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Kool Comments : Dharmesh issue Edited note pg 15 (Page 11)

malinn Goldie
malinn
malinn

Joined: 31 August 2005
Posts: 1167

Posted: 10 March 2011 at 9:58am | IP Logged
Originally posted by simmy78

I so wanted to keep out of the discussions and remain the silent reader. But I am drawn to share something. 

My best friend has an elder sister and both of them were raised by their single mom because the father died. They lived with their father's brother because the mom did not feel safe to raise girls alone in India. The uncle and his wife abused the girls and their mother on a daily basis but they kept quiet because of the Mom. The younger one (my friend) was the daring one and she fought every time the uncle abused but her options were limited too. So she also focussed on her education and took loans and came to the US. Now she has a steady job and an independent life. Now she supports her Mom, pampers her, brings her to the US and basically they have a gala time. She supports her uncle's family too. Slowly this is helping the Mom to become strong and stand up to uncle because she feels her own is there to support her now. But her sister just gave in to all the abuse and did not fight or focus on her self development. She is living a stable life too, but her marriage and her in laws and her life now, is not of her preference. 

The younger one waited patiently and focused on her self development, took the money from the uncle to support her education, bore all the abuse but did not let her self development stop. So now she has a deep sense of self respect because the independence and freedom is giving wings to the self respect feelings. 

The elder one did not want to take uncle's money because she was scared and did not want to upset him more (I know Vaishu's reasons are diff). But the bottom line is that she feels even more sad and helpless in life on a daily basis. She does not have courage to stand up to abuse done by in laws. 

I know the Vaishali case is diff here. But life has certain moments where you have to gulp down your pride, do whats best for the present so the future can be what you want it to be. Closing down options impulsively sometimes has big costs. It had in my friend's sister's case. 

Facing deep adversity myself and having met so many diff people over the course of my life, I have come to believe one thing - Our experiences govern our thinking and shape our choices. those you have seen the tough side of life end up thinking practically too along with only idealistically. Those who have been blessed to stay away from tough adversity (I am not talking about usual ups and downs) have the luxury of idealistic thinking alone. 

In this case its not even a matter or self respect or idealistic view point. Its pure birthright of a child on both the parent's resources. Vaishu has a right on both her parents whether Manju likes it or not and her child has a right on Dharmu whether Vaishu likes it or not.
 
 
Simmy.........ab bola....don't ever give your opinions again......sweety - you are so out of line here
 
What kind of advise are you giving here????/ What kind of an example is this?????
 
I am not making small or even talking about the horrible things that must have been done to the poor girls.......But your advise - to BEAR ABUSE....take HELP....to become STRONGER and INDEPENDENT in future is ridiculous.....
 
To even think of supporting the abusive uncle and aunt is ridiculous......
 
Child abuse and child molestation are UNFORGIVABLE in and under any circumstances...... NOBODY and NOBODY should have to go through it for any reason whatsoever......
 
Its like sorry for the word....but whoring oneself......to help further one's education......whcih is a very real and major problem in the western world....since education is very expensive.....
 
To even suggest bearing abuse to wrangle money out of the person..........UHHH.....
 
I am sorry.....I can understand that the child had no option.......but do not make it out as an example one can follow......please.....
 

naava IF-Dazzler
naava
naava

Joined: 20 July 2010
Posts: 2629

Posted: 10 March 2011 at 10:10am | IP Logged
Originally posted by simmy78

Those who have been blessed to stay away from tough adversity (I am not talking about usual ups and downs) have the luxury of idealistic thinking alone. 

In this case its not even a matter or self respect or idealistic view point. Its pure birthright of a child on both the parent's resources. Vaishu has a right on both her parents whether Manju likes it or not and her child has a right on Dharmu whether Vaishu likes it or not.
 

So well said simmy..(underlined)  .  and thank you for sharing your friend's story. i was a single parent trying to raise two children on my own.  i know the issues involved in this discussion only too well.....and it is the right of the child to be supported from both parents..it has nothing to do with the issues between the husband and wife.  It's a vertical relationship (child to parent - parent to child)...angry spouses do SO MUCH DAMAGE to their children by not growing up.  it's not idealism that is the issue . it is selfishness. 

Again, Simmy, thanks for not remaining silent reader. Your comments are right on and most appreciated. 

Hug


Edited by naava - 10 March 2011 at 10:10am

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Dabulls23 IF-Stunnerz
Dabulls23
Dabulls23

Joined: 31 October 2005
Posts: 28599

Posted: 10 March 2011 at 10:30am | IP Logged

Malinn dear

Hello nice to meet you in PRland..Been reading your posts and debates last few days & I could not help myself but write this after reading everything...Forum is for everyone to voice their opinions.We all have right to do so.. At times we agree and disagree but we must respect each other..
 
Voicing your opinion is one thing but personally attacking someone's post and their views by calling names w/o knowing them personally is not fair..We all watch this serial and try writing objectively as much as we can w/o letting our personal thinking or feelings involved..Our personal views are based on our own life's experiences at times but we do try to put them on a side for silly serials like this..This is virtual world..People behind computers w/o faces but they are real people and have feelings too..We must not disregard that..
 
If you don't agree on any specific member's post why dont you make your own seperate post w/o quoting and voice your opinion instead of questioning and attacking someone else's views..Can't you respect that? Even if you do why can't it be not so personal..This applies to all of us including myself...Egging someone on and challenging a war of words is not a good way of breaking into a new forum for anyone..
 
Please do not take my post personally..I am not trying to butt in...Just could not help myself from writing..You have some great & valid points too which could be conveyed on your own and would be appreciated by members..If I offend you or hurt your feelings than I apologize in advance...Thank you for reading..
 
May there be peace on this forum..This serial is sure not worth personally attacking anyone IMHO..
 
Peace Out...Have fun..Take care
 
Varsha-DB
 
Disclaimer: I am not any specific member's friend nor belong to a grp-click...I am an individual member and a person with my own views..Big smile
 


Edited by Dabulls23 - 10 March 2011 at 10:40am

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koolsadhu1000 IF-Sizzlerz
koolsadhu1000
koolsadhu1000

Joined: 03 July 2007
Posts: 20976

Posted: 10 March 2011 at 10:38am | IP Logged
Simmy.........ab bola....don't ever give your opinions again......sweety - you are so out of line here
 
What kind of advise are you giving here????/ What kind of an example is this?????
 
malinn........You cannot tell other members NEVER to post simply coz you dont agree with them .
.
They have as much right to post as u have . Simmy didnt tell that ABUSE shud be tolerated  .She gave her perspective . YOUR understanding of her post was wrong .
 
Even if u understand her posts wrongly or mine wrongly ........this doesnt mean u can tell people to stop posting and that their posts r ridiculous .
 
U told me too , Kools Dont be afraid of HARDSHIPS . U dont know the first thing about me yet u made this personal comment . I ignored it as took zero offence ..why ?Coz I dont like fights on my thread . Its healthy Debate Thread and has stayed that way till now .
 
But this doesnt mean others will keep quiet .They may not like such comments , so please refrain from getting personal .
 
This is a request .
 

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goblueNot_a_fanLuvSSevernaavabee5anu rulzDabulls23-Swetha-

malinn Goldie
malinn
malinn

Joined: 31 August 2005
Posts: 1167

Posted: 10 March 2011 at 10:44am | IP Logged
Thanks Varsha.......
 
Can't help but feel that maybe you are taking sides.......But thats no issue.....
 
I hope you are talking about my post wrt to Simmy......I know I got carried away......But I do believe that it is immature and insensitive and ridiculous to state that it is ok to bear abuse for the larger purpose of making money to gain a more independent life....to go on to become stronger...... Such kind of thinking is regressive and almost criminal.......
 
Other than that.........all my other posts have been extremely general......I have in each one of my posts been extremely careful to keep them polite.......they are not defamatory nor do they attack anyone.......
 
If you think a healthy discussion is not possible in a forum.....then it defeats the very purpose of the same.......
 
If you are someone's friend......and are offended by my posts......then, such a friendship is limiting.... is all I can say.....popular does not mean 100% right....one must accept the brickbats if one does the bouquets.......
 
Please re-read all of my posts......and then re-frame your message for me......
 
 
malinn Goldie
malinn
malinn

Joined: 31 August 2005
Posts: 1167

Posted: 10 March 2011 at 10:50am | IP Logged

Wrt Simmy's post........I know its her perspective.......but it is in the form of and example.......

Do you know.......people who visit child po*nography sites are as liable as those who make them....... its a crime.....any ways you look at it......
 
I am sorry, but if someone gives advise like that.......then I shall object......
 
Possibly, what I said was harsh.......so I shall apologise to Simmy......but my stand still remains....
 
As regards what I said to you.....there are many things that you too have said to me.....which I have kept quiet about Kool......
 
I know you find it hard to take criticism......but thats a character flaw....just like all humans have....
 
Would you like me to cut-paste what all you wrote for me......but then I am sure many others will object.......since I am not so cool......
 
malinn Goldie
malinn
malinn

Joined: 31 August 2005
Posts: 1167

Posted: 10 March 2011 at 11:01am | IP Logged
And one more thing kool......
 
Why didn't you write that we exchanged pm's before we began this thread.......
 
I wrote to you that its a debate....nothing personal or offensive......and you wrote....Don't be offended by mine as I didn't be offended by yours?????
 
Why didn't you write that we discussed that I like all your posts but this is the only one that I am disagreeing with........that your Dharmesh post....was in direct response to my post........
 
I never once took objection.....
 
I know you have a lot of friends sweety.......but don't let this go to your head......or squash any point that is contrary to yours.......think about it.......and let me tell you...there are many who agree with all what i said.....there are many who share opinions which are not the same as yours......
 
I still maintain......that my intention was simply a good argument....which Kool has taken personally.......
 
I strongly request all those who read this....to read the 2 threads.....Kool Commentary of the 8th March and Dharmesh's issue......Please read all the posts in the context and advise me.......am I right?
 
 
koolsadhu1000 IF-Sizzlerz
koolsadhu1000
koolsadhu1000

Joined: 03 July 2007
Posts: 20976

Posted: 10 March 2011 at 11:31am | IP Logged
Why didn't you write that we exchanged pm's before we began this thread.......
 
Why should I mention That ? Any reason ? Ok , If u want me to I will mention it ..........U sent me pm saying U meant no offence but disagreed on this Dharmesh issue and I replied I took no offense but I realised I was misunderstood  ! And I posted this post the next day to make my perspective CLEAR . SO ????
 
But now ur telling members to STOP POSTINg , comparing it with child po*nography what not , telling Varsha that she seems to be a friend of mine or simmy and hence she is taking sides , ..........what is all this ?
 
I even told NO offense when bhallarox pointed out to u that u were being out of line by talking thus . She was actually right . Yet i showed incredible patience with u .
 
I request u to end this matter . We always have healthy debates , no one gets personal on this thread .Please keep it that way .

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