To
compensate for the late update I've made this part extra long, but it's quite a
depressing part. I felt the story demanded it. I hope you guys don't find it
too dragging. this also happens to be the 200th part including 24 parts of QSS I.
Part
176
Riddhima knew she had make her Armaan open up,
otherwise he would have a restless night. She was also aware that the next few
days were not going to be easy. So she switched on the bedside lamp and
supporting herself on her elbow, looked deeply at him. He had opened his eyes
when she switched on the light. She put her free hand on his cheek. "Kya hua?"
he asked wondering why she had switched on the light again. "tum batao kya hua?
Is it something to do with your parents?" he was clearly shocked. Sitting up
straight he asked 'tumhe kaisey pata?"
Riddhima also sat up and leaning against him said "jaise
tumhe hamesha pata chal jata hai. Just like you read my mind, I can also read
yours. You solve all my problems, you cheer me up when I'm down but when you
are depressed, you shut me out. Moving a little away from him and putting her hand on his cheek, she asked
very tenderly "is that fair? Don't I have the right to help you?" Seeing the
tears glistening in her eyes, his eyes also welled up.
He hugged her tight and burst out crying like a small
baby. She didn't stop him. He had locked up his sorrows long enough, let him
wash it all out, she thought. For the first time, he spoke to her about his
parents' accident which had left him an orphan. "I got a phone call that their
car was in an accident and that I should rush to the hospital. It took me three
hours to reach there, from Kasauli. And by then they had breathed their last. I
was asked to identify them and that was the most horrible experience I had to
go through. I can't forget that sight. I was all alone. I hadn't even taken bi
along with me." She didn't interrupt him but only kept brushing his hair.
A: But can you believe it, I ran away from there. I
didn't wait till the funeral. Isn't it a son's duty to perform the last rites
of his parents? I didn't love them enough to even do that for them. Even after
their death they must have been ashamed of their son.
Gently putting him a little away from herself and
wiping his tears she asked "Armaan, why are you blaming yourself unnecessarily?
You were a young boy and their accident came as a shock to you. You didn't have
anyone to console you or be by your side at the time of crisis. So you panicked
and ran away. Why do you say it was because you didn't love them? I'm sure your
parents must be watching you from heaven even today and must be very proud of
you. The way you go out of your way to help to help one and all."
Then holding his face between her palms she kissed
him soundly on his lips. He responded with
equal fervor. When they came out of the kiss he looked at her intently. Then
pulling her into a rib crashing hug said "I can't believe that a person who
used to cry at losing a patient, can be so calm and collected knowing that a
person so close to her is about to leave this world."
R: I also feel very helpless and sad, but yesterday
when I was making khichdi for appa, I heard that elderly sister talking to a
lady whose husband is on the deathbed. You know what she said?
Making herself comfortable in his arms she narrated
the incident.
Flashback:
Sister: I have seen a lot of deaths in my long career
and even then each one saddens me. I can understand how difficult it must be
for you to be losing your dearest one. But you should also understand how
painful it is for your husband to be lingering on.
Preparing for death is a twofold process. One is the
body systems shutting down one by one and the other is the soul preparing to
leave the body. When a person's body is ready and wanting to stop, but the
person is still unresolved or unreconciled over some important issue or with
some significant relationship, he may tend to linger, in order to finish
whatever needs finishing, even though he may be uncomfortable or debilitated.
So when a person is ready to die, the people closest to him should be able to
let go. Saying good-bye is your final gift of love to your loved one, for it
achieves closure and makes the final release possible.
Lady: Everytime I go near him I'm not able to
control my tears and that pains him. I try to hide it from him but'
Sister: Tears are a normal and natural part of
saying good-bye. Tears do not need to be hidden from your loved one or
apologized for. Tears express your love and help you to let go. Just take his
hand in yours and say everything you need to say. It may be as simple as
saying, I love you. It may include recounting favorite memories, places, and
activities you shared. It may include saying, I 'm sorry for whatever I
contributed to any tension or difficulties in our relationship. It may also
include saying, Thank you for...whatever.
Lady: but he's asleep most of the time. When do I
speak to him?
Sister: Even if he's asleep, speak to him as you
normally would, even though there may be no response. Never assume the person
cannot hear; hearing is the last of the senses to be lost.
Flashback ends.
R: It was then that I decided to stay on with appa. Appa
has had a lonely journey through life. I want to erase the past from his memory
and let him leave this world with fond memories of his family."
A: I'm really proud of you Riddhima. It's very
difficult to forgive someone who has hurt you so deeply. But you've forgiven
appa so easily and that too whole heartedly. You know I was so bitter and
negative after losing you. When I joined post grad course, there was one
professor there, whom I admired a lot. He used to always quote this '
Don't
write your name in the sand, waves will wash it away,
Don't'
write your name in the sky, winds will blow it away,
Write
your name in the hearts in the hearts of people you come in touch with,
That's
where it will stay.
I was very much inspired by the kind way he spoke to
the patients and their desperate families. I decided to follow his footsteps
when I joined MSHC. He's the one who made this Armaan.
Then as if suddenly remembering something he said, "today
is such an important day in our lives. I ought to be pampering you with gifts
and here I am, getting all senti and making you also cry. You know I had made so
many plans for this day but '..."
R: That's life Armaan. Things don't always go as per
our plans. But you've given me the best gift today.
He looked at her perplexed because he hadn't given
her any gift whatsoever.
R: you let me crack the shell you had created around
yourself and come closer to you. That's the greatest gift you could give me.
They hugged each other and remained like that for
some time. After a few minutes she moved a little away and said, "let's get
some sleep. No more rona dhona. We'll just do all we can to keep appa happy and
comfortable." Armaan nodded in assent and then winking at her asked "but right
now how about making your husband happy?"
'Pat' came the reply with a slap on his arm. "dirty
mind, tumhe ungli deti hoon to tum haath hi pakad lete ho. Ab chup chaap so
jao." "Mind to tumhara dirty hai. I just wanted to lie on your lap and sleep."
He said making an innocent face. She shook her head and switching off the lamp,
sat properly pulling him onto her lap and set about running her hands through
his hair, which pleased him no end.
After a few minutes he lifted his head and pulling
her down beside him on the bed said, "come you also need your sleep." Finally
they fell asleep in their favourite position, with her cheek on his chest and
her head cocooned under his chin.
The next two days Kartik was in and out of sleep.
Riddhima never left his side throughout the day. As instructed by the sister,
she kept talking to him about how her life had been full of joy and the happy
childhood she had with her di, because she wanted him to get rid of his guilt.
She would talk about her wonderful kids and her 'out-of-the-world' husband who kept her like a queen. At times
she felt, she saw a lopsided smile cross his face.
Paandi would go home in the morning and come back in
the evening. Armaan would shuttle between the hospital and hotel because Ani
wouldn't stay confined to the room, the whole day long. In the afternoon he
forced Riddhima to have a nap while he sat with appa. In the evening, he would
bring Ani to the hospital for sometime. When Kartik was awake he would take him
to meet his thatha, otherwise it gave Ani some time with his mama.
On Friday evening, Armaan had half a mind to
surprise his betu, by going for his match and returning immediately after it,
though Riddhima felt it would be too tiring. Kartik didn't open his eyes even
once since afternoon. His breathing pattern sounded different. That made Armaan
change his mind. He knew the worst would come anytime now and at that time his
Riddhima, who was putting a brave, smiling face all along for the sake of her
appa, would need him.
Riddhima didn't want to go to the hotel that night.
He went to the hotel, waited till the little one had his dinner and fell
asleep. Then entrusting him to akka's care, went back to the hospital. He saw
Paandi resting on one of the benches in the waiting room. When he got up seeing
him, Armaan asked him to lie down and said he would call him, if he needed him.
He went into the ward, pulled her to the sofa and
made her sit down. She at once hugged him tight and shed tears without making a
sound, lest Kartik should know. He consoled her by rubbing her back and kissing
her head. Then seperating from the hug he offered her some water. When she
taken a few sips, he opened the packet of snacks. He had picked up idlis for
their dinner from the hotel restaurant.
He was expecting her to refuse but when she opened
her mouth without a protest he realized she must be hungry. She had just had a
cup of coffee after lunch. That had also been some packed parota and kurma
which she hadn't liked very much. In the evening when he had ordered for idlis
and coffee for akka and Ani, akka had forced him to eat some, hence he wasn't
so hungry. Nevertheless, he also ate along with her as he knew she wouldn't eat
otherwise. Even as she ate her head was resting against his shoulder as if she
needed his support.
After dinner Armaan forced her to lie down on the
sofa, while he went and sat next to Kartik. She was suddenly woken up from her
nap by some strange sounds. She saw the nurse injecting something. She went to
Armaan and questioned him "kya hua appa ko? Why didn't you wake me up?"
Nurse: it nothing serious. It's only because of lack
of water in the body. I've injected some
fluid, the sound will soon reduce.
Thereafter both of them sat with him. It was almost
dawn. But his breathing didn't seem to ease up. After some time Riddhima asked
Armaan to go and find the nurse again. Luckily the senior sister was back on
duty. She came and saw him and then turning to them she said "he may not live
through the day, make yourself strong. If you need to call any relatives or
friends to see him, please do." Seeing the tears pouring from Riddhima's eyes,
she patted her back saying "He's suffering and in pain. He needs to be free
from it."
After sister left Armaan hugged her let her cry for
some time. Then she herself stopped crying and said "inform paati and Kannan
uncle and also Prema if possible." She in the meantime called her father. He consoled
her and asked her to be brave. Then he told her that Akshat was all excited and
getting ready for the match though it was only at 8 o'clock. She spoke to her
Shona and wished him luck just in case she didn't get a chance to do so later.
Armaan had to go and check on Ani, but he didn't
want to leave Riddhima alone. So he requested the senior sister to wait with
Riddhima for 10 minutes while he went and brought akka and Ani to the hospital.
He asked Paandi also to stay in the room in case Riddhima needed anything.
It was lunchtime, still Kartik was in the same
condition, breathing irregularly. Dr. Balu had visited him two hours ago and
told Armaan he may breathe his last, in an hour or it may even take a day. Nothing
can be predicted. Kannan and his athai had arrived. They held Kartik's hand and
made their farewell speech to him. Even Valli had come with them but remained
far away from the bed, just watching everyone. Kannan said he had spoken to
Prema's in-laws also and Prema would be arriving as soon as possible with her
husband.
Riddhima had had nothing but coffee since morning. Armaan
had tried coaxing her to have some breakfast but hadn't succeeded. Riddhima's
cell rang. She moved outside to take the call and Armaan followed her. It was a
call from home. As soon as she said "hello" her Shona's voice came blaring "mama
hum match jeet gaye. Can you believe it? We won the trophy." She didn't whether
to be happy for her son or be sad for her father. Her emotions were in a
turmoil. Seeing that she was silent, he asked "mama aap khush nahi ho?"
Feigning enthusiasm she immediately she said "Shona main
to bahut bahut khush hoon. Heartiest congratulations. Main jaanti thi tum log
hi jeetoge." But she couldn't stifle her cries anymore. Armaan pulled the phone
out of her hand as she covered her mouth with her hanky. Hugging her close with
his free hand and letting her cry on his shoulder, he spoke to his betu. Congratulating
him and promising him a wonderful gift. Then Dr. Shashank came on the line to
enquire about Kartik's state and Armaan told him that there was no change
whatsoever.
At lunch time akka tried forcing Riddhima to eat
something saying, she might fall ill and that's the last thing they needed now.
But she remained unconvinced. Finally paati said she was feeling giddy and
needed some food. She asked Riddhima to accompany her to the canteen. She ordered
for some lemon rice and forced Riddhima also eat a few morsels of it, as they
ate they got talking about Kartik's state.
Paati said "looks like he's waiting for someone. Maybe
it's Prema. He loved her like his own daughter you know." Going back to the
ward Riddhima forced all the others including Armaan to go and eat. Ani had
been fed and was asleep. She sat beside her appa holding the sleeping baby in
her arms and drawing some comfort from that.
After an hour Prema and her husband arrived. She came
and sat next to her uncle. Riddhima moved to make way for her. Holding his hand
she wept seeing his pathetic state. Her husband consoled her but she kept
asking "Why is he suffering like this? Why doesn't God take him away?" the same
question was going on in everyone's mind.
Paati: I think he's waiting for you. Call out to him
and see if he wakes up. Maybe he'll rest in peace hearing your voice.
Prema once again sat next to him and called out to
him. She spoke to him, beseeching him to open his eyes and just see her once. He
opened his eyes slightly and blinked his eyes. Tears were trickling from the
side of his eyes. After a minute or so, he once again shut his eyes. The wheezing
continued. All of them were wondering what's stopping him from breathing his
last. They couldn't bear to see him thus.
Riddhima signalled to Armaan to come outside. She took him to one corner and said "Armaan do
you think appa is waiting for maa's forgiveness and hence hanging on?" That got
Armaan also thinking. "Yes, could be. Why didn't we think of it before? Anyways
what can we do about it if maa doesn't want to?" Riddhima pulled out her phone
and dialed the house number. She called maa on the line when kaka picked it.
R: Maa aap mere liye kya kar sakti ho?
P: Matlab?
R: Main aap se kuch maangoon to kya aap bina sawaal
kiye mujhe woh dogi?
P: Riddhima why are you talking in puzzles. I can't
understand what you mean. What do you want?
R: First promise me you'll give me what I ask.
P: ok if it's something in my hands, I will.
R: It is.
P: Ok, I promise
R: please forgive my father.
Edited by ssh57 - 13 years ago
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