Posted: 07 February 2011 at 4:42pm | IP Logged
Hey guys! Thanks all for the feedback from last time! You guys say such wonderful stuff and I appreciate it wholeheartedly! I've updated part 4...tried something different...hope you like it!
Part 4: "But you'll always be my hero...eventhough you've lost your mind..."
"Come on Sid, open the door! Mujhe pata hai tum andar ho! Please Sid, mujhse ek baar baat kar lo!..Siiiiid!"
It had been 5 days since the night of the Event, where I'd walked out on Sid....5 days since he'd last put his trust in someone to share his pain, 5 days since I'd given him a reason to regret his decision...5 days.
And I felt pathetic, not because I was standing outside his house at 10 o'clock at night threatening to knock the door down if he didn't let me in, nor because I had called him a million times before I'd arrived in an attempt to explain myself, neither because he hadn't answered any of my calls...No.
I felt pathetic...because it had taken me 5 days to realise my mistake.
"Sid, tum mujhe jaante ho, until you open this door to me, I'm going no where and I mean it! You know it Sid, open the dooor!!"
The fact of the matter is...he had every right to be annoyed, I'd been so stupid...I was the one who had agreed to his friendship, happily shaking his hand when he had offered it and when the time had actually come to be his friend...I had turned my back. That's not how friends behave...to think Sid had been bogged down with so many problems but he'd disregarded all of that to make sure I was ok, to make sure I wasn't leaving for the wrong reasons.
I'd left the party distressed. The whole situation was so surreal, I'd encountered Sid and had worked on an impulse, babbling without thinking about what I was saying to him....Sid in Indraprastha, what were the chances? Fair enough, Delhi was the capital city but Indraprastha Hospital? How could anyone explain that? Sid had said it was fate...our friendship, that had brought us together. I'd persuaded myself that I was doing the best for both of us by leaving butI'll have to admit that no matter how much I'd wanted to leave, I couldn't...from the very beginning I'd been there to help Sid. Albeit accidental, I had saved him from losing his ring to complete strangers at a time when I didn't even know that he was married to Riddhima...Maybe I'd recognised his sincerity, his kindness, his huge heart simply from reading his face, maybe it was coincidence or sheer luck that I had managed to assist a genuinely good guy but after joining Sanjeevani and witnessing his relationship, his feelings towards Riddhima, I couldn't help but continue to support him...and then it occured to me...
Maybe it was fate, maybe my role in Sid's life was to be there to for him, to save him from himself...I had left for my own reasons, but I'd never swayed when it came to standing by his side...if I hadn't left him back then, I wouldn't leave him now. It had taken me some time to mend my ways, but better late than never right...?
"Sid....you know what they say, better late than never! Come on Sid open the door! Mujhe tumse ek important baat karni hai.... Siiiid!!"
God, I really had messed up this time...but I wanted to make it better, if only he would let me in...
"Siiiiiiid!.... Please-" as I went to raise my fist one final time, convinced I would actually break the wooden oak, the door opened and Sid's face emerged from behind.
He didnt look too impressed ..in fact he was angry, his eyebrows were furrowed in a deep frown, his jaw clenched, his eyes bore into mine waiting for an explanation.
"Er..." Where should I start? His sudden appearance had completely thrown me off, and my hesistance didn't seem to be helping the situation. "Actually, main tumse sorry bolne ayi thi..."
His expression didn't change. Instead he raised an eyebrow in amusement and pushed the door further back.
Wow... I mean I knew that Sid was a really nice guy, but I was expecting it to take alot more to persuade him...I smiled and raised my foot to step forward-
"Kyun? I thought you didn't want to see me ever again? What was it? My face would remind you of your past or something...?"
I'd been so absorbed into stepping over the threshold that I'd literally lowered my gaze for a split second and the next thing I knew, Sid had stepped infront of the door, with his arms folded across his chest, stopping me from taking another step further. A barricade, blocking me out from his house and his life.
Well, atleast I could give him credit for meeting my expectations...
"Look Sid, I know...I ....you have every right to be angry".
"Yeah I do"and with that he turned around and the door slammed in my face.
I heard myself gasp...how dare he!
I can't believe he had just done that, no one had ever shut me out like this. And you cant shut Shilpa Malhotra out forever...I was going to explain myself to him even if it killed me! First he wanted to listen to her problems and now he was just going to act as if he didn't care....
"Haan! Yehi tumhari problem hai, you don't give anyone a chance to explain themselves, always make up your own story and believe it till it becomes true! People make mistakes, I made a mistake too...and that's what friends are for! They forgive each other!...Tum mujhse naraz ho sakte ho, par maaf nahi kar sakte?? ..."
I'd had enough, my hands were sore from the numerous amounts of time I'd bashed them into the wood in an attempt to emphasise every single word I had just spoken. If he wasn't going to listen straight....then I'd have to force him, provoke him, push him to the extent that he would have to turn around and face me..
There was no movement on the other side of the door, just a dead silence....I prayed that I hadn't wasted all my breath for no reason, that he hadn't just walked back into his bedroom and gone to sleep...I turned to make for the car and no, if he thought I'd given up he was wrong. I'm sure I had a spare blanket under the front seat or something...I'd wait for him, wait for an hour, two hours...till morning. I did't care. He would have to come out of his house at some point and if it meant I would have to allow my stalkerish tendencies to take over then so be it.
I heard the door click open behind me.
"Teek hai... maaf kiya..".
I turned to see Sid, the same expression on his face....there was something else he wanted to say. I peered at him..."but...."
"but I've been thinking about what you said. And you're right. Maine tumhe maaf to kar diya hai, lekin tumhara dost ...main khabie nahi ban sakta.."
I squinted failing to understand what he meant, ".....What? Sid tum-"
" You were right Shilpa, tumhara chehra hai na, wo mujhe hamesha yaad dilayega..apne past ke bare mein, tumhari behn ke bare mein, Riddhima ke bare mein...tumhe dekh kar mujhe Riddhima ki yaad aati hai....and it's not your fault".
He had edged closer and closer with every setence, stopping just to the right. I didn't understand the relevance...where was he taking this....I listened trying to figure it out before he had to say anything, trying to get one step ahead of him...From the corner of my eye I saw him move around me,
"I mean of course it's not your fault that you're related, its in your blood...."
His voice was dripping in sarcasm....
"Your both the same...jab chaha tab chod diya...jab chaha sorry boldiya..."
I froze. God help me, please don't say what I think you're going to say Sid...
"Riddhima ki bhi yehi problem thi...usne kabhie bhi mujhse pyar nahi kiya tha...do you know what she used to say? "Tumne hamesha mera saath diya Sid...jab mujhe sahare ki zaroorat thi"...zaroorat..." he mocked.
I didn't realise that I was holding my breath...I couldn't even look at him, I didn't dare say a word....I could only listen as Sid went on..
"She didn't love me. She pitied me..." He spat the word out like venom. "I was such a fool. Kitna bewakoof tha main...I thought she was with me because she wanted me, but no....she was obliged to be with me...out of sympathy....cause obviously...mujhse sirf uski "zaroorat thi" ..she was returning a favour ...and I was a fool not to see it...a complete fool...but not again"
He had walked around to my right side now...
" Tumhe kya lagta hai, mujhe nahi pata ki tum yahan kyun ayi ho...Ek behn zakhm deti hai, to doosri behn marham lagane aati hai. That's how it works...right?"
The word hissed in my ear...I gasped, underestimating the proximity at which he stood next to me...
"Your both the same Shilpa....you haven't come to apologise because you want to be my "friend". You came cause you feel guilty....'Sid ko sorry bol deti hoon, bechara....usse meri zaroorat hai'...BUT you know what!" He was shouting now, I jumped as he turned me around to face him, I could feel his hands pressing into my arms...all I could see were his eyes staring into mine, hating me, hating everything about me...
"Ouch! Sid-" I looked away, raising my arm to release his hold but he shook me back, compelling me to face him.
"I don't need anybody!" he muttered into my face. "Mujhe kissi ki bhi zaroorat nahi hai Shilpa" His voice was slowly rising, "I don't need her....I don't need Riddhima.... I don't need your friendship.... and I don't need you!!"
He pushed me away suddenly and I stumbled a few steps back...
I stared at him as he stood across from me, panting in anger ....I blinked as a tear fell onto my cheek...I didn't know whether it was because of the stinging sensation on my arm from where he had held me...or whether it was because of his cruel, spiteful words...
"Sid...kya tumhe sach mein lagta hai, ke main aisi hoon? Main sirf isiliye aayi hoon?"
He frowned. "You know what Shilpa, mujhe aisa lagta nahi hai....main jaanta hoon" he hissed. He straightened up, turning simultaneously, " Aur haan, tumhare yeh aasoon....tumhari baatein....inka mujh pe koi asar nahi hoga...phele bhi maine yakeen karke chot khai hai. But never again...."
"Nahi Shilpa! Never again! Just leave!" he screamed at me. "Chali jao aur dobara mere paas kabhie mat aana...I don't need her! I hate her and I hate you Shilpa. I just hate you!"
"Sid-" I cried out desperately, I saw him make a move to close the door, I couldn't let it go, I couldn't leave.. I ran forward to stop him.
"Sid please..." I reached out.... I saw his face, half shadowed in the darkness of his house, I saw his big, round, brown eyes glistening with fresh tears, I saw his face look away in torment just as the door sealed him off, and I felt the soaring pain as my forehead rebounded off the wood....my eyes closed due to the force of the blow...
I felt my knees give way as I gradually collapsed to the floor, my hand automatically reaching up to the wound just above my left eye, I felt something damp as I looked at my hand....I saw red as the blood spilled down past my eyebrow... and all I could think was..
"You deserved it Shilpa..you truly deserved it...."
Thanks for reading :) Please leave comments
Over and out, lots of love and jhappis! xxx
Edited by nm21 - 07 February 2011 at 5:01pm