Radhika & her Trust
The burning fire has settled under the strong thunder and drumming raindrops, and the silent night was dark and cool. Radhika's eyes generally scanned her new room as she stepped in behind Daima, she knew just behind this wall he is resting, her Krishna Kanhayya.
"do you need anything else choti bahu?'
The sound of Daima brought her back into reality.
With that flat affect she nodded her head in disagreement.
Saying "subharathri" daima left the room , closing the door behind.
A small chirpy smile appeared on her lips as her eyes caught the sight of flying curtains. She walked near and touched that soft material, and then looked outside at the darkness. Her eyes caught the sight of the big banyan tree, and under which her Kanha roop is resting well.
"are You feeling cold? Are You afraid being in this darkness all alone?" her concerned mind questioned, seeing her Lord standing in that cold dark atmosphere.
"Nahi Radhika, the reason for this darkness is Me, and the reason for this coldness also is Me, then how should it affect Me, and I Myself choose that space for Me."
Radhika tightened her forehead seeing her Lord in front of her. But then regaining her conscious balance , she smiled at Him, and said : even though I know it is all because of You, still as a human, my mind got shaken seeing my Lord in this darkness, all alone"
Kanha with a smile: Radhika, I am glad that you said the truth to me at the marriage time, but because of that now you have to suffer and to listen to all this tantrums here, they stamped you as the misfortune to this family.
Radhika confidently: Oh my Lord, all those words did reach my ears, it gave me more confidence as it kept on telling me that I am right. Padma maaji refused to accept me, and she showered me with her pain. Maybe this is also your maya, that she can shout at someone, and feel the relief. Now her grown up son acting like a child, and somewhere I am also a reason behind it.
Kanha: How can you be the reason Radhika? it was his childish tantrum that resulted in that fire. I showed him the signs , but he refused to accept it or ignored it easily, his eyes were open but the darkness already filled his mind . It was his outburst of angriness that caused the fire and took away his memory, Sudden spurt of angriness will never yield any good result.
Radhika: But then for that why should his mom has to suffer?
Kanha:It is her karmaphala,and she doesn't have any right to shout at others for her son's present condition.
Radhika: But she is Your bhakth too.
Kanha: ha, and she will overcome this situation. Her bhakthi will give her the strength.
Kanha noted the calm face of Radhika ans asked :. "but then why you are not shouting at anyone, because you are also suffering?'
Radhika with a smile: why should I shout, when You have given me everything possible in this life .
Kanha with a tease smile: What did I give you? This pain! The words of others are painful and it can bleed anyone's heart, and how come you don't have any complains, you used to argue with me, right?
Radhika with a smile: I argued with you because of my ignorance, but you cleared my mind, you gave me the signals that my belief is right that gave me more confidence. When I question you about the adharm that is happening around, you burn the chunri, you didn't let that water to roll down my body, you didn't let the marriage to happen, and with all these You showed me that I am right, and my belief is true.
'.. more than anything you brought my KK in front of me, and told me my belief was right, when You pointed Your finger at him , I got the nectar for my thapasya, what else I need in this life to feel happy.
Kanha: but with all these, you failed to win his heart.!
Radhika with the same smile: Maybe his words pained me, but I won't let that words to wound my heart. In the middle of all these happenings, because with Your blessing I am here, near to him.
Kanha: but he refused to accept you, and he turned his face away from you!
Radhika with a smile: I have seen his love for me in his eyes when we met for the first time, I saw the smile on his face when I told him about our childhood time, our play filled times,
'...'the day at the hospital he didn't give me a chance to complete my words , and he is believing that I disobeyed his words. When he blame me , his words did give me pain, but that doesn't mean I have to stop loving him. I want to hold onto his hand and I won't leave it even if he tries to pull his hand away from my hold, and I am sure one day he will hold my hand in his, and then he will never let it go.
'... I am the wife of KK, the society around me or my husband himself is trying to stop me , but I am ready to embrace the consequences whatever it gives me, or wherever it takes me, but my trust will never differ.
Kanha: but Radhika.
Radhika didn't let her Lord to continue, but interfered by saying: It is me who is loving him, and let anyone say I am mad and holding onto my childhood image , and now my actions or my words may go against the truth or against one's moral path, and my own husband will point his finger against me, but Kanha You only told in Geetha that , it is not the path, it is the ultimate result which has importance.
...You gave me everything my Lord, and showed me that I am right, then why should I regret, why should I step back? When You are with me as my sarathi, I want to step forward, maybe I have to lie, maybe I have to ignore, and the chosen path may give me pain, and the society or he may shower those painful words again, but I am like Meera, my love for him permeated every pore of my body, and I want to be colored with the color of my love, my Krishna Kanhaya, Ha my Lord, for now I want to be his Meera, and I want to submerge in his color.
Love in which there is laughter, and sobbing
Moaning, throbbing, and clasping in tight embrace,
That alone is liberation for me
And I care for no other'..
Meerabhai'..
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