Ch29: Hard Decisions
"It has come to our notice,Dr.Patil, that you have been extending your services secretly outside the hospital. That too for some highly questionable medical practice? We hope it's not true." The woman said in a soft benign voice smiling tightly at him. Dutta opened his mouth to deny and looked around at the faces in the boardroom. He licked his lips and tried to form the words,"I..I am sure I don't understand. I am doing my job here. I am putting in maximum hours in the OT, maximum skill labs and clinical hours. I am doing my research here for the pacemaker. I mean, that kind of labor hardly leaves me time to go back to my wife at night. How can I do part time surgery?"
"Humein bhi yahi laga,Patil. Isliye humne socha ki aisi afwaa ki taih tak jana chahiye aur usse khatam karna chahiye. We know tumne koi exclusivity sign nahi ki hai is hospital ke saath..but this is the most prestigious cardiothorasic unit in Asia. If things go bad here for such talented surgeon like you, it might go bad anywhere. Best brings out best. Hmm?"
Dutta nodded,"I know. Best brings out best. I can assure you, I am the best you have. Rumors apart."
"We hope we are on the same plane here,Dr.Patil"
Dutta nodded and took the hands extended to him for a shake.
Dutta left the room with an empty queasy feeling in his stomach. He knew this was coming. He knew it the moment he had started with Raut sir. It didn't matter that he didn't use Raut's 'Operation theatre' in any case. He reffered the critical cases to his friends and peers who owed him or who had connections to others who owed them. So far he had played it safe but still he was being called in infront of the hospital board for explanation. He knew all the time he was risking too much while working with Raut. Raut had bad blood with this hospital, this board. And for Dutta, this hospital meant a path to reach the pinnacle of his carreer.
Dutta slowed at the corridor paying no attention to the methodical chaos around him. He leaned a hand on the wall and breathed deeply. He needed to pull out. He was being stupid, laying his career, his research in line like that for illegal medical charity and Raut. He was not even a doctor anymore. Just the fact that he was doing what he was, proved that Raut was mentally unfit and needed help to snap out of his heroic bubble. He missed the easy choices he had once. Now his mind was always split in two. Like there were two of him trying to fight and win running his life. A part that wanted nothing to do with this situation that risked his whole career and ambitions and the other…well, the other was the dutta that even he didn't realize lived in him.That other dutta thought twice before ligthing a ciggerette, he smiled in the mornings watching his wife mumble in sleep, he liked to see the sparkle in her eyes when he told her about the people he treated in Raut's clinic. A part of him who felt at peace when one of those pateints came back with a fresh fish or few fresh tomatoes as thanks-offering for curing them.
Dutta sat in his chair haunched looking at the pack of ciggerettes he had bought two days back laying unopen on his desk. He could hear the two duttas inside him bickering about opening the pack.
"Damn! Screw it!" He picked the pack and tore open the lid.
His scretary came with his post-op files,"Sir, inme sign…..aap smoke kar rahe hai?"
Dutta grinned at her through her the haze of smoke,"maine kab kaha maine chord di?"
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"Are you sure ki tumhara peth ka dard bas bahar khane se hua hai?" Shonali looked at her friend who was drowning the glass of eno in huge glups. Nakku nodded and smiled as color returned slowly to her ashen face,"haan! Pakka. Mujhe wo michi ka salan nahi lena tha. Tum fikar mat karo. Aajkal tumhe bas apni aur apne chotte se anewale mehmaan ki chinta karni chahiye."
Shonali blushed pink even as her face turned cloudy,"Pata nahi, Nakku. kiss kiss baat ki fikar karu. I mean maine kabhi maa banane ke baare mein socha nahi. Humara business bhi abhi abhi shuru hua hai aur…" Nakkusha looked at her worried,"aur? Ravi to khush hai na is baare mein? Tumne kaha tha ki tum dono bahut excited ho..phir?"
Shonali ran a hand throuh her tangled brunette mane,"Haan, excited to the..kal tak..par ab hum bas worried hai..cginta mein hai..confused hai." Nakkusha laughed,"wo to hoga hi na…ye itna bada kadam jo hai." Shonali nodded,"haan..humne jitna socha tha usse bada. Ravi ko kal office mein ek Oniste opportunity milli hai. Kal wo US ke visa interview ke liye jayega. Abhi 3 saal ki baat hai uska kaam accha laga to who knows kab tak…maybe greencard bhi mill jaye. And Ravi ko aise mauke ki talash saalon se thi..uska sapna hai ye. Aur main..is haal mein! I can't belive I am the reason holding him back."
Nakkusha held her hand,"Arey to ye ur acchi baat hai na! iska matlab is bacchey ke kadam shubh hai. zara socho jo sapna ravi barso se dekh raha hai wo is bacche ke aatey hi sach ho raha hai. Meri nani kehti hai ki anney wale bacchey ki kismat mata-pita ke jeevan mein sunehra lekh likhti hai. ismein kya hai..tum dono US jaa saktey ho."
Shonali shook her head,"Itna asaan nahi hai. Main visa afford nahi kar sakti aur main Ravi ki dependent visa ke liye eligible nahi hoon. Kyunki main uski patni nahi hoon. Mera kanooni taur pe us par koi haq nahi hai." Nakkusha looked at shonali with cold eyes as her long supressed misgivings about her friend's relationship came to surface,"Aur ye kisski galati hai, Shonali? Tumhari, Ravi ki , samaj ki ya is bacche ki? Kya tumhe sach much is problem ka haal nahi dikhta ya tum dekhna nahi chahti?" Shonali slaped a hand on the table in anger,"shaadi! Bas yahi solution hai na tumhara har baat ka! Tum samjhti hi nahi na! Mujhe shaadi nahi karni kyunki I don't belive in marriage. Main shaadishuda zindagi main viswas nahi karti. Ravi aur mera rishta kai saalon ka hai..aur kai shaadishuda rishton se zayada majboot hai. Humein samaj ke label ki jarurat nahi."
Nakkusha looked away before meeting her eyes again. The pain in her lower abdomen that had bugged her since yesterday throbed a bit. She knew her time was close and the stomach upset she was having since the morning was not helping much but she pushed the pain to answer her friend's thick headed theories,"aur is bacchey ko? Is bacchey ko bhi jarurat nahi hai is samaj ki. Tum isse kya kissi himalay ki choti pe bada karogi. Kya tumne kabhi aisa nahi socha ki shayad tum dono ka rishta safal hai isliye kyunki tum dono ek dusre ke saath ho. Shayad wo log jo apni shaadi mein na khush hai unhe ek dusre se nahi balki unse shaadi karni chahiye thi jinke saath wo khush reh sakey. Shonali agar tum Ravi ke saath nahi jaogi to kya?" Shonali gave a dry laugh,"kai bacchon ke maa-baap alag rehte hai. ba chutiyon mein saath hotey hai. mere papa army mein the aur main maa ke sath rehti thi. Papa bas chutiyon mein aatey the. And I turned out just fine. Mera baby bhi…ravi har saal company ke kaam se ayega. Aur agar greencard mill gaya to diwali aur christmas ke beech aa ajyega. " Nakkusha gluped some more of the lemony eno drink,"ab samaj mein aaya..tumhe lagta hai ki tum normal ho. Isliye tumhe dikhayi nahi deta ki tum bhi apne bacche se wo cheen rahi ho jo tumhare paas nahi tha. Ek pura sampurn parivaar." Nakkusha got up with the purse as pain twisted her face and she could feel her lunch knocking up her throat. She dashed for the bathroom as shonali hovered at the door worried. As she came out wiping her face shonali pressed a glass of cold water in her hands,"are you ok? Shayad tumhe Dutta ko call karna chahiye. I mean doctor ki biwi hone ka koi faiyada to ho!" Nakkusha shook her head,"main theek hoon. Shayad accha hi hua, ab mera peth to khali hai. Acidity ka chance nahi. Raat ko ye aayenge to bata dungi…abhi bas mujhe ghar jaake lambi neend soni hai."
Nakkusha stopped at the door to turn back,"Ek baar soch lo, Shonali. Nani ye bhi kehti hai ki jaise bacchey ki kismat maa-baap se juri hoti hai waise hi maa-baap ke faisley hamesha bacchon ki zindagi se bhi juri hoti hai. Ab bas tum dono kya sochtey ho ye jaruri nahi. Ye baccha kya chahta hai ye bhi jaruri hai."
Shonali nodded faintly. She reached a hand to wipe a drop of water near nakkusha's pale chin,"nakkusha, you know, tum bahut acchi maa banogi. Are you sure?" Nakkusha looked bewildered,"Sure matlab?"
"Are you sure tum bhi meri tarah..you know?"
"haah! Nahi…bilkul nahi..mera matlab..humne abhi…unko..dutta ko..maine abhi tak mera graduation nahi kiya hai..to main abhi..hum abhi..aisa nahi hai..agar hota to mujhe pata hota, Shonali. Jaise tumhe pata tha..check-up se pahele hi. Main theek hoon. Is haaftey mein theek ho jaungi..samaj rahi ho."
Shonali nodded as she blushed with awkwardness,"Ohh..Ok! I mean mujhe laga ki tum aur dutta..My bad..hormones, I guess!"
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Dutta looked at the red still mass through the lenses of his urgical glasses. "Come on…beat for me,dear heart! Come on..you are brand new…come on!" He inserted a finger to tap on the still heart lying inside the chest of his patient. He tapped a bit harder, as his senior attending groaned,"damn ! agar ye heart nahi dhadka..to it will mean end of three lives." Dutta tapped again looking around the veins and arteries to see any clot or bleeds he had missed out,"teen zindagi?" Dr.Patnaik, head of cardio nodded as he poked scapel closer to a vein pushing it in place,"1 jiska ye dil hai..kyunki even though wo banda maar chuka hai, uske dil ke through he could live a bit longer..you know, philosophically.2 is admi ko jisko humne ye dil diya hai…for obvisous reasons of course.. he will be dead if his body rejects the heart. 3 will be the person jisko ye heart is bandey ki jagah mil sakta tha..jiska body ye heart reject nahi karta…jo shayad receivers chart mein kissi silly se beaurcratic reason semaat kah gaya."
Dutta snorted,"Gosh! Kabhi transplant ke baare mein is tarah socha nahi." Dr.Patnaik smiled behind his mask as he saw a slight tremor. He taped on the trembling muscle a bit with his fingers as the heart began pumping in slow rhythmic moves. A sigh of relief coursed through everyone.
Patnaik looked at the mirror while scrubbing his hands after the patient was rolled out,"Its always the same dutta. hume seekhya jata hai ki hume bas table pe lete patient ke baare mein sochna hai bas usse bachana hai..par har pateint ki zindagi sekai zindagi juri hoti hai. main hamesha un logon ke baare mein sochta hoon jinki jaan us patient ke saath mere haath mein hai. it makes me a better doctor, better surgeon."
He looked at the yound man drying his hands without looking at him.His resident, his pupil. "Dutta, mujhe sunane mein aaya hai ki tum…ki tum Raut ke saath..I mean tum usse milltey ho?" Dutta's face hardened as he stopped moving his hand under the dryer,"So? Meri personal life ya friend circle se meri surgery ka koi connection nahi hai."
Patnaik closed his mouth and faced the accusing looks of the younger man,"I know! Tumhe lagta hai ki Raut ke suspension mein, uske case mein mera bada haath hai. I know rumors kehte hai ki maine rivalry ke liye mere colllegue ka career barbaad kiya uske khilaaf gawah deke enquiry mein. Par jaisa maine kaha mere liye mere patient ke saath jurey har insaan jaruri hai. Raut was my competitor, yes. I was jealous of him, yes. Hell, he was much better than me, he had better cases, better students and better living. Of course I was jealous. Par meri jealouy mujhe accha surgeon banati thi because I wanted to beat him to second spot. Us din jab usne wo plug keecha tab Raut ne bas us buddhey insaan ko dekha…uske saath jurey un logon ko nahi. Usne sahi kiya galat kiya. Pata nahi! Maine bas wo kiya jo us waqt mere liye sahi tha. It's not my fault that it turned out to be the best thing that happened to my career."
Dutta smiled grimly,"I am sure, it was! The best thing, I mean. Par aap mujhe ye sab kyun bol rahe hai?"
Patnaik placed his spectacles on the bridge of his nose,"just because you were his star student and protigee and I wished I had you as my student then. Now I do, have you as my student and he wants you back. I know you, dutta. I know your potential. Emergency mein you priortise your pateints. Jo bachaye nahi jaa saktey tum unpe samay barbaad nahi karte, you move to the next patient who needs you more, who has better chances. And you end up saving more than you loose. Tumhe ab priotise karni hai. tum kuch sau logon ko bachana chahtey ho jinhe basically you can help by bringing a check up camp every week or due you want to help the millions who are waiting for a better way to have a beating heart than a oozing machine. Because with those millions there will be a few millions more jinki life unke saath connected hai."
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Kamesh checked his watch. The old metal band Fossil was the only remainder of his old life. It was first anniversary gift from his wife. His ex-wife. When he had walked out of his apartment before bank foreclosed everything he had just worn his blue shirt with his favourite denims and picked his wallet and this watch. It kept him in keeping with time he told everyone. He checked the signal for arrival of the last local train. The meeting with the medical representive Dutta had set up had gone well but it had been a long commute to his place.
He boarded the train and checked around. 11.55 at night was a easy time to get a seat on mumbai locals. Only a few passengers remained in the coach. Kamesh went to the back. Except for a woman it was empty. He sat with his back to her . A soft moan came to his ears as the train left the station. He turned back to give a cursory glance to the woman.
His eyebrows shot up as he noticed her properly.' My god! She cannot be more than 15.' He got up to approach her cautiously. The girl was covered in a torn maroon shawl from head to foot. She was bent over and shivering as small exhausted hisses of pain escaped her lips. "Beta! Tum theek ho? Tum akeli ho ya koi hai tumhare saath?"
He took another look to verify if she was realy alone. As a scream of pain rendered the quiet of the coach Kamesh touched her head lightly. The blanket fell of her shoulders to reveal dark angry welts and bruises on her neck and chest. A gash marred her face from brow to cheek and her chin was swollen and bleeding with what he suspected was a broken jaw. Kamesh looked checked her pulse near her throat in almost an involuntary motion as the two other co-passengers came near.
"Kya hua? Kaun hai ye?"
Kamesh looked over his shoulder in concern,"ye…issey hospital le jana hoga…issey bukhar hai aur kaafi chot bhi lagi hai."
"Par ye hai kaun? " "kahan se ayi hai? Beti..Beti..kya naam hai tera? Kahan jana hai?"
Kamesh blocked out the sounds and immediately checked for other injuries while holding her lolling head with care. As the blanket slipped some more his tension increased as another fact became horribly clear to him.
The girl was beaten, broken and barely alive. She was heavily pregnant and bleeding. His co-passengers gasped in horror while his face contorted with worry as he saw the pool of blood forming near her legs.
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"I don't know, nakku. Mujhe nahi lagta humein shonali aur ravi ke beech koi dakhal deni chahiye. It's good news of course but what they want for their kid is their decision." Dutta helped pull off the duvet from the bed as she striped the decorative cusions and pillows from the bed before getting into it. "Par wo aapke dost hai. Aapko ye to batana hi chahiye unhe ki…Oh..Ouch. "
"Kya hua? Cheekhi kyun?" He reached to steady her as she sat up with a hand on her abdomen.
"Bas ye acidity ka dard. Dupahar ko kuch bahar kha liya tha…bas tab se hi."
"Aur uspar tu dair raat tak khaali peth mera wait karti hai. You know this can cause ulcers and acidity is a symptom."
"aisa kuch nahi hai, baba! Aap bhi na. accha to aap khud check up kar lijiye, tasali ho jayegi."
Dutta snorted,"of course I will check, bolne ki baat hai koi?" He placed a hand over her abdomen pushing the saree out of the way, feeling of tenderness. Nakkusha released a breath in a hiss. "kya hua? Dard hua kya? Kahan?"
"Gudguddi hoti hai. Aapke haath thandey hai." she looked at him coyly. Dutta stopped and frowned at his hand on her stomach,"accha gudguddi? Kahan yahan?" he ran his fingers mischiveiously over her smooth flesh making her gasp again trying to capture his renegade fingers. Dutta growled as he leaned over her squirming body to trap her with his gaze.
"Hey, bahut dard ho raha hai?"
She shook her head,"Nahi. Bas thoda sa." Dutta nodded and turned to the drawer near his head ,"ye tablet le. Agar bas acidity hai to kal tak theek ho jayegi nahi to subah mere saath hospital chalegi, tests karwane,Ok?"
She gave him a mock salute,"Je saab! Paani please!"
Dutta handed her the tablet and glass and watched her down it. She turned to him to watch him watch her,"kya hua?"
Dutta shook his head,"main bas soch raha tha ki…aaj hospital mein board meeting thi. Wo log enquire kar rahe the ki kya main kahin aur medicine practice karta hoon? Kahin koi illegal medical surgery ya kuch? Basically they wanted to know ki kahin main rogue to nahi ho gaya?" "Rogue?" "Hmm..a doctor gone bad. You know, kuch doctors unethical surgeries karte hai, organ ka dhanda kartey hai…kuch waisa hi.""Chee! par wo aisa kaise..kya unko aape bharosa nahi?"
Dutta shook his head,"aisi baat nahi hai, nakku. Its just that Raut ka naam atey is situation aur complicated ho jaati hai. Raut ki history hi…anyways, they just wanted to warn me that they know. That I need to decide..ya to main mera kaam yahan kar sakta hoon ya Raut ki madad." He told her about his converstaion with Patnaik.
She caressed his cheeks softly easing out the worry lines,"aapka faisla kya hai?" Dutta sighed as he leaned his head on the board,"I hate it..but mujhe Kal sir ko call karke sab batana hoga…issi mein humsabki bhalai hai. I will talk to him. tell him ki hum log medical camps arrange karenge wahan. tRy to help out within legal limits. Agar authorities ko pata chala to….things will get ugly for him again. An unhe bhi sab bhul ke aagey bardhna chahiye."
Nakkusha nodded,"aap jitna kar saktey the utna to kiya na! kissi se bhi kissi ka sapna kurbaan karne ki umeed rakhnagalat hai. aur Patnaik ji bhi theek keh rahe hai. aapki research se kai logon ko faida hai…bas is desh mein hi nahi..balki puri duniya mein. Mujhe yaad hai wahan Budapest mein sab aapke kaam ki kitni tareef kar rahe the. "
Dutta grinned down at her,"accha? Impressed?" "Thoda sa!" she turned her nose up. Dutta pinched it,"bas thoda sa! I need to work on that. Err..How are you feeling now?"
Nakkusha batted her lids at him playfully,"ab dard uppar ki taraf bard raha hai." Dutta tried to look at her with staright face,"Really? I think humein ek baar phir close se check up karna chahiye." As he ran his fingers up her torso, she broke into feverish giggles trying to push him off. Dutta captured her wrist in a fierce grip as his eyes met hers with fire and need in them. Her playful laughetr vanished as he took her lips in a deep kiss.
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Nakkusha spalshed water on her face trying to wash away the taste of bile in her mouth. She faced her image as Shonali's question about her condition came to her mind. If only, she sighed. But Shonali was wrong and if anything she had her proof this morning with her body running its normal course. The throwing up must be due to something she ate wrong and the pain was of course explainable. The upcoming exams must be tresing her out more than she thought.
She shook her head to push away the longing hs efelt thinking about shonali and her condition. 'sahi samay! Bas! Thodey din aur.' She tried to smile but today she was feeling more close to crying, like something inside her was breaking apart.
Dutta knocked on the door,"Nakkusha! Main chalta hoon. Ok! Tumhara dard theek hai? I think we should still take you..for regular check up….just to be safe."
Nakkusha opened the door and smiled at him,"oh ho..main theek hoon..koi aise hi hospital ghumne nahi jaata..aap jaon bhi..kya har cheik ke liye aapke hospital jaana hoga?"
Dutta grinned,"Arey agar tum chalogi to dekhogi ki tumhara pati kitna impressive hai…I mean maine kal raat ko tumhe impress to kiya hoga..but baachi kuchi kasar hospital se..""Bas Bas…aapko late nahi ho raha?"
Dutta straightened,"Of course! Haan main chalta hoon…Ok! If you have any problem..call me ok. Hichkichana nahi. Health ko leke no compromise. Bye . love ya!"
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As Dutta opened the car his cell rang. He saw the caller id with grim determination. "Main aaj aapko call karne hi wala tha…I need to tell you ki…."
He went quiet as he heard the voice in the other end. "What are their vitals?" He listened intently. "Yes, aap sahi ki we need a head CT. and ye bhi check karna hoga ki koi internal injury….Aap kahan hai? Kya?Kya kaha kahan? No no..its just I didn't expect. I..I will be there."
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By late morning the cramps and pain wrenching her apart. Nakkusha felt feverish and dry inside as her head spun with the effort to stay standing waiting for the lift to come up. She felt the things were not right, it was not normal like every month. Something was horribly wrong. In haze of pain she could just remember only one thing, she needed to get to him. He will know what to do, what was wrong.He will make the pain go away.
As the lift doors opened she dragged her aching body inside and squinted at the button pushing the lowest one by guess.
As the lift started its descend, she felt her world go round in a whirl as a sudden bout of pain engulfed her from lower back to her front. A gasp escaped her lips as she slid down against the walls of the elevator to the floor. Her eyes cloudn't keep open as another jolt shook her. She needed to lie down, just for a minute. She will be ok, she needed to get to him. Just lie down a bit. She could breathe the dust on the elevator carpet,she could see the spilled contents of her purse near her nose, her mirror, the little pearl-handled comb, her cell phone. She itched her hands slowly to pick it. The screen showed no connectivity. Of course! No network in their elevators, He hated it, comaplined about it all the time. He knew better, that's why? She gasped again in pain as lone tear coursed down her face. Just needed to reach him. As soon as the elevator reached down, she repeated to herself even as Pain tore her body in two while darkness came up to engulf her.
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"Arey! Ye kya? Isn't she that young doctor's wife? What's his name?""Haan! Ye to patil ki biwi hai..isse kya hua?"
"Behosh ho gayi hai….My god! Isse hospital le jaana hoga. Main abhi gaadi nikalta hoon…kissike paas iske husband ka number hai." "Ye iska cell…ismein hoga..tum gaadi lao…main call karti hoon. Ok?"
………….To be continued soon!
