When I started writing out this SS I already knew how it was going to end. The pregnancy wasn't actually the main theme.You have no idea how happy it made me when so many people actually liked it and it makes me slightly guilty, publishing this part.I only ask you to read it with open minds and open hearts.
This part is-as we say-the climax of the SS but maybe the shortest part of all. I think that is because sometimes the most significant moments of our lives are over in an instant but manage to change them forever.
Love,
Yumna
PART III
Khanak's days were filled with lots of rest, pampering and love. Everyone in the family would be either asking her about her health, force feeding her or making her sit or lie down. It amused, irritated and warmed her up all at the same time. Khushboo and Akshay wanted to get started on the nursery and furnish it as a gift to Shaan and Khanak. Khanak didn't have the heart to tell them that the baby would stay with Shaan and her in their room and not in the nursery, which is why they were already choosing the colours and teddy bears. Madhavi would bring something for the baby each time she went shopping. Sunil had already started planning the baby's education in order for him to successfully join the business. Daadi kept giving Khanak wise advice on pregnancy and motherhood. And Shaan. Had it been upto him he would've taken a long break from the office and spent every minute with her. Whenever he was at the office he would keep calling her and giving her instructions on what she should and shouldn't do or eat or even think. He had quite seriously told her, 'Khanak tum sirf acha socho aur har waqt happy raho. Jo tum sochti ho aur mehsoos kerti ho uss ka bache per bhi asar parta hai!'
When Khanak had stated her doubts on the matter he had told her that he had read it in a book and so of course it was true.
Shaan's certainty about everything being true because it was 'written in the books' amused Khanak.If there was something he didn't know and couldn't find an answer to in the huge amounts of books he had bought, he would immediately look it up on the internet. Life had thrown them an unexpected curve and they were both dealing with it as they best could for the moment.
It seemed to Khanak that life was sorry for all the misery it had wrought on her and was making up for it by filling it with all kinds of love and happiness, bent on erasing any particle of pain lurking in her soul and replacing it with joy and contentment.
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A sharp pain in her abdomen woke Khanak up. Disoriented, she blinked and stretched out her hand to turn on the bedside lamp. Another wave of excruciating pain hit her, causing her to let out an involuntary shout that woke Shaan up.
'Khanak! Kya hua? Tum theek tou ho?' Shaan asked as he switched on the lamp.
'Shantanu mujhe bahut dard ho raha hai!' Khanak whispered as she held on to her stomach.
Shaan looked at Khanak's pale face and pained expression and got really worried.
'Mein daadi ko bulaoon?Mom ko?Doctor ke paas chalein?' He asked distraughtly. He went to the door and shouted.
'MOM! DAADI! BHABHI! JALDI AIYE!!'
'Shantanu bahut dard ho raha hai!' Khanak whispered. It felt as if someone had gotten hold of her insides and was twisting them mercilessly.
'Shantanu humara bacha tou theek hoga na?' she suddenly asked. Fear had replaced the pain clouding her eyes.
'Don't worry Khanak.Baby ko kuch nahi hoga! I promise.Chalo utho.Hum abhi issi waqt hospital chalte hain.' Saying so, he dragged the blanket off of Khanak and stopped, stunned.
The white bed sheet had turned red, liberally soaked with blood.
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The family trooped into the house, quietly. Khushboo and Madhavi held each others' hands while Akshay and Sunil flanked Daadi. They all turned to watch Shaan support Khanak in. Her pale, drawn face contrasted sharply with the radiant one of previous days. Shaan had a similar expression on his face. It had been a long night for all of them while they first waited for news of Khanak in the hospital and then paced around the waiting room as she was examined and treated. The hospital had wanted to keep her back for monitoring but both Shaan and Khanak had refused and they had managed to get her discharged.
They both avoided meeting anyone's eyes and slowly made their way upstairs. Everyone looked at them helplessly, unsure of how to help, each trying to deal with his or her own grief. They all accompanied Daadi to her room and then made their way to their rooms, finding comfort with each other and hoping Shaan and Khanak would do the same.
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It had been two days and Shaan and Khanak had spoken nothing but the mundane to each other. They both avoided looking into each other's eyes. Khanak had withdrawn into her own world and had locked herself in with her grief. Shaan was on one hand trying to deal with his own pain and on the other could not bear looking into Khanak's eyes. They were a stranger's eyes. He had seen alot of emotions in these eyes but now it seemed that every emotion had died along with the baby.
Their baby. The baby whose presence in his life he had barely come to terms with before it had been snatched away from him. His mind was a whirlwind of questions. Why him? Why them? Was he finally being punished for Suraj's death? For hurting Natasha? But those were his crosses to bear. Why would Khanak be punished right along with him. She hadn't ever done anything wrong or hurt anyone. Since he had come into her life she had gone through one trial after another. Would Khanak blame him for this? Would she stop loving him? His mind shied from that possibility and his heart cried. His thoughts circled back to the baby. The baby who would never know their love. Oh how they would have loved him, their own flesh and blood. A sign of their love. And he would have loved them back. Khanak would have been the best mother with her strength, wisdom and liveliness, she would have taught their kid to be strong and to be himself. She would have made him responsible and loving while Shaan would have done his best to spoil him and teach him useless things. He would have taught him cricket and basketball and how to impress girls. Their son would have been the best at everything, loved by his parents, grandparents and uncles and aunts. Their son. It had been a boy, the doctor had told them while they were still in shock.
His glance had fallen on the pile of books next to his bed he had hurt all over again. He went around the room collecting all the books that they had poured over, that he had made his guiding light in this unknown journey. He had thrown them away, another sign of the baby who would never come into their lives. As he got rid of all the other signs of their unborn child Khanak barely moved. She was asleep. Pretending to be asleep, Shaan knew. It hurt him that they could not voice the anguish they both shared.
Khanak could hear Shaan moving around the room, gathering the books and various shopping bags. She wanted to cry out and stop him. Tell him they needed those things, their son needed those things. The son who would never become a part of their lives now. She didn't know what to do. How to feel. The tears that had escaped her eyes when she had found out had dried up immediately. Was it possible to be so sad that you couldn't even cry anymore? She knew it was stupid but she kept on hoping it was a bad dream, one she would wake up from any minute. But the nightmare was reality. A never-ending reality. She wanted to rage at the heavens and ask God WHY he had done this to her. To them? Was she unworthy of being a mother?Would she have failed the role miserably? Or had she been too ecstatic? Had she let in someone else's happiness into her life? Maybe she was never meant to have all this, perhaps she had been savouring borrowed happiness. It had never been hers to own in the first place. She wanted to think back on all of her life and figure out what she had done to deserve this. When and how she had hurt someone so badly that she was doomed to having unparalleled joy in her life for brief moments only to have it snatched away?
Was it because she had replaced Natasha Ji in Shantanu's life and taken the place that was rightfully hers? No, that couldn't it. She was supposed to be with Shaan. God Himself had made their pair. Their being together was fate-wasn't it? Or was it a curse from Suraj for having moved on in her life, for having given his part of her love to someone else? Had Suraj looked down at her from the heavens and cursed her for betraying him? For betraying their love? No that wasn't possible. Suraj would be happy she had moved on. Suraj would be glad she had found someone like Shaan to share her life with. Wouldn't he? She only had questions and no answers. She had started doubting the very things that she had been most sure of in her life and that had left her baseless. A rootless tree being swayed this way and that by the merciless wind.
When she tried to forget these never ending questions she would remember the baby and be flooded with pain. Everytime she thought about him she wanted to turn back time and somehow save him. To hold onto him and not let anyone, not even God, take him away. How could her baby leave this world before her? Why did he not deserve to see this world and its delights which they took for granted every minute of every day? Her womb felt hollow like something had been wrenched away before it was meant to leave. Whenever her hand grazed her stomach she would remember the fluttery movements the baby had made to remind her of his presence, sometimes tickling her but always filling her with unencompassable love. She would do anything, anything at all to feel them again. She wanted to cry till God pitied her and gave her back her baby but her eyes remained dry.
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