Posted: 15 January 2011 at 6:11am | IP Logged
She is coming, my own, my sweet;
Were it ever so airy a tread,
My heart would hear her and beat,...
Were it earth in an earthy bed;
My dust would hear her and beat,...
Had I lain for a century dead,
Would start and tremble under her feet,
...And blossom in purple and red......
Song From Maud by Alfred Lord Tennyson
As i lie in the darkness, weak and helpless,i feel your presence around me. You have left your roots deep in my soul, and your memories pierce the darkness that engulfs my heart, and my eyes. I don't need to close my eyes. You are all i see.
When i first opened my eyes to darkness, i thought i was dead. Then i heard voices, and realized that i'd been rescued. I can still feel some kind soul nearby, hovering around to make sure i'm comfortable. I'm Dutta, and Dutta has never given in to weakness. I'd have embraced death rather than survive in such a helpless state. But when the car fell over the cliff, i fought death. Not because i wanted to win. I fought it because, for the first time, i wanted to live. I knew i had to get out because not even death can stand in the path of my love. I love you, and every moment away from you seems like a lifetime. The first few days were hell and i remember trashing around knowing that i'd surely lost you. Knowing that i might never see your face again. In the dark confines of my mind, i felt my strength ebb away and i fell on my knees. As i knelt on the floor holding my hands to my blind eyes, i did something Dutta had never done before, willingly. I gave in to tears. I let them rack my soul. I let them wash away the hurt and anger and mistrust i'd harbored over the years. I have given in to love, and your love has left me weak and human. It makes me want to live inspite of everything. And then i hear you say, that weakness isn't a bad thing after all. The thing about you is, you let me be weak. How then did i fail to acknowledge your weakness? I vowed to honor, cherish and protect you, didn't i? I hear your voice again, whispering that it doesn't matter. because you know i love you. I smile, because you know everything. But the one thing you don't know is how much i love you. It'd scare you, the intensity of my love. Your love is the only thing keeping me alive, keeping me strong. I know i will fight death a million times, to be with you.
You have gifted me love, a love that has left me humbled. And as this love slowly fills my being, i find myself calmer, yet stronger. I find that the headstrong Dutta has made way for a man who is humbled and touched by the kindness of strangers. A man who has learnt to be patient, and to forgive. A man who will wait an eon if that is what it takes to finally have you in my arms, my wife. You have taught me that it takes great courage to love. I was a fool who thought that love was about two people. With you, i have realized that it is not so. For when i see you walking away, i exclaim, there goes my heart. You are my heart. And while you bravely fight the world for me, in my arms you lose all you have and become a woman. My woman. The darkness doesn't scare me any longer, for my love knows the way. I will find you, no matter what it takes.
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