I am really not happy with the way this chapter has turned out....so please forgive me.
I wasnt well when I wrote this and well......anyway.
He didnt know how long he had been sitting there.
He didnt even know where he was.
After leaving the hospital,l he had wandered around lost for a long time till his legs had given up.
When he had walked away from Riddhima earlier that day,something in him had died.
He had loved her with all he had and now there was nothing left inside him.
Since the last few days,he had held himself up with a lot of courage....
But, it was all crumbling now.
The stone walls he had put up around him all these days were beginning to shake.
Watching her everyday, working with her, being is the same vicinity as her had been the most difficult thing he had ever had to do.
But it was all over now.
They were not going to be a part of each others lives anymore.
And the realization had sunk in too deeply......so deep that he almost found it difficult to breathe.
He wondered where to go.
His house had been sold and even though the new tenants were not going to occupy it till next week, he couldnt go back there.
Too many memories lived in that place.
Everywhere he turned, he only found her
It was suffocating him.
His heart was being ripped apart into two.....
Even after everything, he just couldnt stop loving her....a part of him would always love her.
And yet at the same time, a part of him couldnt stand even the thought of her.....of the way she had betrayed him.
He closed his eyes and an image came unbidden to him.....Riddhima searching for him desperately with Armaan lying next to her.
A cold drop fell on his shoulder but he didnt feel it.
He couldnt stop thinking of the look in her eyes as she had gazed at him for the last time......her eyes telling him that things could be fine again...back to how they had been.
He had wanted to run to her then....take her in his arms....stroke her hair, bury his face in her neck.
But he had not given into that wonderful urge.
Those eyes were deceiving him again but he couldnt be fooled....not anymore.
That Sid didnt exist anymore........Riddhima had killed that Sid.
He let his grief consume him as the skies opened up on him.
She trudged through the rain, soaked to the bone, trying to reach home as soon as possible.
Her bus would leave in a few hours and she doubted that she would be able to reach there on time.
She had to leave today....she couldnt stand the thought of being here any longer.
She didnt know how she had managed to complete her internship.
Going to Sanjeevani everyday, seeing them
all the time..................she was glad she could get away now.
But she had one regret........that she had not been able to meet Sid one last time.
In the last few months, she had witnessed a side of him that she never knew existed.
He would report to work everyday, do his duties and go back home.
Except her, he never talked to anyone.
He never joked.
He never laughed.
He had even forgotten how to smile.
It was almost as if there was nothing was left in him to live.
And it broke her heart to watch him like that.
People at the hospital had great expectations of a showdown between Armaan and him but it never came.
It seemed like Riddhima and Armaan had ceased to exist for him.
She had seen Riddhima trying to get him to talk to her but he would always limit their conversation to professional matters.
Lost in her thoughts,she passed a man sitting on a bench.
She suddenly stopped and turned.Sid.
She went running to him.
He seemed to be in a daze which broke at the sound of her voice.
He looked at her confusedly.Where had she come from?
He suddenly felt cold and realized that he was completely wet.When had it started to rain?
"Are you alright?"
"I........I am fine Shilpa. What are you doing here?"
She looked at him properly.He seemed anything but fine.
"Sid...you need to go home.You''ll fall sick if you stay out here any longer."
He shook his head and buried his face in his hands.
"I cant....she is everywhere, Shilpa. I cant go back there......"
She was surprised....this was the first time in months that she had seen a hint of an emotion in him .
She seated herself next to him."I understand Sid....but you cant stay out here like this."
"I dont care ", he said stubbornly."What are you doing here?"
"I was heading back home............I looked all over Sanjeevani for you."
"Why? Is everything okay?"
"Yes well........I am leaving Sid. I am going back to Panchgani."
He looked away.
He didnt question her....he understood her reasons.
"I think that....I think that will be good for you."
"My bus leaves in a few hours."
He nodded slowly but didnt say anything.
She felt anxious.
His eyes were blank and he hardly looked aware of the world around him.How could she leave him here like this?
She thought of calling his friends but she knew that he wouldnt want that.
Besides, they could never understand what he was going through.
Right now, he needed someone to take care of him and......
Something struck her.
She stood up and faced him, making him look at her.
"Sid...come with me. Come with me to Panchgani."
Panchgani was where it had all started. He couldnt go there.
"Please Sid....just for a few days.Stay with me for a days and then you can decide what you want to do next. But please, for now, just come with me...............there is no one here Sid. No one who can understand you."
She was right...there was no one left here.
"Shilpa......I am not going to let you burden yourself because of me. Dont worry about me. I will be fine....."
"No Sid! You are anything but fine. Look we can do this all night but I am not leaving without you.You need a friend right now and I am not going to leave you alone."
Looking at the determination in her eyes, he knew it was pointless to argue with her.
Maybe this was right.
Going back to Panchgani might bring him some closure.
She placed her hand on his.
He looked at her for the longest time.
He stood up slowly and for the first time in months, Shilpa smiled.
Holding his hand firmly,she walked ahead and he followed her, not knowing what lay in the future, but hopeful that one day they could reach a place in their life where everything would be fine.
Edited by sidsk - 02 February 2011 at 1:57pm