Many people are afraid to forgive because they feel they must remember the wrong or they will not learn from it. The opposite is true. Through forgiveness, the wrong is released from its emotional stranglehold on us so that we can learn from it. Through the power and intelligence of the heart, the release of forgiveness brings expanded intelligence to work with the situation more effectively.
--David McArthur & Bruce McArthur--
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Chapter 3
Dutta looked around the park admiring the view. Next to him sat Supriya; he knew that she had always wanted to be with him, but he just couldn't find himself committing himself entirely to her. There was always something holding him back, something that he had years ago with someone.
Love.
Every once in a while, he would find himself thinking about her and how he'd reacted all those years ago. He could still remember the hurt in her eyes when he practically told her to stay out of his life, and raced off like some maniac. When he had finally calmed down though, he was furious with himself; for letting someone walk out of his life because of his foolishness – and not only did he lose her, but their child. He would never forgive himself. After all the years of searching for some clue of her where about, he gave up and accepted the fact that for once, he couldn't have what he wanted.
'What's wrong hun?'
Dutta looked down at the girl sitting on his left. Her dark brown hair gliding down her back, with her brown eyes complimenting those lushes lashes that were brushing against her cheeks. Her lips were slightly swollen from his kisses a few seconds ago.
He shook his head. He wasn't in the mood to explain things to her. It wasn't fair to tell her that he was thinking of some other woman.
'Nothing, don't you worry.'
Supriya looked at him and sighed. 'You're like this when ever we're at some place quiet, and I can tell that you're thinking about someone.'
Dutta flinched. She always could read his mind. They've been dating for almost six months now, and so far things were going good. Though there were times when she caught him not listening to what she would say.
'I was just thinking about work, and everything else,' he lied.
He knew Supriya didn't believe him, but she nodded anyway. 'What time do you start tomorrow?'
Dutta shrugged, 'Same time as always I guess; six till eight in the afternoon.'
He looked around again, thinking what life would have been like if he hadn't pushed Nakusha away, what it would be like to raise a family with her.
'Come and catch me mummy!' came a little voice from his right.
He looked and saw a little girl round the age of five, standing with her back to him. Her hair was up in a ponytail, wearing a black vest outside and a white long sleeve inside, with black leggings for kids and Tone Boots for kids. There was something about her that reminded him of someone he knew, though he couldn't really remember who.
She turned around, and he felt the air leave his lungs. Her eyes were a green colour, strands of hair loose around her face, and there were three small beauty spots underneath her left eye, forming a triangle. Not too big, and not too small either. They were dark and stood out on her face. But it was her eyes, those eyes that reminded him … reminded him of … 'Nakku!' he breathed.
The little girl ran up close to him, and his heart clenched at the sight. She was indeed the exact image of Nakusha – his beloved Nakku. Was this her daughter? Where was she?
Was she here? Did she come with someone else?
All these questions were swirling around in his head. He saw the little girl run up to his side, stop, and stood there looking at him – and he couldn't help but stare back at her. He saw her little forehead crinkle as she frowned. Did she recognize him? He thought.
No, that wasn't possible. After the way he treated Nakku, he wouldn't blame her if she didn't tell this little girl who he was.
What if he were wrong? What if this wasn't Nakku's little girl?
'Oh my goodness; is that …?' he heard Supriya say, but he wasn't paying any attention to her. He sat there, looking at the little girl, the very image of his Nakku.
He got up and crouched in front of the little girl. 'What's your name little one?'
She cocked her head sideways and frowned some more. 'My mummy told me it's not good to talk to strangers; but... you don't look like a stranger to me.'
Maybe she did know him?
No, it wasn't right to get his hopes up. If she answered his questions, then he would know who her mother was.
But then again, she didn't have to. He saw her as soon as the words left her mouth.
'Ananya! Ananya where are you!'
He looked at her as she looked from left to right. She'd changed these past five years. Gone was the skinny little girl that he use to know, now there was a full grown woman, with her dark hair cascading down her back, those three beauty spots underneath her left eye, and her eyes; a bright green colour, filled with worry as she glanced frantically around the park.
Her clothing was simple, with only a black pair of skinny jeans and a white t – shirt with the same pair of boots as the little girl in front of him.
Could this little girl be his? There was only one way to find out.
The little girl turned in his arms and waved frantically at Nakku. 'Mumma! I'm here.'
He watched as Nakku turned and saw Ananya waving at her, and saw her worry transform into a bright smile. She really loved this child, that much he could see. She didn't seem to see he was crouching in front of the little girl.
How would she react if she saw him again?
Would her heart beat a thousand beats as his was now? Would her palms go all clammy with sweat as his one now? Because it was all he could do not to pull the little girl aside, and haul Nakku into his arms and beg for her forgiveness.
Nakusha ran up to the little girl hugged her, not once did she notice him crouching as well.
'Don't you ever,' she growled, 'run off like that again you hear me? What if something awful happened to you and I won't be there to protect you?'
Dutta's heart clenched as the words reached him. He wasn't there to protect her. He wasn't there when she needed him the most. And it hurt him to hear her speak those words to the little girl.
He watched as Ananya hugged her back. 'I'm sorry mumma, I thought you said we could play tag. And I met this man here. I told you he looked like Raj.'
Raj. Who was this Raj? Was he the man that was living with her now?
He felt a surge of anger go through him, and scold to himself. Even if she did look like Nakku, he couldn't be sure that she was his.
Was she?
She did look like she was around five, and was the exact same image as her mother. And it had been Five years since he'd last seen her. She had to be his, because he knew that Nakku wasn't the sort of person to go around sleeping with other people.
But how much has she changed? Did she keep that baby he rejected five years ago? What if she chose another man to fill his shoes? What if all of this were just a mistake and it's coming back to haunt him finally.
He wasn't sure, but when Nakku looked up, he saw the terror in her eyes, and knew the answer to all his questions.
She may not want to admit it, but right now, that look in her eyes said everything that he wanted to know.
The child was his, and from now on, no matter what, he was going to make sure that he knew everything about this little girl – with or without Nakku's permission. He was the father of the child anyway. It was time he put his act together and he would show Nakusha that he will, and would very much, show that he has changed these past Five years; that the man she knew five years ago has grown up, and knows exactly what he wants.
The child and her mother.
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