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Rang Badalti Odhani
Rang Badalti Odhani

-Shanak SS- Banwra Mann Final Pg 16 (Page 8)

aditee IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 21 January 2011 at 12:06pm | IP Logged
OMG! Saaz
 
THIS IS HOW it SHOULD have been
 
THIS IS IT!
 
I mean........... simple, understated yet crackling with passion

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saaaz-SYS-kubare

vaish_123 Goldie
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Posted: 21 January 2011 at 12:06pm | IP Logged
@ saaz 

Finished reading. Kya likha hai yaar!

Khash CVs yeh padh liya hota !

Outstanding!

btw  me Vaishu

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saaaz

IFsKhanak IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 21 January 2011 at 12:08pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by saaaz

Shaan enters whistling his tune, yelling her name'..

--------

PART III

In their bedroom, Sunil and Madhavi are discussing Madhavi's encounter with Khanak,, ,,
Sunil: Kya baat ho sakti hai?
Mad: Pata nahin,,,, lekin maine usse itni upset pehle kabhi nahin dekha
Sunil: Yeh Shaan ne tho kuch nahin kaha na usse, agar aisi baat hai, tho uski khair nahin
Mad: Nahin Sunil, I don't think it is Shaan, tum tho use dekh hi rahe ho'I mean come on, Shaan ki nazar tho Khanak se hatthi hi nahin '.,,,,he is crazy about her,,,mujhe lagta hai Dhulwaadi se kuch buri khabar aayi hai
Sunil: Hmmm'ya shayad Khusboo ne usse kuch kahan ho?
Mad: Khusboo???!!!  Woh usse kya kahegi aur kyun kahegi??
 
In their bedroom, Khusboo was pestering Akki..,,,,
Boo: Main kissise kya kahoongi aur kyun kahoongee??
Akki: (smiling and pinching her nose) Kyunki tumhari pet mein koyi baat pachti nahin
Boo: (mocks and turns away) Chalo chodo,,,, theek hai,,, mat batao,,,anyway tum dono bhai kya baat karoge ek doosre se???Ladkiyon ke baare mein,,, aur kya??
Akki: (smiles and turns her face towards him) So tho hai,,,lekin iss bar,,,twas just one girl,,,
As Akki finishes relating his conversation with his brother to Boo,,,,they hear voices from Shaan's bedroom,,,,
 
They step out to see Sunil and Madhavi also at the doorstep of their own bedroom,,, each one raising their eyebrows at each other and shrugging shoulders in response.
 
And in their bedroom, Shanak'
 
Shaan: (blistering and waving hands) Wah!! Tho tum Sunny se mil chooki ho?? Aur tumne yeh baat mujhse chupayi? Kyun?
Khanak: (yelling back with equal fervor) Baat tho aapne bhi chupayi'
Shaan: Haan,,, kyunki mujhe darr tha aur main tumhe khona nahin chahta tha'
Khanak: Darr tho mujhe bhi tha
Shaan: Tumhe kis baat ka darr,,, ki kahin main Sunny ko bhi maar daloonga'.
Khanak (glaring): Shaantanu ,,,Bas kijiye,,,Bahut bol liya aapne,,,,,,,Aapne kabhi mere nazariye se socha bhi hai,,,,,, Sunny ka chehra Suraj se milta hai,,, wohi Suraj jo mera pehla pyaar tha,,,wohi suraj jo mere patti the,,,,wohi suraj jiske saath maine kasme liye the ,,'..aur'.aaj,,,,main''
Shaan: (shouting and grabbing her towards him) MAT LO '.Mat lo'.MAT LO uska naam'suraj MAR chukka hai'MAIN tumhara pati hoon'aur jab bhi tum uska naam leti ho,'Main pal pal marta hoon'mat lo uska naam!!! (letting go of her...closes his eyes for a second and turns around)

Fuming and hurting, Shaan grabs the blanket and pillow from the bed and turns to leave the room'.
Khanak: Aap kahan jaa rahe ho?,,,.,,Maine apni baat poori nahin ki,,,,,
Shaan: (shaking his head) Nahin sunna mujhe tumhari koyi baat!
Khanak: Lekin aap jaa kahan rahen hai?
Shaan: Sone jaa raha hoon
Khanak: Kahan?
Shaan:  Study mei aur kahan
Khanak: Study mei kyoon?
Shaan: Kyunki  jis Sofe pe main sota hoon, use tumne study mein rakh diya
Khanak: Maine nahin,,,woh tho Dharam bha aur Hari bha ne'
Shaan: Haan haan'Kya sofe ne kahan tha Dharam aur Harilal se ke'"aao aao mujhe study mei le jaao"
Khanak: (sits down on the edge of the bed) Tho Jaiye na,,,roka kisne hai,,,,jaiye jaiye'
Shaan :' Of course Jaunga! And just to let you know' Jo baat Sofa mein hain'woh'(tucking the blanket under his armpit and the waving his hand over the bed),,, isme kahan!!!!
(leaves banging the bedroom door behind him)
Outside,,,,he watches his parents and brother scurry back into their rooms, while his bhabi looks at him with a disapproving look'.,,,,Shaan responds with an obligatory roll of eyes.
Khanak: (to the closed door) ,,,Bhagwaan kare aapko neend na aaye,,,(turns towards the bed, lying down over it mutters),,, Sofa nahin meri saut hai,,,.(then looks over the side table at Shaantanu's photo, takes it and hugs it),,,,Aaap samajhte kyun nahin???
 
In the study, Shaan tosses and turns on the blessed sofa, sits up talking to himself animatedly
 
"Samajhti kyun nahin??? Kya woh ek baar bhi nahin keh sakti ki kaun Suraj? Main tho Suraj ko bhool chukee hoon,,,, Shaantanu,,,aapne meri zindagi mein itni khushiyaan bhar diye,,,,ki main aapki hoon hamesha ke liye,,,,,Itna mushkil hai kya yeh sab kehna??? Yeh 'I love you' thodi hai,,,,, Yaar,, yeh Suraj ko bhi marna kyun tha,,,, marke woh tho bada hero ban gaya,,, woh bhi MERI biwi ki nazroon mein!!, Chodo yaar,,.,,, , mujhe kissise baat nahin karni,,,,,mujhe sona hai'"
 
Saying so, he lies back on the sofa,,,he turns over,, turns some more,,,and then finally tosses his blanket off,,,,gets up,,, and walks towards their bedroom and pushes open the door,,, switches on the bed light to see his wife fast asleep clutching his photo frame. He smiles, kisses her forehead,,,,,she stirs a little and mutters,, "Shantanu",,,, He stills,, and then runs his hand over the face and says  softly,,,.."Kya tum mujhe maaf nahin karogee Khanak?",,,, She clutches his photo even closer,,,or so he thinks, but it is not his imagination when she mutters,," I love you,",,, he grins and walks back to the study,,,,sits on the sofa and fists to himself a childish "YES"!!! and turns himself in ' to a blissful night's sleep'one which does not wake him up in a cold sweat.

------------------

Review is mandatory


i want a morning scene
NOW NOW NOW
!!!

y didnt the CVs handle it like this :(
light and truly RBO 

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shanakrocks1saaaz-SYS--Manita-kubare

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Posted: 21 January 2011 at 12:14pm | IP Logged
OMG
WHERE do I start from?!
Oh right. I LOVE YOU for this.After today's episode this is the balm to my hurting soul-->okay thoda dramatic ho gaya but I mean it!

Sunil-Madz convo: This is what normal families do.Talk about what's happening in the lives of their loved ones.Not disappear and have random scenes with said loved ones so-called friends!
Loved how Sunil immediately became all protective of Khanak-so reminiscent of the sweet FIL-DIL bond.And how Madhavi immediately leapt to Shaan's defence, and stating the obvious-Shaan's being crazy about Khanak

Akki-Boo convo: 
The bhayya bhabhi equivalent of Sunil-Madz convo and Akki as always giving in to Khushboo.Hehe.

Shanak:
Love how Shanak fight it out and not just talk it out.THiS was Golden Shanak

Shaan asking Khanak k usko kiska darr tha and his sarcastic k mein usse bhi maar doon ga--->Shows me Shaan's guilt

'woh bhi MERI biwi ki nazroon mein!' ---> LOVE his possessiveness and how he has conveniently forgotten that Khanak was foremost Suraj's wife.

Ending-too cute!

Umm sorry.I've managed to do a whole analysis of the part.I blame today's episode.Episode analysis kerne k bajaye SS ka analysis ker diya

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shanakrocks1saaazdestinyloveadventure_gurlkubare

togepe30 IF-Stunnerz
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Posts: 31116

Posted: 21 January 2011 at 12:15pm | IP Logged

Sooo Sweet !!

Loved Shaan's ranting....Why did Suraj have to die?? Really now !!LOLLOL And meri biwi ke nazro me...wo hero bann gaya....LOL......Burthal Shaan...wo uski wife thi.....tu lucky hai jo wo marr gayaLOLLOLLOL...And the "tumhe kis baat ka darr tha...main sunny ko bhi maar dunga" showed his painCry
 
The last scene was Uber-Cute !! Loved it to bits....The photo frame clutching....The "I luv u"...the forehead kiss....the face touch....the apology,,.....the declaration of luv...

The cutest was him going back to the study...Burthal...now why did he need to do that....LOL...BURTHAL !!! And that "Yes" clinched it.....Hahahaha !! Cuteness Personified...!

Loved it...Go and Replace Nivedita(if she is the writer) on the writers list of RBO....Go now !!!



Edited by togepe30 - 21 January 2011 at 12:17pm

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snehapatro IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 21 January 2011 at 12:17pm | IP Logged
saaz loved it.........loved sunil-mads and akki-khusboo convo......
and very well written convo of shanak....khaas cvs also could have handled the track something like this.......
haha sofa is back.......LOL.....love sofa.....LOL
MAT LO '.Mat lo'.MAT LO uska naam'suraj MAR chukka hai'MAIN tumhara pati hoon'aur jab bhi tum uska naam leti ho,'Main pal pal marta hoon'mat lo uska naam!!! and
I love you,",,, he grins and walks back to the study,,,,sits on the sofa and fists to himself a childish "YES"!!! and turns himself in ' to a blissful night's sleep'one which does not wake him up in a cold sweat.

---loved these  lines saaz......ClapClapClap
now waiting for next update... want very cute morning shanak scene......

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saaazdestinylove

shanakyasharan IF-Addictz
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Posted: 21 January 2011 at 12:21pm | IP Logged
saaz read all yr 3 parts superb loved it................plssss update soon

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saaazdestinylove

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Posted: 21 January 2011 at 12:28pm | IP Logged
wow.............sooooo very well written dear !!
absolutely loved it...........

you held it right.............at the pulse of RBO.........
loved Shaan's rambling's to himself especially the " meri biwi ki nazron mein" how possessive and how burthal.....lol..........
loved it to the core.............
his sneaking back to the room, her clutching the frame, going to sleep in study but not able to.............loved all of it

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