I will always be grateful for the importance my parents placed on conduct. I have a solid, middle class value system. When I was leaving for the US, my dad asked me to take three vows: Don't smoke, don't drink and respect women. I don't smoke, I only drink socially and I always respect women.
For me, respect precedes love. Love is what brings out the best in both of you, as there is an element of groW*H that it brings. A lot of people justify their screaming and shouting by saying "Oh I care for you so much". But you can never deny somebody his or her dignity. There can be no love without respect.
Very often, people talk about love as an emotional, romantic thing. That's overrated because love will go out of the window. I don't buy it when people say, "We can't do without each other." Emotions are so unreliable; one day you're happy, the next day you're sad, one day it's "you mean the world to me", the other day it's "I can't deal with this". But if you respect someone, then no matter what, you will respect him or her. You will respect their goals, their dreams, their space, why they do the things they do.
Neelam and I have learnt this the hard way, after being together for three years. It takes a lot of time to get to know another person. The fact that we're both from the same industry has made things a little easier.
Of course commitment is a risky proposition, but then so is life. Life will be over one day, but does that stop you from living? Commitment is risky because you're putting in your heart and soul. But the question is, is life worth living without it? So yes, it's risky, but fear shouldn't stop you from doing anything. Fear to me is the biggest crime. Any decision based on fear is never a sound decision. You can get hurt, but you also learn something. Commitment also nurtures you so much.
Life is often tragic, but it has to go on. I was seeing Nafisa (Joseph) for three years and I'm proud of it because she was a wonderful girl. It's a pity things didn't work out. When she took her life, I couldn't help because she and I were not in touch. When I was at her funeral, I wished that she had contacted me because maybe I would have been able to help her as a friend.
There were times when I questioned myself about whether I could have done something to prevent it. At the time that it happened, she was engaged to someone else, but I still knew that had I said something to her, she would have listened to me. But that is life. I guess God has a plan for everybody.
Life teaches everyone different lessons. It exposes your shortcomings time and again and gives you opportunities to strengthen yourself. Whatever you feel is lacking in you, situations will make you face that over and over again until you learn to overcome it. That's why you often see people getting into the same kind of relationship repeatedly. My classic saying is "live and learn, and even if you don't want to, life will teach you anyway".
Quitting my job as an investment banker to take up modelling and acting was the biggest risk of my life. But I thought I'd rather take the risk and fail than not take the risk at all. Acting had been my childhood dream and I just reached a point where I said I don't want to grow old and bore people by saying I could've been an actor and I didn't have enough courage to do it. So I decided I would try. The worst-case scenario was that I would fail.
I firmly believe that you may not regret what you do, but you always regret what you don't do. Also, being introverted, acting was a great opportunity because you get to play a character; you can hide behind that character. You go out, you're working with other people, but you're still playing a character.
My choices are never about whether or not something is risky, but whether or not it is exciting. That's the challenge I have to take. I don't like sitting and analysing my past. Whether a decision pays off or not, only time will tell. You do the best you do. Poor decisions are those whose outcome is not good — but that doesn't make your decision bad. I have been fortunate enough to have the opportunity to do better.
I'm looking forward to a happy married life, more productive work, and being more open to challenges. Maybe I will even learn my lesson — which is to be more open. My best is yet to come.
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