Madhuri Dixit Fan Club # 3 - Page 26

Madhuri Dixit was a top-line model in India before entering the Hindi film industry. She was launched by the Rajshri's with Abodh in 1984. But recognition came to her with the Ek-do-teen dance number in Tezaab (1988), which launched her as a top actress. Her performance in Hum Aapke Hain Kaun (1994) was the crowning glory of her career. Her power and security lie in the knowledge that there cannot be another Madhuri Dixit. But to reach this pinnacle of success, the journey from middle-class J.B.Nagar to posh Iris Park, has been full of twists and turns. Madhuri recalls the good, the bad and sometimes humorous path she had to tread all by herself.

Who would dare to call her a middle-class Maharashtrian mulgi? These five-feet-four- inches of proportionate dynamite have been moulded on memories of Madhubala's allure and the classic looks of Suchitra Sen. Having joined films for a lark and then getting hooked, she didn't foresee the heartbreak. Her first few attempts could well have given her a one-way ticket to oblivion. But suddenly, the industry czars discovered the face to launch a 100 films. A gregarious, mischievous girl, she was always up to something. She recalls her childhood days, "I was totally unruly and disorganised. I would throw the family and the house into an uproar before I left for school. I was such a chatterbox, I wouldn't stop talking till I had said all that I wanted to." What a contrast to her now cool, poised and quiet image!

"In school I was once punished for aping a nun who sang soprano. On another occasion, I thoroughly embarrassed my mother. At three, I was asked to sing a classical song at a family get together. Instead, I broke into a cabaret number from a film, replete with all the jhataks and mataks! I guess therein lay the dormant beginnings of 'Ek, Do, Teen'..."

Those numbers, were also the beginning of her acquiring a multitude of fans that now touches a billion over five continents.

"After Abodh, I toyed with the idea of doing just a few roles here and there. I had plans to do anything from genetic research to hotel management. Acting was going to be just a hobby, another dimension to my personality. But I suppose my indecisiveness about a career in academics or a career in films, had me leaning towards the latter. I don't know whether it's called fate or whatever. I only know I had a bee in my bonnet about doing films."

Her initial foray into films though, began with several washouts.

"I think it was the anger in me. I couldn't accept the fact that what I had finally decided to do, was not working out. I was absolutely determined to prove everybody wrong and myself right." Signing a three-film contract with Subhash Ghai and sharing a common secretary with Anil Kapoor, Rikku, also proved to the others, that Madhuri was not available to them. This not only limited her scope but also proved embarrassing when she got linked with Anil Kapoor. Being new to the ways of the industry, she didn't know her way around and accepted whatever that was told to her as gospel truth.


"I was totally at sea. It was like someone who was so used to broad daylight, suddenly being thrown into a pitch-black room. You are groping around and someone is helping you out. Naturally, you do what is advised." But Madhuri did not rebel. Not even when she was signing films in good faith. Her middle-class sensibilities were hurt but she continued to do films like Vardi, Dayavan and Jaidev. "You'll be surprised to know how awkward I felt doing those scenes. What agony I went through thereafter. Even now, I shudder to think of those moments. If I looked convincing, it's probably because I didn't want to do the scenes again and again, so I gave my best in the first takes. I thought to myself, I should be done with it fast. I detached and psyched myself into doing what was demanded of the character in the film. So can you imagine the trauma I must've have gone through? "

"Lovemaking scenes, however hot, cannot ensure the success of a film. I don't have to do everything just because I am an actress. You have to be conscious of your social position as well. Somehow, in Hindi films, an actress who does those scenes is looked down upon as a loose girl. I have to keep this in mind. You can show passion without being over explicit. Luckily, I am now in a position to assert myself and refuse to do anything I am not happy doing." She is glad that Dayavans and Vardis are all behind her.

The initial grounding in the social circles of the industry, can be just as embarrassing. Hobnobbing with celebrities, did she feel gawky while being introduced to such high profiles?

"Well, I wasn't some uneducated village girl. I'm convent educated so it didn't give me a complex. But yes, you begin to feel less confident when you are faced with superficiality, hypocrisy and those show-offs. People just don't behave normal. So that does make you wonder whether you are from the right kind of school or whether they are. You know how to strike up a conversation but it may not be getting across. While you are saying something very intelligent, the socialite may be looking towards the door because someone with bigger diamonds than hers is entering. It's not only sick it's also very funny."

Clothes maketh a man and the same goes for a woman. It's only recently that Madhuri began to take extra care of her taste in clothes and make-up.

'Earlier, I didn't really take care of my looks, my hairstyles or my clothes. In fact, I didn't even bother about the subtle nuances of a character! I think I learnt a lot from Vinod Chopra and Parinda. When I entered the industry I used to wear comfortable clothes because even at home, you'll find me in the oldest and the most faded clothes. I didn't realise that once you are a heroine, you are expected to dress in glittering jewelry, Kanjeevaram saris and salwar- kameez. To doll up so much at such a young age took me time to adjust to the idea."

"I was the kind to wear just kohl and lipstick, even to functions. Can you imagine, I used just about any soap to bathe with, even Rin at times, as long as it was cleansing," she laughs. "I just couldn't communicate if there were more than three people around me. I withdrew into a shell and most people thought I was sulking. They gave me complexes."

When you have the best of everything, you start finding fault with whatever you've done or whatever you have. "I didn't like my nose. I didn't think I was beautiful. I had this perennial pimple problem which I tried to control by drinking a lot of juice and liquid. Initially I lacked confidence and felt that people were just being polite when they said I was beautiful. Especially since I was not being accepted as an actress. I wished my nose was smaller and that I was a little taller. I was envious of Waheeda Rehman who has the perfect nose and of Dimple and Farha, who have the best skins." Those days, she also had these recurring nightmares. "I can't remember how they started or ended but I could just hear a voice calling my name, louder and louder, till it just exploded in my ears. I would then wake up in fright. On the days I had those nightmares, I noticed that I was generally very disturbed."

Today, she doesn't face them anymore. Life is a dream, a fantasy of being the highest paid actress in Indian cinema. Today, she doesn't believe in the low profile bit. She makes it a point to attend all the major happenings if she's in town, complete with the Kanjeevarams! "I won't pretend that it didn't flatter me to be compared to great actresses like them. But I felt that my smile was natural and my position was far too junior to Sridevi's. I guess comparisons however, are inevitable."

Gone are the days when her smile was compared to Madhubala's and her position was second to Sridevi's. Today, she is herself.