Oh lord how can anyone forget that scene when he moved liked a lifeless body.....all engulfed in the toughest situation of his journey of love.
His love for her that is past the mind , beyond the heart & into is soul....engulfs him in a dark shadow of guilt ... a guilt to have chosen to save Geet's life over the Baby's ..he feels he has broken Geet's trust in him & the thought itself bleeds his soul. Trust that he had earned as both a witness, fellow warrior & Saviour of Geet's & baby's life at the hands of her family, society & destiny.
Maan Singh Khurana for the first time felt something that can't be describe but it filled his heart & whole being. His deep love which now evoked feelings of fear, anguish, pain, helplessness and frustration at the choice that he had to voice ..a choice that infact was never in his hand.
Hugging itself in the darkness
Crying in the shadows
Whispering words that can never be heard
In the darkest hollows of this world
There stood a lost broken soul
A hollow feeling that takes over him , that does not go away at the news that 'his faith won, he won' ...that both Geet & the Baby are fine ..does not go away with Dadi's comforting hug & warm smile ...
He is all cold inside, something in him has died....
Though he feels its Geet's trust that he killed ... but its his own trust in himself that was dying, trust that he could never ever wrong Geet ...
He feels disgusted in himself that he had voiced to end Geet's dream....A dream that now to her is life in itself , life that is now breathing in her womb.
His conscious having traveled through uncounted time & space makes him fall more more in his own eyes ...
There's a hole in my heart- A sharp pain in my head.
Something is missing inside; I feel like I'm dead.
My whole life seems like it's crashing down,
How can someone live with their heart torn?
Days back when they together had seen the baby for the first time , in awe, love & blessing his eyes had refused to look away from the monitor .... even the tears that made its appearance first time had no power to get him to move his eyes from the bundle of joy ....
Overridden by the guilt levied on him by his cruel fate he finds it impossible to look at the baby or meet Geet's expectant eyes ..that were seeking assurance from him,
him of all the people to tell her if her baby was fine ...
The baby's sweetly mild heart beats & Geet's motherly concern were deafening him..grounding him to death.I try to hide
But you just keep finding me
I try to run
But you are the one I bump
I try to forget
But you just smile and say
'Trying to run from yourself
Isn't going to get you anywhere'
Wedding preparations having began....the fairytale dream of hers coming true but one thing she misses seeing is the same joy in his eyes that now sings in her soul
He is sad, unhappy , breaking down is all she can see when he attempts to smile at her, smile that fails to reach his eyes
His eyes that are mirror to his soul now revealed nothing to her but darkness & gloom...unable to get an answer to what is bothering him so much she makes him promise to her that he will smile & rejoice in sweet moments of bliss that life is now offering to them.
He promises to her with a heavy heart that like always he will make this experience to memorable for her, but within him he knows this time he wont be able to be true to his words, his promise to her & this further heaps the burden of guilt in him....I stand alone unnoticed from a world sheltered around me vulnerable within my circumstances beyond me,
regrettable situation and time knows not of me
unforeseen changes as my life leaves me,
lost within it's supplication bound unto me,
I stand alone with my face hidden by shame for it consumes the life I breath within me
His anger towards himself makes him self-judgmental & he feels the happiness that now he is blessed with he does not deserve it , his fear tells him that he does not deserve Geet's trust and the greatest gift she bringing home to him, being responsible for that li'l life ...
He does not feel the joy that he should as the guilt creeps in , all he feels is immense pain..pain that he must have cost Geet if owing to his one decision she could have lost her dream, now their dream.Your fragile heart has been broken
I stand there with hatred to the source of your grief
My heart's pain, and my soul's torture
Unbearable are your tears to see
They fall from your eyes, they come from your heart
It burns with unforgiving despair
Faceless to the world he walks around like a living corpse & unable to bear his silence , unable to stand his eyes filled with a great surge of sentiments piled in for release & the site of him shattering within himself
Geet forces him to share with her the grief that is killing him slowly , 'Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.'
The moment he dreaded , the moment he waited for & moment that will either kill him or mark his salvation comes.
Tears welled up in his eyes & like to make an confession to God he goes down on his knees & for the first time addresses the Baby.
He introduces himself as a stranger, a name not as his father coz he feels he has lost that right.I'm Sorry he cries .....
Geet who was at first troubled by his having stoned his emotions gets rooted by his gesture ..to which he continues
He recollects to them the decision that he was forced to make that day & accuses himself that by making the 'selfish' choice he proved it that he is not deserving enough for their trust , their love.
He curses himself to have lived through that day.
He does not seek forgiveness as in his eyes his sin is so big that he himself will never be able to let go of this hatred for self.
'I see a reflection that I have never seen before, I see myself in Your armor.'
Geet moved with emotions both for the Baby & its Papa.... gets down infront of him as he breaks down now totally & refuses to look in her eyes ............ tear in his eyes that made the most joyful most sight to her once ..now burns her soul...coz these tears are but flames that are emitting from the fire in which he is burning himself
'Your love is like a fire that burns for all to see'.
She holds in her hands his pain-stricken face that was now waiting for her verdict, his punishment...she wipes his tears as hers begin to flow at his plight & questions him why was he suffering this all alone when he was not the culprit but only victim in the hands of destiny who alone stood on the verge to lose everything at the moment & yet he blames himself ...she is in awe of his love & responsibility towards their baby.
She knows he will never forgive himself for that moment but assures him that her trust has not at all diminished but has grown by his admittance of the truth that if he choose to keep away from her she never could have known.....
She tells him that both Baby & Baby's Mummy know that he , Baby's Papa could have made the same decision if the child was his own , nothing could have changed it....
His unconditional love for her can never make him do anything that is not right for her ...as she always comes 'First' for him....she also tells him meeting his eyes for the very first time since that day , that their child could never find any better father than him in this whole world.
He kisses her hand at having not been misunderstood & still loved, trusted.
Maan who has never let her voice her gratitude or apology to him as he never felt the need for her to do it .... says
'You won't realize the distance you've walked until you take a look around and realize how far you've been.'
Now having re-lived the fear, grief , helplessness & pain they hold each other to their heart with a content smile playing on their now peaceful faces they cherished in what they are blessed to share today, their love, their togetherness.
There came a time
When you face the toughest of fights
Searching for a light
We are lost in the darkest of nights
But deep in our soul
The future unfolds
Is bright as the rays of the sun
You have to believe in the power of love
I'm still in trance of the overwhelming love & pain that Maan expressed through his eyes, his soul ..his whole being for Geet & their Baby ...
My trust, respect , pride & love for this man, Maan never ceases to grow...
Epitome of Love indeed He is.