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ER: The Road To Redemption

Elysia IF-Rockerz
Elysia
Elysia

Joined: 16 September 2008
Posts: 8330

Posted: 19 March 2011 at 7:29am | IP Logged
WARNING: Elysia's Ramblings ahead. Reading any further might result in extreme boredom and instant hospitalization (ask Dr. Chu if you don't believe me). Read at your own risk.
 
For the past week, I've been thinking a lot about the show and its characters. I've had to admit that what it became post-Dutta's entry is something completely different from what it started out as. Something that has been turning inside my head lately is Dutta's journey from the reserved, cold-hearted gangster to the more or less matured man that we see today. It's not so much what he has become now that pulls at me as much as the journey that he had to undertake, the betrayals and break-downs that he had to suffer through, the denials and epiphanies that he had to experience.
 
Dutta has always been one of a kind - to me, at least. His pain has always been evident in his eyes, in his voice. I'll never forget the scene in which he told kali Naku about his past - not the first time, but the second time in his room. Where he took out his gun and asked her if she could see the blood on it. In that sequence, there was a moment when he faced the camera, moved the gun up and down as he explained how the sound of the people he killed always stuck in him. In that moment, his voice and usually composed expression wavered for a brief second. That very moment had a huge impact on me as I realized, for the first time, that this man was a lot more complex than I had thought. I was suddenly facing a mystery, a multi-layered character, and no matter how many of those layers I removed, I never seemed to reach his core.
 
Perhaps this had something to do with how even Dutta hadn't found himself. What made me love him so unconditionally was that this man, this proud and strong man who had so much stature, so much power - he was internally broken. Shattered. Lonely. He hated himself more than he'd ever hated anyone. Perhaps even Seema. That self-loathing, that constant conviction of him not deserving any kind of happiness, it touched me, made me hurt for him.
 
Throughout his one-year journey with Naku in his life, it wasn't until late that I finally realized how it wasn't just any normal journey. This journey, this road that he was on, that had him stumbling yet continuing with the support of Naku - it was the road to his redemption. I didn't realize that for every wrong he made, he was punished for it, and thus one more sin was washed away. It wasn't pointless struggles. It wasn't pointless, every hurt and pain that he had to suffer through - from Supriya's desertion to finding out about his real father to becoming blind.
 
Between those phases, he lost and regained a lot. With every struggle, he came out a lot stronger than he'd been before. I believe that - internally - Dutta will always be one of those broken characters. Wrecked. But worth saving. Possible of saving. He will always react very emotionally to internal pain. He will always be angry first and apologetic later. He will always be stubborn and mindless at times.
 
But... Steinbeck once wrote: "Men do change, and change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like the stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass." Dutta's change is small and still in progress, but it's there and it's helped him survive this new betrayal that is Kala. The change, however, came in the form of Naku.
 
I've wondered so many times that what if she had never come into his life? Then would there be anything left saving?
 
Rounding up my ramblings here, I can't help but feel strong emotions whenever I watch Dutta's journey from his entry to his car-crash in January. Those months were entirely crucial in terms of his development from monster to man. Whenever I watch those many episodes, moments in which he pointed the gun to his own forehead, pointed it to his chest, constantly portraying a drowning man who needed a reason to fight for himself - I felt immense love for this character. I felt that if anyone deserved redemption and a happy ending, it was this man.
 
Even today, I feel that some part of him is doomed. That his struggle won't be over with Kala's fall. But I feel that he can overcome anything. He has overcome so much already. There is so much strength in him, so much willpower, despite everything that he's been through, despite every wrong choice that he made in the past - he tries. Oh, he continues to try still. Even when he wonders why, he never ceases to try.
 
I always felt that only three people truly saw his heart, his attempts, the man behind the killer's mask - his mother, Baji, and Naku. The bond that he shares with these three people is simply beautiful, complex in its own way. I cherish every one of their scenes. To a certain point, I even felt that Madhu might become the fourth person to see him for what he really is.
 
Okay, enough with the rambling. I just thought I'd take a walk down memory lane on this very quiet Saturday.


Edited by Elysia - 19 March 2011 at 7:31am

The following 21 member(s) liked the above post:

garima25Fatima82silkrouteBeeeslizdarcykomal_w25vahgarpinks86swati2008mozart66Pooja_219Wanderbugivy_11-Raz-Lekz-bharti-prnczsmile.sarameghaparti-Srushti-Hamlet53

swati2008 IF-Dazzler
swati2008
swati2008

Joined: 27 April 2008
Posts: 3698

Posted: 19 March 2011 at 11:06am | IP Logged
very well written ana......u described Dutta's journey so truly......straight from heart.......

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Elysia

Hamlet53 IF-Sizzlerz
Hamlet53
Hamlet53

Joined: 15 January 2011
Posts: 22032

Posted: 19 March 2011 at 11:25am | IP Logged

hiya, sunny afternoon in uk,very unusual still spring is in the air.... Dutta's sad journey very well put.. sad but true... reminds me of Lear's words" Iam a man more sinn'd against than sinning". Inspite of the fact that Lear makes regretful impulse decisions in dividing his kingdom and banishing 2 dearest people one his confidante and the other his youngest daughter, the sins his other two asnine daughters have done him is far greater than the extent of Lear's wrong.  It is evident the king is more sinned against than sinning,as his daughters betray,and conspire to kill him.  Dutta, thus reminds me of Lear and Kala's actions towards him to date remind me of Lear's daughters.   thanks for a great piece of writing.......

 

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WanderbugElysia

Elysia IF-Rockerz
Elysia
Elysia

Joined: 16 September 2008
Posts: 8330

Posted: 20 March 2011 at 6:39am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Hamlet53

hiya, sunny afternoon in uk,very unusual still spring is in the air.... Dutta's sad journey very well put.. sad but true... reminds me of Lear's words" Iam a man more sinn'd against than sinning". Inspite of the fact that Lear makes regretful impulse decisions in dividing his kingdom and banishing 2 dearest people one his confidante and the other his youngest daughter, the sins his other two asnine daughters have done him is far greater than the extent of Lear's wrong.  It is evident the king is more sinned against than sinning,as his daughters betray,and conspire to kill him.  Dutta, thus reminds me of Lear and Kala's actions towards him to date remind me of Lear's daughters.   thanks for a great piece of writing.......

 
 
Really interesting comparison, Hamlet. It's incredible how much literature reference can be made on these two characters, Dutta and Kala.
 
One thing that always disturbed and fascinated me is how they're both so alike, yet completely different.

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Hamlet53

lizdarcy Senior Member
lizdarcy
lizdarcy

Joined: 10 August 2010
Posts: 766

Posted: 20 March 2011 at 7:31am | IP Logged
Beautiful write up. This inner turmoil you've described, this bundle of complexities, that's what makes Dutta the man he is. That is why we love him so much. There are so many layers to him, it's just impossible keeping track. His troubled conscience, the fact that he's at constant war with his emotions, these are a few reasons why i was so drawn to him. There've been a lot of gangsters on television. A lot of dark characters haunted by their pasts. But none have been written/portrayed so brilliantly. I'm totally into character analysis, and i love characters that seem unredeemable, and yet are more than just one dimensional beings. I love analyzing why they are the way the are. Most of these characters disappoint me, in the way they're written. There's almost no evolution, and they end up being mere caricatures of themselves. There are but a few that have really really made it to my heart, and the top of my list. Dutta's of course at the top, along with Severus Snape(I've rooted for this anti hero ever since i read Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. My sister and me had a bet, i said he'd turn out to be a good guy. Of course, i won) and Barney Stinson(oh yeah, i believe there's a lot more to him than just the women and suits. Love him coz of the fact that he's so damaged. Case in point, season 6)

Maybe, what i really love about this character is that they took their own sweet time to let him evolve. He didn't just change overnight. He did not just sway and fall in love with the heroine and give up his bad boy image for her. The transformation was so slow, so sweet, that you couldn't help but root for this guy and his journey towards redemption. I remember being one of the people who totally bashed Nakusha when she hid her face from him before the wedding. But now when i look back, i find that it was necessary. It wasn't just a lie that hurt him, it became more than that. If he hadn't received those wounds then, he'd never have healed completely. Nakusha suffered for what she did, she even redeemed herself. Dutta's journey of course, wasn't over. He had her apparent betrayal to deal with, and then the dilemma of beauty and love. It was just his prejudice of beauty equals betrayal that had to be shattered. The process was gradual again. The way he fought himself, tried to hate her, uttered hateful words and even inflicted hurt upon her, that was just heartwrenching. He wasn't hurting her, he was hurting himself. My favorite bit in this phase was the ride to the mandir, the one where Dutta refused to meet Chaskar because he wanted to be with her. I loved it that he couldn;t stay away from her inspite of trying his best to. Then, his realization that she was the same girl he had fallen in love with, and the dark phase he had after the accident, where he finally admitted to himself that he'd been wrong all along. This man's journey has been beautiful. In that, we've seen him evolve from a man of passion to someone who has found peace within himself. A lot of it has been because of love, or just the realization that he deserved to be loved. Smile He really needed that to find peace, forgive himself, and learn to love himself.

The following 4 member(s) liked the above post:

komal_w25sub_rosaElysia-bharti-

Elysia IF-Rockerz
Elysia
Elysia

Joined: 16 September 2008
Posts: 8330

Posted: 20 March 2011 at 8:08am | IP Logged
Originally posted by lizdarcy

Beautiful write up. This inner turmoil you've described, this bundle of complexities, that's what makes Dutta the man he is. That is why we love him so much. There are so many layers to him, it's just impossible keeping track. His troubled conscience, the fact that he's at constant war with his emotions, these are a few reasons why i was so drawn to him. There've been a lot of gangsters on television. A lot of dark characters haunted by their pasts. But none have been written/portrayed so brilliantly. I'm totally into character analysis, and i love characters that seem unredeemable, and yet are more than just one dimensional beings. I love analyzing why they are the way the are. Most of these characters disappoint me, in the way they're written. There's almost no evolution, and they end up being mere caricatures of themselves. There are but a few that have really really made it to my heart, and the top of my list. Dutta's of course at the top, along with Severus Snape(I've rooted for this anti hero ever since i read Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. My sister and me had a bet, i said he'd turn out to be a good guy. Of course, i won) and Barney Stinson(oh yeah, i believe there's a lot more to him than just the women and suits. Love him coz of the fact that he's so damaged. Case in point, season 6)
 
Your write-up is so much more beautiful than mine, Liz Clap
 
Indeed. His inner conflicted emotions, the inner struggle, that has really intrigued me as well. Yes, the unredeemable characters have something about them that just draws one in, but I can only mention two that have truly captivated me. One is Dutta - who is now on top my of two-character list, and the other is Angel from the 90s vampire show of the same name. Watching a monster and a man in one body, fighting each other, and watching that same monster/man hating himself, committing crimes that weigh down on his conscience yet a vital part in him seeks redemption - that's just a beautiful watch.
 
Dutta, throughout his journey, fell short so many times. Yet I never hated him. I never even blamed him. I just blamed his circumstances, even though it was him who made all the wrong decisions for himself and the people involved with him. I remember a scene during the Dutta-Supriya wedding in which Kala read Supriya's letter about him being an animal and the cops finding his body in a ditch somewhere. I felt horrible. And the moment he made that animalistic head-turn and that animalistic sound - I was terrified and fascinated at the same time. He was becoming the very thing that the woman hated him for, the thing that the woman claimed he was. It wasn't to prove her right. It was his self-loathing that was the reason for his sudden turn of character.
 
He felt - in that moment - that he was an animal, not worthy of being loved by a woman. Not deserving of happiness or a woman's gentle touch. It was heartbreaking to watch, yet just intriguing. Mishal's performance was outstanding.

Maybe, what i really love about this character is that they took their own sweet time to let him evolve. He didn't just change overnight. He did not just sway and fall in love with the heroine and give up his bad boy image for her. The transformation was so slow, so sweet, that you couldn't help but root for this guy and his journey towards redemption. 
 
You're right. He didn't give up his bad boy image for her. She accepted him as he was, and she never demanded that he change for her. The changes in him were natural and small. I don't think that he can change for anyone, which is why their relationship is so unique and beautiful. Naku is probably the only woman who can embrace both the man and the beast in him and love them both equally. In a recent episode, Dutta and Naku were standing in their tent right before he had to be taken to Ranga. When Bhola called for him, he turned his head in this very Dutta animalistic way of his and Naku saw it, but not once did she flinch. That proved to me that Dutta is Dutta. He's still, in ways, the beast and the conflicted man - but the small changes that Naku brought in him will make things easier for him, will help him redeem himself, will help him cope a bit differently with emotional situations and life in general.
 
I remember being one of the people who totally bashed Nakusha when she hid her face from him before the wedding. But now when i look back, i find that it was necessary. It wasn't just a lie that hurt him, it became more than that. If he hadn't received those wounds then, he'd never have healed completely. Nakusha suffered for what she did, she even redeemed herself. Dutta's journey of course, wasn't over. He had her apparent betrayal to deal with, and then the dilemma of beauty and love. It was just his prejudice of beauty equals betrayal that had to be shattered. The process was gradual again. The way he fought himself, tried to hate her, uttered hateful words and even inflicted hurt upon her, that was just heartwrenching. He wasn't hurting her, he was hurting himself.
 
Indeed. One thing has always been clear. Dutta has always tried to hurt himself when feeling betrayed. Be it through Naku or his family. He has always chosen to "punish" the very people through whom he would be the one to be damaged the most. He's one of those men on the verge of suicide, but never taking the final step that would send him over the ledge and crashing down. Perhaps because a part of him always felt that he deserved the pain, the torture, by living it. Death would've been too easy. Over in one quick cut. Even post-Supriya and when he believed that Naku had betrayed him, he knew that she wouldn't leave him, deep down, he knew. He kept on hounding her and punishing her in every way thinkable, yet she remained a steady rock, refusing to break at his hand. In those scenes, the ones where he threatened her and pointed the gun to his own chest, telling her to look inside him and see the blood - in those very scenes, he was opening up to her again and again. Allowing her to see his pain. Allowing himself to be vulnerable in front of her?
 
If he had ever believed her to be his real enemy, he wouldn't have let her see him so vulnerable. He wouldn't have opened his feelings to her. He knew that he could still tell her what he felt. He knew, deep down, that he could still trust her. That she couldn't possibly have betrayed him the way that it had been claimed. I loved those scenes back in June. There was so much pain in Dutta and he shared it all with Naku (without even realizing it himself) who didn't as much as waver from the terrible weight of it. Come what may.
 
My favorite bit in this phase was the ride to the mandir, the one where Dutta refused to meet Chaskar because he wanted to be with her. I loved it that he couldn;t stay away from her inspite of trying his best to. Then, his realization that she was the same girl he had fallen in love with, and the dark phase he had after the accident, where he finally admitted to himself that he'd been wrong all along. This man's journey has been beautiful. In that, we've seen him evolve from a man of passion to someone who has found peace within himself. A lot of it has been because of love, or just the realization that he deserved to be loved. Smile He really needed that to find peace, forgive himself, and learn to love himself.
 
YES!
 

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komal_w25lizdarcy

lizdarcy Senior Member
lizdarcy
lizdarcy

Joined: 10 August 2010
Posts: 766

Posted: 20 March 2011 at 10:11am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Elysia

Originally posted by lizdarcy

Beautiful write up. This inner turmoil you've described, this bundle of complexities, that's what makes Dutta the man he is. That is why we love him so much. There are so many layers to him, it's just impossible keeping track. His troubled conscience, the fact that he's at constant war with his emotions, these are a few reasons why i was so drawn to him. There've been a lot of gangsters on television. A lot of dark characters haunted by their pasts. But none have been written/portrayed so brilliantly. I'm totally into character analysis, and i love characters that seem unredeemable, and yet are more than just one dimensional beings. I love analyzing why they are the way the are. Most of these characters disappoint me, in the way they're written. There's almost no evolution, and they end up being mere caricatures of themselves. There are but a few that have really really made it to my heart, and the top of my list. Dutta's of course at the top, along with Severus Snape(I've rooted for this anti hero ever since i read Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. My sister and me had a bet, i said he'd turn out to be a good guy. Of course, i won) and Barney Stinson(oh yeah, i believe there's a lot more to him than just the women and suits. Love him coz of the fact that he's so damaged. Case in point, season 6)
 
Your write-up is so much more beautiful than mine, Liz Clap
 
Indeed. His inner conflicted emotions, the inner struggle, that has really intrigued me as well. Yes, the unredeemable characters have something about them that just draws one in, but I can only mention two that have truly captivated me. One is Dutta - who is now on top my of two-character list, and the other is Angel from the 90s vampire show of the same name. Watching a monster and a man in one body, fighting each other, and watching that same monster/man hating himself, committing crimes that weigh down on his conscience yet a vital part in him seeks redemption - that's just a beautiful watch.
 
Dutta, throughout his journey, fell short so many times. Yet I never hated him. I never even blamed him. I just blamed his circumstances, even though it was him who made all the wrong decisions for himself and the people involved with him. I remember a scene during the Dutta-Supriya wedding in which Kala read Supriya's letter about him being an animal and the cops finding his body in a ditch somewhere. I felt horrible. And the moment he made that animalistic head-turn and that animalistic sound - I was terrified and fascinated at the same time. He was becoming the very thing that the woman hated him for, the thing that the woman claimed he was. It wasn't to prove her right. It was his self-loathing that was the reason for his sudden turn of character.
 
He felt - in that moment - that he was an animal, not worthy of being loved by a woman. Not deserving of happiness or a woman's gentle touch. It was heartbreaking to watch, yet just intriguing. Mishal's performance was outstanding.
 
Are you kidding me? Tongue I love the way you write,
 
And the moment he made that animalistic head-turn and that animalistic sound - I was terrified and fascinated at the same time.
 
I remember that scene! Oh, that is the Dutta I fell in love with. The beastly expressions and the helplessness. He was absolutely terrifying in the wedding scenes, and yet, there was a part of me that wanted to hold him close and hug him tight.

Maybe, what i really love about this character is that they took their own sweet time to let him evolve. He didn't just change overnight. He did not just sway and fall in love with the heroine and give up his bad boy image for her. The transformation was so slow, so sweet, that you couldn't help but root for this guy and his journey towards redemption. 
 
You're right. He didn't give up his bad boy image for her. She accepted him as he was, and she never demanded that he change for her. The changes in him were natural and small. I don't think that he can change for anyone, which is why their relationship is so unique and beautiful. Naku is probably the only woman who can embrace both the man and the beast in him and love them both equally. In a recent episode, Dutta and Naku were standing in their tent right before he had to be taken to Ranga. When Bhola called for him, he turned his head in this very Dutta animalistic way of his and Naku saw it, but not once did she flinch. That proved to me that Dutta is Dutta. He's still, in ways, the beast and the conflicted man - but the small changes that Naku brought in him will make things easier for him, will help him redeem himself, will help him cope a bit differently with emotional situations and life in general.
 
@the bit in bold: Yes, yes, yes! I love the fact that she hasn't changed him a bit, she's just subdued the storm in his heart.She has loved him from the time she's known him, with all his frailties and faults. And like you said, she has indeed embraced both the beast and man in him. Rather, with her love, the beast in him transforms to man.
 
 
I remember being one of the people who totally bashed Nakusha when she hid her face from him before the wedding. But now when i look back, i find that it was necessary. It wasn't just a lie that hurt him, it became more than that. If he hadn't received those wounds then, he'd never have healed completely. Nakusha suffered for what she did, she even redeemed herself. Dutta's journey of course, wasn't over. He had her apparent betrayal to deal with, and then the dilemma of beauty and love. It was just his prejudice of beauty equals betrayal that had to be shattered. The process was gradual again. The way he fought himself, tried to hate her, uttered hateful words and even inflicted hurt upon her, that was just heartwrenching. He wasn't hurting her, he was hurting himself.
 
Indeed. One thing has always been clear. Dutta has always tried to hurt himself when feeling betrayed. Be it through Naku or his family. He has always chosen to "punish" the very people through whom he would be the one to be damaged the most. He's one of those men on the verge of suicide, but never taking the final step that would send him over the ledge and crashing down. Perhaps because a part of him always felt that he deserved the pain, the torture, by living it. Death would've been too easy. Over in one quick cut. Even post-Supriya and when he believed that Naku had betrayed him, he knew that she wouldn't leave him, deep down, he knew. He kept on hounding her and punishing her in every way thinkable, yet she remained a steady rock, refusing to break at his hand. In those scenes, the ones where he threatened her and pointed the gun to his own chest, telling her to look inside him and see the blood - in those very scenes, he was opening up to her again and again. Allowing her to see his pain. Allowing himself to be vulnerable in front of her?
 
If he had ever believed her to be his real enemy, he wouldn't have let her see him so vulnerable. He wouldn't have opened his feelings to her. He knew that he could still tell her what he felt. He knew, deep down, that he could still trust her. That she couldn't possibly have betrayed him the way that it had been claimed. I loved those scenes back in June. There was so much pain in Dutta and he shared it all with Naku (without even realizing it himself) who didn't as much as waver from the terrible weight of it. Come what may.
 
Word.
 
My favorite bit in this phase was the ride to the mandir, the one where Dutta refused to meet Chaskar because he wanted to be with her. I loved it that he couldn;t stay away from her inspite of trying his best to. Then, his realization that she was the same girl he had fallen in love with, and the dark phase he had after the accident, where he finally admitted to himself that he'd been wrong all along. This man's journey has been beautiful. In that, we've seen him evolve from a man of passion to someone who has found peace within himself. A lot of it has been because of love, or just the realization that he deserved to be loved. Smile He really needed that to find peace, forgive himself, and learn to love himself.
 
YES!
 

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

komal_w25Elysia

Elysia IF-Rockerz
Elysia
Elysia

Joined: 16 September 2008
Posts: 8330

Posted: 20 March 2011 at 2:38pm | IP Logged
Liz, this is going to sound kindergarten-ish, but YOU'RE WRITING IS WAY MORE BEAUTIFUL.
 
The end.
 
Wink Tongue
 
So, how about you write up something beautiful on Dutta-Baji's friendship? I miss them so much, it's like a physical pain in my guts *sad face*

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