Kids gone off the rails

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huneymonsta

@huneymonsta

Senior Member

Posted: 13 years ago

Hello

I have been a member of IF for a long time and dont usually participate in disussions however after getting off the phone with my mother I felt the need to post this.

I am athiest and I think I have the right to choose my own beliefs. I usually dont tell my parents about this because they are very traditional... this time it popped out because they wanted me to read english translated version of their religious bible and teachings etc

As soon as my mother heard that I didnt believe in the idea of god, she was furious and started ranting on about how I have gone off the rails and I wasnt a good kid anymore etc

Now, I have a good job that pays well and treats me well, Im a good person, I dont intentially hurt anyone... I try help friends whenever I can and sometimes strangers too. I may have a glass to drink every now and then, I dont smoke etc etc

I am not an angel (I dont think anyone can be)... but in saying that Im not a bad person either...

So my question is why do some traditional Indian parents think their children have gone off the rails if they choose their own life partner or religion???

Can they not be happy in their childrens happiness?

*please no bashing* 😊

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Frequent Posters

Believe

@-Believe-

IF-Stunnerz

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: huneymonsta
Hello

I have been a member of IF for a long time and dont usually participate in disussions however after getting off the phone with my mother I felt the need to post this.

I am athiest and I think I have the right to choose my own beliefs. I usually dont tell my parents about this because they are very traditional... this time it popped out because they wanted me to read english translated version of their religious bible and teachings etc

As soon as my mother heard that I didnt believe in the idea of god, she was furious and started ranting on about how I have gone off the rails and I wasnt a good kid anymore etc

Now, I have a good job that pays well and treats me well, Im a good person, I dont intentially hurt anyone... I try help friends whenever I can and sometimes strangers too. I may have a glass to drink every now and then, I dont smoke etc etc

I am not an angel (I dont think anyone can be)... but in saying that Im not a bad person either...

So my question is why do some traditional Indian parents think their children have gone off the rails if they choose their own life partner or religion???

Can they not be happy in their childrens happiness?

*please no bashing* 😊

Personaly I dont believe any particuler religion,bt I cant say am a athiest ....cos I believe in GOD.. I believe God is a presence, not a person...😊

Its true that,parents are in a hurry to impose... the church/temple/mosque, the state, the country /soceity..... everybody is in a hurry to impose a certain religion on the child...I believe to learn religion ..needs maturity, great understanding, before one can choose any particuler belief.😊

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Summer3

@Summer3

IF-Stunnerz

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

Ah Honey ji it is quite true that some parents are pretty traditional and they want their kids to comply with social norms. I do not like to upset my parents too much although I love doing things my way.

Some are broad minded and some are not but whatever it is, we should not try to upset the parents too much.

If a person is good they do not need any religion.

Religion is a guide and if you are already on the right road what is the necessity for a map.

Most parents do not mind whom one marry so long as the partner selected by ourselves are finally accepted by them. Guess they want their children to be happy too.

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Kankshita

@thegameison

IF-Sizzlerz

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

It is absurd, actually. And I second you, in fact - nobody's angelic, we're human and humanly traits vary - no two people can have similar beliefs. The youth of today particularly knows what they are like, and most really do respect other person's sentiments and religious beliefs. However, we don't hesitate to voice ours either, I presume - that's what makes parents think so.

I was wondering this evening, if the whole idea of God is also created by the mankind. I don't find much sense in it and I voice my opinion when needed too. A super being does exist, somewhere down the line - we all know that but if we refuse to believe in what we call the religions and their norms - I don't understand what is wrong with that.

Parents are getting out of their conservative shells, you know?! But thats is a gradual process, it is sure going to take time. And honestly, the last thing we could do is to convince them as to marrying the person of our choice and being atheist or agnostic aren't wrong. An age-old mindset, transfered from one generation to the other obviously would take time to get over with.

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

IF-Stunnerz

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

I actually can imagine what you must be going through, 'cos I am an atheist with a very religious mother. (Dad's atheist, so.. not atheist exactly, more like what Believe ji said.. he believes God is in existeance and so do I.)

My mom wanted me to be religious like her and she would get so furious whenever I'd mock at the rituals and some other religious aspects. But I never kept my views about religions and all to myself, I'd tell her right away if I found something funny or meaningless(NO OFFENSE anyone, I'm talking about my personal views). I have been doing this ever since... I can remember. Lets say I have been putting myself out there infront of my mother like since I was 6-7 years old, alright?

She used to get very shocked, she would yell at me, I remember she once slapped me when I insisted on not joining my hands and pray at some pooja 😕 She would also blame my dad for my atheistic views though he NEVER told me what I should believe.. he always told me to follow my heart. I still cannot digest the fact that he's in love with my mother 😆

So, now.. it has been 16 years, she has gotton used to me. She very much respects my religious views.. I respect her religious-ness too.

I guess all you need is to respect each other. By each other, I mean respect what you're daughter feels.

Huney, from my experience, I can tell you that a parent would always want child's happiness. And, trust me, they will try and impose for a while, but if you just make them realise or if they themselves realise that you feel something strongly and cannot change what's in the heart, they will see it and respect that.. no matter how badly they're against your beliefs. It just takes time I guess. :)

Edited by Angel-likeDevil - 13 years ago

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huneymonsta

@huneymonsta

Senior Member

Posted: 13 years ago

All very good advice! My parents are very traditional and unless you do what they want you to do they are just not happy. I dont know how they will react if they find out im engaged to a 'gora'!!! I know I should tell them instead of living a lie but my dad who is even worse than my mother believes in honour killings so I cant help but keep it a secret...

How do you change the mentality when it comes to that kind of thing???

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Summer3

@Summer3

IF-Stunnerz

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

Ah always do not go to the extreme but reach a compromise.

Pointless to make parents unhappy, sometimes we must respect certain traditions so long as it does not harm anyone.

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Kankshita

@thegameison

IF-Sizzlerz

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: huneymonsta
All very good advice! My parents are very traditional and unless you do what they want you to do they are just not happy. I dont know how they will react if they find out im engaged to a 'gora'!!! I know I should tell them instead of living a lie but my dad who is even worse than my mother believes in honour killings so I cant help but keep it a secret...

How do you change the mentality when it comes to that kind of thing???

Mind if I ask you something, presuming that you live somewhere out of India - why have you been sent here if your parents have such deep-rooted Indian beliefs? When you're letting your own blood and flesh out and away in a society that is so unlike yours, believing that they should have a witness of the modern world and be part of this - what's up with imposing things on them which by now have gotten totally off their mindsets?!

NO OFFENSE

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P1nk

@P1nk

IF-Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: Summer3

Ah always do not go to the extreme but reach a compromise.

Pointless to make parents unhappy, sometimes we must respect certain traditions so long as it does not harm anyone.

I have a hard time when my parents stop talking to me, I try to keep within their acceptance range but a few times i have gone out of my way and ive explained to them and thank God they agree to it.

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Summer3

@Summer3

IF-Stunnerz

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: P1nk

I have a hard time when my parents stop talking to me, I try to keep within their acceptance range but a few times i have gone out of my way and ive explained to them and thank God they agree to it.

Ah P1nk ji you are a nice but sometimes they may fail to see your logic, times and circumstances change. But as long as you love them things will never go too wrong but still they will always worry for you. Take care.

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