Posted: 07 January 2011 at 7:58am
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kept calling you my brother, till I was in class sixth. Then, we became
the worst of enemies. I called you "pig-head" for you apparent
arrogance, and you tried to squash my personality every moment, you got
an opportunity to. We fought over marks, positions and even friends and
then, gradually, we grew up.
In class10th, I became, your biology lab partner, and we had projects
and stuff together. We got to know each other better, rediscover each
other, after a long span of time. I got to know, I didn't matter
anymore. You had your best friend, Isabella with you, always. But, I was wrong, you said it, yourself, one year later.
In just an year, we turned into inseparable friends. I don't know, if
friends would be the perfect word. But, as you didn't want me to be a
"sister" and called me your "journal" , I assumed, we were best of
friends. At least, you were my best friend.
Then, came the last year of school. I don't know how, but I felt, I was
attracted to you like a magnet. I don't know how to define the feeling. I
have never appreciated your looks (you still look like a hippopotamus
to me), yet, you were my magnet. With you around, time just flew.
I still remember the day, when there was an inter-state debate at school and I was the one, representing the school
that day. Your group of friends (I didn't have any because I really lacked soft skills and
thus, had countable friends) had planned to go for a movie together.
You told me about your plans and asked, if you should go. I couldn't say a
no or yes, but did subtly convey, your presence will matter.
The next day, people told me, you
were going to hang out with your friends, and it broke my heart a
little. I pretended as if I didn't care, but when you held my shoulders
quietly standing behind, and said "Hello", I did jump with happiness.
It was the best moment of the day for me. I didn't know why,my heart
filled with an unknown pride , having you besides me.
When I won the best speaker's trophy, I beamed at you, sitting amidst the 1200 unknown faces in the auditorium.
remember the day, when I scored really low in physics and ended up
crying my eyes out. You didn't come to quieten me, but you did send a
wet handkerchief through a girl and later, filled my desk with
in-numerous chocolates to cheer me up.
I remember every big and
small incident, that transpired between us. I remember every moment of
our fights and make-ups, which we had, by walking and talking through
the length of playgrounds with rolled parathas in our hands.
I miss everything now.
Its been ten long months since we had any contact and I feel a void around me.
Ten months, since the parting of our ways took place.
You have taken away a big part of me from myself.
I don't know, what I felt for you or rather, what I feel for you.
doubt if it is love, because, till know, I have always felt, love
between opposite sexes is not a good thing. I have never had experience
of this new arena of life. I have always closed my eyes, whenever I
heard of love being in the air, because for me, love means sin.
I am too scared to tell you anything. I camouflage my feelings for
you. I somehow, act in the same ignorant ,tough, arrogant way, I have
I just miss you a lot. And when you blame our non-communication on me, it hurts.
hope, you could ever understand the turmoil within me. My constraints
are not unknown to you. You know me like the back of your hand, yet,
now, you deny to read my mind now.
I will be cautious now, to not
read the "love you" you write, after every mail of yours. I don't
understand it anymore. I don't even believe you care anymore. But I
still do, care for you.
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