Posted: 13 January 2011 at 12:15pm | IP Logged
When your ma-in-law meddles too much: Lataa
Neha Maheshwri, TNN, Jan 14, 2011, 12.00am IST
Marriage doesn't mean tying the knot only with your man but marrying the whole family. It is like allowing a whole new set of homo-sapiens parade into your life and the one who stands atop the hierarchy is the mighty mother-in-law.
If it's a mother-in-law's duty to nurture and nourish the flower (daughter-in-law) uprooted from its parent ground, a daughter-in-law is in turn expected to put her husband and in-laws above everything. Like good and bad, consent and differences inevitably are two sides to a coin. Imagine a mother who has to share her son with a girl alien to her until now. It certainly can give you insecurity pangs. Nobody likes to be dethroned after all. Considering the current generation, where the girls are known to be career-driven and outspoken, clashes of ideologies and values are bound to happen.
But ignoring petty differences can help strengthen the bond, says actress Lataa Sabharwal
who married actor Sanjeev Seth
. "I feel fortunate to have an understanding and educated mother-in law. She supports me completely and knows the dynamics, as she herself was a teacher. It's not that everything between us is smooth as we too have differences of opinions, but we always try to reach a solution. We do not seem to reach a consensus over my apparels, but then she never forces me to wear something of her choice rather just advises me. My husband Sanjeev has never been biased and stands for the one who is right."
Lataa's mother-in-law, Aruna Seth, feels that a girl needs time to get acclimatised to the new atmosphere and periphery. "Because they come from a different set-up, they resist to change initially," she says. According to her, the first three years of a marriage are important to lay a foundation and cement the relationship. This can be also termed as the adjustment period.
Relationship therapist Rachna Kothari explains this relationship, "A daughter-in-law usually thinks of a mother-in-law as one who is ruling the house with an iron hand and disturbing the peace. And a mother-in-law thinks of a daughter-in-law as one who is always wrong in everything she does, waiting to grab every single opportunity to preach and correct her. Any friction or problem between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law usually stems from expectations, either realistic or unrealistic."
She adds, "A mother-in-law's constant nagging can leave a daughter-in-law frustrated and she might then resort to revolt. If her husband does not support her, it can create a rift between the couple. This can lead to a general relationship dysfunction, affecting emotional stability, which can percolate into other spheres of marriage like intimacy, children finance, etc. Two different identities of two different ideologies fight each other to gain control over one man. They crush this man in their scuffles."
Read more: When your ma-in-law meddles too much: Lataa - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/tv-/When-your-ma-in-law-meddles-too-much-Lataa/articleshow/7276588.cms#ixzz1AwcHveq2