Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee

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Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee

M/G OS ~Geet's mission~ (Completed)replies p.16 &>

rahmona_pakswe IF-Sizzlerz
rahmona_pakswe
rahmona_pakswe

Joined: 13 July 2009
Posts: 18773

Posted: 09 May 2011 at 6:14am | IP Logged
 
Hello fellow Geetians!

I'm here to present my second OS and I'm really nervous...again. Thought it only happened the first time around but lo and behold it doesn't.

 

I've been working on this one for quite some time and some people (you know who you are) have been asking about it a lot. Now you can all stop breathing down my neck because it's here. Happy?!

 

Hopefully my OS is original and doesn't seem copied or something. I have really avoided reading any OS, SS and FF until I was almost done with mine. If by any chance mine is similar to anyone's then I'm very sorry. Or you could say great mind thinks alike...though my mind isn't that great. The truth is I'm not a great writer compare to some extremely talented writers out there. You guys are amazing and I'm only an amateur.

 

This time around I've written tons of dialogues...how very stupid of me because I soon realised how difficult it is to write proper and sensible dialogues. To make things even more difficult I wrote it in two different languages. Only because I have recently become friends with some people on IF who can't speak a word of Hindi/Urdu (kudos to you all for watching the show without understanding it). Hopefully my ridiculous dialogues in English still make some sense to you. Do keep in mind that English is my third language.

 

If Maan and Geet seems out of character or the storyline seems completely absurd then so be it. I wrote it, it's my creation and I'm the master of this piece. Capiche?! Oops, sorry if it sounded like a threat. I really didn't mean too.  

 

Anyway this was supposed to be a very short OS instead it became ridiculously long(at least to me). I kind of figured it out that it wasn't going to be possible to post it in one go even if it's written that way. So when I will divide the OS up into small sections they may begin and end a bit abruptly. I'm really sorry for that. However I will try to do my best to make it somewhat sensible.

 

Now I really should stop talking before turning this post into another OS or start making people go to sleep. But before departing I will say this:

 

Comments good or bad

any would make me glad

Even if it's only one word

to me it would mean the world

So bring on the criticism that is positive

but be kind if it happens to be negative

Thanks!



Edited by rahmona_pakswe - 28 May 2011 at 4:20am

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rahmona_pakswe IF-Sizzlerz
rahmona_pakswe
rahmona_pakswe

Joined: 13 July 2009
Posts: 18773

Posted: 09 May 2011 at 6:16am | IP Logged

Geet's mission

M: Ab bachi bana chod do Geet! (Stop being such a kid Geet!)

 

Uff, Geet hated when Maan said that to her. It infuriated her! She... a bachi?! How dare he say that to her?! She is not a kid! She is his wife Mrs MAAN SINGH KHURANA! Humph! But she will teach him a lesson. After all she is GEET! A plan started to take form in her brain making her smile wickedly.

 

Later that day she was getting ready for a party. They had been invited to a grand opening of a hotel which Khurana Constructions had been involved in. Recently some projects had been very successful and had increased the family Khurana's wealth even further. Maan, who rarely spend any money, decided to buy a private jet shocking everyone. Of course all the credit went to Geet for the change in Maan. The first couple of times they had taken the jet Geet had been really nervous but Maan was always there to calm her. Soon she got used to flying, even started to enjoy it...and the view was such a big bonus. She loved to look out at the window. Everything looked so tiny like little toys for dollhouses and the clouds reminded her of big fluffy candyfloss/cotton candies...that always made her hungry. Today yet again they were taking the jet. Now she was sitting in front of the dressing table applying some finishing touches to her appearances and then she would be ready. Suddenly she hear Maan calling her from downstairs:

 

M: 'Geeet! Jaldi karo warna humein der ho jaigi (Geet! Hurry up or else we will get late!

G: (talking to herself) Haye Rabba! Har waqt yehi sunne ko milta hai. Jaldi karo jaldi karo! (Oh God! Day in day out I have to listen to the same thing. Hurry up hurry up!)

 

She finished quickly and stomped off angrily from their marital room almost crashing into Nakul...but cooled down right before descending the stairs. She was a woman on a mission and she wouldn't let Maan ruin her mood or anything for any reason. Gracefully in her attire she came downstairs...where Maan was waiting for her clad in a black tuxedo and a purple tie. The colour scheme was due to some demands from the Hotel owner's wife. She loved that colour and had told everyone who joined the party to at least wear one purple item. As always Maan was looking downright dashing. It didn't matter how many times Geet saw him in a tuxedo he still took her breath away...every...single...time. And add those eyes of his... and you were already half way to heaven.

 

She herself was clad in a white saree which she had saved for a very special occasion...however she had covered herself up nicely with a beautiful shawl so Maan couldn't see which one she was wearing. 'If he only knew'...she thought...'if he only knew'. Geet was wearing make-up appropriate to the occasion but yet not too heavy. She was pretty light on the accessories too. Other than her wedding ring on her left hand she only wore one additional ring on her right hand. In her ears she was wearing glittery and dangling earrings but no necklace in her neck. A purple purse, some gorgeous shoes and that was it. For once she had her hair in a bun giving her a very elegant look. Geet approached Maan:

 

G: 'Chale?' (Shall we go?) she asked sweetly.

M: 'Chale?! Chale?! Humein ada ghainta pehle nikalna chahye tha!!! Aur ab tum kitne pyar se pooch rahi ho ke chale?! Tum bhi na!' (Go?! Go?! We should've left half an hour ago and now you are asking me oh so sweetly if we should go?!) he said barely controlling his anger.  

 

Dadi who was going to see them off said to Maan:

'Arre Maan beta, thodi si der hi hogi hai na. Isme koi itni badi baat nahi hain' (Maan, you are just a little late. It's not that big of a big deal) she said trying to reassure Maan.

M: 'Badi baat hai Dadi! Aap ko paata ha ke mujhe har kaam time pe karna acha lagta hai aur yeh jo Geet hai isko to meri koi parva hi nahi hai!' (It is a big deal Dadi! You know how I like to do everyting on time and Geet here she doesn't care about me or my feelings!) he said in a highly frustrated tone.

Dadi: 'Maan beta tumhari parva hai to der lag gayi hai.' (Maan she does care about you and your feelings...that's why she is late) she said while trying to explain to Maan.

M: 'Kya??? (What???) he said confusingly.

Dadi: 'Aapki biwi hai voh...aur aap dono itni badhi party mein jaane lagein hain...sab loog wahan hoongaye to Geet ko to ache se ache lagna chahaye na. Logo ko pata chale ke Maan Singh Khurana ki biwi ayi hai. Woh aise uth ke toh nahi ja sakti hain na?'(She is your wife...and you both are going to attend a very big party...everyone will be there...then Geet should look her best going there. People should see that she is the wife of Maan Singh Khurana. She just can't go up and leave can she?) she said in her most motherly and explaining tone. Then Dadi winked at Geet and Geet did a small nod thanking her for the support.

M: (reluctantly) 'Han Dadi aap theek keh rahi hain. Lekin phir bhi usko time pe tayaar hona chahye tha' (Yes Dadi, you are right but she should still have got ready on time) he said while mumbling the last bit. Still a bit angry Maan looked at Geet.  'Chale?' (Shall we go?)

G: 'Jee ab chale' (Yes, let's go) she said with the biggest smile on her face.

 

They said their goodbyes and went to sit in the car that would take Maan and Geet to their private jet. Maan was not much of company during the ride in the car as he was busy being grumpy so she tried to keep her mind busy as much as she could until they reached the jet. Soon enough they were there. Stepping out of the car Geet could feel the cool breeze making her draw the shawl closer to her. Then Maan stepped out...and for a moment he came to a complete standstill. What he saw made his anger melt away completely. The sun was shining low in the sky and the last sunrays of the day were reaching out to carefully kiss Geet's beautiful face...and Maan couldn't other then stare at her. 'How can someone be so beautiful?' he thought. Geet could sense Maan's stare on her. 'Keep staring dear'...she thought...'because you will be doing that a lot today'. Her eyes gleamed and she smirked.

 
 
To be continued...


Edited by rahmona_pakswe - 09 May 2011 at 9:15am

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rahmona_pakswe IF-Sizzlerz
rahmona_pakswe
rahmona_pakswe

Joined: 13 July 2009
Posts: 18773

Posted: 09 May 2011 at 6:17am | IP Logged

Index

Part 1: page 1
Part 2: page 4
Part 3: page 7
Part 4: page 12 (completed)
 
 
 
My replies to everyone's comments:
For part 1: page 3
For part 2: page 7
For part 3: page 10, 11
For part 4: page 16 and onwards


Edited by rahmona_pakswe - 28 May 2011 at 4:22am

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rahmona_pakswe IF-Sizzlerz
rahmona_pakswe
rahmona_pakswe

Joined: 13 July 2009
Posts: 18773

Posted: 09 May 2011 at 6:19am | IP Logged
Press Like button here for PM
 
A kind request to everyone. If you want a pm kindly press the like button here. It is impossible to go through the entire thread trying to find out who wants a pm or not. Many thanks!


Edited by rahmona_pakswe - 22 May 2011 at 5:17am

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RiMa_972 IF-Sizzlerz
RiMa_972
RiMa_972

Joined: 24 September 2010
Posts: 21886

Posted: 09 May 2011 at 6:43am | IP Logged
I dont mind not getting a PM Mona...I'll smell it out wherever it is!Day Dreaming
I'm bookmarking this now...and since I have to rush now...I'll come back and read this after some time!
But dont forget to PM the rest of our gang! They'll come there and personally slice you up if you dont!LOL
Luv ya!Hug

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mrk-1 IF-Rockerz
mrk-1
mrk-1

Joined: 30 July 2010
Posts: 8843

Posted: 09 May 2011 at 6:56am | IP Logged
hey u should never ever name it as Os , name it an FF ,,,,so so awsome ...dont forget to pm me 

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rahmona_pakswe

zaaratq IF-Sizzlerz
zaaratq
zaaratq

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Joined: 08 December 2010
Posts: 14121

Posted: 09 May 2011 at 6:56am | IP Logged
Res.. Will edit it soon my di.. Glad you made another os.. Hi my twinie watch me im right behind you.. And im off to cook dinner..

Edit:

Awesome awesome awesome.. First of all, very sorry di, im editing this now.. Thank you for heeding to our requests and finally did an os for us.. Love you di.. Hug

Wow is the word to describe your writing.. Indeed a very cute start.. Oh i love geet's attitude.. Liked her confidence.. Afterall who is she? She is MRS MAAN SINGH KHURANA! This os is very intriguing.. Im waiting to know whats the mission of geet.. Oh she is so cute when she says 'keep on staring' at last.. And maan! LOL He is hopeless.. He is always angry.. And always gets lost in geet's beauty..

I loved how you described the way they were dressed up.. I can actually imagine how they looked like.. I also liked how you added that detail of purple in the story.. Clap

Mona di, i just wanna shower you with my hugs.. Firstly for writing this cute and interesting os.. But most importantly, for translating all those conversations in hindi.. You know many of the readers arent fluent in hindi.. And you also know there are people who are more comfortable with hindi.. So a big hug to you, for catering to both kind of readers here.. Hug You dono what kind of help does the translation renders me..

you deserve a medal for writing, Star despite not so good in english.. But i wanna tell you, your writing is brilliant.. You have oodles of talent in you.. I think you need to become a professional writer.. You can do it!

Love you di! And sorry for late comment.. And sorry for long comment.. Ill be reading your second part now and give you my comments.. Hug

Edited by zaara25 - 15 May 2011 at 10:47am

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rahmona_pakswe

jasraj123 IF-Sizzlerz
jasraj123
jasraj123

Joined: 13 January 2011
Posts: 14459

Posted: 09 May 2011 at 7:01am | IP Logged
very nice monaClap. good going pls continue soon and update soon toooLOL. btw geet has made decision to teach lesson to maanWink and u r writing it will be interestingLOL

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