FF: Love of a Caged Bird~MG~ Part 4 Page 27 ~ 7/23 - Page 9

Part Two:

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

-Walt Emerson

            "Shut up," the voice of this iniquitous man spoke up, "Get to my house, now. And please, where something nice for a change. You are engaged to me."

            "If you are so ashamed of me than why attach my name with yours," I contemptuously responded.

            "Honey, you now why and there is no way that it will ever come off." Vikrant spoke in clear mockery of me.

            "Fine, I'm coming." No longer wanting to talk to this fraudulent man I obliged to his request.

            "Now that's a good girl. Oh, and don't you ever think that your name is attached to mine. My name is attached to yours, so don't ruin It," and than he abruptly shut the phone.

            Squeezing the phone in my hand I suppressed the urge to scream in desperation and anguish as the path of my life was brought to my face once again. The empty road that was perfectly clear. That every twist and turn and split and strip was shone out brightly, and was clear. And sadly I knew my destination. I knew my ultimate end.

            Was it selfish of me or down right sadistic for me to desire that this beaming road would dim to darkness? That the road would become obscure and caliginous. That I no longer knew my path, my end, that every step was no longer predetermined.

            That there would be a little acquiesces against the favorable crowd that I could be allowed to make my own choices, decisions, compromises and arrangement in this tenebrous place. That there was a slight astronomical chance that I can espouse my own path, make my own mistakes, having options making inane moves and in the end saying that my final destination was due to may own choices not the works of another.

            But not always is there a chance for you to get your desires. It's rather primitive to think that everything will eventually work out in the end.

            "Didi, are you going to do shampoo?" Ayu's voice broke me from my inner sanctum.

            "No Ayu. Why don't you wet your hair a little and come out," I really didn't want another lesson from Vikrant on being punctual. And dressing according to his likes would take me a lifetime to learn and a day to destroy.

            "Okay didi." Ayu shouted back but I did not miss the delight in his voice.

            I shook my head at my little entertainment package that never ceased to astound me everyday. I walked up the stairs to get ready for this extravagant party at 9 in the morning.

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            Coming out of the bathroom I wore my simply black dress that had a little class and bared my simplicity as well. I am a girl from a small town, and that is where I will always remain, whether Vikrant liked it or not.

            I wore a simple silver chain that held a pendant in a shape of a heart. This was the only treasure I felt I ever needed to keep. It was the last thing that my mom gave to me as she said, "Geet, this is our gift to you, we bought this the day you were born and now you are eighteen and it is your right. A simple heart to represent this simple girl. Geet I want you to understand that when life goes wrong and you troubled and nothing seems to work follow your heart because this will lead you to where you need to go. Your heart may cause you pain, be impulsive, and sometimes irritating but it can also make you happy, feel wonderful and make you love. But in the end, your heart knows best. Just follow it."

            Suivez votre couer. That was engraved into the back of the heart, Suivez votre couer, "Mama, its not as easy as you think to follow your heart when consequences trail right behind it."

            "DIDI, park!" Ayu ecstatically jumped into my room, "Come, or all the swings will be taken."

            He tugged on my hand as he demanded my attention and commanded me to follow him. I bend to his height as I had to give him depressing news of our cancelled plan.

            "Ayu I'm so sorry but I have a something to attend'."

            "But you promised." He pouted his lip and crossed his arms over his chest and lowered his head, which soon became invisible with the baseball cap he was wearing.

            "I'm so so sorry. Vikrant called and'."

            "Ewww. Vikrant Uncle," he stuck his tongue out, "I don't like him. He is very rude and mean. And he is mean to you, and and Payal didi and me and Jenna Aunty and many more people." he began to raise his little fingers as he said named a name and finally shot all ten when he couldn't name anymore, "And I wanted to go to park."

            "I know, and I wanted to go to." I pouted with him to gain his affection.

            "It's okay. I understand," he patted my cheeks and gave me a little small kiss that made a bittersweet smile replace my fake pout, "You need to go to Mean Uncle'."

            "AYU, don't say that."

            "Sorry," he pouted his lower lip and lowered his face but his eyes remained fixed upon me. The smell of cuteness prevailed in the room.

            "It's okay," I pinched his nose and rose up, "and I'll make your favorite food tonight to make up for it."

            "Mexican Lasagna."

            "Yup."

            My little boy jumped in happiness again. Seeing him happy made my world jump up.

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            Completely dazed of my surroundings I looked at outside my windows remaining oblivious to everything that crossed my eyes. I dropped Ayush at Jenna's house and no longer had to hold up the pretense of happiness and joy no more. I just emptily looked at revisiting my atrocious and opaque of memory lane.

         <*>*<*>*<*>

            Mama and Papa had decided to search for a new life in America with the high hopes and dreams for their daughter and moved to Chicago from India. Chicago was one of the places were Indians roam, excluding New Jersey the land of Indian Americans. My parents asked one of their old friends who owned a family private bank to help them settle down. And they helped their friends and offered them a job in his bank but Papa being a self-determined man asked for less so he can climb own staircase of success. They began small and worked hard to build there way up. Papa started working as a hotel concierge and worked whole-heartedly and was fully dedicated. After which the Shukdev's and Handa's became close friends, or acted like long lost relatives. And as more money came in, Payal came as well. She was the second daughter to the Handa's and Papa and Mama were content beyond imagination. And their happiness was shone when they decided to buy a branch of a franchise called Blimpie. I was 8 and Payal was only 2. Our business flourished according to our parents. As parents never actually involved their children in any type of grief. They wanted us to believe that everything was all right. Nothing can ever go wrong.  

            We were foolish little kids to believe that the world perfect in every aspect. But we were only kids. When I was 17 and Payal 11 Mama was pregnant once. However it was different. They didn't seem as happy as they were with Payal but apprehensive and sad. I noticed these difference but every time I would ask they would simply say that they 'Mama is old, na. So it makes her weaker and stressful. Nothing else beta.' And I being the follower of my parents believed them.

            But that is what I child is meant to do. Follow their parents, listen to your parents.

            But all came crashing down the next year. Our Blimpie wasn't making enough to get by and we went bankrupt. And lost our house and were forced to move into an apartment with 3 kids. Mama and Papa struggled to get back on their feet. They were weak and lost spirited, but it was us who kept us going. Payal, Ayush and I. We were the sole support system of our parents.

            After couple months of failed attempted and living off government checks Jai Shukdev decided to give my parents a loan from his own bank and help them get back on their feet. Mama and Papa denied saying that they did not want to trouble them with their burdensome problems. But Jai Uncle was adamant and negotiated with them. That the loan would not be friendly loan but with all interests a pay back date as well. Our parents having no other choice agreed to the deal.

            I no longer wanting to be an encumbrance to my parents sought scholarships to pay for college and took a part-time job. My parents bought a 99 cent store hoping that it would be nearly impossible to become bankrupt in this.

            However their quest of finding that out was cut short a fateful night.

            Jai and Asha Shukdev and Mama and Papa were coming home from dinner when they were crashed by a huge cargo truck and rushed to the hospital. Papa and Asha Aunty were critical and Mama and Jai Uncle died on the spot being at the point collision. But twenty-four hours went by and Papa and Asha Aunty parted with us as well.

            Our lives were ruined. We no longer had their hands over us to shield us from this treacherous world and no words of wisdom to guide us. In less than a day all our hopes and dreams were disappeared and our lives were altered. Not only did we lose our parents but parent like figures.

            I remained the sole bread winner of the house. I worked double jobs and night classes. Payal was with my misery but Ayush was a baby only seeking for his Mama and Papa. And this simple demand was impossible for me to ever fulfill. I was helpless.

            Years went by and I finally got my bachelors in education and began working immediately. However I still did online classes to attain my masters. I needed to fend for my family and education was key.

            But life was not done with us yet. It came knocking on the door but it continued to bare with it cruel and melancholy things. I remember clearly that day. It was Sunday the 22^nd of April when it happened.

            One doorbell changed my entire life.

            Behind that door lied a fate worse than death. And when I opened, I basically throttled my entire future with my hands.

            'Hi, I'm Vikrant Shukdev and I'm here to collect my money." Those were his exact words.

            I immediately invited this man in appalled at his demand for money, where did this money come from. He than introduced himself as Jai Uncle and Asha Aunty's only son and he had come to collect the money of a deal that was made 5 years ago.

            This deal was erased from my mind the day my parents died but it clearly remained etched in his mind.

            He threw the contract at me and flipped through and noticed the line that said 'The loan must be paid with interest by April 22^nd, 2010. That was today. I was panicked and discombobulated. I did not have the adequate amount of money to payback all this money. I begged for an extension but he was adamant.

            'No Ms. Handa. I can not do that. But I can offer you another deal.'

            'What other deal?' I was desperate.

            'Well. I will make this contract disappear easily if you marry me.' I was shocked to even allow coherent speech to leave my mouth.

            'Why you may ask? For my personal image and reputation. I need a wife to up hold my public view. I need to fulfill the public standing. And being a married and faithful man would certainly allow me to get better deals and business partners. And seeing that you are poor and so 'down to earth' it will raise my public opinion. I'm not about to find a bimbo to my wife.  And you can do that easily. Make public appearances; talk with other people's wives. Make me look good. Oh, and you don't have to perform your wifely duties with me. I'm perfectly fine without them. And you siblings can stay with us to. As long as they don't bother me. And if you say yes and don't follow through, a court notice be on your way. And if you say no and don't pay the amount of money, a court notice will be on your way.'

            At that moment and after his long monologue I began to ponder deeply. I did not have the amount of money with interest to pay the man back. I could not afford it. And going to court would not help me either. I was stuck. I needed to make life normal for Ayush and lift the hindrance on Payal not add to it.

            At that moment I did not look beyond those facts. I was focused on than and there rather than the future and opportunities and more importantly a chance of falling in love.

            I overlooked those details and found my self in a paradox. I forcibly smoldered pieces into the puzzle that weren't designed to fit hoping to solve the puzzle in a hurry and not looking at the end result.

            I said 'Yes, I will marry you.'

            And at that moment I put a lock on my cage and gave him the key. Focusing on the past, ignoring the future and embracing the present.

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