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Rang Badalti Odhani
Rang Badalti Odhani

-SS- Tum Pukar Lo Updated Epi Pg 26 (Page 18)

shiksha_03 Goldie
shiksha_03
shiksha_03

Joined: 01 January 2011
Posts: 1047

Posted: 06 March 2011 at 7:13am | IP Logged
brilliant part pls update soon

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saaaz

destinylove IF-Rockerz
destinylove
destinylove

Joined: 09 August 2010
Posts: 7616

Posted: 06 March 2011 at 8:24am | IP Logged
WOW!! written on the ruler so emotional good yaar !!!thanx for the pm!!

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saaaz

-YasharanArshi- IF-Rockerz
-YasharanArshi-
-YasharanArshi-

Joined: 26 December 2010
Posts: 6644

Posted: 06 March 2011 at 8:59am | IP Logged
Saazzy .. Thats why i say what an awesome writer you are !!!!!!

As always, i just get lost in the magic that your words weave !!!!!

Loved the Rishta Conversation !!!! - Hhahahahah Shaan shocked and hurt ..Sweeet revenge !!!!!

Goood Neend !!! -  Haaaaye bahoot din hue isse sunkar !!!!!
Great Update Sazzzy !!! Update sooon ....

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saaaz

sampar Senior Member
sampar
sampar

Joined: 04 August 2005
Posts: 426

Posted: 06 March 2011 at 1:41pm | IP Logged
saazzz....it was awesome yaar......ur awesome writer ......ur writing always remind me of  golden RBO yaar........loved rishta aya hai convo....hahahha ....burthal shaan , i was laughing while reading ....hug was sweet .....

thank u for extending...Big smileBig smile....waiting for next part eagerly ....

continue soon 

shai Wink

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saaaz

purvi08 IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 06 March 2011 at 3:56pm | IP Logged
saaz awesome yaarHugHugHugHug

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saaaz

The_May_Rose IF-Sizzlerz
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Joined: 26 February 2010
Posts: 21543

Posted: 06 March 2011 at 4:48pm | IP Logged
Oh Saaz, it's like watching ShaNak in the episodeClapClap.....From the way you write, I can imagine YashAran saying it and acting it!....Brilliant!Star....Can't wait for the next part.....

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saaaz

saaaz IF-Dazzler
saaaz
saaaz

Joined: 30 November 2010
Posts: 4210

Posted: 06 March 2011 at 10:56pm | IP Logged

Thanks to everyone especially

 

@Rooj: oye thanks re…your no PM request came after I sent my PM…..yaar, tere saath gaana gaaneka, jhappi dene ka phir I love you bhi bolne ka…yaar yeh SS ka torment ka revenge kuch jyaada hi expensive hota jaa raha hai….LOL

Hey, but what words did you not get- would be more than happy to translate..

@Vat: Hmm…thankoooROFL..aur aage main kya bolooo...LOL

@Cadbery: Gotcha…Big smile.thanks re…see last part did not take that long na??

@Angel: loved that you loved the beginning..I usually struggle with my beginnings the most

@Mani: Thanks re, your comments make me so happy…they really do..yes, dialogues are what made me love RBO

@Naveen: thank you re

@Simi: aww sweetie, hope your claps stay for the next part too..

@AG: thanks re…

@Deepa: yes sweetie, I replied to PM too

@Vandoo: tu aayee…I hope you like the final part..its dedicated to you

@Anu: You have no idea how happy your comments make me, makes the hours of typing and thinking so worthwhile..no am not in this field..thank god for that…it seems people in this field are not inspired enough…

@Krithika: Thanks so much

@Smitha: thanks re

@Vaishu: CVs gaye tel lenne…tu mera SS padh…

@Shiksha: thank you

@Shriya: you sure you read the right part, your comment seems to be for an earlier part..but thanks anyway

@Shal: thank you so much re for your heartfelt comments

@Shai: yeh part hai final…you know na re, Golden RBO mein hee jeete hain hum…sad but true..

@Sayni: Thanks yaar

@May: Thank you so much, your comment is a great compliment. 


Those who pressed like: aap like..main bhi like....

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saaaz IF-Dazzler
saaaz
saaaz

Joined: 30 November 2010
Posts: 4210

Posted: 06 March 2011 at 11:11pm | IP Logged

I dedicate this part to Vandoo..my dear friend...who no matter how busy in her personal life or inactive here, has always read, commented on every writer's FF/SS on the forum....


Final Part

 

The next day, Shantanu tries to get back from the factory as soon as he can, his work here is almost done, now time for Akshay to take over from here, and his wife to take over him. He hurries towards the school to pick up his wife, and tell her, implore and plead that its time to go back. He looks at his watch, he is afraid he is late.

 

And late he was, as he enters the house, but in time, to watch his wife pleat her saree. He leans on the door with his arms crossed, and he catches her eye in the mirror across her. He smiles and lo and behold, she smiles back. That smile which has always ended in the ringing laughter that has kept him alive for the past month, that smile, through her eyes touches his heart and makes his life complete.

 

Shaan: Tayar ho gayee?

Khanak: (shifting sideways from the mirror and lifting her pleats): Haan, bus yeh '

Shaan: Main madat karoon..

Khanak: Jee?

Shaan: (already on his heels, in front of her feet, holding her pleats and clearly not knowing what to do): Kya aise, Khanak?

Khanak: (with a smile): Aap chodiye, kya kar rahe hai aap, madat ya bigaad rahe hai

Shaan: (gets up and watches her side profile in the mirror): Waise tho tum badi hot lag rahee ho

Khanak: (a little out of her element, bashful): Woh aaj ladke walle aa rahe hai na'

Shaan: Haan bhai, yeh sajna dhajna tho baaki ladkon ke liye ho rahee hai'.

Khanak: (the proximity affecting her more than usual): Jee'?

Shaan: (looks into the mirror and collars up): Waise bolo, main kaisa lag rahaa hoon?? Ladke wallon ke liye??

Khanak: (regains some composure, turns and looks at him through the mirror, scrunches her nose): Aap bahut tooped lag rahe ho'.and sprints out of the room'..

Shaan:  (fists and leans onto the mirror, the one where it all began): Beta Shaan, woh 'teri' biwi hai..itna aasaan tho ho hi nahi sakta..

 

The athmosphere in Gopi's house is one of trepidation. Khanak was getting Gopi ready while Radha bua was offering chai and eats to the guests. Shaan was smiling at the whole scene, finding it cute and was also taking his time checking out the potential groom. So this is the boy who Gopi has given her heart to, not bad..not bad at all. 

He makes small talk when Anand asks him regarding the upcoming factory, but the entry of their hearts into the room makes both the men get up from their seats and as Khanak seats Gopi down, Shaan pats Anand on his shoulder. Small talk ensues..


A's father: Haan, hamein tho pata bhi nahin tha ney, key Anand ko koyee ladki pasand hai, varna tho hum pehle hi aa jaate.

A's mother: Waise tho hum ko aana hai phirse kyunki ladki ke bai aur aada nahi hai ney,,lekin hum iss gaanv mei doosre kaam ke liye aaye the, tho socha ladki se milke jaaye.

Khanak: Koyee baat nahin chachee

Radha bua: Haan, waise bhi Khanak aur Shantanu Gopi ke didi aur bha se kam nahin hai.

(Shantanu suddenly looks up and gives an overwhelming smile to Khanak who smiles back at him)

Radha bua continues..

RB: Gopi bahut honhaar hai, ghar ke saare kaam kar leti hai aur yahaan tak to woh padhai mein avval hai, jiske ghar jayegee, khushiyaan leke hi aayegee..

A' mother: Waise tho ladkiyon ki koyi kami nahin hamare Anand ko, bus pata nahin..

A's father: (interrupts): Anand ki naukri sheher mein lagne wali hai, waise tho woh gaanv mahine mein do baar aata jaata rahega, aapko is baare mein aapatti tho nahin


Everyone exchanges concerned looks, before anyone can say anything, Gopi pipes up..

Gopi: Main samjhi nahin, mujhe sheher jaane mei koyee aapatti nahin hai.

A'mother: Hai daiya, tu kyun sheher jaayegee? Ladkiyon ki jagah sasuraal hota hai

Gopi: Lekin main sheher jaake aage padhna chahtee hoon

A'mother: Kya? Yeh baat tho hamein kissi ne nahin batayee..

Gopi: Anand, tumne ..??

A'mother: Baap re, shaadi ki baat bhi nahin chal rahee, aur yeh ladki mere bete ko naam se pukar ti hai..main tho pehle se hi keh rahee thee..ki ladki mere bete ko istamal kar rahee hai..

A'father: (gets up): Humein yeh sab bilkul acha nahin lagaa

A' mother: main na kehtee thee ke ladi ke chal chalan'.

 

The athmosphere in the room has moved from trepidation to tension, Khanak is trying to calm Gopi;s tears and Radha Bua is flabbergasted, while the parents of the boy leave no stone unturned in expressing their doubts on Gopi's character, while one young man in the room is silent, the other young man fists, fumes finally bursts'

 

Shaan: (walks towards them and pointedly): Yeh kya bakwaas kar rahe hai aap? Aap ko pata bhi hai aap kya bole jaa rahe ho? Ek ladki ki baare aap aise baatein kaise kar sakte ho?


He suddenly walks towards Anand'

Shaan: Aur tum'tum aise chup kaise reh sakte ho? Tum Gopi se pyaar karte ho, aur woh tum par kitna bharosa kartee hain..aur tum..uskii beizzati ho rahee hai..aur tum.. chup chap kadhe hoke tamasha dekh rahe ho..kaisa pyaar hai tumhara? Jab vaqt aaya tab tumne uska haath pakadne ke bajai, bharosa thod diya..arrey ...jo insaan apni biwi ki izzat nahin kar sakta, bharosa nahin kar sakta ya bharosa pe khara utar nahin sakta...'tum tho uske pyaar ke layak nahin ho, tum Gopi ke layak nahin ho.

 

'turns pointing to Gopi 'and suddenly sees his wife'...his wife who has tears running down her eyes'...his wife who has heard him say that a man who cannot respect or trust is unworthy of love..'is unworthy'...he ends with a whisper, KHANAK''

 

SHANTANU, she says...renders him into a daze, a daze that reminds him of so much that he has buried; his actions, his inactions, his arrogance, his anger, his ignorance, his impulsiveness and the next thing he knows, he is seated on the charpoi in the front yard of Khanak's parents' house and Khanak is seated on her knees in front of him on the floor...'not caring how he got there, he wants absolution...

 

Shaan: (softly): Khanak maine kya kar diya??...

Khanak: Shaantanu, aapne..

Shaan: Nahin Khanak, tumhe pata hai, jab main Bombay se nikla, tho mere mann mei sirf yehi baat thi, ki main Khanak ko mana loonga'lekin kabhi yeh nahin socha, ki maine tumhare saath itna bada ...Kya tum mujhe kabhi maaf kar paoogee Khanak?

Khanak: (holds his face and wipes his tears): Maine tho aapko ussi din maaf kar diya, jab wahan (pointing to the front yard) khade hoke, aapne meri taraf dekkhe poocha, kaisi ho tum?

Shaan: (holds her face, wipes her tears): Lekin kyun..tumne maaf kyun kiya'Khanak? Kyun?

Khanak: (touching her forehead to his): Kyunki aap mujhse bahut pyaar karte hain'aur aap mere bina reh nahee sakte'

 

Meanwhile, outside at a distance from Gopi's house, under a peepal tree in front of the village temple,

 

Anand: Arrey baap re, main tho darr gaya tha, ki kahin tere Shantanu Bha mujhe kahin maar na daale'.

Gopi (giggles): Haan, tum tho bahut darre huye the'aisa lag raha tha ki tum kaanpte kaanpte wohi gir vir tho nahin jaaoge'

Anand: (sulks): Itna bhi bura haal nahin tha, woh tho tumhare Shaantanu Bha ke charche bahut sune hai na'

Gopi: Darr tho mujhe bhi lagaa tha jab woh achanak ekdum se chup ho gaye, Khanak ko dekhte hi reh gaye, unka jaisa pyaar maine zindagee mein kahin nahin dekhi'

Anand: Pyaar dekhni cheez thodi hotee hai'mehsoos kiya jaata hai.. (holds her hand)

Gopi: Chup! Waise tumhe manna padega, Sunil Aada ka tarkeeb kya rang laayee'haina?

 

The charpoi has made its way back into the house. Shantanu is lying down on it with Khanak resting her head on his chest and fiddling with his shirt buttons..

 

Shaan: Khanak, chodo na..sone do mujhe..

Khanak: KYA?

Shaan: (waving his hands): Aur nahin tho kya, pichle do raaton se tumhari pratha aur machar mujhe sone kaha diya..

Khanak (half seated): aur main jo ek mahine se theek se soyee nahin aapki intezaar main uska kya?

Shaan: (raises his head and points): Oh Hello, main tumhe bataa doon, pichle ek mahine se main raat ko kya, din mein bhi apna santulan kho chooka tha, uska kyaaa?

Khanak: Arrey, aapke yahan tho (counting her fingers), mummyjee, aada, Akshay bha, Bhabee sabhee the aapka khyaal rakhne ke liye, main yahaan akeli thi, uskaa kyaa?

Shaan: (now is half seated himself): Please haan'just to let you know, ghar ke saare log apni own duniya mein mast the, in fact jab main subah uthta, ghar ke log gayab ho jaate the'

Khanak: (pointing her finger at him and neighing): Aaaaiieaaa!!! Jab aap subah uthte the..'matlab ki aap sote the'.

Shaan: (pulls the blanket on top of himself and falls back on to the bed): Yaar, Khanak, tang mat karo yaar, main tumse baat nahin karna chahta'

Khanak: (smiles): Burdthal!

Shaan: Kya kahaan?

Khanak: Boo-dd-thaa-l..burdthal..

Shaan: (suddenly gets up, pulls her and pins her below him on the charpoy): Phir se kaho'(kisses her forehead)

Khanak: (smiles): Burdthal..

Shaan: Phir se kaho (kisses her nose)

Khanak: (softly): Burdthal

Shaan: Phir se kaho (kissing her cheeks)

Khanak: Burdthal..burdthal..

Shaan: Hoon na main tumhara burdthal, Khanak'...sirf tumhara'

Khanak: Haan aap mere hi burdthal ho..'hamesha ke liye!

 

----

I have an idea for a small epilogue, if interested, shall post.

Review Mandatory.



Edited by saaaz - 07 March 2011 at 2:13pm

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