Joined: 19 July 2009
It was 10: 05 AM, I was waiting in my cabin & still she had not reached the office ….why is she late? Even if it's just the matter of 5 minutes that's over the time… for punctual people; it was still a big matter ….and paanchi was very punctual….not even a minute here or there….It was irritating at first…how can anyone be so obsessed about being on time…& than that feeling turned into admiration….. (I couldn't stop myself from smiling)
I always find ways to be late…..just to irritate paanchi……because me getting late would make her late as well … and eventually it would mean that she had to wait for me…ME …her Casanova boss! Who would annoy the hell out of her….(I kind of liked the idea of paanchi waiting for me even though it was purely due to professional reasons) and when I would show up about 15 – 20 minutes late (WHICH IS REASONABLE) she would just start grumbling…..God! What kind of a person I am working with? (She would not wait for God to answer her question ……but answer it herself)
A person who doesn't even acknowledge the value of time! Huh, what will he value emotions or feelings…..
Now just tell me, isn't she being irrational…….from where did emotions or feelings come into picture…..can't she see that I care for her…..I value her feelings……. Emotions…….in my own way….which she probably can't understand…..but today I would make her understand…….that I care for her, I value her emotions more than my life, her feelings are all that matters to me now…..yes, today I am going to tell her how much I acknowledge her presence in my life……what she is to me….I am going to confess that I love her!
I am seriously shocked to see that it is so easy to say these lines when you don't mean it; & so difficult to say when you really mean it from the core of your heart…..
But I am going to say it! I am going to make everything work for both of us….
Good morning! Sir! …… (Her voice brought me out of my own world …the world in which I was busy….busy making resolutions)
Oh! Paanchi…..you came. I said, cheerfully. (The change in her expression made me realized that she was not in my world with me when I was confessing my feelings to her….I composed myself)
Same old tricks….but they don't work on me anymore…..she muttered.
But she didn't let my act spoil her mood …she sounded excited (rare, certainly because excitement was never a part of her….she was usually grumbling, or desperately trying to be happy but failing miserably at it. Or lost in some deep thought……but one thing was sure that she was unhappy….. She was trying hard to mask her pain …& here she succeeded. But some how I could feel that she is not happy. Maybe because after she came in my life I knew what true happiness is…….)
Paanchi - Sir, we have to reach hotel Ambassador soon…….I managed to fix a meeting with the magazine head……at 10:30 sharp….
Me – u sound pretty excited about the meeting…..I suppose it's because of Mr. Khanna…..I have heard he has huge fan following among silly girls….. (I hated that Mr. khanna…..he was a descent man with girls….charming…..intelligent….and I was planning to have a meeting with him alone….without involving paanchi…..I didn't want to imagine paanchi…well, my paanchi even shaking hands with him….)
Paanchi- well, u suppose all wrong. And I think there's a big difference in yours definition of silly and mines….(She couldn't say it without giving me a disgusted look; which I found very cute)
Paanchi – I am excited because I am happy that for the first time I am getting to do some meaningful, right kind of work in your office…..
To which I said….well, then it's really unfortunate that there's a big difference in yours definitions of meaningful and right.
Paanchi – ugh, I don't want to argue further, we are getting late….
(She didn't let me drive, today. All the way she was discussing all the plans that she was…. Well… we were going to discuss with that khanna….what had I imagined for today…these was a bad start….It still was a relief that paanchi was excited not because of khanna…..we reached our hotel…. )
Mr. khanna was waiting for us he introduced us with his PR manager Mr. Danish singh…
I had seen these man a couple of times and each time he would appear in front to paanchi the mask which she wore slipped and pain was evident in her eyes….I wanted to know who these man was and why did it matter to paanchi in such strong way…but never gathered enough courage to ask paanchi…maybe I was afraid of the answer….reflectively, I held paanchi's hand….not that she wanted any moral support…It was I who wanted it…… to bear the pain I was going to see in her eyes….hell, why did he have to come here? ; Why he even have to exist! For the first time I saw paanchi excited; and he was here to spoil it….god! don't I deserve even one memory of paanchi where she is happy…happy for herself….I hesitantly turned to look at paanchi's face…and to my utter astonishment her face was glowing…she was not sad, she didn't even look a least bit affected…there was the same excitement in her as before…but there was a new level of confidence, she squeezed my hand gently….maybe my expressions, had given away that I was worried for her….she gave the flawless presentation….only I was worried what if her mask broke….will she be ever able to gather herself…It seemed to me that today was a day of my life when everything went wrong…I was going to propose her today….and now I was preparing myself to comfort her…
We were inside the car I was driving this time….she was quite…and I was waiting when will that moment come when she will breakdown….I had no idea how was I going to comfort her….but still I was waiting for her reaction…good or bad….her silence was killing me….
Finally, she said, stop the car.
I did what she said….(confused)…she got out of the car and started walking on the lane that went deep into the forest…..
I was horrified…what is she up to! wouldn't she even allow me to comfort her…..she thinks of me that bad…without further thought I jumped out of the car and followed her….
Paanchi…paanchi what are you doing….before I could complete my sentence she turned around and hugged me tightly…. (how many times hadn't I imagined her in my arms…imagined to tell her how she changed me…how much I love her now, I had so much to say to her…while I held her in my arms….now she was…close to my heart…& I didn't knew what to say….).
Thank you! She said hiding her face in my chest…
Thank you? I asked (puzzled)…but I didn't push her away from me to see her expression….instead I wrapped my arms around her more tightly… (Unconsciously I felt this was more soothing for both of us)
Paanchi -Yes, thank you for helping me to finally make my past a past…. (She pulled away from me to look at my face….but still our arms were locked around each others waists)…after looking into my eyes for one long moment she said;
I was trying very hard to forget him…to forget what he had done to me….I felt like my entire life was ruined, wasted….as if my heart will never join again….I was trying to be happy for others for my family….it felt like I can never be happy for myself again….there was no aim in my life…then you came in my life….the most cynical, absurd person…I have ever met….you with your silly little bratty acts provided challenges to me….and I started liking it….(she said this smiling….as if laughing on herself) soon you were in my head all the time….
I couldn't say a word I stood there dumb listening to her…..
Paanchi – sid! Are you understanding, what I am saying?
So she must have expected me to say something here…my silence confused her.
(I was desperately avoiding believing that she too is in love with me…what if my understanding of her statements was different than her understanding of what she meant to say…..Our definitions were never the same. so I thought of an answer that would lighten the atmosphere….
Hell, yes! I kind of get it, that you get a kick of joy when you put me into problems. I said.
In response to my answer, she pulled my nose; I should have known you refer a different dictionary than I do. She said…. (She was irritated…but she seemed to be happy getting irritated…..)
Paanchi - today when I saw Danish, I was sure it will rip my heart into pieces I was waiting for the eruption of pain…… but I could feel none…all I could feel was you holding my hand….in that moment I understood that my heart was intact…I felt complete… than I saw the pain in your eyes, a kind of fear ….and it bothered me….I could stand all the pains in this world just to eliminate that pain from your eyes…..I had never felt anything close to this ever before….in that one moment I understood that nothing matters to me more than you do…
She raised her toes and was kissing me…..
I was almost sure that this was a dream…..lately I have been imagining paanchi a lot….but I couldn't bear to let this beautiful dream end… so I held paanchi close and kissed her back….I never felt anything like this before…it was as if it was touching my soul….and I wondered can illusions be so real? We both pulled away gasping for air…head woo zing…..and I realized this was real….paanchi was in love with me in reality.
I was overjoyed……in that very moment all my nervousness, tensions, worries sounded irrational….and I said to paanchi…
"You are better at this than me".
Paanchi – "I knew it; you would just want one thing…
(Before anger and misunderstanding could spoil our moment) I rushed and held her again in my arms…and placed my other hand on her mouth…I said you are better at expressing your self than me….from the day I realized what you are to me; every moment of my life was spend thinking, making you understand how much you mean to me…….I wanted to tell you that to me you are the most beautiful woman ….how I just want to hug you when you get irritated….how much it pleases me when you wait for me…..I have always wanted to promise you that I would never let you cry… yet I could never tell you….and than the way you have put it now, it seems that we have always been together…there was never a need to tell you this….it is, as if, we have always belonged to each other.
hope u have enjoyed reading it...waiting to read your views on this one......
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Madhura Naik makes an exit from Sony TV's show Tum Aise Hi Rehna.
Its sheer love of the viewers, that they want to see their favorite TV ...
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