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Laagi Tujhse Lagan
Laagi Tujhse Lagan

Memories of a Beast

Elysia IF-Rockerz
Elysia
Elysia

Joined: 16 September 2008
Posts: 8330

Posted: 13 January 2011 at 1:37pm | IP Logged
Okay, so I wrote this randomly after watching several moments between Dutta and Nakku in which he just watches her. And I wondered about his thoughts. This is a short piece of FF. I'd like to point out that no matter how much I want to, I do NOT own Dutta Bhao. Consider it my disclaimer.
 
Oh, and our Dutta is a bit of a softy in this piece :D
Here goes nothing.
 
- Memories of a Beast -
 

For the life of me, I cannot erase her from my mind.

 
I've tried. I've tried so hard. But her face, those brown eyes, the shape of her smile, the sweet sound of her voice ' it has etched itself, burned itself into my mind. I've never considered myself weak. But whenever I stand before her, I swear that I feel my body bend. I feel myself yield. Yet as my strength ebbs from my being, something else stirs within me; something stronger and much more powerful than any power that I have ever possessed. There are moments when she simply makes me feel invincible.
 
I didn't ask for this. Never wanted this turmoil of emotions or this intense awareness of her presence, of her every movement. I can sense her before she appears, and I can recognize her scent even before that. I can no longer count the times when I have watched her, wanting to capture her innocence and quiet strength and paint it across a vast canvas.
 
Each day, my impending demise shrouds me in its darkness. Death is always with me, haunting my steps, whispering bittersweet promises in my ear, and waiting ' waiting for the very moment when it can snatch my soul.
 
I know what I have done. I know that there's a pit in Hell with my name on it. I do not fear my death, nor do I fear what comes after.
 
But I fear losing her. I fear being taken away from her to a place from where I can no longer reach her, see her, smell her. I fear the moment when that tiny shred of light in my utter darkness shall be ripped from me. This fear, this peculiar fear, it tears at me. And I despise it.
 
Yet I love her.
 
Whenever I look into her eyes, at my own reflection, I only ever see a man. Not a beast. Not a killer. Her trust in that man frightens me but renews my strength. Revives me. It is a rush like no other. The blood on my hands seems to fade at her touch, dispersing as if chased away by her purity. Like light chases away the dark.
 
It is the way that she looks at me, the way that she touches me that tames the beast within me. Her gentle smile, the understanding in her eyes, and the way that she reaches for my hand without hesitation, without fear, without disgust. I crave the emotions that she has awakened inside of me. I crave her love. I crave her light, needing it to drown my darkness.
 
My attempts at hating her have only made me love her more. Her persistent presence, her persistent love for me ' I can do nothing but drop to my knees in utter surrender.
 
I have always known of love. Of its pains and pleasures. I have let myself drown in it twice before, cherished it, and then throttled it with my own tainted hands.
 
Yet I find myself tripping whenever my eyes fall upon her face. I find myself falling, rapidly, spiralling through the atmosphere with a velocity that has my head spinning, my heart pounding ' only to calm when she looks at me, when she smiles at me.
 
That is when I know that I am really alive.
 
That is when I become a man.


Edited by Elysia - 13 January 2011 at 1:41pm

The following 25 member(s) liked the above post:

merunujju111soaplover1lizdarcyshruti10augustvahgarLaTuLakomal_w25shipsanupamas2Vampgirldramagodivya17-7Crystal29sub_rosamozart66Wanderbugkiran255mIsHeZ.x.scorpio10ivy_11Sophia21Prinsesse.SuvimeghapartiMrsKhan

vahgar Senior Member
vahgar
vahgar

Joined: 10 March 2010
Posts: 219

Posted: 13 January 2011 at 2:12pm | IP Logged
Very Beautiful , Very touching......... !!!
LaTuLa Senior Member
LaTuLa
LaTuLa

Joined: 02 July 2010
Posts: 302

Posted: 13 January 2011 at 6:15pm | IP Logged
Hi Elysia

Wow and well doneThumbs UpClap to a beautiful written FF.....I believe that you have captured Dutta's thoughts absolutely perfectly and now all he has to do is voice them to Naku.  Just a suggestion, it would be wonderful to have Naku's feelings for her saab put into written words.


Prinsesse.Suvi IF-Sizzlerz
Prinsesse.Suvi
Prinsesse.Suvi

Joined: 10 December 2009
Posts: 13931

Posted: 13 January 2011 at 6:33pm | IP Logged
Hey Elysia!
Its really very well written! Fabulous! You really captured  and wrote down Dutta's thoughts, his feelings, exactly!ClapThumbs Up
rama_2010 IF-Dazzler
rama_2010
rama_2010

Joined: 11 July 2010
Posts: 4083

Posted: 13 January 2011 at 7:40pm | IP Logged
wonderfully wirtten dear... it was bliss reading it...
Sumtimes i jus wonder ... whether the new writer of the story does get such feelings... or he is just pushing the story ahead as per channel's requirement.....
LTL is a beautiful story... hope they conclude it with a beautiful ending...
mozart66 IF-Dazzler
mozart66
mozart66

Joined: 30 July 2010
Posts: 2717

Posted: 13 January 2011 at 10:16pm | IP Logged
Loved your writing! You have summed up Dutta's emotions and feeling really beautifully!!
Elysia IF-Rockerz
Elysia
Elysia

Joined: 16 September 2008
Posts: 8330

Posted: 14 January 2011 at 1:44am | IP Logged
Thank you, guys. I'm relieved and so happy that you liked it Smile
Elysia IF-Rockerz
Elysia
Elysia

Joined: 16 September 2008
Posts: 8330

Posted: 14 January 2011 at 1:46am | IP Logged
Originally posted by rama_2010

wonderfully wirtten dear... it was bliss reading it...
Sumtimes i jus wonder ... whether the new writer of the story does get such feelings... or he is just pushing the story ahead as per channel's requirement.....
LTL is a beautiful story... hope they conclude it with a beautiful ending...
 
So do I. Which is why I would just love it if they made DVDs out of the show with extra material such as commentaries and interviews with writers and cast. Like they do with Hollywood shows. LTL is probably the only Indian serial that I've ever wanted to buy and own on DVD.

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

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