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Saath Nibhaana Saathiya
Saath Nibhaana Saathiya

In Ahem's shoes

raven14 Groupbie
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Joined: 06 February 2011
Posts: 91

Posted: 25 February 2011 at 11:48am | IP Logged
OK first off let me say I am not trying to defend Ahem, his actions or his attitude, I just want to give alittle insight in to his way of thinking and situation he is in.
 
I can say and do this because i was forced into a marriage, not at gun point but with emotional blackmail. I was taken back to my parent's native land and was given an intence treatment of emotional pressure to marry a man, uneducated, of their choice. Now I was not very young, I was 20 and mature for my age, I believed that whatever my parents were doing was proberly for my wellbeing, cause they loved me. I talked myself into commiting to this marriage for the famililes honor. But like Ahem I could not physically, emotionally, commit to this sham. Everyday and night I felt claustrophobic, physically sick. Ahem's contempt, his rudeness, his refusal to accept Gopi comes from the ashes of his broken dream's, the life he had dreamt, expected to have. Growing up I had dream's of being a good daughter, wife, mother, and when it shatters, you spend every waking moment walking on those shard's. It does not help matters when the reason for that, is walking, talking around you. Having to be pushed into situation's were you have to pretend to be close or to touch is agony, I secretly cried, Ahem is not so sensitive. No matter what I love my family, its the way I was brought up, to respect my elders. but let me say right now that they dont always make the best decisions for you. Ahem is not a cowered, he just as deep respect for the elder women in his family, but just because your mind tell's you one thing, your heart doesnt have to follow.
 
Gopi is no way like the perverted jerk the was forced opon me, she is another innocent like Ahem, except she thinks differently. Without a single meeting, just  believeing that your married doesnt automatically mean your partner will love you, Ahem and Gopi are still stranger, though no fault of their own. I've never met a person like Gopi so cant really comment on her, but if she was my friend, Id definantly give her a slap to wake her up then be her guardian shadow and, like a puppet instruct her to act around her family. Cause thats what she really is a puppet, a ragdoll that takes all the damage but never argues. Even naive people learn from the mistakes and wise up, Gopi doesnt have that, Ahem is the kind of man that needs that. With a domineering mother and grandmother, I doubt he will be satisfied with a servant wife. Ahem needs an equal or above.I dont Know how CT are going to make a jodi out of Ahem and Gopi, but they cant do it leaving Gopi completely innocent, Ahem is a mothers boy he needs a wife like his mother, Gopi can still be good and kind and at the same time not take abuse like candy. With this loop de loop storyline, Ahem will never mellow but only get harder and make a stronger shell, I did!
 
Sorry if my comments offended anyone, I like many others do want this jodi, its just that with all the Ahem bashing, I wanted people to be in his situation as well, we all like Gopi, but Ahem is human to, if he showed the tiniest bit of sympathy or kindness to Gopi, she like everyone else will starting believeing it is something more, which threatens him more and is more cruelty to Gopi.
 

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Posted: 25 February 2011 at 11:58am | IP Logged
welcome to the forum sweety....
and believe me u made my whole week with this post...i was fed up and so angry with all Aham Bashing in every thread but ur points are very much genuine.....that Aham is not coward just has respect for his mom...

and Aham Gopi as A Couple that all we wanted to watch...by hook or by crook..

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Posted: 25 February 2011 at 12:17pm | IP Logged
thx so much for sharing ur story raven- and i hope all works out for u
 
 
i am also cofused at how they will make alove story from ahem gopi- they r not compatible on any grounds.
gopi is cute and all but she is hardly wife material for a high flyer like ahem who cant even stand the sight of her

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raven14

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Posted: 25 February 2011 at 12:35pm | IP Logged
Reserved...will add my comments tonight when I get  home.

Thanks for sharing your story Raven.  

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Posted: 25 February 2011 at 9:10pm | IP Logged
@ Raven, never thought of it that way, I also was married before with a person like that, I grew up in America, my parents took me back when I was 22, married the guy and later found out he wanted to marry a girl that lived in his apartment building in mumbai, I was devastated, especially when he came to America and kept repeating every chance he got that he did not want to live in America, he wanted to go back to India. The marriage lasted 2 years only because my dad and rest of my family kept wanting me to work it out, but in the end I couldn't take it anymore and got out, only my mom supported me, and she is no longer with us, only reason I got married the second time was to ease he pain and let her go in peace.

But you are right about Ahem and his way of thinking, but I also think they should improve Gopi's character, but not to extent of Kokila, He needs someone like Gopi, with just small amount of improvement on her part. I hope it works out.

Thanks for sharing your story.

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Bhumika18 Senior Member
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Posted: 26 February 2011 at 12:50am | IP Logged
Originally posted by sbp1971

@ Raven, never thought of it that way, I also was married before with a person like that, I grew up in America, my parents took me back when I was 22, married the guy and later found out he wanted to marry a girl that lived in his apartment building in mumbai, I was devastated, especially when he came to America and kept repeating every chance he got that he did not want to live in America, he wanted to go back to India. The marriage lasted 2 years only because my dad and rest of my family kept wanting me to work it out, but in the end I couldn't take it anymore and got out, only my mom supported me, and she is no longer with us, only reason I got married the second time was to ease he pain and let her go in peace.

But you are right about Ahem and his way of thinking, but I also think they should improve Gopi's character, but not to extent of Kokila, He needs someone like Gopi, with just small amount of improvement on her part. I hope it works out.

Thanks for sharing your story.


 I completely understand your point since something similar happened to me. I was also married to man from India and since I had grown up in America as well it was very difficult to understand each other. The guy I married liked someone else and wanted to marry her but couldn't for some reason. Finally, had to get out of that marriage.

I think Ahem has the full right to express is displeasure with this. I believe if he comes around it should be on his own accord. Feeling can't be forced. Gopi is a nice girl but you have to admit there are many differences between the two. I am not saying she can't be a good wife, she can but I think Ahem wanted a full companion in every way, someone who can understand him and not just do his chores.

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Posted: 26 February 2011 at 2:30am | IP Logged
you know during my marriage/prison..... I was surrounded by people who push me to do things I didn't want..... kept telling me I was wrong.... a bad wife.... a worst daughter... too western for my own good.... not worthy of being a women...Its was a very loney life...but reading your messages I've just realized I'm not alone..Thankyou Smile
 
I guess I watch saathiya just for Ahem and Gopi, I'd like to believe disney/happy endings, but they've made the couple's from separate planets...its hopeless. It will be even worst if, by some miracle Ahem falls for Gopi she will smile an fall at his feet. I hope she grows in character because thats not the way a women should be portrayed.
 
Its awful to say this but I have  labrardor whch reminds me of Gopi he always looks at me with love, even when I scald him, head down, peeping looks at me to praises.

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Posted: 26 February 2011 at 6:27am | IP Logged

Raven

 My heart goes out to you. I don't know my generation grew up thinking you have to be a perfect wife, daughter- in -law , sister - in - law. I too was like Gopi very naive , trusting everyone, obeying everyone. It took 23 years to realise I don't have to put up with garbage. Now that I'm asserting myself life has become easier. Boundaries need to be established.
In Ahem's case he should have stood his ground & refused to marry Gopi.They are incompatible in every aspect. She should get out & get married to someone who would build her selfesteem. Ahem should go in search of Anita  & get married to his soulmate.

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