Posted: 18 February 2011 at 4:19pm | IP Logged
EDIT: I changed the title of this topic as some people might "misunderstand" it
It's strange how, when it comes to LTL, my mind always starts analyzing and (over)thinking at the most unlikely hours. For instance, it's always at midnight that I write most of my boring posts. But upon watching the awesome May episodes in which we saw so many expressions of Mishal, all in one go, I started thinking about this whole big deal with Tasha's SR.
EDIT: Before you read this, I just need to clarify that my focus is the emotional part of SR, not the physical part.
Not to sound like someone who thinks that it's only the man's special night, but in this case I feel that the SR, in all its importance, is somehow Dutta's night. Before you misinterpret anything that I've said - *blink* - I'd like to clarify what I actually mean: We've watched Dutta be deprived of his SR a couple of times, and we've watched him destroy the decorations of his bed as his dreams broke. This had me thinking about the importance of SR to Dutta, and just - on the whole - why it's so important for Dutta to be close to a woman like this.
I realized that there are several reasons. To name one; his self-loathing. Every single woman pre-Naku abandoned him, didn't want him. He doesn't consider himself worthy of being loved. He has "blood on his hands". What woman would want to be touched by him? This self-loathing is so deeply rooted in him that the only way to remove it is if a woman loved him. Really loved him in the sense of what happens on a SR. He needs to feel loved like that. His character needs that human contact, because that closeness and absolute care (for the lack of a better term) is what can convince him that he has someone who loves him completely, that he's worthy of it, that he deserves it.
He will continue to doubt himself until the day that he gives himself completely to Naku and she loves him back. Especially his nerves on his SR with Naku made me wonder. Why did he seem so nervous? One thing is that it's Dutta. Dutta is like that around women. He's a bit shy, insecure and perhaps he was afraid of hurting her, because he loves her so much. But I also think that it's a very vulnerable situation for him. It's the most vulnerable that anyone is going to see him. Okay, just Naku. But you get my point, right?
Not to turn this into an omigod-ew-don't-involve-his-mother-in-this-post, but I've another point to make. It's like those rare moments that he has with his mother. When he becomes vulnerable, needs to surrender and let someone who loves him take care of him. So when Naku isn't there, he goes to his mother and puts his head on her lap. That gives him a sense of complete peace, makes him feel cared for.
But it's not enough. In addition to that, he doesn't surrender entirely, holds back even when it comes to his mother, because he has to be strong for her. It's always been this way as he's done everything for her and his sisters. But then there's Naku. The woman whom he can surrender to completely (in more than one sense), who can take care of him in ways that he needs, who can make him feel loved on a whole other level - and make him see himself as something else than a monster.
So I guess that it's not SR that's important - in all its glory. It's sharing that intimacy with Naku and through that feel loved, surrender and feel at complete peace, because finally someone accepted him wholeheartedly. I think that there are so many emotions involved when it comes to sharing his bed with Naku - it's not simply a question about SR. It's every night that he shares with her. I think that once they've consummated their marriage, he will truly feel that he has her. The doubts and self-loathing might even cease to exist.
Sorry, long random post out of nowhere, at midnight. Plus, it's my overthinking brain at work once again. My dad says that sometimes it's like I'm thinking so much that he can hear the wheels going. Goodnight, lovelies. Do share your thoughts with me if you want.
Edited by Elysia - 18 February 2011 at 5:14pm