Posted: 11 May 2011 at 11:24am | IP Logged
Hello! I expect this to be long-god help us!
Awesome once again, but as the first line suggests I should only praise you if I have evidence, and boy do I!
There was a great logical development which is something I adore about your chapters, the gradual story from character to character till the end climax (because their always is one!) is worthy of applause.
Part 1-Starting off with Riddhima and Arman-it basically shows that "true love" does not last forever despite the romantic myths which surround us, we keep it real here...even Romeo and Juliet couldn't live alongside one another-to yeh Armaan aur Riddhima kya cheez hai :P. haha, No, I don't personally have anything against the couple, in fact they are one of my favourites, but you have provided a trye depiction in your FF. The way the story goes with them is very realistic given the mindset of Riddhima's character, had the show still been televised, we would have seen more of this since it was hinted during the Sid-Riddhima-Armaan triangle which could ONLY exist because Riddhima had allowed for it to happen.
"It takes two to tango"
Anyways, point being, we can see that Riddhima's jealously of Shilpa (with Sid) has caused her to create a rift in her relationship with Armaan. I can understand, essentially, out of the two Armaan has arguably "loved" her more, whereas Riddhima never could understand Armaan as a person, always misconstruing his actions/accusing him of things before finding out the true perpetrator. He is hurt, she is ...pretty darn selfish. Then again, her argument stands true,
"Its just that I feel that we have drifted apart...things arent the same as before and you know it. Maybe...maybe we need some time away from each other."
And I may just feel for her cause she's in a relationship that's not going anywhere, but that was only if it the whole truth, the fact that she left her husband and now "misses" him because he's started, rightfully, giving attention to someone else makes my anything but sympathetic, and I'm actually glad Armaan knows her better than she realises.
"I dont know", she whispered and somewhere far off in the distance, a sharp clap of thunder resounded.
There was something about the way this was written-most likelt that I actually felt the thunder as I read it, really set the scene and it was the best way to infer the intensity of the whole situation.
I have to say you presented Armaan's pain really well here...her behaviour shows she's "dodging" the situation whereas Armaan wants a resolution, I actually feel bad where he desperately tries to apologise for "flirting" it illustrates their relationship to the core-she's the insecure one in the relationship and Armaan is always ridden to justify his actions.
He turned away from her and walked slowly towards the door, his feet as heavy as stone.
I truly feel sorry for him...in all honesty people get divorced all the time-and one opinion can never be right or wrong, hence it's an opinion. Therefore, in my opinion, Riddhima wanted to be with Armaan, therefore she divorced Sid. Whatever Armaan did was for his first love...it shatters him to think that she wants out...yet again. I feel for the guy...
"You're right Riddhima...things have changed. You have changed and maybe I have too...but one thing that will never change is my love for you. It has and always be the same.
Also loved all the last lines of the chapters; thought provoking, or they had an ability to round off effectively.
The description of the view and its relevance regarding Sid's own life took me by surprise, thats another thing I appreciate about your writing, you go into the depts of the story, trying to make links here and there! Such a pleasure to read :)
I love how Sid acknowledges the different aspects of his liking towards Shilpa and how ultimately he realises it's something in his "soul", defining the wholesomeness-affection, integrity, trust, respect in the beautiful relationship they share. Something that has never happened before, someone who has actually cared alot for Sid before he has needed to care for them! It's true...in the past Sid was always the more caring person, friend, husband, people felt an obligation to fulfil a "duty"
This applies to something you describe later on-again well linked with the "basketball court propsoal" when he remembers his "friends" celebrating Armaan and Riddhima's reunion.
If you also remember, that time Sid became a disciplinary and his "friends" humiliated him as a "joke", Shilpa was the only person who was against it. Common sense-Man, they were always meant to be! :P
Again, I am actually really glad you incorporated that scene from Sid's perception...it's something which I hadnt considered before and it really did work well within the chapter and for me personally, you did complete justice to it, was such a treat to read (albeit heart wrenching!! :( poor siddy widdy)
Love Sid's inner voice, he knows he's much better than Vivek but for the sake of being "politically correct" he has to bow down before the fiance...or does he?
Facing it would mean crossing over the forbidden line.
Another favourite line! It will always be the reason for him not to accept the truth...
Shilpa's dilemma at first, was that she knew she had fallen for Sid, despite having a fiance/sister's ex hubby etc etc.
Her dilemma now is alot graver why? Because she may have just silently proposed to the one she "cannot" be with...it's a secret no more-I liked the extract with her as it's another whirlwind of emotions-unrestlessness due to his "avoidance"/he's not behaving normally, reminsicing about the balcony as one of her treasured moments/then back to fretting in case Sid had "read" too much in her eyes so even if she wants to regret it, she can't...wonderful!
"What would happen to them now?" Pray do tell :)
The "confrontations" you have between Sid and Riddhima I always read line for line again and again...espeically cause it's thing which should have been communicated in the actual programme but were not, the focus being on something trivial/Sid shown as a complete moron/Sid bowing out.
That isn't Sid
This is Sid:
"Did you regret it that day, only a month after our divorce, when you had proclaimed your love for your boyfriend in front of the whole hospital or when you sang songs for him in the basket ball court??"
Believe me when I say I was applauding! Haha in my room whilst reading this on my own..sad times, but it's fine because I seriously was PROUD of my boy! Awesomely written! A slap in the face for Riddhima and better late than neber- for sure someone needed to put her in her place, and it had to be the one who deserved to do it too. Love love love loveeed it!
Ok, I actually want to quote every word of the description, but if I say from the point of-
"A month after our divorce I had come back to Mumbai because it was killing me to be away from you...I wanted to see you just once, to make sure you were alright. TILL
"But then I realized that you couldnt have seen me as I was standing in complete darkness...as I always did in our relationship."
I can imagine every single action taking shape before eyes...and I can actually imagine Sid saying every single word. This was an amazing piece of writing especially, you literally put yourself in Sid's shoes, the whole idea of him thinking better of Riddhima, his innocene when it comes to who she would prioritise, it's weird because it was slightly amended in the sense that Riddhima saw Sid there-but Sid again, wouldn't give a "thumbs up"! THIS i.e YOUR portrayal of Sid is the TRUE one, the fact that he comes to see her just to revive their relationship is exactly what I'd expect of him-he's not one to give up when it's regarding the person he loves...the last couple of lines is perfect to describe their relationship, even if it wasnt her intention (purelty cause she was too focues on Armaan or too indifferent towards Sid) but its true. And thats why it really did do justice to the whole situation! Kudos to you my dear!
Guilt and shame wracked her entire being. Damn right it did! This esepcially made my day, not only did you portary Sid's pain and made me aware of it, but Riddhima became aware of what she had done too! Finally, some form of realisation on her part!
You portrayed "denial" in Riddhima really well too, a little girl whose not willing to get over it! That's what Riddhima was when Sid spelt out the truth...she's getting in too far ahead of herself, it's another extreme avatar of hers-cause Riddhima has either been teary or "calm and composed" but even when she was searching for Armaan, the same "aggressive" Riddhima arose-the one who would slap Sid, the "no-nonsense" Riddhima, who can be witnessed in this chapter.
"No! ", she said fiercely, "things can never be over between us!"
He was taken aback at the fury in her eyes.
"I want to be your friend again Sid...I want to be a part of your life again."
I loved the "mini-scene" between SidShi, but it was spoilt by Riddhima, nevertheless, what made it better was that Sid's realisation to go tell Shilpa, Riddhima wasn't a threat. He would be the one to decide what he wanted to do, he wouldn't stop himself for Riddhima because *drumroll*...she doesnt mean anything to him anymore! *happy dances*
Again the dilema of whether he should follow her didnt affect me "mil jaate hain jo bane ek dooje ke vaaste*, with no potential threat from the ex, there is no doubt that the way is essentially clear for my little babies, just that this whole "vivek" episode needs to be cleared up!
I cried at the memory...because all in all, a guy who had put his whole heart into reviving a relationship, knowing he would also be the 2nd guy before he had entered into that commitment had ultimately lost, despite his best efforts.
Was everyone so ecstatic about the fact that he was out of Riddhima and Armaan's lives??
Had he been such a big hindrance in their happiness??
Impassively, he noticed that his so called friends, JP and Jiggy, were a part of that crowd too, congratulating Armaan and Riddhima.
Somewhere deep within him , something was emptying itself...he realized that his heart was being stripped of all emotions.
It was just awful for Sid to feel that, but believeable...understandable
The three words he had always yearned to hear from her lips...at least once... for him...I love you.
As if they wanted to mourn for him too , the skies opened up, drenching him with their tears. Superb description with relevance (again)
It's just a punch in the gut for Sid, she was the world to him but she could only ever treat him like an obligation...
the fact that Shilpa is there for him to heal his wounds...which she finally accomplished, to mend his heart, its all really cute. Love them together...she comes to his aid and he can completely let go when he's with her shows the uniqueness of their bond. Two people who selflessly cared for one another from the very beginning...
"Please update soon"
Edited by nm21 - 11 May 2011 at 11:35am