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Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems
Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems

Dark Temptations [My OS Gallery]: Breathe : Pg 11 (Page 13)

adi_gupta IF-Dazzler
adi_gupta
adi_gupta

Joined: 07 October 2007
Posts: 3752

Posted: 11 December 2011 at 5:06pm | IP Logged
I played my music player because songs are the best medicines for the pain.
mahak this line is true and every time i feel that there is no body for me to help me i do the same
really touching os and the song i love it
the way you describe all this i mean this is naturally happen but we can't describe it in that way how you describe it...
lovely song and lovely world.

But no matter what, I had to learn. Learn to breathe… without him. I know I have hurt him immensely and I am sorry for hurting him, but this is the only way I can save my heart from breaking into pieces. I know I am being utterly selfish. I can't breathe without him, but I know… I have to.
actually i want to write many things  but i don't have words
lovely os
sorry for the delay
 

anumeha_rajat IF-Sizzlerz
anumeha_rajat
anumeha_rajat

Joined: 12 February 2010
Posts: 10172

Posted: 12 December 2011 at 6:39am | IP Logged
wooowww mahak...

touched heart simply yaar...

beautiful n awsum...

amazing...loved it...

thnx for the pm...
_SilverLining_ IF-Dazzler
_SilverLining_
_SilverLining_

Joined: 26 June 2011
Posts: 3984

Posted: 14 December 2011 at 1:43am | IP Logged
Awesomeee ONE SHOT Mahak... love d song, love Taylor swift, loved ur OS!!!!! Smile 
I love all of Taylor's songs because they all tell a story and portray different aspects of love... not that all have sad endings, many end happily as well... dis song is one of my fav and dis portrays d pain of separation in very very touching way...
 
AND I CAN'T BREATHE WITHOUT YOU
BUT I HAVE TO Broken Heart
binudamania Senior Member
binudamania
binudamania

Joined: 11 November 2009
Posts: 409

Posted: 14 December 2011 at 1:46am | IP Logged
amazingly potrayed every emotion
Monstuholic4evr IF-Sizzlerz
Monstuholic4evr
Monstuholic4evr

Joined: 26 January 2011
Posts: 14724

Posted: 14 December 2011 at 2:25am | IP Logged
Originally posted by ...Mahak...

Originally posted by nandinii_goyal

Res


I am hoping for you to leave a review for me, if possible :)

- Mahi


I have edited my post :)
dynamic_doll IF-Sizzlerz
dynamic_doll
dynamic_doll

Joined: 19 July 2009
Posts: 14372

Posted: 18 December 2011 at 12:36pm | IP Logged
nice OS Mahak!
thanx for the pm Smile


Edited by Favouriteofall - 18 December 2011 at 12:36pm
rose.three IF-Rockerz
rose.three
rose.three

Joined: 13 March 2007
Posts: 7459

Posted: 06 January 2012 at 8:18am | IP Logged
sry 4r late reply dear... plz dont mind 
was totally busy :(

anywayz awesome os...
beautifully written...
loved it...



do pm me wen ever derz a new updt...
a little faith Goldie
a little faith
a little faith

Joined: 09 January 2009
Posts: 2037

Posted: 12 January 2012 at 1:16pm | IP Logged
Mahak,

Sorry. I have been inactive at I-F, and officially I still am but I just wanted to post some thoughts on your wonderful OS.

Breathe

Although they say that poetry is the perfect words in the perfect order, I can not help but feel that the same is true for great prose.  Maybe it would be better to say that some prose is poetical, specifically yours.  I love your word order but more so, I love the words you use. For instance, many of them follwed suit. Here that connotation of playing cards, setting a scene where life is like a game, seemingly dependent upon chance and much luck, as people who play games would have you believe. The way of the world which you juxtapose with the way of the earth, which works upon faith and as you say love.  Beautiful.

Sad songs make you sadder. LOL Cute, in a really poignant way.

Anyway after some time spent with the earth and its balms, you bring her back to the way of the world with, I let my tears fall in a queue.  At first I couldn't make out if that meant that they were held up, being restrained, but pent up for an eventual and inevitable release OR that it meant that they followed one another, in a slow and singular fashion.  However you used the latter, which I liked because it added to that latent theme of world, opposing the state of the earth. You add layers, through words such as salty, which reminds us of those salty oceans, a glance back to nature BUT as you note, she hasn't time to perceive the earth past the world in front of her, that world that suffocates and chokes, not unlike that polluted air of the towns, cities and societies that make up the world we have created.  Finely done.

However my favourite note of your piece was the use of rain as an expression for breath.  Most people would equate it with drowning, soaking or some kind of suffusion BUT never breathing.  I really like that.  Very impressive, unique and wild!  It showcases why you stand out from your peers as a writer. 

Beautifully written as always. With love, Sabah



Edited by a little faith - 12 January 2012 at 1:16pm

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