My son is gay.
Or he's not. I don't care. He is still my son. And he is 5. And I am
his mother. And if you have a problem with anything mentioned above, I
don't want to know you.
I have gone back and forth on whether I wanted to post something more
in-depth about my sweet boy and his choice of Halloween costume. Or
more specifically, the reactions to it. I figure if I'm still irked by
it a few days later, I may as well go ahead and post my thoughts.
Here are the facts that lead up to my rant:
- My son is 5 and goes to a church preschool.
- He has loved Scooby Doo since developing the ability and attention span to sit still long enough to watch it.
- Halloween is a holiday and its main focus is wearing a costume.
- My son's school had the kids dress up, do a little parade, and then change out of costumes for the rest of the party.
- Boo's best friend is a little girl
- Boo has an older sister
- Boo spends most of his time with me.
- I am a woman.
- I am Boo's mother, not you.
So a few weeks before Halloween, Boo decides he wants to be Daphne
from Scooby Doo, along with his best friend E. He had dressed as Scooby a
couple of years ago. I was hesitant to make the purchase, not because
it was a cross gendered situation, but because 5 year olds have a
tendency to change their minds. After requesting a couple of more times,
I said sure and placed the order. He flipped out when it arrived. It
was perfect.
Then as we got closer to the actual day, he stared to hem and haw
about it. After some discussion it comes out that he is afraid people
will laugh at him. I pointed out that some people will because it is a
cute and clever costume. He insists their laughter would be of the
'making fun' kind. I blow it off. Seriously, who would make fun of a
child in costume?
And then the big day arrives. We get dressed up. We drop Squirt at
his preschool and head over to his. Boo doesn't want to get out of the
car. He's afraid of what people will say and do to him. I convince him
to go inside. He halts at the door. He's visibly nervous. I chalk it up
to him being a bit of a worrier in general. Seriously, WHO WOULD MAKE
FUN OF A CHILD IN A COSTUME ON HALLOWEEN? So he walks in. And there
were several friends of mine that knew what he was wearing that smiled
and waved and gave him high-fives. We walk down the hall to where his
classroom is.
And that's where things went wrong. Two mothers went wide-eyed and
made faces as if they smelled decomp. And I realize that my son is
seeing the same thing I am. So I say, "Doesn't he look great?" And Mom A
says in disgust, "Did he ask to be that?!" I say that he sure did as
Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you
want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how
that was an option and didn't I try to talk him out of it. Mom B mostly
just stood there in shock and dismay.
And then Mom C approaches. She had been in the main room, saw us walk
in, and followed us down the hall to let me know her thoughts. And they
were that I should never have 'allowed' this and thank God it wasn't
next year when he was in Kindergarten since I would have had to put my
foot down and 'forbidden' it. To which I calmly replied that I would do
no such thing and couldn't imagine what she was talking about. She
continued on and on about how mean children could be and how he would be
ridiculed.
My response to that: The only people that seem to have a problem with it is their mothers.
Another mom pointed out that high schools often have Spirit Days
where girls dress like boys and vice versa. I mentioned Powderpuff Games
where football players dress like cheerleaders and vice versa. Or every
frat boy ever in college (Mom A said that her husband was a frat boy
and NEVER dressed like a woman.)
But here's the point, it is none of your damn business.
If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for
Halloween is somehow going to 'make' him gay then you are an idiot.
Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I
will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow
up to be an actual ninja so back off.
If my daughter had dressed as Batman, no one would have thought twice about it. No one.
But it also was heartbreaking to me that my sweet, kind-hearted five
year old was right to be worried. He knew that there were people like A,
B, and C. And he, at 5, was concerned about how they would perceive him
and what would happen to him.
Just as it was heartbreaking to those parents that have lost their
children recently due to bullying. IT IS NOT OK TO BULLY. Even if you
wrap it up in a bow and call it 'concern.' Those women were trying to
bully me. And my son. MY son.
It is obvious that I neither abuse nor neglect my children. They are
not perfect, but they are learning how to navigate this big, and
sometimes cruel, world. I hate that my son had to learn this lesson
while standing in front of allegedly Christian women. I hate that those
women thought those thoughts, and worse felt comfortable saying them out
loud. I hate that 'pink' is still called a girl color and that my baby
has to be so brave if he wants to be Daphne for Halloween.
And all I hope for my kids, and yours, and those of Moms ABC, are
that they are happy. If a set of purple sparkly tights and a velvety
dress is what makes my baby happy one night, then so be it. If he wants
to carry a purse, or marry a man, or paint fingernails with his best
girlfriend, then ok. My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that
he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what
is 'normal' and what is not, but to help him become a good person.
I hope I am doing that.
And my little man worked that costume like no other. He rocked that wig, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
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