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||Abhi Nikki Writing Challenge 2|| (Page 68)

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cherry_an

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cherry_an

Joined: 03 May 2010

Posts: 35481

Posted: 21 August 2012 at 1:15am | IP Logged

pra Hug

* applauds..*
i mean you are marvelous..Big smile
you truely have captured the essence  of both these characters..and their relation..

i love how you potrayed inner trauma of abhi..Smile
that he wants to move on but some threads of his past,still holding him and kept him connected wid his first love..
 pulling him away from loving any one.. even if he wants to..                                                                  he is helpless..
he wants to love nikki  but thats not possible.. and that exact thing he is telling nikki
 coz he trusted her and knew that she  would understand him..

 

My fav para of abhis version is

Be no more than that beautiful dream that brightens my dark night
For this little brightness is all I can live with
I am too far gone away to come any closer to you
This here is where I stop and you move on
There are so many things I can only wish
And if only I could give you what I wish I could

this is so so beautiful..he confessed her that she is the reason behind this small happiness peace wid which he is living..
and that its enough for lifetime..
 best thing is abhi's brutal honesty.. he never wana hurt her feelings but dont wana keep her in dark.. he cant lie  to her ever.. even if its bitter truth..still he will share.. only wid nikki..

your poem (abhis part) reminds me of one of my fav song  *sometiemes when we touch*
specially these lines..
 
 
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie!!!

beautiful lyrics and so true for your this part..Smile *got tears in my eyes*

 

and nikkis part is equally sweet..
i mean thats the spirit of (abhi's) nikki pehlwaan..she did the exact thing in dmg too..
made him fall for her.. even if he never wanted to.. but he was helpless in front of her charm.. her care.. and love she showerd on him(sometimes) invisibly..
 

most favorite paraz (nikkis version)..


She might have been your first love
But don't let her be your last
Her love might have been precious
But my love too is worth your precious heart
So there don't just walk away from me

i mean love the depth of this para.. nikki telling him that she wont take her (his 1st love) place,
 infact she dosent want to..
because  she wil make her own special diffrnt place in his heart..

Give me a chance to be by your side
And then you will realize what you are to me
Let us walk hand in  hand for a day
How well I entertwine in your life you will see
Oh! Don't just walk away from me
No one deserves to be alone
Neither you nor me
Give me the sign that I mean something to you
Let me in your world and come into my world
So there don't just walk away from me

love the way she tries to make him understand things and  assures him that everything will be just perfct..
all he has to do is just to give her one chance..to prove what he means to her..
that she will give all that  she has, to this relation... only thing she expects him to do is not
 to go away..from her..
he can take just one step towards her and she would take all remaining 99 to come near him..

 

love nikkis innocence.. ..and honest attempt to get her love..

 
 
 
lovely thought pra.. just got goozbumps all over my body..
 i love both abhi's n nikki's versions.. dot on ekdum!and if you have written it in mere 10 minuts then you are  truly  genius and should write more often..
hats off to you... Big smile

and its going with the theme too..Embarrassed
great one pra..Star

 

love it to the core..Heart
ragards

-cherry Embarrassed

Edited by cherry_an - 21 August 2012 at 1:18am

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pra19

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pra19

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pra19

Joined: 15 August 2011

Posts: 365

Posted: 24 August 2012 at 1:56am | IP Logged
Ah ! A light drizzle in this heavily dought infested area .
 
@Shale and @Khush , thanks . You know , when I had started out to write or rather type  , it was just supposed to be N's POV , but then I kind of did not find the theme of this challenge reflecting from it , so A's POV was added as a last minute addition . And maybe  that is the reason , I like N's part more , I find that better written , because that was what I had originally set out to write Smile. And yes , A's part is the angst ridden one because he is the one living through all that pain and N was supposed to be herself , showing him that he need not be so tough on himself and all that.
 
And Khush , Sheena keeps Like-ing stuff now and then  . Its your comment that kind of made me O_OSmile (BTW , I had to google the meaning of "O_O" emoticon :D )
 


Edited by pra19 - 24 August 2012 at 1:57am

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

Khushboo_ANcherry_an

pra19

Senior Member

pra19

Joined: 15 August 2011

Posts: 365

Posted: 24 August 2012 at 2:01am | IP Logged
Originally posted by cherry_an

pra Hug

* applauds..*
i mean you are marvelous..Big smile
you truely have captured the essence  of both these characters..and their relation..

i love how you potrayed inner trauma of abhi..Smile
that he wants to move on but some threads of his past,still holding him and kept him connected wid his first love..
 pulling him away from loving any one.. even if he wants to..                                                                  he is helpless..
he wants to love nikki  but thats not possible.. and that exact thing he is telling nikki
 coz he trusted her and knew that she  would understand him..

 

My fav para of abhis version is

Be no more than that beautiful dream that brightens my dark night
For this little brightness is all I can live with
I am too far gone away to come any closer to you
This here is where I stop and you move on
There are so many things I can only wish
And if only I could give you what I wish I could

this is so so beautiful..he confessed her that she is the reason behind this small happiness peace wid which he is living..
and that its enough for lifetime..
 best thing is abhi's brutal honesty.. he never wana hurt her feelings but dont wana keep her in dark.. he cant lie  to her ever.. even if its bitter truth..still he will share.. only wid nikki..

your poem (abhis part) reminds me of one of my fav song  *sometiemes when we touch*
specially these lines..
 
 
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie!!!

beautiful lyrics and so true for your this part..Smile *got tears in my eyes*

 

and nikkis part is equally sweet..
i mean thats the spirit of (abhi's) nikki pehlwaan..she did the exact thing in dmg too..
made him fall for her.. even if he never wanted to.. but he was helpless in front of her charm.. her care.. and love she showerd on him(sometimes) invisibly..
 

most favorite paraz (nikkis version)..


She might have been your first love
But don't let her be your last
Her love might have been precious
But my love too is worth your precious heart
So there don't just walk away from me

i mean love the depth of this para.. nikki telling him that she wont take her (his 1st love) place,
 infact she dosent want to..
because  she wil make her own special diffrnt place in his heart..

Give me a chance to be by your side
And then you will realize what you are to me
Let us walk hand in  hand for a day
How well I entertwine in your life you will see
Oh! Don't just walk away from me
No one deserves to be alone
Neither you nor me
Give me the sign that I mean something to you
Let me in your world and come into my world
So there don't just walk away from me

love the way she tries to make him understand things and  assures him that everything will be just perfct..
all he has to do is just to give her one chance..to prove what he means to her..
that she will give all that  she has, to this relation... only thing she expects him to do is not
 to go away..from her..
he can take just one step towards her and she would take all remaining 99 to come near him..

 

love nikkis innocence.. ..and honest attempt to get her love..

 
 
 
lovely thought pra.. just got goozbumps all over my body..
 i love both abhi's n nikki's versions.. dot on ekdum!and if you have written it in mere 10 minuts then you are  truly  genius and should write more often..
hats off to you... Big smile

and its going with the theme too..Embarrassed
great one pra..Star

 

love it to the core..Heart
ragards

-cherry Embarrassed
Cherry...
 
The comment is even bigger than what I wrote Smile. Thanks , but I seriously think I am undeserving of all your lovely praise . Still I will , very graciously accept it .
 
i mean thats the spirit of (abhi's) nikki pehlwaan..she did the exact thing in dmg too..
made him fall for her.. even if he never wanted to.. but he was helpless in front of her charm.. her care.. and love she showerd on him(sometimes)
invisibly..
Right . That is what I wanted to portray originally , but without Abhi's POV it wasn't kind of fitting in .Thanks for putting it in words Smile
 

love the way she tries to make him understand things and  assures him that everything will be just perfct..
all he has to do is just to give her one chance..to prove what he means to her..
that she will give all that  she has, to this relation... only thing she expects him to do is not
 to go away..
from her..
he can take just one step towards her and she would take all remaining 99 to come near him..

Beautiful words Cherry . Loved them so much

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cherry_an

cherry_an

IF-Stunnerz

cherry_an

Joined: 03 May 2010

Posts: 35481

Posted: 24 August 2012 at 2:39am | IP Logged
Originally posted by pra19

 
The comment is even bigger than what I wrote Smile. Thanks , but I seriously think I am undeserving of all your lovely praise . Still I will , very graciously accept it .
 
..
Beautiful words Cherry . Loved them so much
 
@bold- thats upto readers how they find.. u cant comment on it Angry what undeserving?Angry
chup kar..
whatever i have written is what i felt..Smile
thanx 4 such sweet stuff..Embarrassed

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pra19

Khushboo_AN

IF-Sizzlerz

Khushboo_AN

Joined: 10 December 2009

Posts: 17196

Posted: 06 September 2012 at 1:36pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by pra19

Ah ! A light drizzle in this heavily dought infested area .
 
@Shale and @Khush , thanks . You know , when I had started out to write or rather type  , it was just supposed to be N's POV , but then I kind of did not find the theme of this challenge reflecting from it , so A's POV was added as a last minute addition . And maybe  that is the reason , I like N's part more , I find that better written , because that was what I had originally set out to write Smile. And yes , A's part is the angst ridden one because he is the one living through all that pain and N was supposed to be herself , showing him that he need not be so tough on himself and all that.
 
And Khush , Sheena keeps Like-ing stuff now and then  . Its your comment that kind of made me O_OSmile (BTW , I had to google the meaning of "O_O" emoticon :D )
 

@bold...uh, I do make that face, actually. Stare at stuff with my eyes as round as saucers and wonder.

I like the stuff you write. You should write more. Ever tried anything beyond fanfiction?

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pra19

pra19

Senior Member

pra19

Joined: 15 August 2011

Posts: 365

Posted: 13 September 2012 at 10:44am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Khushboo_AN


@bold...uh, I do make that face, actually. Stare at stuff with my eyes as round as saucers and wonder.

I like the stuff you write. You should write more. Ever tried anything beyond fanfiction?
Oh , I did not realize there was another comment on this thread and that too for me .
Well thanks . Yes have been writing stuff much much before I wrote these fanfictions , but then its all tragically underdeveloped and work in progress  and yet to become something that would make me sit up and exclaim , "Wow ! I have written this "

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Khushboo_AN

Khushboo_AN

IF-Sizzlerz

Khushboo_AN

Joined: 10 December 2009

Posts: 17196

Posted: 13 September 2012 at 2:02pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by pra19

Originally posted by Khushboo_AN


@bold...uh, I do make that face, actually. Stare at stuff with my eyes as round as saucers and wonder.

I like the stuff you write. You should write more. Ever tried anything beyond fanfiction?
Oh , I did not realize there was another comment on this thread and that too for me .
Well thanks . Yes have been writing stuff much much before I wrote these fanfictions , but then its all tragically underdeveloped and work in progress  and yet to become something that would make me sit up and exclaim , "Wow ! I have written this "

Well, you never really know how you write till you put it up for people to read...And you're not supposed to like your own work, anyway. So that's not a problem. Keep writing. Would lvoe to read something else from you too :)

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

pra19

pra19

Senior Member

pra19

Joined: 15 August 2011

Posts: 365

Posted: 14 September 2012 at 11:13am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Khushboo_AN

Originally posted by pra19

Originally posted by Khushboo_AN


@bold...uh, I do make that face, actually. Stare at stuff with my eyes as round as saucers and wonder.

I like the stuff you write. You should write more. Ever tried anything beyond fanfiction?
Oh , I did not realize there was another comment on this thread and that too for me .
Well thanks . Yes have been writing stuff much much before I wrote these fanfictions , but then its all tragically underdeveloped and work in progress  and yet to become something that would make me sit up and exclaim , "Wow ! I have written this "

Well, you never really know how you write till you put it up for people to read...And you're not supposed to like your own work, anyway. So that's not a problem. Keep writing. Would lvoe to read something else from you too :)
 
Khush , its not really about liking what I come up with . I may sound cynical yet again , but writing "stuff" apparently is the only thing I really felt/feel motivated to do and so that level of , for the lack of a better word , creative , satisfaction is what I am waiting for , but that said I sincerely appreciate your interest and will definitely share some of my stuff with you . Thank you :).

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Khushboo_AN

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