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Dark Temptations [My OS Gallery]: Breathe : Pg 11 (Page 6)

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FragranceOfLove

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FragranceOfLove

Joined: 28 August 2009

Posts: 15200

Posted: 05 June 2011 at 5:04am | IP Logged
Originally posted by a little faith

Mahak, Hey Sabah

I am not missing you.

I loved those opening bold, brazen statements. Thank you :) They are so thoughtful, so that just by the fact that so much time has gone into their composition, one begins to get an inkling at their contrary nature. Aah...i just love the way you can think... We only forget those things, people for whom we have no regard. So true...we can never forget the people we love..Very thoughtfully done!Star Thank you :)

Then this paragraph, I am not at all missing you. How can I? You have only gone today. And I don't even care about you. It's just that, I don't want you to cry for me. It's so because of a fact that I am not missing you. And if you would cry, then your eyes would give you a burning sensation and you won't be able to enjoy anything. But then, who cares about your eyes? An insight to the untruthful nature of her suppositions. Yup, indeed it is. And to be honest, it feels wonderful to see through the things. They almost give themselves away, then that sudden remembrance and that quick last remark. LOL Yup, although she is showing that she doesn't even misses her or even care about the person, she is worried about her. Her level of care is shown by the little things she unknowingly slips.

And if mother Then tying up all loose ends, so that there are no fraying threads that would unravel the true nature of their heart. Indeed, she doesn't want the person to get the correct idea of her state. She feels vulnerable and is trying her best to remove all the evidences of her state. She even warns her about her mother. Because she is afraid that her mother would leak about her condition to the person, so she is taking precautions. Excellently done! Star Thanks...i am very happy that i could do so :)

you telling me that the entire room if yours and you can lie on either side you like. Again that detailed reminiscence that you weave in so that it is the word for word verbatim remembrance of things said and done that we find their true feelings. Although she doesn't want the person to know about her feelings, she can't help but give out some hints. It's not in her nature to hide something. She thinks that she is successful in showing that she is unattached, but in this attempt, she is unconsciously proving how attached she is. Wonderfully done! StarStarStar Thank you sooo much *blushes red*

What else can I ask for?   It was at the end of this paragraph, that I found my heart breaking along with theirs. Awww...I am ecstatic that i accomplished my mission. As a writer, i always want my readers to connect to the story and feel what the characters are feeling. And it feels great when someone can do so. If you can feel their pain, this means that i am successful in writing. Just skillfully done! StarStarStar Thank you *blush remains constant on her cheeks*
Star
Just to tell you, I am using your image as my mobile wallpaper. Not because I miss you and want to watch it when I cry, or to kiss my screen when I feel lonely, but it's because I clicked this picture when you were not paying attention to me. I am so going to show this picture of you to everyone, and make fun of you. And you won't be able to stop me. I loved the movements within this paragraph.  Thank you, i am glad that you do. :) Those truth filled untruths. Exactly! THEN just a genius manoeuvre, you write in lines where they defend, or further verify their position WHICH in fact we know will actually happen in the literal sense, they will show that picture they took sneakily and they will make fun of you BUT from these acts they derive pleasure rooted in love. Wow, you really could understand each and every hidden truth. I am amazed. You are such a great reader. You could see through those hidden feelings and actually understand the truth of her condition. Well done *claps* It is just an attempt to soothe their loss. Right. She knows that she is just passing fake threats. I love the threat in the last line that is actually a veiled plea, please come back and stop me. Aah...you exactly got the message. It makes me ecstatic to think that you could actually read those words in their actual sense. You are the only one to be able to do so. Beautifully done.StarStarStar Thank you :)

I am happy that you are away for a few days. Now I don't have to cry in front of you. You know how I hate to cry in front of anyone! And you always make me cry, by making me pour out my feelings or point of view about things. You know how I prefer to be silent and keep things to myself. And you! You always force things out of me, and make me feel light hearted.I love the contrary nature of this confession, for what are they doing right now but pouring their heart out to that very person they profess they hate sharing such sentiments. Embarrassed Yup, so true. i am amazed with your uncanny ability to see behind those veiled words. She says that she hates sharing her feelings, while on the contrary, she is doing the same thing! And that too, without her own knowledge. She is so open with the person that, without even realizing it, she is doing the same thing that she hates.

Then the confession which was already there within the subtext of before. So that all the previous words become a preamble to this sentiment. Yup, in the last she admits her defeat. She realizes that she can't fight anymore. all I can think is how much I miss you.Clap Wonderfully done! StarStarStar Thank you :) I love how you say to prove to you for in truth she could never prove it to herself, the pain of their loss is undeniable. Star So true. The pain of her loss is behind her ability to express. Even she is unaware of the condition she is in :)

Then that change of direction, that subtle need to know, do you miss me too, using the same tactic as before through using negation to affirm. She desperately needs something to hold on. She wants the affirmation that the person whom she misses so much, misses her too. She wants the reassurance that she is not the only one. She wants a to hear those four words 'I miss you too'. She wants to confirm whether her feelings are one-sided or not. She feels absolutely vulnerable in doing so. Skillfully done. StarStarStar Thank you so much *shy and giddy*

And this is your punishment for leaving me. And if you want to save your things from getting stolen, then return to me, immediately. That veiled threat exposed as their hurt heart. Star At the end, she grew tired of fighting a lost battle. She threatens the person to him/her back. She is so much in pain that she even dares to threaten the person she loves.

I don't want to be a part of your memories, but your reality. Beautiful line. Embarrassed Thanks you :) *shy*

Missing you...already...That lull, the end of the remembrance following to that poignant truth, that it hurts more not to think of them, then even the pain of thinking of them, missing them. At the end, she knows that she has lost the battle. She loves the person truly and she admits it. She admits that all the while, she says that she is 'not' missing the person, she is suffering terribly in longing.

Mahak, just a wonderful piece of prose, so delightfully written illuminating the intricacies of the human heart so insightfully.  Wonderful. StarStarStar  Thank you. One must have to be able to connect with the work to understand the delicate chords. And it makes me a little proud to see that you were able to do so. Feelings are the only thing which i can explain and show, without even feeling them on a personal level. I keep myself on the character's place, and write down what i think is right. So, it makes me quiet happy to think that you could connect well. :) <3

Love Sabah


I have replied in green :)

Your comment truly made me think for a moment, about my luck. I mean, how can i be so lucky as to get you as a reader as well as a friend.

Seriously, your comment made me happy to publish this one-shot.

Love,
Mahak



Edited by ...Mahak... - 05 June 2011 at 9:08am

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a little faith

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FragranceOfLove

IF-Sizzlerz

FragranceOfLove

Joined: 28 August 2009

Posts: 15200

Posted: 05 June 2011 at 7:18am | IP Logged
Thank you friends for all those beautiful comments :)

I am so honored by them :)

It literally pays off to write something and then read so many comments on it...

And this one-shot was literally very close to my heart.

Thank You for being there with me.

You guys always make my day <3

I am going to post my next one-shot soon :)

- Mahi

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Joined: 06 June 2011

Posts: 3

Posted: 07 June 2011 at 1:28am | IP Logged
Hey its a nice read... wonderful...
I liked it :)

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FragranceOfLove

FragranceOfLove

IF-Sizzlerz

FragranceOfLove

Joined: 28 August 2009

Posts: 15200

Posted: 14 June 2011 at 4:12am | IP Logged
Originally posted by smiling-face

Hey its a nice read... wonderful...
I liked it :)
 
Thanks yaar...

I am happy that you liked it...

Thanks...thanks a ton...


FragranceOfLove

IF-Sizzlerz

FragranceOfLove

Joined: 28 August 2009

Posts: 15200

Posted: 26 October 2011 at 11:13pm | IP Logged
Hey guys!

Seem surprised to see me here again? Well, even I am :)

This one-shot was written more than 2 years back. So, mistakes are there in abundance.

But, I hope you enjoy it as much as i did :)

Drop your views if you like my more emotional version :)

- Mahak

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FragranceOfLove

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FragranceOfLove

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Posts: 15200

Posted: 26 October 2011 at 11:14pm | IP Logged

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FragranceOfLove

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FragranceOfLove

Joined: 28 August 2009

Posts: 15200

Posted: 26 October 2011 at 11:18pm | IP Logged

His thoughts-

I was sitting in the classroom...she was sitting just opposite to me...we all were sitting on the square table surrounded by many other chairs...and I could see her engrossed in some work...she was looking damn cute...no...she was very beautiful...she had a pair of black eyes...which were so beautiful that I even don't know when I got lost in them...her curved eyelashes always clashed with each other whenever she blinked...i hated when she blinked...cause I wasn't present in her eyes...her rosy lips had now a pen between them...she was confused for sure...she was trying out a solution of some problem...and I don't even know which subject it was...and I do wish that I could offer to help her...she was silent...her lips moved in an inaudible saying...but her eyes spoke volumes...she could speak with her eyes...her expressions spoke it all...and a lock of hair kept coming on her forehead...irritating her even more...and I was feeling a sudden urge to move that hair back to its position...i could not afford to see her troubled...so where was i? Yes...i was lost in her pure serenity...she was so pure at heart...i often wondered if there could be any other girl like her who is so pure...so innocent...so untouched by this cruel world today...i mean she never ever thought of revenges...she always gave...never took...she never replied back...she is always friendly...how can someone be so untouched? The only thing I find strange in her nature is that she hardly ever had a talk with any boys...but she wasn't like this before...i was her friend earlier...someone or something changed her...so it was difficult for me to start a conversation...knowing that we are batch mates...and old friends...old? Yup I guess...that time sometimes even breaks a bond...God knows why she stopped talking with me? I mean suddenly our friendship undergone a great change with a mere change in section...was our friendship so weak? Was our friendship so fragile that it broke just due to spaces? but I guess I too never did came to talk to her...why do we expect someone to approach us first when we ourselves can't do that? Well I guess...i am deviating from the topic...but what to do? Whenever she is in front of me...i just can't help but start talking about her...her aroma...her style...her dress...her dress?????? But all of us had worn the same dress...then? I guess the way she carries herself is the way I fall more and more for her...fall?? yup...i guess I have a crush on her since forever...but I know I can't help it...she is simply beautiful...whether outer or inner...but she isn't transparent...i mean I told you na that she was my friend? Well as much as I know her... (Which I am sure I do)...she never shares her pain with anyone...she is the type of girl who will console you even if she is broken...she is simply breathtakingly magnificent...i wonder what happened that she stopped talking to me...no...Not only me...but also other boys...and today I want to talk to her so badly but I know that I can't gather up the spirit...knowing that she is just in front of me...but what can I do? I know that she won't respond...or would she? I am tired of this feeling of wanting to talk to her...while I just do assumptions and don't talk to her...What the hell! I can't even talk to someone whom I want to talk so desperately just due to spaces...but it seemed that her eyes were looking for something...or someone...she was deeply absorbed in someone's thoughts...was it me? No...it can't be...then who was the lucky person? I do want to talk to her...she might answer but I am not gathering up spirit to talk to her...i am just busy stealing glances at her...

Her thoughts-

He was sitting just opposite to me...he was my friend...my old friend...i couldn't help but feel nervous...i was very uncomfortable...i knew that he was stealing glances at me...u know na about girl's instinct? I wanted to know the reason of this...but I decided that I wont notice him...i wont notice his eyes searching for me...i wont notice his smile while melts me...i wont notice the questions he bore in his eyes for me...i wont notice his...stop! Why do I even try to forget him? When I know that I can never do this...i know that I always had a crush on him since forever...right now he was talking to other girls...god knows why but this thing made me a little jealous...as if I talked to him and I had a copyright on him...so stupid of me! But I guess that's me! Stupid! he was talking so casually with them...just like the way he used to talk with me...but I thought that this style of him was only meant for me...but I guess that's where I was wrong...he was never mine...mine? Am I sure that I want to make him mine? I mean I don't believe in this crap love thing...why do all my philosophies get lost when I talk to him? But I don't talk with him! See...that's what my problem is...i don't talk to him or any other boy...actually I used to think that all are one...but every time I made someone my best friend...whether male or female...they always walk away from my life...and I don't want to do this any longer...i am tired of getting upset...i am tired of people coming in and going from my life...and when I entered in higher standards... people tend to take a boy-girl friendship as a relationship...which I despise...actually it hurts my self respect if anyone says that about me and my friends...and I am sure that this would made my so called ego hurt...i mean I am not used to such things...i am a simple ordinary girl who loves all the things in the simplest manner ever...and I hate mixing my feelings like this...it seems to me that people are playing with my emotions...which is the thing I cant bear...i mean how can you say that a boy and a girl cannot be friends? And why? I mean are they aliens? Are they different? I don't think so! I mean if we study in a coed...then we should talk to everyone...that's the reason for being in a coed...but I guess that time...people influenced my thinking...and I slowly became one of them who thought that a boy and a girl could never be friends...but time changes everything...so it did to me! And today I have realized that it's not true...i mean indirectly, I have regained my previous thinking...but the only thing is that I don't know how to talk to them...i mean half of the boys don't talk to me thinking that I am reserved...well I was for some time in my life...i was shy...i mean I always get nervous even if a boy approaches me and talks...because somewhere I feel myself to be guilty...guilty that they had to take the initiative to talk to me...and I can't myself start the conversation...but I guess...i can't...that's the shy side of me...and I also feel bad that I can never start a conversation...but what to do? I have changed! But I do want to be the same girl like before...a girl who always used to enjoy her life irrespective of people's opinion regarding her...i do want to change...but one cannot change so fast...it takes time to change...and I am a person who never changes until its her own wish...but I do want to change...and I think it's taking too much time...i am tired of this stupid false appearance...i am not happy! And I don't want to pretend that I am happy when I know that I am not! The only fact is that I think I am happy...while I am terribly upset at that...and I do want to talk to him...but I know that I wont take the first step...i wont ever...even knowing that his eyes are showing that he does wants to talk to me...but I wont...stupid me...why cant I just bring myself to even stare at his direction? Why? Well that's why I got myself busy in work...i tried to concentrate on the work...but my mind...no...my heart was constantly thinking about him...and he seemed to read my expressions...he knows me in and out...he was my best friend...at least for me...he is the kindest boy you can ever meet...his heart is made up of gold...he cares for everyone...he is very intelligent...but I don't want to think about him anymore...so I diverted my attention to write a poem...and god knows when I got deeply dissolved in that...and entered into my own world...where no one except me could enter...

His thoughts-

She was busy writing something on a page...it seemed that she was writing it with full concentration...and I couldn't help but stare at her sincerity...she was doing something special...something that could even make her smile sweetly...she was constantly making cute faces...and her eyelashes even clashed when she looked at the paper...the paper is so lucky to have a girl watching at him to intensely...even when her eyes were showing some confusions...it looked as if she was not aware of this world...she was lost in her own imaginary beautiful world...and I wanted to be a part of that world...i wanted to hold her...i wanted to talk to her...i wanted to tell her all that happened in my life all these years...i wanted to share each and everything with her...i wanted to tell her how I missed her...how each moment of my life passed without her by my side...but I knew I couldn't...but I did wanted to...but why only to her? Why do I care if she knows me... why do I care if she talks to me or not? Why do I care if she can share my happiness with me? Will my happiness increase by telling her so? Will my griefs be reduced once I share them with her? Yes...they would...but why? Why does her knowledge matters to me so much? And why am I thinking about all that right now? Why am I still staring at her like mad dogs watch the bone? Why haven't I stopped thinking about her? Why haven't I forgotten her like she has forgotten me? Can I ever forget her? No...but why? Maybe it's not only a crush I have on her...i think I do love her...i love her? What have I done? She doesn't even believe in love...and I have fallen in love with her!!! How stupid of me! But I do love her...and today I seemed to be in a heaven only by thinking that she was sitting close to me...only few seats away... only few which could be crossed... while it seemed that she was only physically present here...while mentally she was somewhere else...she was lost...somewhere... where humans had no existence...and I wish I could tell her how I wished to be the part of that world...

Her thoughts-

Why am I confused? Writing is never a big job for me...then why is writing a poem so tedious for me now? Why can't I get the proper rhyming words? But some of my lines are making me smile...while I can't get the other half of them...why? Maybe just because of the feeling that he is so close to me...i can't simply get over him...why am I feeling self conscious that he is watching me? I never feel self conscious when I write poems...then why is today even writing so difficult? Why my heartbeats are a bit fast than usual? Why? Why is my mind constantly thinking what he is doing rather than on the poem...why? Why today I am feeling disturbed? Do I still have a crush on him? Or do I love him? No...that can't be possible...i don't believe in love...so how can I fall in love? But is it mere crush? If yes then why time couldn't erase the feeling I have for him like any other thing from my life? Why are his eyes looking for me? What does he want to say? Or am I presuming that he wants to talk to me...while he doesn't want to...am I only assuming things up while there is no such reality???? whatever...let me just concentrate on my poem...but would I be able to do so since he is just few foots away from me...how I wish to reach him and talk to him...he is the only person who understands me...or rather used to know me...

His thoughts-

I was still looking at her...her eyes were lowered...they were trying to find out some answers from herself...was she puzzled? She looked quiet disturbed...was she disturbed due to me? But then she would have told me so...or at least looked at me...but she isn't even looking at my direction...although her friends are sitting at my side...why? Is she afraid of me? Or is she afraid of the consequences if she meets my eyes? I just want to have one of her deadly gaze...i mean I always loved when earlier she looked at me in my eyes...whenever she talks...she prefers talking while seeing at the eye...this is the reason why she can't lie...and she stammers when she ties to lie...she is a complete loss at telling lies...and she only loves simplicity...she used to always listen to my unspoken words...but today she isn't even responding to my stares...which I am sure she is aware of...or is she? Has she changed? "Look at me...please"...i muttered under my breath...but those words came straight from my heart...and as soon as I said those words...she seemed to hear them...as if she heard the voice of my heart...and she looked at my direction...and our eyes met...


Her thoughts-

I don't know why...but I was terribly feeling that he was calling out for me...and I can do anything but displease him...i mean look at him...he is so sweet...and genuine...and nice...that I can't help but look at him...but I ignored all my emotions and kept on seeing my copy...i even wasn't talking to my friends...because it would mean that I would have to look in his direction...which I didn't wanted to make any eye contact with him...since my eyes speaks volumes...damn! My eyes always tend to speak whatever I have in my mind...and he knew how to read me though my eyes...that's why I was careful not to look at him...but suddenly I felt a sudden urge to see him...as if he is calling me...and this time I couldn't control myself and looked at his direction...and that's when our eyes met...and there was an eye lock...

His thoughts-

As soon as she turned, she looked at me...and I realized that she again had listened to my unspoken words...she just gazed at me...her black eyes were full of emotions...her eyes were revealing something...i was lost in them...i could read her through her eyes...she knew that...and I felt our eyes speaking volumes to each other after so many years...we weren't saying anything...but we did said everything...there was something that she wanted to hide from me...something which was related to us...but before I could read what was written in them, she broke our eye lock...she was the one to break it...and she broke it as soon as our eyes met...but within 5 seconds...i seemed to know her more closely...i seemed to love very moment in this 5 seconds...it was as if I was enjoying a beautiful dream...but then she just broke up...couldn't she wait until I could read her entirely? She just looked in another direction like nothing had happened...while I knew that some sparks had flown when our eyes met...i could feel that...and I could see the pink colour rising up her cheeks...was she blushing? But you blush when you see someone whom you tend to like...so does it means that she likes me? Has she too felt what I did?

Her thoughts-

I looked at him...i knew that he wanted to see me...and as soon as I turned in is direction...my eyes were traced up by his eyes...i saw him gazing at my eyes intently...and I couldn't help but gaze into them...his face showed of a guilt of being caught up like a thief...stealing glances at me...but I knew that he just was casually looking at me...i saw him reading me through my eyes...i knew that he wanted to know me...but I guess that's what I didn't wanted him to know...i knew that if he reads me...then I will once again come close to him...which I didn't wanted to...i didn't wanted to go close to him and then leave him...i mean we all would go separate ways after 1 year for our career purposes...and I didn't wanted to let him enter my life...i didn't wanted to be emotionally attached to him...so I reluctantly looked at other direction as if nothing had happened...while we both knew that something had happened...

His thoughts-

I know that something was there which made her break our eye lock...i had felt her eyes searching for me...i mean...when I looked in her eyes...all I could see was my same old friend...she hadn't changed...her eyes reflected that...but she had only put on covers...but why? What for? Is there something that she doesn't want me to know? But she is so pure...i mean all I could see in her eyes was honesty...truth...and only feelings...this eye lock made me realize that I still haven't lost her completely...i still can win her...we still can be together...and also that she too has some hidden feelings for me...or else she wouldn't have had turned in my direction...and our eyes wouldn't have had met...now I am happy...that in this short span of time...our eyes spoke everything out...an electric current also passed...but she broke my glance...and I don't know why...i mean she was enjoying it too...i saw that she too loved to see in my eyes...and i wish to spend my entire life with her looking at her deep black eyes...

Her thoughts-

I guess...this eye lock resulted in the shaking of my comfort level...now I didn't feel like sitting in the same class with him...i couldn't...now I felt like crying...and I felt different...i mean I always used to talk to people looking at them in their eyes...i still do...cause it's a habit...but I knew that now I wont be able to see him for a while...i felt something deep within me...but I guess I wanted to ignore it...i didn't wanted to feel what I was feeling...it was just a simple, short eye lock...yet it changed something... somewhere...and I could feel it...i could feel the warmth in his eyes...i could feel his sincerity in his eyes...today our eyes communicated without the use of words...i guess sometimes words aren't needed to start a conversation...sometimes eyes takes the command.



That's it. 


Hey friends...Well, this one-shot was written more than two years back, when I was amateur at writing. And hence, the mistakes. I haven't corrected anything in this, coz I didn't feel so. I wanted to keep this one-shot as it is and compare the growth of writing skills in me :)


I haven't shared this one-shot with anyone, ever. And I wasn't in the favour of publishing it also. But you see, my friends asked me to do so, and here it is.


I really hope that you like it. Please leave your reviews. Constructive Criticisms are always welcome :)



Sincerely,


Edited by ...Mahak... - 29 October 2011 at 11:11am

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aashizin

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aashizin

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Posted: 27 October 2011 at 12:40am | IP Logged
u have wonderful thoughts which u penned down beautifully loved it hon keep rocking with such a OS and thanks for pm

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