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The moment seemed to have frozen, as if time had come to a standstill. It seemed as if an entire eternity had passed by, and we yet stood there, staring right into each others' eyes.
And then, almost like a miracle, I saw his face break into a smile. As if my disorientation with my surroundings wasn't enough, that cheerful smile of his just added to my confusion. A part of me was relieved and hopeful, maybe things weren't as bad as they seemed. But then, there was another part, raging in my systems: something was terribly, terribly wrong and out of place. His smile didn't add up somehow.
"It took you 3 years! 3 years!" He cupped my face and gazed into my confused eyes, whispering his words. "3 years, Munchkin! 3 whole freakin' years to make you realize that!" He held my face firmly, pulling me closer to himself.
"I'" I could feel my heart thumping against my chest. Whoever said coming clean would make you feel lighter? "Wait, what?" I spoke the 2 words I was able to manage.
"Of course I love you, you idiot!" He grinned down at me. "I love you!" He said softly, wiping away my tears with his thumb.
It was weird how he had just said the 3 words I had been dying to hear from his mouth, and I was far from happy about it! No. This wasn't right. This wasn't right at all. He was engaged. To Andrea. This makes no sense. He loves Andrea. He's getting engaged to her. Then how--?
Almost as if lightening has struck my being, I pushed myself away from him.
"No!" I said loudly, more to myself than him. "This can't...You'I. What? I'This is wrong. You're-you're engaged! It's just'" I said, unable to form any concrete sentence. "You're engaged. We'you, can't'" I saw him draw closer to me, trying to hold me, but I backed off, shrugging off his hands.
"No! You don't get it. You're engaged. You're with her. This'"
"Riddhima listen to m'"
"This can't be happening! I mean you're engaged!" I said amidst my sniffs, when I finally felt him grab my shoulders.
"I'm not engaged to Andrea!"
I stared up at him confused. How could he not be engaged? He had said so himself. I had been crying over it since the past whole month. He can't not be engaged now!
"What?" I asked baffled.
He cupped my face again, caressing my cheeks and spoke.
"I am not engaged to Andrea. I'm not. There's nothing between us!" He said softly, looking straight into my eyes. And then, I knew he wasn't lying.
This could only mean one thing: He wasn't lying right now. He had been lying to me all this while. It was all a joke? A sick joke which had put me through, possibly the worst days of my life? I had suffered a terrible heartbreak, cried myself to sleep every night, and it was all a farce? A sick, mean joke?
I felt anger pump up in my veins, and I could feel it bubbling right through me. I looked up at him, with utmost anger and contempt and jerked his hands off.
"You lied." It was a statement rather than a question, and in spite of that rage inside of me, I had managed to keep my voice stable.
"Armaan you lied." I repeated again, wanting him to admit to it.
"DON'T MUNCHKIN ME!" I yelled, losing my cool, and I saw his gaze turn to the floor. "You lied to me. All of this was a joke? A prank? Seriously Armaan? If there was one person, I had loved, I had trusted would never ever hurt me, it was YOU!" I felt my voice reverberate across the walls. "You broke my heart Armaan? My heart?" I asked him softly, and I saw him look up. I could see his moist eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to ease his pain when I was possibly going through the worst of it.
Not being able to stand looking at him, I crossed him and walked towards the door.
"Riddhima listen to me!" I felt him following me, his voice chasing me, as I paced up through the backyard.
"Armaan leave me alone!" I said amidst my loud sobs.
"Riddhima, please just give me a chance to explain! I swear I can explain!" I opened the door to the conservatory, not caring about all the sound I was making in the middle of the night.
"Armaan go away!" I rounded on him as soon as I felt his tug at my wrist. "Leave me alone!" I whispered through the darkness which enveloped us and ran up the stairs, rushing to my room, but before I could lock it shut, I felt him push it open and immediately lock it behind him. "I told you to leave!" I yelled. "How much more are you gonna hurt me? Isn't it enough you played with my feelings for your sick joke?!" I fell at the edge of my bed, placing my head on it and weeping, and I could still feel his gaze on me.
"I'm not going to, until and unless you hear me out!" He said in a calm voice, although I heard it break. "You think I did all of this as a joke? You think all of it was a prank? Riddhima, I admit I lied, and I may have put you through the worst pain your life, but it wasn't because I wanted to have a laugh at it. It was because I was fed up of waiting for you to come clean!" He said in a breath, and my sobs stopped. What was he talking about?
"Riddhima..." I felt his hands at y shoulders and I felt him turn me to face him. Picking me up, he made me sit on the bed and sat down at my knees, my hands tightly clasped in his. I was way out of strength to refute to his advances so I made no attempts to shake him off, and a part of me wanted to hear him out, listen to why I was put through such torture.
"Riddhima, just hear me out once. Just once, and I swear, after that, I'll take every punishment you give me. I'll gladly accept every, choicest curse you throw at me, but please just give me a chance!" He looked at me beseechingly and my heart melted at his emotionally drained state. But that didn't lessen my pain, I thought. And so I looked away from him.
"You probably will never wanna see my face ever again after I tell you this, but I swear I'll make it up to you, even if it takes my entire life to do that. But I'm not gonna let you go away from me!" His grip on my hands grew ten-folds and I was slightly taken aback at how determined his voice sounded.
"When I saw you, for the very first time, 3 years ago at the beach, after 9 years of staying away from you, I swear I could see that familiarity in your eyes, and somehow, in spite of zero communication between us in those 9 years, I somehow felt so connected...to you...And'" His voice broke and I was startled to see a single tear trickle down his cheek. I had the sudden urge to just wipe them away and hug him tight, I knew he would have done the same for me - he always had, but I couldn't, at least not before I handle myself first!
"And then, I realized it was you after all. And so began those 3 years which have been the closest to my heart. I knew there was something way deeper than friendship that I felt for you, and I realized that for the first time when I found that Aakash guy's picture under your pillow!" He said bitterly and I stared at him confused. I had Aakash's picture under my pillow? When?
And then it struck me! I had never told him the truth about that picture! Of course!
I had the sudden urge to laugh but controlled it anyway. It didn't go with the situation. I opened my mouth to correct his misconception, but then stopped. Eh, it was him who was supposed to do the explaining. I was just gonna sit back and relax.
"And when I found that picture there, I just, I just couldn't take the thought of you being with someone else. And I'm sure you remember what followed that. I ignored you almost the entire day. Well, that's the way I react, and you soon came to know about that one trait of mine." He rambled on and I almost smiled at how cute he looked.
Riddhima! Get a grip you prick, my brain reprimanded my heart! You're supposed to be angry at him! He's just denied everything you thought true since the past one month! Don't let his cute looks fail your mission!
"And then, I realized that I sort of - you know ' had a crush on you." He said, while playing with my fingers, and I smiled at how nervous he was. I could already sense my brain failing miserably against my heart!
"But then, Andrea came along, and that day I saw you get jealous for the first time. And, well, it felt...Good..." He chanced a look at me, and gulped at my narrowed eyes. Nah, he wasn't cute, he wasn't cute at all! "And then, I just thought, maybe I'll play along, you know..." He shrugged, still playing with my hands and I scowled. Play along? That's how it all started? I had the urge to slap him now! Jerk!
"But then, you just stopped reacting...You stopped showing that you were jealous, but you did start hating Andrea. Obviously I knew it had something to do with me dating her, but I just wanted to get a concrete reaction from you, and so....Well I went overboard, and before I knew it...Well, we kinda became an official couple..." He looked at me with frightened eyes and I just looked away. So it was all because he wanted to get a 'concrete reaction' huh? I would give him a concrete reaction. Probably smash his head against a concrete wall, I thought spitefully.
Armaan probably guessed my reaction as I felt his lips touch my hand and I gasped. It felt different this time. Probably because now I knew he too...You know...
He cleared his throat before continuing. "And, umm...Then...Well, uh, things were going fine, and I just dismissed the idea of you being interested in me, because well, you weren't reacting the way I had expected, and for one you kept saying that I could date anyone except Andrea. So I thought that maybe you just genuinely hated her." He shrugged and I stifled a laugh.
"But then, something major happened. That entire fight between you and Andrea...I just...I didn't know how to react. Frankly, Munchkin, I never told you, but that day when Andrea was saying all that to you, I almost admitted to having feelings for you right in front of her and everyone else there, but then I heard you say...that...That there wasn't anything between us and that...We were just best friends..." His voice trailed off and I felt a pang in my heart, thinking about how much pain I had unknowingly caused him...How could I have been so stupid?!
"And then..." He cleared his throat once more, and I knew he was trying hard to prevent his voice from breaking. "And then that one month I spent without talking to you...That's got to be the toughest time of my life...I never fully realized before that, just how dependant I am on you, when it comes to my life and what I do with it...And then before Christmas, I just decided that I'm gonna get you back no matter what..." He looked up and gave me a small smile and I gazed right into his eyes in response, but he looked back down again.
"But the first time I realized what you actually mean to me was after...after the party...." I felt my heart pick up pace at the thought of that night. Armaan still found it difficult to talk about it, and now that I thought about it, it was so obvious why he was so affected by that night. "When I saw you there, whimpering on the road, and those effing bas***ds hurting you, I wanted to just tear their eyes out, break every limb in their body...It was my worst nightmare Riddhima...And that's when I realized...That night was the night I realized that I'm madly in love with you..." Armaan said in a clear voice and unlike before, he didn't hesitate even once before saying that.
My heart soared high in the air as he said those words, and I felt his hands squeezing mine. I looked down at him, and saw his eyes change into a different meaning yet again...Only difference: now I knew what that meaning was.
He got up on his knees and stood up to my level. He lightly touched his forehead to mine and spoke softly. "Riddhima that moment when I realized what you meant to me, I swear it was the best moment of my life...I had never felt that happy before, because it was only you who could ever make me feel the way you do..." He gently placed a kiss on my forehead and pulled back. I was too dazed to respond and so chose to look away.
Sighing, Armaan continued. "The week that followed...Those rumours you heard Riddhima...About Andrea and me breaking up...They weren't rumours Riddhima. It was true. I did break up with Andrea the day after Christmas." I looked at him shocked for words. But then that just complicated my entangled confusions... "Yeah, at that time, I denied it, because then I would have to tell you the reason...But I wanted to tell you the reason in the best possible way...I wanted to make that moment special for you...I even had it all planned out. Every single detail..." He stopped again and I felt guilt wallowing me as I realized how much I had ruined, how much I had spoilt things for him just because of my stupidity and naiveity. I placed my hand on his cheek and he looked at me happily, happy at getting some response from me.
Holding my hand which was on his cheek, he continued. "The day before I was gonna tell you, you told me Sid had asked you out...But that didn't bother me as much as your response to him...You said yes to him...And that....That broke me...I even tried talking you out of it!" He gave a half-hearted chuckle but I felt a tear slip down my cheek. Had I really hurt him that much? "I know you'll probably ask me, why I just didn't tell you...Riddhima I couldn't...After that, I just thought that maybe you didn't feel the same way about me, and you were too precious to me to lose. I couldn't afford telling you the truth and losing what we had at the time. I at least had you as my best friend if nothing!" He gave me a smug smile.
"To avoid awkward confrontations, I got back together with Andrea, and dismissed that break-up news as rumours. I never let you know. I know I was wrong, and it wasn't fair to Andrea, but well, at that time Riddhima, nothing except you mattered. And it's still the same..." He looked at me and I could see the earnesty in his eyes.
"Throughout these 3 years, I looked for signs, which would indicate that you loved me too, but you and Sid were going strong, and you no longer showed any problems with Andrea. The 3 years zoomed by, and not once did I let you know my feelings, although you definitely came close to figuring it out. You kept telling me about how you would notice my eyes changing meaning, but you never got to know what it actually was..." He said softly.
"I do now...." I whispered. He looked at me and nodded.
"Somewhere deep down in my heart, I knew you loved me, but I couldn't tell you...I wanted you to figure it out on your own...Riddhima you probably don't know this, but I do have a lot of influence on you. Something I say is right becomes right for you!" I scowled as he said that while he grinned.
"That's not true!" I said defiantly.
"So you say. But that was the reason I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to think there was something between us just because I said so...I wanted you to feel it on your own. What I didn't know, was that it would take 3 years for you to realize it..." He said in a teasing voice, but I knew he meant it.
"And so, I just went with the flow. You were happy, close to me, and I was happy with that; at least for that time. But what I realized was, that missing someone actually meant sitting right beside them and knowing you can't have them..." I felt tears prick my eyes all over again as his words sunk in. That was exactly how I had felt all these days; Armaan had probably suffered more, he had endured the pain for 3 years....
"And then, finally Uni came to an end, and it was time for you to go back...You wanna know why I never came to see you off at the airport Riddhima, the day you were supposed to leave?" He looked at me and I indicated him to go on through my eyes.
"You remember that night? Farewell...? Well, umm...Don't kill me..." He said, suddenly scared, and I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. "I kind of eavesdropped on you and Nikki that night..." My jaw dropped in shock. So he had heard *gulp* everything.
Knowing Armaan, I now knew the reason he hadn't come after all. He probably realized I still harboured no such feelings and amidst his own complicated tangles, he overlooked the fact that it was my last week in Cali...
"Yeah, now you know..." He gave me a grim smile and I looked at him, slightly embarrassed. "I didn't come to see you off, because firstly, I was still so confused, and second, I didn't really have the courage to....say goodbye...." He said slowly and suddenly I felt elated. My heart yelled 'I knew it!' while my brain whispered, 'Shut up!'
"Anyway, after you left that day, I felt...as if I had hurt you real bad, and then I felt guilty...But when I realized your flight's been delayed, I felt like I had been given a second chance, which you obviously didn't give me very easily, but I got it anyway..." He grinned up at me and I smacked him hard on his arm, scowling. "But yeah, at least that way I got to spend my best Christmas with you!" He placed a soft kiss on my hand and I didn't believe it, but I knew I was blushing, real real bad. "Aww, you're blushing. Am I forgiven then? We can just let the rest go then!" He said hopefully and I narrowed my eyes at him which instantly made him sit down and continue.
"Okayy...And then the one month before Nik's wedding. Honestly Munchkin, I had no such plans to pull this stunt on you...I hadn't even thought of it. I just realized that I no longer cared that you hadn't realized. I decided I would just drop signs, hints, anything that would let you know my feelings for you...I broke up with Andrea during the same time..." I looked at him appalled at this revelation. It had been so long? Then what was that whole drama during Nikki's wedding?
"I'll get to that! Don't look so confused!" He brought me back from my reverie and I rolled my eyes. I hated my face for being so darn expressive!
"Anyway, when I came to India, the way you hugged me at the airport, I kind of knew you loved me too...And I bet you noticed the difference in me as well. I could see it in your eyes..."
I remembered his cheesy 'I love strawberries' line. I smiled involuntarily as I remembered that incident. I felt his hand on my cheek and looked at him but then quickly looked down. I couldn't blush anymore than this in front of him; he would torture me with that for the rest of my life!
"That line was real cheesy btw! Don't ever use it again!" I scowled and said as I saw him smirking at my embarrassment.
"Bet you found it cute though!" He winked at me and I began to get up from my place when he pulled me back and made me sit again.
"Dimwitted as you are..." He started again and my jaw dropped yet again. "....you still didn't seem to get my hints, and if anything, you just looked as confused as ever. Finally tired and fed up, I was completely angry when you started that whole ideal man shit. To your dismay, I filled in all your criteria!" He winked at me and I rolled my eyes. "But, you still didn't get it..." Armaan sighed again and held my hand tight in both of his.
"I was so tired of this game we were playing, where both of us were unsure of the others' feelings, which is pretty ironic since we know each other inside out..." He looked at me earnestly and I grimaced. Even I was pretty fed up of that game.
"Probably that's why it became so difficult...I was so used to you telling me everything concerning you on your own and you reading my mind everytime, I felt I didn't need to probe you and you didn't need to probe me..." I mumbled.
"Yeah...We basically took each other for granted..." He said softly and I nodded. "And that's why, when I failed to get any response from you, angry, I just kind of blurted the lie about Andrea and me being engaged..." He continued slowly, and there it was. The sense of lie and betrayal was back and looked away from him, not being able to fathom the fact that he of all the people had hurt me...
"Riddhima, I never meant to hurt you...I just wanted to see your reaction, and I wasn't gonna pull it so far either...But things just got out of hand...I was so sick of you pretending that there's nothing between us! I was fed up, and all I knew, was that I'm not gonna spend another 3 years playing this hide and seek game. I no longer cared. All I could see was that I had to make you admit to your feelings...I had had enough..."
"My wish did come true...On Nikki's bachelorette...." He paused and I looked at him shocked. Nikki's bachelorette?!?!?! What had happened that night?!
"What? Armaan what happened that night?" I asked him, scared of what I might here.
"You sang..." He tried his best to hide his grin, but he was failing. He cleared his throat and continued. "Your love is my drug...." He pursed his lips to prevent his laughter, while my eyes widened in shock.
I got up and began to pace around the room.
"Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" I mumbled, pushing my hand through my hair. What was I thinking!?!
"I thought it was pretty cute!" I heard him say and glared daggers at him. "But that wasn't all..." He said slowly and I frowned. What else had I done? Wasn't this enough?
"What do you mean...?" I asked in a monotone.
"Um, well now this was completely your fault. None of this would've been happening right now if you wouldn't have been so wasted that night!" He said annoyed. I looked at him angrily.
"It was your fault I got drunk that night! If you're not engaged to Andrea, why did you snog her at every opportunity you got? You prick!" I yelled and he glowered at me.
"How else would you have confessed tonight? It was the thought of me sleeping with someone else that compelled you to confess!" He smirked at me and I scowled. What the hell!!?!
"Whatever!" I sighed giving up, still scowling.
"You wouldn't have had to confess tonight if you would have remembered my confession that night!" He mumbled softly and I looked at him aghast.
"You what?" I asked slowly.
"When you were drunk, you kind of mumbled things like 'I'm sorry, I made it too late...' I kind of figured what you were talking about..Then when I dropped you off in your suite, you started crying and refused to let me go. And I had to sit there while you cried saying you lost someone very precious to you. On an impulse, to get you to stop crying, I confessed that I was in love with you!" He shrugged and I groaned.
As if one shock wasn't enough for tonight, I get to know that I behaved like a complete lunatic in Nikki's bachelorette, no wonder those chicks were staring at me and giggling, I thought, and second I had managed to hurt Armaan all over again!
"Was that why you were mad at me the next day?" I asked cautiously and he smiled slightly and nodded.
"It would have definitely been a lot easier, had you remembered, I would have cleared things out and things would have been different right now!" He sighed, lying down on the bed, his legs dangling at the ends.
I felt my vision blur and I knew those stupid tears were at it again. But I couldn't control them. It was my fault after all. Armaan had hurt me, yes, he had, and big time...But I hadn't hurt him less, had I? I had been the culprit all along! If I hadn't been so stupid...So damn stupid...
But he should have just told me, my mind argued. He didn't need to pull it so far!
I tried preventing my sobs, but in vain, and I saw his head turn to me in surprise. Rushing towards me, he pulled me into his arms, holding me tight, letting me remove it all out.
But then, there was still a loophole in his story...
"If you're not really engaged, why is everyone talking about it so enthusiastically?" I asked, pulling back and he gulped. "They all were in on it?" I asked, wishing he would say no.
"Uh...It wasn't their fault. I forced them into it. Seriously, please don't be mad at them!"
"My parents, your parents, Rhea, Nikki?" I asked aghast ignoring his please and Armaan chose to remain silent. "But Niks...She knew about me...Didn't she tell you?"
"I didn't tell her...She found out...Right after her bachelorette. Abhi had told her about your entire *ahem* performance, and well, she talked to me right the next day...
Flashback:- Nikki's Wedding Day
"So you're still saying that there's nothing between you two? Armaan she proclaimed her love for you in front of everyone last night!" Nikki looked at Armaan, trying to get some sense knocked into his thick head!
"Nikki what're you even on about!" Armaan sighed. He wasn't at all interested in having this conversation with Nikki. If Riddhima remembered the previous night's events, his problems were sorted.
"Armaan don't act! Do you need more proof than this? And I'v seen the way you look at her, the way you're always somewhere around her, the look on your face when we came to pick you up at the airport and you saw her running towards you! You think I'm an idiot?" Nikki glared at him and Armaan rolled his eyes.
"God Nikki! Relax! Fine I'll just tell you the truth! So you cut me some slack! I'm not engaged to Andrea!"
"And so Nikki came to know..."
"And you still chose to continue with your sick game!" I exclaimed and he looked down guiltily. "And Andrea? If you'd broken up with her'"
"Yeah, uh, when I announced that we were engaged, she had no idea about my masterplan. I had to tell her about it before she came here. She had no idea. And she agreed because she knew about my feelings for you and well, she didn't want to miss a chance of annoying you!" Armaan gave me an apologetic smile and I scowled.
"You!" I shouted and he whispered a 'Hush!' to stop me from waking the entire house. The clock showed it was early hours of morning, quarter past 5, and I toned down my voice.
"If you think, that I'm just gonna forgive you and fall right into your arms..." I marched towards him and poked my index finger in his ribs, "....then you-are-absolutely-wrong!" I looked at him daggers and saw his eyes widen in fear. I almost laughed at his expressions but controlled myself somehow!
"And, if you think, this is the way a guy proposes to a girl, you are wrong again!"
"WHAT? Riddhima you crazy? I made an entire plan to get you to confess! I mean I faked my own engagement! I can't get more romantic than this! You can't expect a Prince and a White Horse and then giving you a red rose, and in a complete candle-light dinner setting! I'm not doing all that rubbish! I've already crossed all limits of insanity because of you!" Armaan groaned and said to me angrily.
I glared back and retorted, "Then I won't be with you even after I'm dead, if this is what your 'proposal' is!" I caught his hand and dragged him to the door, pushing him out, and before he could retort, I shut the door, locking it.
I heard him sigh and mutter 'GIRLS!' outside the door, but from his sigh, I could sense he was smiling.
And as for me...I looked at myself in the mirror. My tear-stained face now glowed. Smiling widely, I jumped on my bed and jumped up and down till my breathing stopped.
Bouncing on the bed and lying down, I shut my eyes, my smile not leaving my face.
"He loves me!" I whispered into the empty silence. "He loves me!" I felt a single tear slide down the corner of my eye and make it's way down my ear. "He loves me!" I whispered yet again, trying to register every word of his in my mind...
Sitting up, I looked at his picture which I had been hugging a while ago and crying to my heart's content. And now I couldn't stop smiling! Life surely played weird games on you!
But now, it was my turn to play! I would surely not let Mr. Armaan Peanuts Mallik off the hook so easy! Oh no! He was gonna pay! Big time!
Smiling away, I grabbed his picture, hugged it tight, and looked forward to a dreamless sleep!
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Mayur SS: A Walk To Remember
Author: thenarcissist Replies: 66 Views: 8779
|thenarcissist||66||8779||11 February 2011 at 11:49am by dynamic_doll|
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