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Special shout outs:
- Thank you to everyoneeeee who left behind LONG comments in the last part. This part is dedicated to you(You know who you are, I don't want to take names in case I miss someone)!
- Thanks to Phatty, Noma and Preeti for the inspiration/encouragement, tehe!
IMP NOTE: The beginning has some intense scenes, feel free to skip it if you're not comfortable!
Part 15: Indifference
"ARMAAN!" She gasped.
Ignoring her for the umpteenth time, he pulled her closer to himself and gazed at her frightened face worriedly, eliminating the little strength Ridhima had in herself to push him away. "Please" she whispered, shutting her eyes as he intoxicated her with his breath taking cologne. "Uh-huh" he gently shook his head in refusal. Placing his lips on the love bite he'd left behind a while ago, he bit her again in the same place making her moan in pain and then licked it to soothe the pain he'd caused. Ridhima felt him place a trail of kisses on her collarbone, slowly shifting towards her earlobe and licking it hungrily before chewing and biting it gently. Unconsciously, she fisted his hair harshly and groaned louder than ever before as he bit her, adding passion to his inner-most desires, feeling as if he'd never loved anyone like this before. There was this sudden sense of happiness within him to see her reciprocating and giving in to him. He loved the fact that he could make any girl give in to him, but she had always been different from the rest...it wasn't easy to get into close proximity with her, especially because she kept her distance, but now he felt as if she was the one who was closing the distance between the two of them, or at least allowing him to. Armaan busied one of his hands by caressing her thigh tenderly before pulling her leg up and pushing her closer to the wall. Ridhima's nails dug into his skin as she felt his passion arousing, kissing her everywhere up to her cleavage, gently sucking onto her skin. This was it, he had finally found the opportunity and hence, picked her up in his arms, startling Ridhima, and placed her on his king sized bed. Ridhima attempted to move back but he drew her closer to himself removing the space between them. He nuzzled his head into her nape, making his lips linger there smoothly, smiling against her milky white skin.
All this while, Ridhima could feel her eyes welling up ' not because of the close proximity that they shared, but because she was unsure of what to do. There was something about him, which eradicated all the strength in her to say No to him. Pulling her beneath him, he pinned her on the bed to get a closer view of her angelic face. Her face spelt uneasy written all over it and he smiled at her drowsily ' his eyes barely able to stay open now. Slowly leaning over to her ear, he whispered "I've never seen someone as beautiful as you" making Ridhima's heart thud louder than ever and her cheeks turned a noticeable bright crimson. He grazed his lips on hers teasingly before biting her lower lip hard which resulted in it bleeding continuously. He looked at her delicate lip stunned for a moment and then kissed it smoothly to brush the small amount of blood away. Ridhima shuddered under him and shut her eyes tightly, her emotions and feelings were indescribable ' there was a part of her mind which couldn't resist his touch whereas there was a part of her heart which understood the consequences if they went any further. Yet her heart was overpowering her mind, giving her no chance to think twice about the consequences. As she felt his fingers graze against her back she shivered and suddenly he began to unzip her dress once again. Her eyes snapped open and she stared at him horrified. She pushed him away instantly and crossed her hands across her chest hastily. Armaan looked at her confused as to why she had just done that. He stared at her looking away from him and at the floor anxiously, breathing heavily. He held onto his heavy head and ran his fingers through his hair guiltily as he realised what he'd just done. A pang of guilt and sorrow hit him as he stared at her petite figure walking away, sobbing silently, into the bathroom holding onto her dress. What was he supposed to say to her? How could he put it into words what had gotten through him? He'd never craved for someone so much, perhaps it was more than craving...it was something else - a different feeling he'd never experienced before.
Walking into the bathroom silently, she shut the door behind her and slid down against the door, crying hysterically. Her mind recollected the night's events and she felt her heart burn. There was something which didn't seem right. It had all gone wrong. She could feel her eyes welling up - not because of the close proximity that they shared, but because she was unsure of what to do. What was wrong with her? It was Armaan who wasn't in his senses, but she was! So what the hell was she thinking in the first place? Even after his words resounded in her mind, she still didn't take any action against it. He'd make her go weak in the knees unknowingly and that in return had resulted in her not refuting and backing out. She covered her mouth to stop herself from sobbing audibly but found herself wincing in pain as her fingers brushed against her swollen lower lip. Standing up on her feet again, she faced the mirror and stared at herself. Her lower lip was swollen; Armaan's nails had left their marks on her back as well as a huge noticeable love bite on her neck. She grazed her fingers against it gently, remembering the moment, leaving her with a teary smile. Her mind could easily be described as a jigsaw puzzle; she didn't know what she felt or even how she was SUPPOSED to feel. It was still hard to comprehend that they had kissed; she had let him and reciprocated too. What had gotten into her? Was it even right in the first place to feel this way about him? How could she have aroused him to such a great extent, he perhaps thought she wanted to go all the way, hence, his actions to take their relationship to a whole new level. But would he have regretted it the next morning? He was such a mystery; it was hard to unravel him.
I don't know what's happening to me, he's just so perfect in an imperfect way that my heart thaws when he looks at me so intensely. In this last one month he has made me feel so loved and cared for that I've realised I've never felt happier in my life ever before. Sure, he had his flaws but no one is perfect, right? There are these weird feeling that take over my heart when he's near me. My heart beats at a much faster rate; I start to shudder when he touches me, my cheeks burn and whatnot! Is it right for me to even think of him in such a way? We're married, so of course it's fine. But he doesn't believe it and has warned me continuously; yet, I can't help but feel this way. What is this feeling?...Am I...in love with him?
As the sun rays hit his face tenderly, disturbing his sleep, he opened his eyes and felt his head paining. He shook his head attempting to get rid of the pain realising he'd drunk a bit too much yesterday. Flexing his shoulders and head, he yawned and looked around his pin-drop silent room. Just then, his eyes fell on a piece of jewellery next to his pillow, he looked at it puzzled for a few seconds, but as he recollected some blurry visions of yesterday night he ran his fingers through his hair distraughtly. He recalled him and Ridhima making out and how she'd stopped him at the last moment. He'd waited for her to come out of the bathroom so that he could apologise to her, but perhaps his drunken state had gotten the better off him and he'd fallen asleep. Slipping off the bed he looked around the room for Ridhima frantically to see if she was fine. He checked the bathroom, she wasn't there. He checked the bar room, she wasn't there either. Frustrated, he sat down on the sofa rubbing his chin and sighed to himself.
At that very moment, he saw Ridhima walking in the room with a tray in her hand, her face lowered like it used to be when they first started living with each other and a sense of sadness was reflected on her face. Her face looked really pale, as if she'd been crying and hadn't had adequate sleep. She stole a quick glance at him and spoke hesitantly:
"Umm..Armaan...Your tea..." She placed it on the small table next to the sofa and turned away from him, walking towards the door again.
Armaan got up hastily, grabbed her wrist at once as she winced because of his tight hold and struggled to get his hand off her.
"Ridhima..." He began.
"Please Armaan...I..I have to go." She said, grimly.
"No Ridhima. Listen to me." He said, worriedly.
"Umm..I..I have to go..." She repeated coldly. Feeling the tears welling up in her eyes, she tried to turn away from his face.
"No, I'm not letting you go until you listen to me." Armaan said firmly, pinning her against the wall.
"Please Armaan" she sighed tiredly. She didn't have enough strength to face him let alone talk to him.
"Why are you acting so indifferent?" He tried searching for answers by looking into her eyes but she averted her gaze.
"I'm not." She replied, remotely.
"What's this?" He asked as he saw a huge mark on her neck. As he realised it was him last night he looked at her worriedly and pulled her dupatta off it which she had conveniently wrapped around to hide it from everyone. "I'm...I'm so sorry about this Ridhima" he blew on it slightly to soothe the pain if it was hurting her. Ridhima whimperered at the blow but felt at ease as he did that. "Does it hurt?" He rubbed it with his fingers.
"No it doesn't..."
"What about your lip?" He pointed at her lower lip which was swollen.
"No." She replied mechanically. It was as if he was the one putting the effort to make conversation rather than her.
"Are you angry with me?" He asked apprehensively. There were so many questions surrounding his mind that he was finding it extremely difficult to express them to her.
"No." She stated as a matter of fact.
"You are, don't lie to me Ridhima! Look, whatever happened last night shouldn't have happened OK?" He looked at her guiltily. Her head shot up and she stared into his uncomfortable eyes. Ridhima could feel her tears about to trickle down any moment. She tried to prepare herself as she didn't want him to figure out what was actually disturbing her.
"I don't want to talk about it Armaan.." she shut her eyes intending to lock away her tears.
"OK fine. We won't talk about it. But can you at least act normally with me?"
"I am acting normal, Armaan." She said in the same unusual tone.
"Ridhima, didn't I just tell you? Last night shouldn't have taken place!" he pulled her shoulders furiously. He despised anyone showing a cold shoulder to him and Ridhima doing that just made the matters worse for him. "And anyways, why are you over reacting so much? It's not as if anything happened between us. We just got carried away in the moment."
Ridhima looked at him stunned. Carried away in the moment? Is that what he thought of it? Wasn't there anything more he felt like Ridhima...anything more than lust?
"Armaan...over reacting?" she looked at him confused by his choice of words.
"Yes Ridhima. That is what you're doing. And don't try to deny that. It was just a mere kiss!" He sighed heavily at her. He couldn't understand why she was being such a big drama queen, they had fortunately stopped before taking anything to the next level, yet, she was still upset about it.
On the other hand, Ridhima was taken aback once again. Just a mere kiss? That's what he thought of it, perhaps. It didn't make him feel different like it did to Ridhima. It wasn't just a moment of lust for her...it was an amazing feeling of being loved. Oh wait, she forgot that kissing was quite normal for Armaan as he had done it with many girls before!
"Is that...is that what you really think of it Armaan? A mere kiss?"
"What do you expect me to feel then?" He asked her compulsively.
"Do you not feel..." she began, but thought against the question, "...never mind. Just let me go now." She sighed heavily.
"First promise me that you'll act normally with me." He stared at her intently, making her face him.
"I will..." Ridhima uttered in the same tone. She just could not act 'normal' with him again. As much as she tried, last night's memories kept flowing back to her mind and her confusion about her feelings toward Armaan disturbed her.
"For GOD'S SAKE RIDHIMA! WHAT'S wrong with YOU?! You know what?! Just forget it, there's no f**king point of trying to apologise to you. I'm trying things better and what DO YOU DO?! You don't f**king RESPOND!"
"Armaan I..." she looked at him shocked at his sudden outburst.
"No just don't Ridhima seriously! I always knew you were an introvert but I didn't think you'd take such small things to heart!!" He shouted, letting go off her shoulders and pushing her away from himself.
"But Armaan..." Ridhima tried to speak.
"WHY is it so hard to understand you Ridhima?! I just can't seem to comprehend some of your actions!" saying so, Armaan stormed out of their room furiously leaving behind an astonished Ridhima.
Finally the tears that were caged in her eyes trickled down and she sobbed hysterically. Wiping away the tears, she whispered "How do I show you Armaan...that I think...I think I'm in love with you" and shut her eyes tightly.
It's sort of short. :( But I don't have inspiration left now. Your comments are the only thing that seems to encourage me to write these days. So thank you so much! <3
I know there are a lot of questions as to why Armaan reacts the way he does but don't worry, as requested by many, his diary entry is coming and you will be able to understand why he does a few things in this part. I have confused you guys by purpose so that his character is hard to understand. I am sure with time, everything will fall to place. :)
PS: Will send PM's later. <3
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