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Rang Badalti Odhani
Rang Badalti Odhani

Casa 50B on 146 Most links on Page 1) (Page 45)

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Posted: 30 March 2011 at 2:28pm | IP Logged

It ws beautiful aditee..........!!

very well written....!!luvdd it..!!
Fabbbb updateee........................
 
do cont. soon...........!!

angel_9 Goldie
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Posted: 30 March 2011 at 9:29pm | IP Logged
Hi Aditee .................loved the update...................
beautiful.................awesome...............amazing.........................
last lines in blue.......................omg................wonderful...................
amazing description.................loved it.............
continue soon...............
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Posted: 30 March 2011 at 10:10pm | IP Logged
I was so caught up in the magical atmosphere of Indo-Pak match that I ceased to check on anything. Now I checked up on ur story & what do I get, 2 parts back to back! And silly me I read the last part & thought something is not fitting in & checked back 2 pages & found the previous one & finally devoured it & then it made complete sense.
I loved the little mundane details in ur story which forms a huge undercurrent between them. It simply thrills me & I always end up smiling about it. The mere gesture of her looking in to his shirt buttons & how its sewed LOL to it, his picking the edge of her skirt to put it in the car, his reversing the car holding the back of her seat, their eyes involuntarily meets whenever they leave............some commonplace gestures & yet here it is of magnitude proportion!
Jealousy.....thy name is Love! And both r so jealous of any intruder in their lives which doesn't involve them! Love it! Somehow I am expecting a volatile next part. Will Khanak concede to his demand or simply try to walk out? And if she does that how will he stop her? Ooohhhh so many scenarios r popping in my mind! Love this cat & mouse game!  Big smile And he could so see through her defense system of 'I love my husband'.......he knows its more to convince herself than him & to ward him off with that weapon! Big smile Amazing!
Great job Aditee, seriously am adoring this FF & ur unique writing style! Clap

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Posted: 31 March 2011 at 12:53am | IP Logged

PART 16 B

Monday 9 PM

It takes Khanak  a few minutes to recover from the shock. She is staring out her window.

Khanak: This is ridiculous! (ferociously)

Shaan: I agree! Khanak

Khanak: I have said your name many times, you just have been too busy to notice. (defiant)

Shaan: It shouldn't be too big a deal then? (taunts)

Khanak: Why are you doing this? (looks at him finally, pleading)

His fingers are drumming on the Burlwood java leather steering.

His eyes roaming over her face taking in her agitation

Shaan: U said u were dispassionate correct? So why is this so hard for you Khanak?

Khanak: Is this a joke?

Shaan: What do you think?

Khanak: OK if that's what it will take for us to go from here (sullen)

Shaan: Yep! Its actually very easy Khanak'.. a simple "Shaan" would do (mocks)

Pause

She stares at the circular lock on the glove compartment. "This is idiotic! He is just a coworker" " Why the hell does this have to be a drama" all thoughts cross her mind, yet the name refuses to leave her lips

Khanak: Sh........ (clears her throat) Shantanu! Please! (the drumming stops at the moment when their eyes meet........... What is supposed to come out as a unemotional inanimate word, comes out as a passionate plea)

Their hearts are racing with each other on some speedway. Time stand still yet again'''..

No thank yous, no "Can we go now" No teasing no taunts

He hits the button without taking his eyes off her

She holds his gaze until he tears his away from hers to focus on the road in order to merge

They don't say anything, his name floats aimlessly between them. He continues to savor the tone the huskiness the voice, completely blown away by her use of the full name not "Shaan"

Since she always thought of him as shantanu there was no way it would have come out differently she thinks. "He must think I am an 18th century maiden" She is mortified and nervous all at the same time.

She opens the window a lil, salty warm breeze mixed with tiny droplets find solace inside the car''' on her, closes her eyes, letting them find a home, leans back

He looks at her resting like that a half smile crosses his lips, he doesn't say anything.

She seems more relaxed now. Something had been let out. Felt liberated may be''''.

He hits the radio.

Kishore Da is singing

Jal gaye jo dhoop mein to saaya ho gaye,
Aasaman ka koi kona odhaa so gaye,
Jo guzar jaati hai bas usape guzar karate hain

Raah pe rahate hain yaadon pe basar karate hain,
khush raho ahale vatan, ho, ham to safar karate hain

He goes to change it

Khanak: please! (almost touches his wrist)

Shaan looking at her curiously " You like this one?"

Khanak: It is his favorite! (reminiscing fondly)

Shaan's face pales in shock. He leaves it on. She listens with her eyes closed, head resting, again NOW SHE IS SMILING

He has a sinking feeling inside, like something secure in his fist a moment ago had escaped'''..

He wanted to know her!

He wanted to feel what she was feeling.

He wanted to be close to her

He didn't want to be treated like an alien.

He wanted to dig deep inside the aloof distant person and unravel her mystery.

She was very private, spoke so little.

He pulls over into the parking lot of the Barista at the Sion Trombay Road and parks

Startled she wakes up

Shaan: You owe me a coffee remember?

Khanak: NOW?

Shaan: Kyon? Tum mat peena, mujhe coffee pialo and we can get out of here

She is confused for a minute

Checks her watch  9.22 PM

He opens her door and then the back door so she can get her bag.

She is still lost in Sooraj's thoughts

Joins him like a zombie and they walk inside the rain is falling hard, the place is crowded like it's a Friday evening

The line extends out to the door and people are standing in groups inside chatting, wiping water off their faces'''.

He walks in briskly, she is a few steps behind and loses him

Not finding her by his side, he turns around and notices her being caught in the middle of a group

Walks over, reaches and holds her right hand (with no ulterior motive just as a "navigatior" )

When his fingers close on her palm and tug she looks up at him, he is leading the way, and obviously not looking at her.

In a restaurant teeming with people, two people hold hands for the first time. Unaware of how it affects her, he secures his grip and walks carving a path between crying toddlers, flying dupattas and tangled hand bangs

They walk up to the menu. Its  crowded, noisy and the music is too loud for some reason.

People standing in line are gawking and chatting, to them shaan and Khanak appear to be a "couple".

Standing there, gazing up at the  electronic menu display.

He reads and points,

Khanak: What?

He bends down and speaks softly in her ear. They are as close as they've ever been. He is still holding her hand.

Shaan: U shud eat.

Khanak: nahi mujhe ghar jaana chahiye

Shaan: Is your roommate waiting? (curious) (meets her eyes)

Khanak: Umm' nahi who'' Trishna'.. U know'''The engagement'.

Shaan: I know Trishna Khanak (smiles)

Khanak: They went shopping today so who aaj raat ko Mamiji ke ghar rahegi.

Shaan: Then we shud eat. (firm)

Khanak: Kitni bheed hai yahan (stands on her toes and whispers into his ear)

Shaan: (bending down into her ear) Don't worry the lines are not too long, they have all the 5 registers ringing, shudnt take long. Chalo

Continues to hold her hand and and they walk back to the end of the line

People standing in line gawk''. One girl gushes to her boyfriend "What a cute Jodi"

He smiles.

Shaan and Khanak wait for their turn order, and he tells the girl to charge Khanak for the coffee

She smiles "Youll pay for the food?"

Shaan: YeS! Please!

Khanak protests.

Shaan: Now you owe me a meal Khanak  (smiles at her) (fishes his wallet out of his back pocket with his right hand, reluctantly letting go of her left to get his card out)

She uses the freedom to get cash out of her purse. She pays for the coffee, he gets her the change.

Pays for the food with his credit card.

 

The person that trays the food tells them there is room upstairs and it should be much quieter also

They take the spiral wrought iro staircase, he hols the food and lets her climb up first.

They find a table in a quiet corner over looking the street, its all blurred as the rain's beating down on the glass

She has ordered a spinach corn sandwich, he has ordered a lemon chicken wrap.

She tries to enjoy her food but is too nervous to say much

Shaan: dont you like it? (concerned)

Khanak: its OK''

Khanak: How is yours? (courteous)

Shaan: Fine''' good actually.

Khanak: oh! Good. What did u get?

Shaan: Chicken! (grins)

Khanak: Oh! Hmm'.

Shaan: I am not a vegetarian Khanak, I hardly eat any actually

Khanak: That's great! (mocks)

Shaan: You obviously don't approve, I can see!

Khanak: No! Really (none of my biz kinda tone)

They both eat for a minute. He is facing the inside, she is facing the window and there is nothing to see out

Shaan: What was his name?

Khanak looks at him in surprise'''.. realizes quickly and a warm feeling overtakes her "Oh! SOORAJ"

He is looking at her carefully. Every lil expression gets registered

Shaan: Did he listen to a lot of Hindi songs?

Khanak: yep! Kishore Kumar's his favorite''''.. (realizes the present tense) "He love'd (faint) him"

He doesn't say a word

Khanak: wont your folks be looking for you? Unless you live by yourself.

Shaan: Remember I am probably " too young" to live by myself? (taunt from the time he visits her house for the first time)

She is quite flustered''.. "I guess. So you must go home soon"

Shaan: How old do you think I am Khanak?

She has to look at him, which she does, quits playing with her food for a change'' he is almost done with his.

Khanak: I have no idea. (Don't ask him Khanak her mind screams) (starts counting the corn spilled over from her mutilated sandwich)

Shaan: Take a guess

"NO KHANAK! DON'T DO IT" says her mind "22 ''. Maybe 23" (softly)

He smiles

Khanak: or may be 20! ("God! This is so wrong! I am 4 years older than him and on the verge of being attracted to him" she is mortified)

Shaan: I am 27 Khanak!

There was no need to feel joyous actually but a small bubble formed in her heart and rolled  snow balling down her insides, the effect was visible in her sparkling eyes for a second, and that lovely gush of color on her face

Khanak: Oh!

Shaan: are you disappointed? (husky)

Khanak: NO!

Shaan: So you are happy then? (smiles)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZTjSDVPW0U

Here is the link to one of the most beautiful songs in Bollywood history

Raah Pe Rehte Hain
 
Kishore Da, Burman Da, Gulzaar Saab, Sanjeev Kumar from the film Namkeen
 
The mention of this song on this FF is a special tribute to a very dear friend of Saaz's who was widowed very young, and happened to react the exact same way as mentioned above, when Saaz was driving her some place.
 
Here is hoping, wishing and praying she found love again
 
Here is for lovely friendships like Saaz's and her friend's and all of yours
 
The journey of my life  has been made memorable because of the beautiful moments spent on this Forum with all of you
 
"Raah pe Rehte Hain
Yaadon pe basar karte hain"
 
"Jo guzar jaati hai bus
Us pe guzar karte hain"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Edited by aditee - 31 March 2011 at 1:54am

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aditee IF-Rockerz
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Posts: 7594

Posted: 31 March 2011 at 12:59am | IP Logged
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZTjSDVPW0U
Here is the link to one of the most beautiful songs in Bollywood history
 
Kishore Da, Burman Da, Gulzaar Saab, Sanjeev Kumar from the film Namkeen
 
The mention of this song on this FF is a special tribute to a very dear friend of Saaz's who was widowed very young, and happened to react the exact same way as mentioned above, when Saaz was driving her some place.
 
Here is hoping, wishing and praying she found love again
 
Here is for lovely friendships like Saaz's and her friend's and all of yours
 
The journey of my life  has been made memorable because of the beautiful moments spent on this Forum with all of you
 
"Jo guzar jaati hai bus
Us pe guzar karte hain"


Edited by aditee - 31 March 2011 at 1:29am

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tina2minaAnu80vaish_123-Ray-RB81kubare

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Posts: 3727

Posted: 31 March 2011 at 1:11am | IP Logged
That  was SUPERB !!!
 
How beautifully u r bringing them together bit by bitSmile
 
I cant wait for the nxt part....I really cantSmile
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Posts: 13949

Posted: 31 March 2011 at 1:12am | IP Logged
Okay Ads,still catching up!Just read the part where he wants her to say his name.OMG!!Can I say how sexy that is and how gushy it makes me.I am all for the ladies to stutter and finally saying the name which makes it much more fantastic!!!Loved it

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aditee

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Posted: 31 March 2011 at 1:15am | IP Logged
Originally posted by aditee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZTjSDVPW0U
Here is the link to one of the most beautiful songs in Bollywood history
 
Kishore Da, Burman Da, Gulzaar Saab, Sanjeev Kumar from the film Namkeen
 
The mention of this song on this FF is a special tribute to a very dear friend of Saaz's who was widowed very young, and happened to react the exact same way as mentioned above, when Saaz was driving her some place.
 
Here is hoping, wishing and praying she found love again
 
Here is for lovely friendships like Saaz's and her friend's and all of yours
 
The journey of my life  has been made memorable because of the beautiful moments spent on this Forum with all of you
 
"Jo guzar jaati hai bus
Us pe guzar karte hain"
 
thanks a LOT for the link!
 
...nd when Shaan asked khanak her late husbands name...my heart skipped a beat....thats the effect of ur writing on meSmile

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