Posted: 12 January 2012 at 1:16pm | IP Logged
Sorry. I have been inactive at I-F, and officially I still am but I just wanted to post some thoughts on your wonderful OS.Breathe
say that poetry is the perfect words in the perfect order, I can not help but feel that the same is true for great prose. Maybe it would be better to say that some prose is poetical, specifically yours. I love your word order but more so, I love the words you use. For instance, many of them follwed suit. Here that connotation of playing cards, setting a scene where life is like a game, seemingly dependent upon chance and much luck, as people who play games would have you believe. The way of the world which you juxtapose with the way of the earth, which works upon faith and as you say love. Beautiful.
Sad songs make you sadder. Cute, in a really poignant way.
Anyway after some time spent with the earth and its balms, you bring her back to the way of the world with, I let my tears fall in a queue. At first I couldn't make out if that meant that they were held up, being restrained, but pent up for an eventual and inevitable release OR that it meant that they followed one another, in a slow and singular fashion. However you used the latter, which I liked because it added to that latent theme of world, opposing the state of the earth. You add layers, through words such as salty, which reminds us of those salty oceans, a glance back to nature BUT as you note, she hasn't time to perceive the earth past the world in front of her, that world that suffocates and chokes, not unlike that polluted air of the towns, cities and societies that make up the world we have created. Finely done.
However my favourite note of your piece was the use of rain as an expression for breath. Most people would equate it with drowning, soaking or some kind of suffusion BUT never breathing. I really like that. Very impressive, unique and wild! It showcases why you stand out from your peers as a writer.
Beautifully written as always. With love, Sabah
Edited by a little faith - 12 January 2012 at 1:16pm