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~Beautiful Sin~SidShi FF: Chapter 30//Pg 108 (Page 76)

sidsk IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 01 September 2006
Posts: 11729

Posted: 08 May 2011 at 11:00pm | IP Logged
Part 2

Note : The bold part in the end is a memory.

It was during one such day that he had a major realization of sorts.
Sitting alone in a quaint little cafe located close to Sanjeevani, he relished the much needed 'alone-time' he was getting after so long
It was either work or keeping himself  away from Shilpa or staring in confusion at Riddhima...he was going to go crazy, he was sure of it.
"Is this seat available?"
He raised his head to look at her and then glanced around and noticed that there were quite a few vacant tables...
He nodded his head, very slightly, even though he truly wanted to be alone right now.
She smiled brightly at him and seated herself in the opposite chair.
He felt uncomfortable...her constantly increasing presence in his life was bringing back that feeling of uncertainty and insecurity that had always plagued him when they had been married.
"So was your day?"
He simply looked at her, her pretty face focused on unwrapping her sandwich, her bewitching eyes, that he had loved gazing into all the time, were looking at him anticipating an answer to her question...and all of a sudden he was struck hard.
Riddhima wasnt the one holding him back...him being scared of the intensity he felt for Shilpa had nothing to do with Riddhima...even though that is what he had initially assumed.
The ripples of confusion cleared from his mind and the answer stared back at him in stark clarity.
It was him...his own self.
Looking back at Riddhima, he decided it was time to confront her.
"Is everything okay? You look a little zoned out."
"No Riddhima...things are not okay."
At the firmness in his tone, she paused midway in eating her sandwich and looked up at him.
"What are you trying to do?"
"I dont understand Sid..."
"Yes you understand very well what I am saying. Why are you behaving as if the last six years dont exist?
She put her sandwich down.
"They do exist think I dont realize that?"
"From the way you are Do you think its so easy to forget everything and just become friends again?"
"No it isnt easy...but we can try cant we?"
His eyes narrowed at her, his mind so focused at their conversation that he didnt see the woman who had just entered the cafe and headed straight to the counter.
"And why should we?"
Look Sid...I know what I have done. I know I have betrayed you in the worst way possible...there hasnt been a day when I havent cursed myself for it."
"So?...its a little too late to apologize for it, dont you think?"
Sighing she started crushing the ends of her dupatta with her fingers. She had been hoping this conversation would not happen but as always she never got what she hoped for.
"Sid...I know I cant do anything to make up for what I have done to you...but you dont know how deeply I regret it."
"Oh really?", she flinched at the disbelieving look in his face.
"Did you regret it that day, only a month after our divorce, when you had proclaimed your love for your boyfriend in front of the whole hospital or when you sang songs for him in the basket ball court??"
He watched as the colour drained from her face.
" did you know that?...You had already left by then..."
"I saw it with my own eyes", his eyes looked accusingly at her making her squirm in her seat.
"A month after our divorce I had come back to Mumbai because it was killing me to be away from you...I wanted to see you just once, to make sure you were alright. Nine months Riddhima...I spent every second of those nine months taking care of you and to be so cut out of your life was driving me crazy.So I came back..."
He took a shaky breath and Riddhima could see the torment in his eyes as he recollected that day.
"As soon as I reached Sanjeevani, I noticed that it seemed unusually empty...I asked a nurse about your whereabouts and she told me to hurry to the basket ball court as I would find you there", he paused not wanting to talk about what he had seen but he couldnt stop either. She had to know..."I reached the basket ball court and looked around but all I could see was darkness."
Riddhima wanted to tear her gaze away,she didnt want to listen to all this because she knew what he had seen... but the brutal pain blazing in his eyes rooted her to the spot.
"Suddenly a spotlight appeared right in the middle of the court and I turned to see you there standing there with a smile on your face...I was seeing you after so long that at the moment you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen."
For a brief moment, a hint of a smile appeared on his face and a faraway look came into his eyes. Her breath hitched in her chest and she found it difficult to breathe.
"And then you started to sing...there were unshed tears in your eyes and yet you still looked so first I couldnt understand what was happening...for one foolish second I even assumed that you knew I was there, I was stupid enough to even assume that you were doing it for me", his voice wavered.
"But then I realized that you couldnt have seen me as I was standing in complete I always did in our relationship."
Guilt and shame wracked her entire being.
"I turned and looked in the direction you were walking...where the other spotlight was...and I saw him...the one who those tears were for, the one who was the reason for that happiness on your face."
He finally looked back at her, his eyes burning into hers.
"I saw everything after that ", he said and Riddhima knew he was talking about the moment where she and Armaan had hugged and kissed each other for a long time, exhilarated that they had finally found each other again.
Sid's eyes turned malicious and she felt like running away..."And then Riddhima", she gasped lightly at the bitterness emanating from him, "I had the misfortune of hearing your touching love confession.Do you remember the words you uttered that day? Those words that ripped my soul into you remember them Riddhima?"
For a few seconds her mind didnt work...she was too disconcerted to think about anything ...but then she remembered.
Her mouth opened in shock.

"I am so sorry Armaan" she held his forehead to her own, his tears mixing with her own. "I am so sorry for putting you through so much torture...I know I have been unfair to you but you have to understand I was simply fulfilling my responsibility."
She took a deep breath.
"You know Armaan...I have never ever ignored my know that. No matter what I have always stood by them. And I was doing exactly that by pushing you away from me and telling you to move on. I had a duty towards my marriage...towards Sid. He had done so much for me and I...I simply had to fulfill my duties towards him."
"But have always been Armaan. If there is anyone in this world whom I have a right over, it is you. Do you understand me?"
He nodded and she wiped away his tears.
"Enough...I dont want to see any more tears in those eyes", and saying so, she bent down on one knee and looked up at him lovingly.
"Armaan Malik", her heart filled with affection as she saw his eyes widen,"Will you be mine? Will you support me in my good and bad times? Will you promise to be my side everyday , every second of my life?"
And suddenly he pulled her up and engulfed her in his arms, kissing her all over her face and she lost herself within him unable to believe that their wait had finally ended.

Her eyes shot open. He had heard all that...he had seen all of that.
But how could she explain to him that those words didnt hold true for her any longer?
She looked back at him to find him watching her.
"Sid ", she started to speak her voice low and heavy with tears. "I cannot undo whatever I have done but please...please believe me that things have changed now."
"That's what you told me again and again when we were married and, like an idiot, I always believed you. And look where we are now..."
Riddhima looked away from his penetrating gaze.
"Its sad were never truthful to me then so what makes you think I will trust you now? Things are over between us Riddhima."
"No! ", she said fiercely, "things can never be over between us!"
He was taken aback at the fury in her eyes.
"I want to be your friend again Sid...I want to be a part of your life again."
"And Armaan?", he asked with his brow raised.
"What about him?", she questioned with a deep frown.
"You think he will approve of this? After all the promises you took from him that day, will you not be hurting him?"
And that was when her anger suddenly deflated, her eyes wide, uncertainty on her face.
He leaned back against the chair, folding his arms across his chest, a cold smile playing on his lips.
"See there", he pointed at her, "there's the Riddhima Gupta that I know."
The girl at the counter turned and walked back to the exit with a warm, styrofoam coffee cup between her hands.
Sid was about to tell Riddhima something else when his attention was pulled towards that girl as if by a magnetic force.
 A long flowy white skirt, a peach full sleeved top, her white coat hanging casually over her arm and her signature white bag.
He froze.
She was halfway through opening the door of the cafe when she paused. As if sensing his eyes on her, she turned and looked straight at him.
The corner of her lips had started to turn up into a smile when her gaze slid over to the person sitting in front of him.
Her lovely features froze as she looked back at him with shock and something else that punched him sharply in the gut.
Technically he hadnt done anything wrong.
He had been sitting at his table, minding his own business.
It was Riddhima who had come to him...
So then why, looking at the hurt written over Shilpa's face, why did he feel as if he had committed a big mistake?
Why did it suddenly feel as if he had been caught doing something wrong?
Seconds passed as they stared at each other, a million unspoken words passing between them.
They totally forgot about the woman sitting there witnessing the silent exchange between them...Riddhima finally experienced what Sid must have felt... that isolated feeling he must have experienced in the early days of their marriage when Armaan had returned, that feeling of being sidelined whenever he had caught staring wistfully at each other.
Then, after what seemed like ages, even though it was just a few seconds, Shilpa turned slowly and walked out of the cafe.
Without him even realizing it, he had almost gotten up to go after her when he stopped himself. That move didnt agree with his plan.
What did he think he was going to tell Shilpa anyway...what explanation was he going to offer?...more importantly did he need to explain himself?
And wasnt he trying to keep himself away from her?
RIddhima couldnt help but feel satisfied...she hated herself for it but she couldnt deny it.
She noticed that he was still staring at the closed door.
" everything alright?"
He looked back at Riddhima blankly.
No Riddhima, he thought, nothing is alright...everything is spectacularly messed up.


His car had been sent for some repairs so he had no choice but to walk back home.
Pulling his black woollen jacket tighter around himself, he walked at a slow pace.
The sky above him darkened in sync with the cruel memories that swirled within him.
Swirling... a thick black cloud.
He tried but couldnt stop himself from revisiting that moment...that moment had which destroyed his faith, his trust in everything he had ever believed in...

The knife twisted deeper and deeper into his gut with every word she uttered.
And he watched, his body numb, his heart almost still, how they embraced each other like two people who had been parched with thirst for so long.
He had worked so hard, tried everything to see that contentment that was visible in her eyes right now...what had he not done?
But it hadnt been enough...whatever he did.
Never enough.
All of a sudden the court was bathed in bright lights but they seemed oblivious to it as they held on to each other tightly.
Suddenly out of nowhere a crowd of people flooded the court, whistling, cheering and clapping for the united couple.
Was everyone so ecstatic about the fact that he was out of Riddhima and Armaan's lives??
Had he been such a big hindrance in their happiness??

Impassively, he noticed that his so called friends, JP and Jiggy, were a part of that crowd too, congratulating Armaan and Riddhima.
Somewhere deep within him , something was emptying itself...he realized that his heart was being stripped of all emotions.
His gaze was pulled towards her as she looked at Armaan shyly and whispered something him...he didnt have to hear her to understand her words.
The three words he had always yearned to hear from her least once... for him...I love you.

He turned away not having the strength to watch them anymore. His feet as heavy as lead, he walked out of the hospital in a dazed stupor.
As if they wanted to mourn for him too , the skies opened up, drenching him with their tears.
Soaked to the bone in his wet clothes, his body as cold as ice, he walked randomly on the streets unaware of the car honking at him to move out of their way.
He had been just a duty for her...every moment she had spent with him, every time time she had smiled at him, every time she responded to his had all been just a duty to her.
And he...he had believed could he have been so blind?
Nearly missing being trampled by a huge truck, he somehow found himself on a bench...the same bench where Shilpa had found him a month ago.
Why hadnt he heeded her warnings? She had tried to stop him but he hadnt listened to her...the urge to see Riddhima had been so intensely heavy on his mind that he had not paid any heed to Shilpa's pleas.
He looked down to see his fingers trembling with the chill that had seeped into them...there was no one nearby, not a single person, not a single car.
He was truly all alone...
All he could see ahead of him were thick sheets of rain...and then suddenly, she came.
Stepping through the cascading rain, Shilpa appeared in front of him, her eyes wrought with panic.
He stood up slowly unable to believe that she was actually here...that she had found him again as she had that night...that meant she had followed him all the way from Panchgani.
"Sid!! Where the hell have you been?!", she almost screamed in worry. "You didnt call me even once, you are not even picking up your phone! Do you have any idea how worried I was?  Why didnt you..." she stopped talking and looked at him closely.
Blank eyes and an eerily dead expression on his pale, almost white face.
"Sid", she started slowly," Are everything okay?"
He tried to take a step toward her but his legs finally gave away and he crumpled to the floor.
"Sid! ", she dropped to her knees before him and was disturbed to see that he still had no expression on his face.
She took hold of his face and turned him towards her making him look at her.
"Sid...what...what happened?"
He looked at her for a few seconds and then slowly, a little life came back into his hollow eyes.
He tried to speak but words just wouldnt come to him...his hands tightened on her arms and all he wanted to do was scream because something kept building over and over inside him and it just wouldnt stop.
Looking at his state, her own eyes welled up even though she had no idea what had happened.
Instinctively, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against the spot between his eyes which remained unfocused.
Slowly she broke the contact and spoke in a soft murmur, "It is going to be fine Sid...I am here now...everything will be fine."
She was going to speak again when she realized that words would be useless to him right now. So she embraced him.
Since he couldnt move, she wrapped her arms around him.
He was shaking...his eyes closed only for a moment  but they shot open again as something danced behind his image of his ex-wife united with her lover.
Without realizing it, he gripped the back of Shilpa's shirt tightly in his fists...he had been so stupid, so blind.
Finally when the grief did hit him, it was as relentless as the pouring rain.


Guys please let me know if I have done justice in depicting Sid's pain...because sometimes I think words are not enough to describe what he must have gone through...

Edited by sidsk - 08 May 2011 at 11:09pm

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JennyPenny IF-Addictz

Joined: 03 July 2005
Posts: 90840

Posted: 08 May 2011 at 11:39pm | IP Logged
Wow, wow Sidra. I am gonna start with the first part. I love you explained Riddhima's foolishness or rather her ego in the first part. How the heck does she think they can be friends? is Sid some toy for her or what?

I hate that Sid is being so distant with Shilpa. Armaan is just being anAngry But no comments on AR parts. made me wanna puke at my screen.

Loved the second part, esp the cafe scene. could actually picturize the scene man. it was too good.

was doing some research today and was watching a walk to remember and i saw this quote and i felt it suited SidShi so much:
  • She didn't belong. She was misunderstood. And she would change him forever...

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PSharada IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 23 October 2007
Posts: 16615

Posted: 09 May 2011 at 12:11am | IP Logged
"Its sad were never truthful to me then so what makes you think I will trust you now? Things are over between us Riddhima."
"No! ", she said fiercely, "things can never be over between us!"
He was taken aback at the fury in her eyes.
"I want to be your friend again Sid...I want to be a part of your life again."
"And Armaan?", he asked with his brow raised.
"What about him?", she questioned with a deep frown.
"You think he will approve of this? After all the promises you took from him that day, will you not be hurting him?"
And that was when her anger suddenly deflated, her eyes wide, uncertainty on her face.
He leaned back against the chair, folding his arms across his chest, a cold smile playing on his lips.
"See there", he pointed at her, "there's the Riddhima Gupta that I know."
Sidra this was the perfect part for me. Riddhima always wanted people to be around her while she acted as a queen bee. She never ever was faithful to anyone be it Sid or Armaan. She just wanted someone to dance to her tunes and she was furious as hell if they ever decided to call the shots.

And I really hope that Shilpa has heard the conversation between Sid and Riddhima and she has realized that Sid is over Riddhima now forever. Now really looking forward to an emotional reunion of Sid and Shilpa which should be sweet and simple just like them. As much as I hate the eternal lovers I just want the reunion to be in front of them or atleast both Riddhima and Armaan should witness it because then they will realize that they can never get or achieve what Sid - Shilpa have. Love sets you free and now looking forward to the day that both Sid and Shilpa are free of their past.

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juisa Groupbie

Joined: 10 March 2010
Posts: 166

Posted: 09 May 2011 at 1:03am | IP Logged

Yippie...I was waiting for the update!!! Sorry I never commented before. Everytime I start to comment...and I fall short of words :)
This FF is so beautiful. I never imagined that SidShi will be such a beautiful journey. Thanks for this.
You are such a wonderful gifted writer.
You have written Sid's pain convincingly. I just hope some day you will write an SR FF.

P.S. "And her happiness lay with Rohan.".. Rohan or Vivek?

nikita_88 IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 02 May 2005
Posts: 36918

Posted: 09 May 2011 at 1:04am | IP Logged
Sidra Awesome two chapters.

Can I say I have loved Riddhima's entry into Sid's life it is such a positive because he can now say I don't love you to her. LOL I mean he is finally seeing the fact that he doesn't need her, his heart doesn't beat for her.

I am so looking forward to a Sid Shilpa confrontation esp after the balcony scene so many unsaid words and feelings.

What is with Riddhima can't be single or something? Say Bye Armaan and Hello Sid Wacko!

I can't wait to see what happens next...

Cont soon

Edited by nikita_88 - 09 May 2011 at 5:56am
shamil IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 01 September 2006
Posts: 17194

Posted: 09 May 2011 at 2:41am | IP Logged
fantabulous update again sid!
ridhimma will always be the selfish bitch she was .. loved the 'payback' scheme u brought in.
I had not watched the 'milan' wala scene of CMg. so that was what she said??! urghhh..Dead
it was really wierd and ofcourse painful for sid fans that the cvs decided that the whole universe shud 'applaud' the milan of ema couple and brought back even sid to show his thumb. I really loved it that u brought a twist by writing AR were oblivious of sid standing there alone watching farzy maiyya confess her lusty love .
now why do I feel sorry for armaan here in ur ff?D'ohhe sounds much much better than mataji who seems to be going back to her confused state

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-Nags- IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 22 June 2008
Posts: 19880

Posted: 09 May 2011 at 2:49am | IP Logged
wow very nice ff dear ... continue  soon and please pm Smile
sidsk IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 01 September 2006
Posts: 11729

Posted: 09 May 2011 at 3:02am | IP Logged
OMG what a typo! I was reading another FF which had the name Rohan in it and I guess I wrote that by sorry!LOL

Thank you all for your comments...will respond to all of them later.

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