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Rang Badalti Odhani

-Shanak SS- Banwra Mann Final Pg 16

saaaz IF-Dazzler
saaaz
saaaz

Joined: 30 November 2010
Posts: 4210

Posted: 19 January 2011 at 8:06pm | IP Logged
SHANAK SS-- BAWRA MANN

This Shanak story begins the second night after Shaan has bumped into Sunny.  It shall not have more than 4-5 parts'.. So found the title, I guess... Tongue
----------

Part I: Page 1
Part II: Page 3
Part III: Page 7
Part IV: Page 11
Final: Page 16



PART I
 
The recurring image of Suraj falling into the water and Khanak's call for punishing him has resulted in the same reaction for two consecutive nights. He wakes up in cold sweat. He looks at his wife, her back towards him'he cannot help but, put his arm across her and move closer to her. Khanak feels Shaan's arm around her, she has been wide awake. She holds his arm, he tightens his grip around her, she turns and they face each other, and she buries her head in the nook between his pillow and his shoulder, he hugs her tight'. not ever wanting to let go.
 
Khanak: Kya baat hai?
Shaan:  Kuch nahin, neend nahin aa rahi thi'
Khanak: Aap theek to hai?
Shaan (tightens his hold around her): Ab bilkul theek hoon, tum so jao
Khanak: Hmm'and she drifts off
 
Shaan is still awake staring into space'the space where the window bench is'and remembers all the moments when he stole glances at his wife..and he turns towards the sofa'.or where the sofa used to be'only to find an empty space'suddenly he is out of his reverie'where has the sofa gone?
 
Shaan: Khanak..Khanak'
Khanak: Kya hai? Aap so jaiye na'Kya baat hai?
Shaan: Sofa kahan gaya?
Khanak: Kya?? Kahan ..kya?
Shaan: Sofa'(sitting up'waving his hand over her across the bed)'.
Khanak: Woh'who tho Hari bha aur Dharam Bha study mei leke gaye
Shaan: Kyun?
Khanak: Kyun matlab? Sofa ka yahaan kya kaam
Shaan: (with a small smile): Kya kaam matlab'agar kabhi kissi ko wahan sona ho tho'
Khanak: Kahan? Sofa pe??
Shaan: Haan'.
Khanak: Dekhiye..pleej'aap so jayiye na' (sitting up with folded hands)
Shaan: Nahin nahin'batao mujhe'agar sofe pe sona ho tho'.
Khanak: Main Bataoo'
Shaan: haan haan batao'
Khanak: Agar aap ko sofe pe sona hai.. tho STUDY mein jaake so jayiye'abhi mujhe sone dijiye'..
 
And Khanak turns around .. rolling her eyes while smiling ' Shaan smiles and spoons her tight and they fall asleep within minutes,,,
 
The morning sun sees Khanak mixing tea and making breakfast for everyone in the house. For the first time, her heart is not in it,,,she knows why,,,and yet she does not. She wonders what is it about Sunny that bothers her ' is it only because he looks like Suraj or is it because it will distance her from Shaan,,,the confusion in her mind adds to the restlessness in her heart, she knows she needs to speak to somebody about it..but not Shantanu, he has just begun to get back to his music and work, right now that should be more important. Her thoughts are interrupted by Harilal's voice..
 
Harilal: Bhabiji..main yeh table pe leke jaoon..sab log breakfast ke liye aa gaye
Khanak: Acha..haan haan'leke jao..Shantanu bhi aa gaye??
Harilal: Nahin, woh study se sangeet ki dhun sunayi de rahee hai
Khanak: Acha theek hai
 
As she helps Harilal take the breakfast to the table, she looks up to see Shantanu with a worried look on his face..which suddenly turns into a smile'she smiles back. Her smile does not reach her eyes'again, he thinks.  

----

Review mandatory...

My previous SS

Tere Khusboo Mei Base Khat










Edited by saaaz - 25 January 2011 at 8:27pm

The following 42 member(s) liked the above post:

cutie-pieKrazEeechristmassamparNisha2woosterSHANAKFANSaranya1990ktymfanAnu80wel1111vaish_123angel_9nk.mailSachDJroadsidejunkeyaccountband-Unknown-22jparkerrafia 24IFsKhanak-SYS--YasharanArshi-purvi08-Manita-MFRanjiniOlicityFandestinyloveFanaahtofeeeestvrasikasnehapatroThe_May_RoseSPN_JD_Addictedisomersadventure_gurl.Dilwale.kubarebones88togepe30-Deepali-shanakyasharan

adventure_gurl IF-Sizzlerz
adventure_gurl
adventure_gurl

Joined: 05 October 2005
Posts: 22841

Posted: 19 January 2011 at 8:18pm | IP Logged
awesome  start,  can't wait for more! thanks for the pm!

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saaaz

sampar Senior Member
sampar
sampar

Joined: 04 August 2005
Posts: 426

Posted: 19 January 2011 at 8:19pm | IP Logged
hey saaz.......for the first time im commenting on time....werna tho i m always late  LOLLOL....superb yaar......i was soo hoping for u to come back with another story ....and oh lala here u are........

awesome ....oh i love shanak yaar...they r soo cute ...itni tension main bhi shaan naughty .....i m soo loving it ....waiting ke how they handle the situation and grow stronger.......

continue soon ,.....

cheers

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saaaz

aditee IF-Rockerz
aditee
aditee

Joined: 31 May 2006
Posts: 7594

Posted: 19 January 2011 at 8:22pm | IP Logged
LOVELY!
 
PLEEJ CONTINUE
PEEE-RAMIS u will?
 
Lovely, maja aa gaya
 
Please add more nok jhok na
Cant stand moping yaar
 
Please dont make them act liek they are 50 year olds
Bus yahi do rqeuest

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saaaz

angel_9 Goldie
angel_9
angel_9

Joined: 12 November 2010
Posts: 1476

Posted: 19 January 2011 at 8:35pm | IP Logged
hi saaz
lovely start loved the part of ss..........
pls continue ...........

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saaaz

bones88 IF-Stunnerz
bones88
bones88

Joined: 14 August 2005
Posts: 27340

Posted: 19 January 2011 at 8:41pm | IP Logged
Saaz brilliant start... please update soooonBig smile... thaanks for the pmWink

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saaaz

Souma.N IF-Dazzler
Souma.N
Souma.N

Joined: 21 August 2005
Posts: 3573

Posted: 19 January 2011 at 9:03pm | IP Logged
Finally Shanak wala SS!!

Very well written..but I an annoyed at it being so short...its over before I know it.

You know Saaz if only the creatives of RBO were actually half THIS creative....they would have a winner on hand!

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saaaz

accountband Goldie
accountband
accountband

Joined: 13 February 2007
Posts: 1109

Posted: 19 January 2011 at 9:25pm | IP Logged

Here I go with my opinion, i was in a rush earlier so reserved the post...

First of, the name is BRILLIANT...it's just the perfect fit for the SS situation and the scenario you will be depicting. To be honest i personally think the CREATIVES are doing a good job in bringing out the much anticipated INTENSITY and POWER in the show itself and i think your SS does a SPLENDID job of doing the same.
I love the connection you made with shaan's concern for the missing sofa...it seems minute but it there's a great deal of symbolism that is associated with the presence of the sofa where shaan slept before Khanak fully accepted him as hubby dear.
I think you are doing a splendid job with storyline and characterization and i hope you continue to do so in the next chapters. I am really looking forward to reading new chapters soon. GOOD JOB and once again THANK you for such a beautiiful short story. 
-Imane
                                                                                      ClapClapClapClapClapClapClap 


Edited by imane568 - 20 January 2011 at 10:30am

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saaaz

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