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The sixth victim.
Just an inspired opening, right into the action, so we are
in the middle before we know it had already begun. I liked the apt metaphors, 'I was jittery and felt as if someone was walking over
my grave,' and 'which turned steely grey.' I liked the use of details to
describe facts, 'The small alarm clock next to my bed showed 8:45 and the open window told me that it was morning.'
That last paragraph was excellently paced and expounded. Was it safe to walk alone along this path? True, the difference 24 little hours make, or one moment or one turn of the heart!
I liked that open ended conclusion, was this deep seated fear all along just trepidation of being caught? Or did he really not know anything at all? Alienation from the self is the most fearful thing in this world. I liked reading this piece. I also learned a new word.
Entry Number Two.
I like the fast pace of the narrative enhancing the arrhythmic and erratic style of our thoughts which lead us from here to there and back again. The to and fro between minds was clear and finely done. I loved that 'Little Red Riding Hood moment?'What about the ears? Big? Small? Flat? wonderful! Then those twists that spun us back to the beginning, well almost.
Falling in love and its consequences.
I liked the title, spinning the order around so that in the narrative 'its consequences' comes first. I loved that 'tell a story' contrivance! Just Inspired! He was a daring knight who had as much control over his horse as his looks had on young women. Brilliant! Arjun,
who had never climbed up pipes in his entire life, struggled in his
first attempt. It took him a good ten minutes to even get a grip on the
pipes.They make it look so easy on TV. Wonderful segment.
Miracle of Love.
I liked the notion.they wanted to work together to save this girl' Ultimately it is not about who gets the girl romance but that 'she' has love in her life. All those people who love her, binding her to this earth, keeping her faith safe. I loved that poem too.
I really liked the different use of the excerpt. The history and characterization of the protagonist. The opening scene was vivid, the description making the repugnance of the 'killer' all the more real, which is saying something after film and tv de-sensitizing. The flashback in the middle was terrifying and excellently written.
The overall tension and detailing of facts, so that we too seek the killer in all her acquaintances. Nicely done.
Made in heaven
The dialogues flowed wonderfully and wittily, through the excerpt too, rather than around it. Things were surely changing, and most alarmingly, without my consent. Sharp characterizations, though not entirely Mayank and Nupur of MJHT but still MayUr, if you follow my drift.
The incidental love.
An epic piece. Wonderful jump from the excerpt. This time it was his turn to take a sip of water from the glass. That wondrous precipice between awkward and terror falling down an unexpected third avenue of desire. Thinking well outside the box! I loved those flow of contrasts throughout. The action was gruff, but his voice
was gentle; A
giggle escaped from me. I quickly choked on it; it led to a fit of hiccups' calling him up asking for help and Iam making small talk. I loved the unique and very precise terms to capture accurately every nuance 'Petrichor/Damocles Amazing! Very knowing!
Like a bullet racing out of the gun,piercingly written.
Tell me its written in the sky.
Obviously a wonderful use of the excerpt! Enthralling and impressive. I loved the poetic style of the prose, whereby the excerpt becomes a contrasting narrative in poetic form. I do not know if I am to infer that this is 'Frank' but regardless of whose heart is pouring out it was a pleasure to read it. Beautiful.
The stranger who stole my life. Literally.
Great title AND great opening line! From there on in, I could not see past oncoming series of 'corners' or very tightly bent curves! Really very finely done!
It was like it was in my head, yet from him.I liked this weird sentiment, captured wonderfully. Unlike the protagonist who accepted both her dream and awoken states, I kept awakening into an eerie dream, the preamble to impending nightmare. It wasn't that she was dim witted, naive or silly but rather forced by the river of time to flow within its currents and whirlpools. That relief when you just stop struggling and drown into something sublime. Cleverly done! I would have followed BUT I am not as courageous.the bell that would finally lead to the making sense of my upside-down, wrongway-round life
There were two figures, one at mercy and one at malice. Well written.
Spice of life.
Whoa, that was an emotional ride. Lovely opening line, the circling aspect of life and women in a man's life. Really good dialogues that narrated as well as adding depth. The development of Armaan is nicely done.
The opening paragraph intimated at the high calibre of style but in truth the further I progressed, I was still 'astonished' at the depth of substance and delicate form that whispers, not watered down and yet find a way through past your guarded bounds. Very much impressed. Exceptional writing!
The remarkable details that are embroidered upon with silken threads of thoughts. Normally
I'd muse on the irony on the tragic state of what remained, and remark
on how in my cynical point of view it was very similar to what a
marriage represented. Shining, glowing lights and loud noises that
fizzle out into darkness and an uncomfortable silence. Today I offered
Those peculiar universal habits, No one
in their right mind would be out at three in the morning in the middle
of nowhere, with still no idea how to get home. "I'm not mad."
The playing with words, '"You're more under dressed than I am." As he toys with her. That slow build up of the narrative, keeping details so close to the narrator's chest (considering their bindas reputation is no small feat) so that even though by entry number 11, I knew all the excepts by heart, I did not see this one coming. So beautifully woven in. And if irony had to find a situational synonym - it lay in the fact, that she and I were professional match makers. As partners, not rivals.
really think trusting a couple whose main focus probably is jumping in a
warm bed, most probably together, most probably in the biblical sense,
is the best judgment?" Wonderfully written line. Each nuance made me laugh harder.
WOnderful first meeting, So I thought she was the lucky girl who no longer had to date my jerk of a friend. She thought I was the ill-fated boy whose heart was going to be broken by her friend. In the end, when the misunderstandings cleared, we laughed, and found ourselves becoming fast friends. I like the intricate weaving of the excerpt into their history, elegantly done! For example the very fine 'I had the full rights to right it the way I wanted 'Cause hello, this is my story.' The best occurrence 'I don't plan on including her but she has to, as a rule, barge her way into every notable aspect of it. It's almost unplanned yet feels like it was a set-up all the while. It sure beats the hell out of me... how she does it. All the damn time! '
That end weaved so profoundly, not the merest hint of a yarn spun.To hell and back.
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|Short Story Writing Contest! *CLOSED* Note Pg 8||U-No-Poo||68||5565||11 October 2009 at 8:36am
|'Vote India Vote'||Reshabh||1||462||01 April 2009 at 8:19am