You guys will not believe how much writers block I faced while writing this. Abhiya are so hard to capture on print. Sid-Panchi were so much more fun. But Abhiya's serious and challenging! I hope you guys like it!
Read and review!
"Hatred comes from the heart, contempt from the head and neither feeling is quite under our control."
She loved me. I just knew it. She had to. After all the stuff I'd did for her.
I looked at the peaceful calm the college had in the morning and my thoughts just kept going back to her. Her face.. her smile. God, I had never felt this happy in so long. It was crazy. I just didn't know if I really wanted to be with her. Could I sacrifice her safety for me needs? This. Everything.. was so twisted.
She was like pure gold, damn it. And I wasn't even breaching on copper. I was waiting, hoping that someday she would realize I wasn't the one she wanted to spend her life with, as she put it. I could destroy her. She was naive and almost, stupid for thinking I couldn't.
Then why was it that when Kabir merely smiled at her I felt like socking the living day-lights out of him? Argh! I ran my hands through my hair, frustrated.
Students gradually started walking into the college. My eyes automatically looked for her. Where was she? My eyes shut and from far away, I could smell her. Her Davidoff perfume was such a distinct one. She was tormenting me, damn it. It was painful. Just trying to comprehend her was painful. Being with her was painful. Did she have any idea how much I just wanted to keep her in my arms forever? And when you told me you loved me, I could have done anything. Anything to reciprocate that feeling..
But I cant, Piya. I just cant feel for you. Feelings.. are foreign to me. I can't.. I shouldn't.. I--
I turned around and looked at Misha Dobrial's smiling face. What did the twerp want now? I nodded at her in acknowledgement and tried to walk away when she called out my name again, "Abhay Raichand?! ABHAYYY! I'm calling you, dost! Arrey!"
I whipped around in annoyance and growled, "Yes?!"
"Did you see Piya?" I immediately frowned. "No. Leave me alone.I turned once again when she said, "Piya had a minor accident this morning."
I whipped around immediately. "What?!" I said. Panic seeped through me. God! Why couldn't the girl stay away from danger for once. Images of Piya covered with blood filled my mind and I was becoming crazy. I looked at Misha, who looked normal. "How? When? Why didn't you--"
"She was filing her nails and she cut one off by mistake.! " Misha said and I saw that cheeky smile playing on her lips.
Anger and relief went through my body simultaneously. I looked at Misha venomously and grabbed her hand. "Do you think this is a joke, Dobrial? You're lucky to have someone like Piya in your life! How dare you make this something to be mocked at!" I spat out.
Misha looked a tad bit frazzled at my outburst and her smile vanished. She lowered her voice and said, "No Abhay. You're lucky to have someone like Piya. I would never make a joke out of her. You are. You're leading her on with your every move, Abhay. Making her believe that you love her and all that shit. Why can't you admit it? She's a smalltown naive girl. She's been hurt her entire life? Is this what you want Abhay? To hurt Piya with your behaviour?"
Mature words from Misha's mouth was like poison to my ears. I couldn't help but agree with the girl. Damn it. I was leading her on. I was hurting her. I kept telling myself I should walk away from her but instead I was watching her every move. How selfish could I get?
"Fine then Dobrial. Have it your way. I'll leave her alone." I spat out and let her go. Misha pulled my hand and said, "Abhay. Please. Don't pretend to be some mahaan fellow here." She sighed and twirled her hair. "Sit." She said.
The both of us sat on a bench and she said, "She loves you, dude. You love her. Now what's the issue? Why can't you just tell her?"
Dobrial's caring nature was getting me hooked. This girl was making me feel like pouring my heart out.
"Becuase I shouldn't love her. It's not possible for me. I'm not supposed to love her. Does that make sense to you Dobrial? I don't deserve her!"
Misha looked confused and said, "Of course you should, Abhay ! You're pissing me off with all your nonsense sacrificing shit!" She slapped me hard on the head and said, "Listen. One last time. You're going to tell her. We all know you guys have this love-shove business going on. Just spit it out for the love of God. Okay?"
She got up and gave me one last look. "If.. If you hurt her anymore than you already have, I will peel your god-damn skin, rip your arm off and beat you with the soggy end of it. Understood?"
I subconsciously nodded. This girl was a fire-cracker. She smiled at me and left and much to my suprise, I found myself smiling back.
There she was. Damn, she looked beautiful in the mornings. Her white dress made her look so innocent..
I suddenly noticed that she was coming towards me.. with tears in her eyes. I got up immediately and went towards her. The corridor was empty now. Everyone had gathered for assembley.
"Piya! What's wrong? Hua kya?"
Thank heavens, she wasn't crying too much. She just looked teary eyed. She gathered herself up, rose to her full height and said, "Tell me something, Abhay."
"What? I told you, stop crying." I said distractedly, wiping her tears away.
She looked at me and said, "When we were together.. where did I go wrong, Abhay?"
I immediately stopped and said, "We were never together, Piya."
She looked at me with contempt and repeated herself. "Tell me. Please. Where did I go wrong?"
I looked at her and said, "It wasn't you. It was me."
She rolled her eyes, tears falling more freely now. "Shut up, Abhay. Stop the blame game. Just tell me, damn it."
My eyes filled with sorrow on seeing her crying. Why couldn't she just understand? She knew the truth about me and yet she chose to love me. Why?
"What was so horrible about me loving you? What?!" She asked me, angrily. She poked my chest with her nail, her broken one. Images of my chat with Misha came into my mind. Tell her.
"You love me! You hate me! What are you doing to me, Abhay? Why the hell are you just making me pine for you? You're making me a fool, arent you? You're making--"
My lips crashed down on her's, silencing her. She was shocked for the first five seconds, her lips frozen against his warm, soft ones before melting into him and wrapping her arms around his neck, letting her eyes flutter shut. For the first time in a long time, she felt complete and whole; she hadn't felt her body pressed up against his in so long and that familiar giddy feeling was taking over her body once again, captivating her, conquering her.
I pulled back, gasping for breath and leaned my head against her's, my gray eyes boring into her chocolate ones, "Do you have any idea how much being in love terrifies me? Piya - my love for you has snaked itself around my heart and has claimed it. It doesn't belong to me anymore, it belongs to you. And it doesn't makes decisions according to my wants and needs, it makes them according to yours. Do you know how scary that is? Knowing that something inside you belongs to someone else? Knowing that the one thing keeping you alive is in someone else's hands? It's down right petrifying. I was so in love with you that I didn't know how to handle it. Damn it, I still don't.
"So when you told me that you love me,"I sighed, "I was so bloody happy and when I saw how much joy you could bring me just by uttering three words, I got scared. I got so damn scared, Piya, I ran away; because honestly, you have me tied around your little finger. I'm here, aren't I? You have me trapped in the cage of your love and no matter how hard I try to get out, you pull me back in. I just ' I can't help falling in love with you no matter what, Piya."
"And I shouldn't. I can't okay? This wasn't supposed to happen. I can't hurt you." I growled the last part out.
The look on her face was priceless. She still couldn't believe I had said what I had. "Please, Piya. Give me time.. I need.. to.." I growled, frustrated with myself. I looked into her amazed eyes."Time, Piya."
She looked at me and nodded. I let her hands go, missing her touch. She leaned on her tiptoes and gave me a soft kiss. She smiled and said, "Ditto."
I couldn't help the smile that automatically spread all over my face. "How much ever time you want to figure this out, take it. My feelings aren't going to change for you."
And with that, she left. Taking my heart along with her.
Edited by havokhotline - 12 February 2011 at 2:36am