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Dark Temptations [My OS Gallery]: Breathe : Pg 11 (Page 15)

rose.three IF-Rockerz
rose.three
rose.three

Joined: 13 March 2007
Posts: 5711

Posted: 06 January 2012 at 8:18am | IP Logged
sry 4r late reply dear... plz dont mind 
was totally busy :(

anywayz awesome os...
beautifully written...
loved it...



do pm me wen ever derz a new updt...
a little faith Goldie
a little faith
a little faith

Joined: 09 January 2009
Posts: 2040

Posted: 12 January 2012 at 1:16pm | IP Logged
Mahak,

Sorry. I have been inactive at I-F, and officially I still am but I just wanted to post some thoughts on your wonderful OS.

Breathe

Although they say that poetry is the perfect words in the perfect order, I can not help but feel that the same is true for great prose.  Maybe it would be better to say that some prose is poetical, specifically yours.  I love your word order but more so, I love the words you use. For instance, many of them follwed suit. Here that connotation of playing cards, setting a scene where life is like a game, seemingly dependent upon chance and much luck, as people who play games would have you believe. The way of the world which you juxtapose with the way of the earth, which works upon faith and as you say love.  Beautiful.

Sad songs make you sadder. LOL Cute, in a really poignant way.

Anyway after some time spent with the earth and its balms, you bring her back to the way of the world with, I let my tears fall in a queue.  At first I couldn't make out if that meant that they were held up, being restrained, but pent up for an eventual and inevitable release OR that it meant that they followed one another, in a slow and singular fashion.  However you used the latter, which I liked because it added to that latent theme of world, opposing the state of the earth. You add layers, through words such as salty, which reminds us of those salty oceans, a glance back to nature BUT as you note, she hasn't time to perceive the earth past the world in front of her, that world that suffocates and chokes, not unlike that polluted air of the towns, cities and societies that make up the world we have created.  Finely done.

However my favourite note of your piece was the use of rain as an expression for breath.  Most people would equate it with drowning, soaking or some kind of suffusion BUT never breathing.  I really like that.  Very impressive, unique and wild!  It showcases why you stand out from your peers as a writer. 

Beautifully written as always. With love, Sabah



Edited by a little faith - 12 January 2012 at 1:16pm
griffy.fz IF-Rockerz
griffy.fz
griffy.fz

Friendship Animated Sig. Winner
Joined: 18 January 2006
Posts: 5076

Posted: 14 January 2012 at 6:31am | IP Logged
OMG i just read "breathe"
alll i wanna say was it was awesum  i m almost in tears...
i can actually relate to this
i knw hw heartbreaking it is and hw hard it is to breathe!!! :(
awesum !! just loved every bit
thanxx soo much for the pm
plz pm again if u write mre!
rock on
griffy
griffy.fz IF-Rockerz
griffy.fz
griffy.fz

Friendship Animated Sig. Winner
Joined: 18 January 2006
Posts: 5076

Posted: 14 January 2012 at 4:45pm | IP Logged
amazing one shots love yr writing
kedp rocking!!

SunShine_A IF-Stunnerz
SunShine_A
SunShine_A

Joined: 13 May 2009
Posts: 33517

Posted: 17 January 2012 at 12:47am | IP Logged
Alright I guess I am new addition in your list
I have not read any of your work like completely but just took overview and must say overview was really impressive
will try reading all your work soon atleast all the one shots
Keep up the great job

Ashlesha
Flower_94 Newbie
Flower_94
Flower_94

Joined: 16 January 2012
Posts: 11

Posted: 16 February 2012 at 1:22pm | IP Logged
Amazing Love it
--Shree-- Groupbie
--Shree--
--Shree--

Joined: 26 February 2012
Posts: 83

Posted: 26 February 2012 at 2:14am | IP Logged
Wow superb work!Day Dreaming
--Shree-- Groupbie
--Shree--
--Shree--

Joined: 26 February 2012
Posts: 83

Posted: 26 February 2012 at 2:15am | IP Logged
plzzz add me to pm list

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