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Is cancellation of IF ID good or bad? (Page 17)

*Woh Ajnabee* IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 15 January 2011 at 10:15am | IP Logged
Originally posted by K.Resurrected.

@Dia and Ajnu:

Before you guys pull out your pepper sprays, let's verify if we are on the same page. Hopefully, you have read all the clarifications I provided so far, leading up to this page.

Ajnu, it's not fair to ascertain with authority, what the reasons could be, for someone to cancel/deactivate their accounts, especially when they are not here to defend themselves. Even if there is one active member who has preferred deactivation, who doesn't fall under the premises you enumerated, it's probably a good idea to explore the reasons that compelled him/her to do so. There are tangible benefits to the forum if such a forensic analysis is carried out, trust me. That was one of the main points of my argument so far.

The rest of what you guys mentioned I am aware and am in the know.





Mister K, my point there was not to ascertain that those three reasons for self-banning are written in stone and there can be no digressions from those three reasons. Instead, I was writing from my experience and observation on the forum. In my opinion, those are the three most common reasons for self-banning on this forum. Neither did I take anyone's name nor did I state those reasons to make a mockery of their decision. What is true is true. You can name any single member on the forum who's gone through this process of self-banning, and I'm sure a majority of them will fall into one of those three categories. Years of experience and observation on this forum allow me to state that so confidently.

Having said that, at the end of the day, the point is not why they left. The point here is that they left. Period. Now you just have to accept their decision and move on. If this member had considered me significant enough, they would have come to me and told me of their decision and also state the reasons for why they are making this decision. And if they didn't consider me significant enough, that's also fine. Either way, at the end of it, people on both sides have to move on and accept this reality. Goodbyes in real life are difficult enough - let's not make virtuality just as full of emotional baggage and life-long regrets and disappointments.

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hindu4lyfAutumn.

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Posted: 15 January 2011 at 10:16am | IP Logged
"Goodbyes in real life are difficult enough - let's not make virtuality just as full of emotional baggage and life-long regrets and disappointments. "

So how does one train their mind to do that?
*Woh Ajnabee* IF-Sizzlerz
*Woh Ajnabee*
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Posted: 15 January 2011 at 10:28am | IP Logged
Originally posted by K.Resurrected.

Of course life moves on, it moves on even when people around us die. Of course, this is not the end of the world. Of course, things are ephemeral. But why stop there? Let's take the concept a little further. The earth won't stop spinning even if all life were to be erased off of its face, so much for the significance of life itself. The universe won't disappear if 5 billion years later earth is swallowed up by the Sun. But we can't latch onto these bigger truths per our convenience whenever and wherever to suit our purposes, just to wiggle out of a real debate. There is a time and place for bigger truths and IMO this topic is not it.

If I go short term, you can't start talking long term and invalidate my points. If I go objective, you can't go subjective and invalidate my points. You are not wrong if you do so. You are only pointing out the obvious, the abortive nature of all such debates that I already mentioned.

Going purely by the subject ('is cancellation of IF ID good or bad?"), keeping aside the variables and unknowns (whose cancellation? What is good? What is bad?  How good is good? How bad is bad? From whose perspective? Long term or short term? How long is long term and how short is short term?), going somewhat by the human web theory (six degrees of separation), I theorized that, if pivotal people leave, it will affect the connectedness of it all translating to lesser hits and thus, lesser interest in the forum itself. So yes, my answer is that it is bad. You are free to do a spectrum analysis, look closely at various shades, and understand the role the time component plays in such a scenario but, if you do that, you will never zero in on a satisfactory answer.



Okay, let's not talk about bigger truths, let's talk about smaller truths. I'm not exactly sure what you're suggesting here. Are you saying that it is wrong and "phony" for members to move on after someone who appeared close to them on the forum leaves? If that is the case, what exactly do you suggest they do? And why exactly do you expect these emotions and these personal feelings to be displayed publicly on the forum?

@Bold Red-

Although it may feel that way from time to time, it is not true. All of us have left the forum or taken breaks from the forum at some point in time and the forum has continued on its regular business. Things don't stop for anyone here just like life doesn't stop for anyone in reality. Right now, yes you can name a few people and say call them the pillars of DM - the ones that bring the rest of us together, but that doesn't mean they're irreplaceable. People easily come and go on the forum. If one of us leaves today, perhaps there will be a few people who will be disappointed, upset, and they will limit their time and activity on the forum. But after that, new people will emerge, new members will call DM home, and regular activity will resume. The once disappointed members will return and they will make new friends and a new group of people will take their place as the pillars of the section. DM activity is a sinusoidal curve as well - you can only go down so much, after which, you eventually have to make your way back up (with or without the same people).

To give an example - I joined DM when there were a completely different group of people who stood as pillars of this section. Active and entertaining members who held together the rest and it did feel like this was it. But most of those members aren't around anymore - and there is a completely new set of people here that call DM home today. Older members may still reminisce about those days, but there's really nothing you can do accept perhaps stop visiting. Either way, DM will continue running the same way. 



Edited by *Woh Ajnabee* - 15 January 2011 at 10:31am

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hindu4lyfAutumn.

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Posted: 15 January 2011 at 10:29am | IP Logged
Originally posted by crazy_sunny

Originally posted by *Woh Ajnabee*



Without emoticons, you are perhaps leaving the interpretation of your tone and your emotions up to the reader. Regardless, it does not mean that you are not expressing any emotions. Although you may not be hugging, winking, or laughing through these emoticons, it does not mean that you aren't expressing these emotions in your posts.

Having said that, every time we log on to this forum and post, we are sharing our thoughts with complete strangers. To talk to these strangers regarding discussion topics on the forum, personal lives, and wishing them on their birthday are all a part of the deal. Even if you are sending a simple birthday wish through a PM, you are still taking the initiative to wish a stranger on their birthday for whatever reason. But wishing someone on their birthday does not translate into developing a life long bond with them and neither does it mean that there is some level of emotional attachment at stake here. Even in the real world, we wish people on their birthdays or generally and forget about them when we move on in life.

People leave this forum for several reasons, and they get themselves banned for several other reasons. The number one reason is that they lack the self-control to stop logging on to the forum and therefore have to take this extreme measure of getting themselves banned. Second most common reason is that they want to make a statement. They want to be the talk of the town with their grand exit so people will claim to miss them and make posts in their honor asking them to come back. They enjoy that because they read that either with another account or without one. Third biggest reason, I believe, is when they want to erase signs of their presence on the forum. They want all their past deeds to be erased so they can either move on or start fresh when time comes. My only take with this extreme action is that do it if you are going to be gone for good. No point in making these useless statements if you're going to be back here in a few days. Even if you are only deactivating your account, the above three occurrences still hold true since the intentions (although are of returning) for leaving are the same.

All that said, I don't think there is anything phony about using emoticons or moving on when members leave. How do you know people stop missing the people they once were close to? How do you know they aren't in touch outside of the forum? How do you know that perhaps they weren't as close as they appeared to be on the forum? And lastly, perhaps it was a two-sided friendship between members who realized how short-term it would be. Who gives anyone here the right to judge these members or call them phony for their behavior on the forum? Until members develop that "let's-move-on" attitude on this forum, survival here is difficult. All that emotional baggage that comes with emotional attachment over the internet, I fathom, is much more harder to overcome than perhaps even in the real world.

@ The bolded - Good points brought out Woh Ajnabee Big smile
@ words in red - Most of those who got banned will return - what was that curse you mentioned  in your MOTW ? Cant recall it but it is true LOL


Thanks, Sunny! And I had forgotten all about that curse - haha. I don't remember what the name was anymore, but I promise you it still holds true. LOL

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Roadrunnerz

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Posted: 15 January 2011 at 10:35am | IP Logged
Originally posted by old-black-joe

"Goodbyes in real life are difficult enough - let's not make virtuality just as full of emotional baggage and life-long regrets and disappointments. "

So how does one train their mind to do that?


Detachment. You have been here so long that you should already have trained yourself to do that. People come and go - it should be upsetting for a day or two and after that you move on. You accept that this forum isn't on anyone's top priority and that people have a lot to do in life. You can't expect them to stop doing what is important to them for your selfish reasons of keeping them here. Same way, always train yourself to remember that when you leave, people might talk about it one or two days and after that they will also move on. The same cycle of life applies here - you just have to train yourself to not make strong emotional attachments.

Having said that, obviously there are a few people that you do consider friends. In that case, it is harder to move on and perhaps you'll find ways to remain connected through other channels. If not, be happy that they've moved on to bigger and better things.

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Autumn.

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Posted: 15 January 2011 at 10:40am | IP Logged
Originally posted by *Woh Ajnabee*

Originally posted by old-black-joe

"Goodbyes in real life are difficult enough - let's not make virtuality just as full of emotional baggage and life-long regrets and disappointments. "

So how does one train their mind to do that?


Detachment. You have been here so long that you should already have trained yourself to do that. People come and go - it should be upsetting for a day or two and after that you move on. You accept that this forum isn't on anyone's top priority and that people have a lot to do in life. You can't expect them to stop doing what is important to them for your selfish reasons of keeping them here. Same way, always train yourself to remember that when you leave, people might talk about it one or two days and after that they will also move on. The same cycle of life applies here - you just have to train yourself to not make strong emotional attachments.

Having said that, obviously there are a few people that you do consider friends. In that case, it is harder to move on and perhaps you'll find ways to remain connected through other channels. If not, be happy that they've moved on to bigger and better things.


True, it even applies to the *******.   I censored it because you hate me talking about that thing, lolz! Never get emotional. 
*Woh Ajnabee* IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 15 January 2011 at 10:46am | IP Logged
Originally posted by old-black-joe



True, it even applies to the *******.   I censored it because you hate me talking about that thing, lolz! Never get emotional. 


I'm not sure what you've censored here. Elaborate?

And not at all, I am not saying never get emotional. I am perhaps the most emotional person on this talent since I have a knack for feeling a thousand different ways all at once. But, I'm saying that save those emotions for reality. Here, it is somewhat silly to form emotional attachments with every other member you come across. Keep a few close friends and keep up with them even after you've left the forum if you want, but besides that, don't bother.

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debayon

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Posted: 15 January 2011 at 10:50am | IP Logged
Originally posted by *Woh Ajnabee*

Originally posted by old-black-joe



True, it even applies to the *******.   I censored it because you hate me talking about that thing, lolz! Never get emotional. 


I'm not sure what you've censored here. Elaborate?

And not at all, I am not saying never get emotional. I am perhaps the most emotional person on this talent since I have a knack for feeling a thousand different ways all at once. But, I'm saying that save those emotions for reality. Here, it is somewhat silly to form emotional attachments with every other member you come across. Keep a few close friends and keep up with them even after you've left the forum if you want, but besides that, don't bother.


I was talking about the stock market, LOL! You should never get emotional there. I'm glad I am a lot more levelheaded  , both in the stock market and in real life.

I agree, especially with the comment about attatchments to every tom , dick and harry. Also yeah, you aren't going to see them in real life, not a likely event at all, so just be happy go lucky here.

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