Joined: 08 February 2010
Ahem stood frozen in the same place since Ria and Gopi started talking. He couldn't move even after they left. What Gopi told Ria was playing in his mind over and over.
He never thought about how his mistreatment of Gopi had affected her. When he thought about the things he said to her in the past, he wanted to shoot himself, the worst part was he hadn't only been emotionally abusive towards her he had raised his hand to her, no wonder she still feared him.
How will he ever convince her that his inability to love her was not because there was something wrong with her, or there was something missing in her, but his own insecurity and fear of losing control had stopped him from loving her and react to her the way he had.
God knows he loved his mom, but his parents' relationship had affected him in a big way. He never questioned his mom on anything she did, but sometimes the way she treated his dad, had made him think he would never give a woman that kind of power over him.
The feelings were reinforced when he saw the way his married colleagues were treated by their wives. Even Jigar was not spared, he saw the way Rashi treated him and manipulated him had always made him mad, and it made him lash out at Jigar for not standing up to Rashi. When he tried to speak to Jigar about it he always claimed he loved Rashi and wanted to make her happy. In Ahem's opinion love made person blind, so he was not going to have any of it, little did he know that Gopi would change all that in her quiet ways, but he had fought her in every way he can, and when he realized what he was doing it was too late, before he could start working on his relationship with her she disappeared and now she is back but she will never trust him.
Ahem goes to his room and stand by the window, his mind is racing with all the thoughts of the past.
The day he slapped Gopi, and the things he said to her, he turns and walks toward his cubbard and pulls out the things he had shown her and told her how he cherished everything his mom ever gave him, so he will tolerate her for his mom's sake, but she wasn't even worth his hatred. He closed his eyes and flinched at remembering her tears and the pain in her eyes. He had been at his lowest on that day.
He thought about the day he met her for the first time, the lights had gone out at the MM and then he had seen her standing there with the diya in her hand, and when she was stepping down the steps, how she had missed a step and had almost fallen if he hadn't caught her hands. The first thought that had come to his mind was she was total opposite of Anita and all the other girls he had met in the past. Her sari was simple, she had light make up on her face, but what had amazed him was the blush on her cheeks, her shy smile and the sparkle in her eyes. Then he had felt her hands in his and jolt of electricity had gone through his whole body, then the lights had come on and it had brought him back to reality. That first encounter had put him on defensive.
All through the wedding festivities he had realized he had never felt like that with Anita. He realized Anita had been a habit; he had met her at college when he was away from the family and was lonely. With Anita he had just kind of fallen in to the relationship, it was friendship at first; he never knew when they became exclusive. He continued the relationship after college thinking that's what he needed in a wife, someone who would be there for him when he had to attend business parties, someone who was his equal, someone who looked good on his arm, never realizing his mom had different plans for him, or Anita was not the type of DIL the Modi family needed. Deep down Ahem knew that Anita would make him a good wife, but not a good DIL. She would have never cared for his family the way Gopi did, may be that is why it had been so easy for him to reject Anita.
He thought he had sacrificed all his hopes and dreams for his mom's sake and her desire for a traditional girl like Gopi, who would not only take care of him, but his family also. He had gone in to the marriage with good intentions, to try to do the best, continue to make his mom happy. He knew his mom chose Gopi for him because, Gopi would be the type of the girl who would blend into his family with her quiet ways, and the way she never disobeyed anyone, or talked back to anyone, so he had agreed thinking he won't have to worry about loving her, he would keep his distance from her and they would eventually fall into a routine.
But before they could start their marriage on the right foot, the misunderstandings started happening, and he started thinking she was just like all the others. That her simple and quiet ways were all an act so she could become the Modi DIL.
He had been so wrong in his thinking, not realizing until it was too late that Gopi really was what she portrayed to be. He wouldn't have had to worry about giving her power over him, because even if he had she would not have abused that power. She would have been standing beside him for the better or the worst.
His physical attraction to her had not helped the situation. He figured if he gave in to his desire for her, she would think she can make him do anything, so he hid his physical attraction from her. He remembered the day Kinjles' engagement to Elesh, she had come out in that Green ghagra choli, and he stopped in his track watching her, and all the other incidents when he had noticed how beautiful she looked.
He didn't know how long he sat there thinking about the past, he looked up to see his mom entering his room, and asks him if he was feeling ok.
His mom sat down beside him, he looked over at her and said mom why didn't you ever tell me you and Nani plotted to get me and Gopi closer?
Koki is surprised and said how did you know about that?
Ahem gives her a sad smile and told her he heard Gopi talking to Ria earlier that's how he knew.
Koki is sad, she said to Ahem you don't know how much I regretted that, if I hadn't made you promise, and let things be then Gopi wouldn't have left. Your Nani was planning to visit longer, but Gopi asked us to do something before you really got sick, and she also felt that when you get to know the truth you would feel hurt and betrayed. Even then she only thought of you and your feelings.
Ahem once again looks at his mom, with regret, and said I wished I had realized her worth sooner. I don't know if she will ever look at me again the way she used to. She is so different now, she has learned to hide her feelings from everyone, how will I convince her that I want to be married to her, that I have come to care for her.
Koki says to Ahem, she still cares for you, otherwise she wouldn't have sent the tea up for you, and that is why she also made this Kheer for you, because I had mentioned how you haven't asked for it in a long while.
You are going to have to give her time to come around. Ahem gets impatient and says, but mom she won't even look at me, let alone talk to me, how will I convince her to give me a second chance?
Koki replies by saying you are going to need help, talk to Jigar and her friend Ria, I am sure they will help you. I brought some Kheer up for you since you didn't have it earlier.
After Koki leaves, Ahem thinks mom is right I am going to need help and decided to talk to Jigar next morning.
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