you are right tanya...manav should have done this a long time ago...but it's so hard to do something like this...it goes against your instincts...you have to have a firm reason..for him now, archana i guess....(in my case in my family it was that i watched my daughter suffer because of this kind of behavior and i finally had to put a stop to it...and fortunately the doctor not only supported me but had good insight..and it WORKED. ) .Manav is suffering like you said...watching his mom suffering...at the same time you have to harden your heart cause you know it's for another purpose...it is conflicting.... .. trust me...i know...
so i hope Manav Savita will also have a happy ending like mine did....
after sooo many years ...i should have done it long before i did too... ya just do what ya can i guess...
Will tell u why I differ from this tough love theory with u in this particular case .
Showing tough love with a wilful child who manipulates u to get her own way and a mother who does the same thing can work and can be comparable too ..............but in this case theres a slight hitch .
She has LOST a son . Far too little importance is being given to this fact . far too little . She has a wound somewhere inside that has NEVER healed . To top it , Manav has chosen to show TOUGH LOVE at a time when it is going and sending EXACTLY THE WRONG MESSAGE .
Manav's TIMING Sucks . He shud have shown this when Archana was being abused . He DIDN"T .Not even on a humanatarian basis . Forget LOVER basis .
For an emotionally volatile woman like SAvita who endured Jail third degree treatment , death , alcoholic husband and saw the marital rape of her daughter helplessly ...........the loss of the only living son on whom she banked may prove DETRIMENTAL . She may crumble and DIE .
Its CRUEL . Coz she WAS coming around , she had started going to their Kholi uninvited .At a point she was toying with the idea of accepting Archana too . She just needed time . Which HE REFUSED . He wants to set the TIME LIMITS . Its NOW or NEVER . Either u LOVE her or ur LOSE ME is his stupid message .
She had come around last time . Why ? Coz Archana had NOT set time limits . Infact , Archana had expected NOTHING . She had gone on expressing her love for his family and expected nothing in return .All that came her way was a bonus . That was her mature behaviour . And At a point Savita relented and came around .But it was with HER WISH . No one forced her hand behind her back and made her accept Archana .
But right now Manav is doing EXACTLY that . What he does not realise is FORCE in such delicate matters FESTERS things . Two things can happen in REAL LIFE if this is done .
1] The mother , out of FEAR that she will lose her son wll PRETEND to come around but secretly HATE the bahu so much more
2] The HATE will multiply . She will REBEL at being COERCED . No one likes to be FORCE FED , they VOMIT . its a NATURAL reaction .
He has been TACTLESS .........both he and his DAD . They Keep Praising Archana to the skies in front of her , KNOWING her feelings about her .Naava , cmon , no one is THIS DUMB or THIS insensitive not to know that the person will HATE it . Not just that , they go a step FURTHER and tell her YOU are not of HER LEVEL , and YOU have now NO OPTION but HER .
Seriously ..........what is psychology of human nature ? Will a human being LIKE this ? I know I wouldn't . If my husband praises my Bahu day and night and tells me I am INFERIOR to her , I wud DIVORCE him . Stay with HER i wud say and walk off , for at that point there wud be NOTHING to hold me in the marraige .......not even the children , as they have grown up . U guys sit and LOVE the fact that Manav nowdays SIDES with Archana for everything .This woman has put thirty two years of her LIFE supporting this drunkard .She did NOT divorce him like Archana did after looking at few photographs . She tolerated ALL his nonsense and imperfections didnt she ?How about showing her some UNDERSTANDING and handling her a little TACTFULLY in her old age ? But he teases her , goads her , and is now constantly taking the side of a girl who came in his life only fifteen months back and tells her SHE IS BETTER THAN U .
The END RESULT will only be HATE , HATE and more HATE . Thats what Damodar and Manav r unconsciously AIMING at . Either they r far too STUPID or just VERY MEAN PEOPLE who like RILING someone .I think its the FORMER .
People with dirty minds wud say Damodar has a crush on Archana or something . I wudnt say that .But I wud definetely say he needs to put a lid on his Archana Praises . He can either opt to go and stay with her if he likes her that much or he can stay here and support his wife like Mohan and Manohar do although their wives r not hundred percent right all the time . But he does neither , he stays with her and RILES her . Constantly pricking the mind of an emotionally volatile person is playing a DANGEROUS GAME . And Damo does it plentifully . I wud have smacked his mocking face and thrown him OUT of my house if I was in Savitas place .
She desrves respect for sticking out with him for thirty two years . She did it .Not Archana . Damodar shud advise Manav to keep Archu out of the picture and to come and go , assuring his mom that he hasnt forgotten her . Instead he joins his son and gives Savita the message We R ALL IN ONE CAMP And UR ALONE ! TEE HEE U WILL LOSE ONE DAY ! YUP !
About what Saint Archana has done ..........I have OTHER VIEWS but I won't go into it as thats another topic . All I will say is She is to a certain extent responsible for the many upheavals that happened in this family ...........directly or INDIRECTLY . They can be traced to HER family only and there r no two ways about it .....they r FACTS .
Still , Let that go . Lets Say Archana is GOOD , an Angel . The point isn't that . The point is , can one LOVE an angel forcefully ? I wud become an ATHEIST if I was FORCED .
U mentioned about not meeting someone with psychological blindness and 911 . Darling , thats what I tell u . One cannot compare the living conditions of third world India with ANY developed country . There is no 911 there . Even if u stayed away , u knew she was in good hands . On that level u were assured . In India , if u leave a person unconscious and unattended to , theres no saying what will happen . No healthcare no facilities unless payment is made .Manpower is constantly needed . What if she had DIED ? U cannot walk away after u see ur mom lying on the floor weak with anemia coz she has been eating less . Had there been 911 and if she was in hospital with nurses and Manav chose to hide himself I wudnt be upset with him .But theres no 911 there for SICKNESS .All she had was a DRUNK ineffectual hubby , and a bawling child who needed tending to . And he walked away , and went to eat dinner the second day ? For me , Thats the point the Mother shud disown her progeny .
She is not sub consciously doing dramas at all .Its now a pathetic attempt to hold on to her pride coz he told , like a fool , in FRONT OF HIS WIFE ........GET OUT MOM . He didnt tell it in PRIVATE . That HURT her . So she is trying to live with her grandson and via him memories of the son she lost ...Sachin ..........and attempting to have some pride as she feels she lost her dignity . In short she holds on to her grief and lost dignity to live ..........pretending she sTILL Has them but realising subconsciously she has lost BOTH ........Sachin can never come back and her respect , her dignity has GONE . And so , at a point she will crumble ..........Thats for sure .Its only a matter of time . Now if THATS called a VICTORY for Archana and Manav , I am sorry i DON"T share that view .
Edited by koolsadhu1000 - 12 March 2011 at 7:47am