angry that he had been an idiot. Angry that he has been so nave. It irritated him to no limits that he'd been played on.
It hurt his ego to even think that he'd been this easy a target. He punched his bed in frustration.
Gopi's voice again sprung up at him
But you loved her Aham Ji
Didn't you ever feel the pain of losing your relationship?
And that was exactly what I meant.
It was now getting clearer - he had been angry, not upset. He had been disgusted, not hurt. He had cared about his ego, not the relationship.
What Gopi had meant was he never loved Anita.
Was she right? He didn't know - he didn't want to know. Because if she was, it would mean that the last four years of his life was a stupid misunderstanding.
Didn't you ever feel the pain of losing your relationship?
Aham blinked - he didn't understand, he didn't understand how Gopi, in her second proper conversation with him had drilled this into his head.
But that didn't trouble him - what troubled him was that, he, Aham Modi, had let her do this! He had not only shared his relationship problems with a girl he barely knew, but had wanted to know what she thought and meant, and spent two days thinking about what she said. He was doing it even now.
He didn't understand it at all. He sighed and closed his eyes.
Trust Kanha ji, he knows what he is doing
His eyes flew open. And that was the first time he had realized that Kanha Ji knew what he was doing.
comment:
p_commentcount