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Baat Hamari Pakki Hai
Baat Hamari Pakki Hai

Do Dil.... Mil Rahe Hain. ..A new ff(updte pg 62) (Page 12)

maris08 IF-Rockerz
maris08
maris08

Joined: 03 December 2010
Posts: 7163

Posted: 13 January 2011 at 7:02pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by shobrakapoor

maris i juz have one suggestion abt ur ff u wrote this rapunzel story on the basis of shravan and sanchi performance in inbdj rite so ma suggestion is dat when shravan was dreamin himself of the prince and sanchi as princess u can just paste their photos of inbdj performance then this will add more colour 2 ur story and our suggestion u can reveal the secret guy of this story as soon as possible cz if u extend it for too long the readers would fynd it borin its juz ma suggestion 4 u improve more keep rockin story goes well till now and one more suggestion u can add more chapters on holidays then it will be gud can u?
 
Everyone accept my humble thanz  for loving this story so far.... and a bigHugfor u all!!
 
Its indeed heartening to know  that my writing ( the 1rst time I've ever attempted a fiction) is touching you all!!!Big smile  
 
I wld like to know whether all of u want to paste photos in betwn ( as Shobra wants)..Personally I feel my flow will be affected as I have to keep searching 4 the rt ones to insert... But if the majority wants then  I'll duly oblige; but I must warn u  my posting freq will drastically reduce...Cry
 
Secondly do you want the stalker to be revealed now? If I keep his identity a secret will you all loose interest in this story?Confused
 
Its nice of Shobra to raise these points; I take this opportunity to get a feedback from u all; So start posting ur suggestions and ideas..Iam always welcome to criticisms and commentsTongue

kchitra77 Goldie
kchitra77
kchitra77

Joined: 18 August 2010
Posts: 1296

Posted: 13 January 2011 at 7:23pm | IP Logged
Maris....as for me i dont want any photos...our imagination is quite good n creative...dont need to look at the photos to get an idea of SAVAN...also i dont want ur flow to reduce cuz of this....as it is these FFs only keep us engaged nowadays cuz BHPH doesnt provide lot of entertainment thanks to this monotonous comical track!!
  Reg stalker revealing...its upto u yaar...whenever u want to reveal u do...there is a good seq going on the story...i dont want to put unneccessary pressure on u.
P.S: these r just my opinions.....

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desigirl2ash91maris08

desigirl2 Goldie
desigirl2
desigirl2

Joined: 04 January 2011
Posts: 1569

Posted: 13 January 2011 at 7:48pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by kchitra77

Maris....as for me i dont want any photos...our imagination is quite good n creative...dont need to look at the photos to get an idea of SAVAN...also i dont want ur flow to reduce cuz of this....as it is these FFs only keep us engaged nowadays cuz BHPH doesnt provide lot of entertainment thanks to this monotonous comical track!!
  Reg stalker revealing...its upto u yaar...whenever u want to reveal u do...there is a good seq going on the story...i dont want to put unneccessary pressure on u.
P.S: these r just my opinions.....
i second that thought 

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maris08

ChocolateChick Goldie
ChocolateChick
ChocolateChick

Joined: 13 September 2010
Posts: 1437

Posted: 14 January 2011 at 4:45am | IP Logged
Hi Maris!

Same here, I don't want photos in your story, I think the imagination you create with your story is the strongest part of your fanfic, it makes it more magical. A big plus is we all know the lead, so we can picture them as we read it. And you are right, when you have to look for photos that suit your story, it'll mean you'll be busy a lot, so for me, no pics Tongue

I think you should just keep writing the way you intended to; reveal the stalker whenever you feel is right and/or after you brought that much suspense in the story. Otherwise it may seem hasty, like you need to reveal just because we can't wait. I personally like stories where I have to guess who the bad guy is. You can write it in the middle of your story, but (as other writers often do), near the end of the story: whatever suits the story.

See for yourself when you feel is right to reveal the stalker. Just keep writing like this. I really hope the CV's read all the fanfics you, Ankita and Jassie write. So much creativity here on this forum. To all of you a big Clap


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desigirl2ash91

niru273 Goldie
niru273
niru273

Joined: 06 October 2010
Posts: 1460

Posted: 14 January 2011 at 4:52am | IP Logged
Originally posted by xxSheilaxx

Hi Maris!

Same here, I don't want photos in your story, I think the imagination you create with your story is the strongest part of your fanfic, it makes it more magical. A big plus is we all know the lead, so we can picture them as we read it. And you are right, when you have to look for photos that suit your story, it'll mean you'll be busy a lot, so for me, no pics Tongue

I think you should just keep writing the way you intended to; reveal the stalker whenever you feel is right and/or after you brought that much suspense in the story. Otherwise it may seem hasty, like you need to reveal just because we can't wait. I personally like stories where I have to guess who the bad guy is. You can write it in the middle of your story, but (as other writers often do), near the end of the story: whatever suits the story.

See for yourself when you feel is right to reveal the stalker. Just keep writing like this. I really hope the CV's read all the fanfics you, Ankita and Jassie write. So much creativity here on this forum. To all of you a big Clap



i agree wid sheila !!!

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ChocolateChick

shobrakapooor IF-Rockerz
shobrakapooor
shobrakapooor

Joined: 29 November 2010
Posts: 6958

Posted: 14 January 2011 at 10:11am | IP Logged
maris y r u not postin the stury . post it daily yaar
maris08 IF-Rockerz
maris08
maris08

Joined: 03 December 2010
Posts: 7163

Posted: 15 January 2011 at 2:54am | IP Logged
Chapter 16
 
Shravan slowly entered his office, a first occurance in a long time...Without  seeing who was in front of him, he said "Viren, patha hai,  woh Icecream walli bechari khon tha?; Woh Ms. Sharma hai" All this with a dreamy look and a sighing voice ...  Bunty who was in front of him was slightly taken aback...
" Arre what icecream , whos bechari and which Ms. Sharma...Aur thum andha hai kya.. mein bunty hoon, Viren nahi.. Achanak kya hogaya thum ko? you were perfectly alright in the morning"... Saying this he shook Shravan, who took a moment to realise  and be aware of his surroundings.....
 
He opened his mouth to explain, when in came Thara greeting him."Hai Shravan, how r u? shall we go out for lunch?......Shravan came crashing down fully  into reality...Changing his demeanour and shaking his head; and with a false smile he said forcefully " hello Thara, kaisi ho? Mein aaj thoda busy hun, phir kabhi,... you just carry on with ur work ,bye, thanz"...he wanted to get rid of her..
 
But Thara stood firm and asked " Patha hai shravan , Parson kya din hai?"
"Kyon nahi aaj thursday hai, toh parson saturday hi hoga na"..said Shravan
"woh baat nahi hai, parson kya date hai, yaad hai?...
" haan 7th oct, toh kya?"
" thum bool gaya, kya khaas hai us din mein.."
"how will I forget, I've already made a note of it in my diary"
" Shravan, u remember the day& date and its importance and still tease me like this"
"Arre how will I forget my saloon appointment for a haircutLOLROFL.. I get it done once in 2 months, so this sat I've fixed it up..But why are  so interested in my haircut?" he asked innocentlyEmbarrassed
" urrrghAngry shravan how can u b like this and forget my Birthday; Papa has arranged for a  lunch party at home. plz come with ur other idiots also.. But now lets go out, so that u can buy me a gift"
"Oh ho, sorry sorry Thara, totally forgot; But listen if  I come with you now to shop for a gift, it will not be nice"
" why so."...
"Thara B'day mein surprise gifts hona chahiye.. But if we shop for one now you will buy what you want, and not what I want to give you..so its better if you leave me now, so that I can shop in peace.. teek haiBig smile"...
" teek hai Shravan I'll go now... But let me see how long you are goin to play this cat and mouse game with me".....pouting, half angry, half sad thara went awayDisapprove...
"Thank God, bach gaya  is baar"..his mouth blurted outLOL..
 
Bunty who was watching the whole scene before him with avid interest, shook his head and asked "Shravan..You were not yourself,when you came in.. suddenly Thara's entry showed your old self... Kya hora hai bhai... yeh kaisa transformation hai.. something happened?ur alright?"....
"Aree Kuch Khaas nahi yaar chalo, we'll buy something for Thara before I forget... lets go"
Bunty shook his head said " I cant come... those IAS people are to come here for further meeting.. you carry on"
"Teek hai"... Shravan went to the bike stand and found it was not there....
 
Realising he had left it behind at the school, he smiled inwardly,he chaffed his hands and started towards the school forgetting his lunch.. The prospect of meeting the beautiful Ms. Sharma again the same day, was enough to put a new rhythm to his stride and a happy tune to his lips...Whistling and hands inside his pockets, he hardly listed to the voice calling out to him...
 
"Hey Shravan, stop stop where r u going".. his anthar Aathma asked him..
( from here onwards Shravan's Anthar AathMa will be called as -SHAM,with  all the pun intended )
"Sham, how are you buddy, long time no voice"....
" woh sab teek hai but why r you walking again, cant u just take an auto to school and take ur bike back,?"
"Sham, how stupid  you can  be!!.. If I do all that how will I see Saachi ji now?..., She'll be busy and what will she think of me?.. Good impression hona chahiye na...If I walk I'll reach school by eve and as she leaves for the day,she will meet me at the exit gate when Am on my bike on the way out.. got it... everthing is to be planned well and executed as casually as possible...thum chup chap dekhthe raho"...
 
Sham was silently smirking and happy at the same time.. Shravan watch out;....
This is only the beginning.. You have a long and difficult road ahead... but trust me;... you are both destined to come together; thats GODs will; You both will succeed as SAAVAN.....

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kchitra77ChocolateChickniru273sash10Mr.Zkdesigirl2ayshranIshrafan11Davinascoash91momma1128adventure_gurl

niru273 Goldie
niru273
niru273

Joined: 06 October 2010
Posts: 1460

Posted: 15 January 2011 at 3:11am | IP Logged
wow maris !! loved d update !!
"Arre how will I forget my saloon appointment for a haircutLOLROFL.. I get it done once in 2 months, so this sat I've fixed it up..But why are  so interested in my haircut?" he asked innocentlyEmbarrassed"
these wer hilarious !!!

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desigirl2maris08

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